A/n: Thank you all for your patience! I won't give excuses, but if you need to throw rotten fruit or heavy objects, go ahead. Thanks of course go out to Chava for betaing!
Harry Potter and the Prophecy of the Phoenix- Chapter 21
Harry was sort of floating in the place between sleep and wakefulness, and though he knew that he should coax himself awake, he was much too comfortable to force himself back into reality.
He emerged slowly from the comfortable cocoon, finally opening his eyes to accept his return to the waking world.
Expecting to find himself neatly tucked into his usual bed in the hospital wing, Harry battled with a bout of disorientation, and it was not until Harry let out a tone instead of a question that he began to remember what had happened.
He had to change back.
Before he even put together where exactly he was, the desire to return to his human form made itself known.
Harry focused on the transformation, but the first time since he had become an animagus, the transformation would not come. The small surge of magic that gathered inside of him was simