Hate.
A feeling, at it peak, so passionate that words couldn't begin to describe it and thoughts couldn't begin to comprehend it. While saying that it was an overused word that lost much of its meaning was true, the feeling that was related to it was as strong as ever.
Hate was like a flame that wouldn't go out. It was a fire that raged no matter the retardant that was used and a fire that commonly consumed anything that threaten it. Hate was not a memory that faded with time or a feeling that was tucked away and hidden from people. It was something that stayed with you… something you carried with you everywhere. It was a reminder of that the thing or person that did you wrong would get what they deservedsomeday and it was the sole truth that a lot of people needed as reason to act.
The dark flame inside Asuka flicked as she walked to school.
Of course Asuka didn't like a lot of people. She knew that sometimes you just didn't get along with people and sometimes people just didn't see eye to eye, but this was rare. Even if it wasn't a first, the black fire that was hatred was the light on Asuka's candle.
With Rei and Misato, it was just a common dislike.
Rei… Rei was just someone she didn't like for general purpose and she could work with Misato at times but that didn't change the fact she was with Kaji.
Hikari, on the other hand, took Shinji right from under her.
She remembered how Shinji took off in the middle of the night to go and chase after her just because she said she was leaving. Strangely enough, that fact wasn't the one that bothered her the most.
It was the fact that he again passed by her to get to Hikari.
Asuka walked to school looking as mellow as ever despite her dark thoughts. Her briefcase occasionally but lightly brushed across her leg as she walked but she paid that little attention as her light blue eyes looked straight ahead. Her calm appearance was completely offset by the piecing glare in her eyes and the various people who she passed by could even tell that she was not one to be bothered.
Even with the random people cowering around her, someone made the mistake of speaking to her, "Hey Asuka!"
Shinji waved at her from up the street and the questions she had for him sprung to mind. She all but marched up to him and was about to start her interrogation until she noticed the arms draped across him. Even from the distance, she could see the thin arms of a girl holding him from behind and, unexpectedly, she didn't have that many questions to ask anymore.
As she neared, the arms withdrew from around his frame and the girl she hated came into view.
She was angry but Asuka easily kept it in check as she walked up to Shinji and Hikari, "Misato is mad at you idiot... She'll want to talk to you later."
Noticing that she seemed a bit tired, Shinji unconsciously tried to move closer to her but was stopped by Hikari. All the things they talked about last night came to mind but Shinji still had to ask, "Asuka, are you feeling alright?" He asked as she walked directly passed both of them causing her to stop.
With her crystal blue eye glaring over her shoulder directly at Hikari, Asuka didn't blink as she answered, "I'm doing just fine…"
Lately
Love.
A feeling that, while hard to describe since it varied from person to person, was welcomed by all who got a chance to become familiar with it. It was a feeling that people didn't have to talk about. It was exactly what it was, a feeling.
It wrapped around you like a coat and kept you warm no matter how cold you were and it was something that made things bright even in complete darkness. It was a connection between two people in the form of friendship and, on a greater level, marriage.
Hikari was a person who did not try to understand the complexities of love but, at the same time, understood it enough to take comfort in what the feeling provided.
The freckled girl knew many forms of love and could easily recognize them. Her friendship with Touji, the love she shared with her sisters and father, but what she felt for Shinji was equal to the love she had for her family and friends but somehow greater.
She chose Shinji share everything with. Not only the happiness had she shared with friends and the personal things with family but something more.
Hikari smiled as Shinji walked ahead of her when they stepped into school.
He wasn't walking away from her, he was right in front of her walking at a pace that wouldn't separate them but still gave them enough distance. It was almost laughable that he would go that far but she simply continued to smile seeing how considerate Shinji was.
On a more personal note, Shinji was hers now.
Yes, the boy she, four or five months ago, was telling it would be better to not be seen together was now the person who was the closest to her. Shinji was the person she confided in and he was the person who protected her, but, more importantly, he was the person she wanted to be this close with.
Hikari didn't want to chain Shinji down but instead help him up. She wanted him to tell her when he needed help and let her be the one to provide it.
Even if she probably changed him, it didn't seem to be for the worst.
Shinji looked over his shoulder to see if she was still behind him as they entered the classroom. With a soft smile on his face, he slid the door to the classroom back and waited for her to enter.
Yea, it didn't seem to be so bad a change at all.
With that they parted and, before the teacher entered, she moved to her seat. Before she got a chance to sit down, her eye landed on Asuka who looked back up at her. Hikari simply blinked and took her seat.
As teacher walked in, Mitsuki addressed the class, "Stand. Bow. Sit." She commanded and watched as the class followed.
Hikari eased back into her seat, the dangerous look Asuka had still on her mind. She wasn't ignoring Asuka it was just the fact that she didn't like the girl who sat behind her. Of course, it didn't go to the point of hate. It wasn't even a mild dislike, it was just she didn't like her closeness to Shinji or the way she acted.
"So how was it…?" Asuka's voice flowed into her ear as the Teacher started his tired speech.
She didn't turn around, "I don't know what you are talking about." She whispered back.
"I'm asking if he was a good fuck." The pilot stated just loud enough for the girl in front of her to here, "He didn't come back yesterday."
"Yea, he was." She clearly said taking delight in gasp Asuka made but almost instantly regretting lying to her. She… She didn't want to go that far with him yet. They only kissed and, after that, they talked for a long time.
Shinji was hers now but that didn't mean she had to shove that fact in a girl that liked him face. Giving way to her kindness, she was about to apologize until the siren started to sound.
Hikari turned to Shinji who was already heading for the door. She could picture him as a superhero of some sort. It was like he was quickly running to a place of secrecy so he could rip off his shirt to reveal the symbol on his chest that marked him as the one who would save the day. Her hero briefly took a look at her before he disappeared out of the door with Rei and Asuka following.
0
Asuka felt her hate was fully justified as she changed into her plug suit.
That bitch all the way said she fucked Shinji and she didn't have anything to say back to her. If the cell phone didn't start to vibrate with each ring, she probably would have put her hands around Hikari's neck.
Yea, she liked Shinji. She would be the first to admit her feelings to anyone beside Shinji himself but that didn't mean that she didn't feel bad about the fact that she didn't get the chance to act so that she could actually be the one with him.
Even if Hikari knew she liked her boyfriend, it didn't give her the fucking right to parade around in front of her to show that Shinji was with her now.
It was cool now though. She calmed down.
She wouldn't let her personal life interfere with her piloting.
"Asuka?" A sound came from the other side of the dressing room that the girl realized was Shinji.
"What is it?" She quickly asked, her anger not quite fading
"Um… I'm sorry for not coming back," The curtain the separated the room didn't make it easy to see exactly what he was doing. She could barely see the outline of the boy as he replied, "You said you wanted to ask me something." He reminded her.
'He… remembered.' Her thoughts of Evangelion slowly giving way to the thoughts of her personal life, "I… I wanted to ask you about your mother." She said blushing as she also remembered she was going to confess after she received her answer.
Even though the curtain was between them, she could see Shinji start to scratch his head. She wasn't surprised. It was a very awkward question.
"Hikari asked me that yesterday…"
What little control she had on her anger was nearly lost as she muttered one word.
"What?"
Asuka was determined to keep her cool. She wasn't going to let that bother her. She was going to let it slide like so many other things. Like Shinji's synch ratio being better than hers, like Misato and Kaji getting friendlier, like her getting a call from her step mother… She was just going to let it slide.
"She," He paused like he was unsure if he should continue or not, "She told me that you liked me."
Asuka blinked, her resolve lost in a split second. Her confession? She didn't need it anymore. Finding out something Hikari didn't know about him? Impossible since the girl already asked.
That was the spark. That was all it took to make the pilot of Unit 02 march straight up to the curtain and walk pass it. Shinji was openly surprised and Asuka stepped right in front of him. Close enough that their noses were almost touching, Asuka launched her defense to Hikari obvious attack, "I... I don't like you." She lied, her cool voice laced with anger.
"You…" She continued, her voice almost quivering with rage, "You almost had me worried when you didn't come back and what do I get for wondering where the hell you are? A fucking idiot with a girl's arms around him!" She yelled in his face.
Seeing how she stressed almost, Shinji turned away from his roommate. It was completely understandable that she would be mad when he told her that he would be coming back. With his sight on the ground, he motioned to speak, "Asuka… I-"
"Don't start with that shit!" Asuka cut in, "I fucking hate you and your stupid girlfriend. I don't give a flying damn who you are fucking Third Child."
"I don't care about you."
The statement drove daggers in both of their hearts.
Asuka almost slapped her hand over her mouth after she said it. She honestly didn't mean to take it that far. The part where she was worried that he didn't return was true and of course she was angry when she saw him safe with Hikari's arms wrapped around him but the rest of it was lies… especially the last part.
She… She just didn't want him to know yet. Knowing that Hikari just casually let him know that she liked him just made her upset. She could picture his girlfriend bringing up her feelings and just talking to Shinji about them like it was yesterday's news.
Asuka risked a look at Shinji who couldn't even bring himself to look at her. She could tell by the look on his face that he was hurt and it was her fault.
It was a mistake.
She didn't mean it. She really didn't even intend to hurt him. Asuka wasn't ready for him to know so she had to hide it. She wouldn't be able to look him in the eye if he knew how he made her feel
"Misato… is probably waiting for us." He said as he swiftly moved to the door.
Asuka knew she should have said something. It didn't even have to be an apology, just something to let him know that she regretted saying what she said but, even now, she couldn't let him know.
She couldn't let Shinji know how she felt and it made her sick.
So she watched as he exited the room and didn't do anything. Her sight was concentrated on the door to the extent that she barely noticed the figure that passed her to follow him.
"Shinji," Rei's soft voice called out alerting both Asuka and the boy she intended to stop, "Wait for me."
Asuka watched as Shinji broke his stride just long enough for Rei to catch up and they left her alone.
Yea, it made her sick.
0
The Twelfth Angel was certainly a sight to behold.
Even if it was simply a sphere with a complex pattern of black and white strips that floated above the city of Tokyo-3, the wonder resided in how it would actually attack or defend itself. At least the other Angels for the most part, had obvious ways of attacking such as tentacles or teeth but this one, like the fifth would be a mystery to NERV until they actually fired on it.
The Operations Director was not dumb. She wasn't going to repeat the disaster that happened on the first sortie against the fifth Angel. This sortie was merely for obtaining information. A reconnaissance mission was all it was and, after they got what they needed, they would retreat to form a plan.
Unit 01 pressed its back into the building as it gripped the pistol in its hands. Misato issued the order for him to fire on the Angel from a safe distance and then take cover.
Spinning away from the building like it was the Angel itself, Unit 01 took aim at the Angel and fired two rounds before returning to its original position behind the building.
Misato was about to compliment Shinji until warnings started to appear all over the main screen in Central Dogma.
With that it started.
"Pattern Blue detected! Angel confirmed… under Unit 01!" Maya yelled as everyone's eyes snapped up towards the main screen where the massive Evangelion started to slowly sink.
Chaos was the only way to describe it as the normally controlled atmosphere of the command center was lost. People were yelling to each other and orders were issued but everyone was still in the thin state of shock at watching Unit 01 being compromised.
Unit 01 had been in various situations where it seemed like victory wasn't an option but those times were sudden. It was always that split second where it would take a hit and then suddenly recover but this wasn't something that was fast or that the Evangelion could recover from.
Unlike the other situations, this was painfully slow.
Shinji forced Unit 01 to fire into the inky darkness that was slowly taking him in but to no avail. Discarding the pistol, Shinji gripped the controls tighter as he started to think of something… anything that could better his situation.
Any form of thought that he could muster was broken by the sound of Unit 02 running towards him.
Asuka was determined to save him and completely ignored any orders to retreat.
It wasn't that she was indebted to him or even the fact that their last conversation didn't end on a positive note, she was in motion before she realized it and wasn't going to stop now. It didn't matter if she couldn't tell him how she felt. She was going to drag his sorry ass out of that thing.
Unit 02 dropped the axe it held and ran full speed towards Unit 01 fully intending on pulling him out but, the moment she got close enough to him, she felt off.
The crimson Evangelion slid into a building and fought to regain its balance. Asuka was certain it felt like she was pushed and she discovered that was actually what happened as she looked at Unit 01.
The Evangelion stood with its hand still outstretched, lowering the limb as it noticed that it pushed Unit 02 out the way of the rapidly expanding radius of the dark circle.
Shinji… He saved her from the fate that he was about to have.
As Unit 01's legs disappeared in the darkness, a com-link opened with Shinji's nervous but calm face staring directly at her. He smiled despite the situation, "I'm sorry… about pushing you."
She wanted to say that small shit like that didn't matter but, looking at his smile, she just couldn't move her mouth. The fact that he was almost casually apologizing to her while he was sinking to his death only made her more confused.
It wasn't a happy smile at all but it didn't change the fact that he was smiling. Even as Unit 01's waist was taken in by the Angel, Shinji looked at her but she didn't feel the person she was looking at was the same person she just screamed at not to long ago.
"And… I didn't get a chance to say it earlier but," He paused, "I like you too."
That confirmed the fact that the boy on the com-link was Shinji but the fire of determination in his eyes told her that it wasn't a goodbye. Hopeful, no, knowing that those couldn't be his last words, Asuka watched Shinji fall completely into the darkness.
"Unit… Unit 01 is lost."
0
Asuka leaned on the railing of the catwalk and looked up at her Evangelion but she couldn't hide the hurt on her face as she looked upon her most prized possession.
The fact that Rei and her were on stand-by barely registered in her mind.
All she could think about was the push she received from Unit 01.
It wasn't a mean, forceful push but a slight one with just enough power to throw Unit 02 off balance. He may have saved her life with that simple act but it only served to make her feel worse. Compounding the push with the fact that she said all those things to him made her feel like some kind of monsterwhen he pushed her away.
She sighed as the green orbs of Unit 02 watched her, "I deserved it." She admitted, openly accepting the fact that he could have possibly pushed her away in more ways than one.
What really hurt though was the truth. Shinji could probably be dead and what she said could probably be the last words he heard from her. Even if he wasn't dead, he was going to be…
The UN was going to use the last of the N2 mines and drop them into what Ritsuko called the Sea of Dirac. This would be the first Angel that NERV actually needed direct help defeating for real.
"We must go." Rei said, her voice echoing despite its soft tone.
It was time for girls to take their positions before the bombs drop. While the logic of behind being deployed escaped the pilot of Unit 00 seeing that they could neither defend or attack, she would at least be able to see what happened with her own eyes.
"I thought you liked him First." Asuka said, her eyes still on Unit 02.
"I do," Rei voiced quicker than Asuka thought she would, "He is my friend."
"Then why!" Asuka yelled as she hit the railing, "Why are you so calm about it!"
"He will… return."
Asuka didn't understand. Wondergirl, who was normally seemed so reserved and cynical, had hope or probably even believed that Shinji would make a spectacular return. Hell, if that was the case, he would might as well come back with flowers and candy.
The blue eyed girl herself however didn't believe any of that nonsense. Shinji's confidence? Wondergirl's hope? Bullshit. Shinji was dead this time. All they could do was stand from a safe distance and watch the Angel that took him die.
She briefly considered putting a bullet in the Angel's shadow just to relieve some of her anger but Misato and Ritsuko both made it clear that no action was to be taken. They were being deployed just so NERV could have a role no matter how little it actually was.
One word summed up the situation and how Asuka felt, "Shit..."
0
Terror.
The word itself brought a level of fear into mind that was difficult to even comprehend. It was a feeling that slowly ate away at you until it could fully consume you. The way it hit you could knock down the strongest man but at the same time it covered you like a blanket unable to let you see anything else.
Everyone has encountered something scary, but absolute terror was something completely different. While simple fear could make you jump, terror would send that chill down your spine since you knew ultimately what was going to come.
Asuka wasn't scared of anything but she started to understand why they called it the Absolute Terror Field.
A few minutes ago, the N2 mines were about to be dropped until the black and white ball that was the Angel's shadow suddenly turned black. Thinking that it was about to attack, Unit 00 and Unit 02 were ordered to pull back… until a purple hand shot out of it.
As it fell to the ground, the sphere exploded in morbid fashion. Blood and pieces of the sphere rained down on the city as Unit 01 crashed into the streets below it. Somehow landing on its feet, the blood-covered Evangelion opened its mouth and roared as loud as it could.
Everyone watched as the massive weapon screamed. Theblood continued to rain down on it while it raged like the berserk beast that it was. No one dared speak as the Evangelion's blazing white eyes went black and its arms, once holding pieces of what remained of the twelfth Angel, went limp at its sides.
Even as it stood motionless, it was obvious that the AT field was not to protect Unit 01 but to protect its enemies.
"The… The target is silent." Aoba said breaking the silence that fell in Central Dogma.
The statement seemed to shake everyone out of the shock they fell in and the usual orders were issued to retrieve the pilots as the MAGI stored information from the battle. Misato pulled wiped the sweat off her brow as she prepared to look into Unit 01's entry plug.
"Please be alive…"
Fin
Author's notes: o.o
It ended a little bit weak but I got what I wanted out of this chapter.
Basically, this was another Asuka chapter. I believe it's very important that I show how Asuka really feels since she possibly has more contact with Shinji than anyone else. Also, I got an email asking a few things about the story:
Question: Why are Hikari, Touji, and Kensuke on top of the school instead of the shelter?
Answer: I really met shelter but put school by mistake. o.o
Question: What's up with the Jet Alone incident?
Answer: Didn't see it as being relevant so I skipped it. o.o Same with eleventh Angel. o.o
Question: Damn man, what's up with the breaks?
Answer: QuickEdit is doing me wrong so I'll use 0's as page breaks from now on. o.o
Anyway, this is obviously the beginning of the end for a lot of the cast. ;.;
On to chapter 10!
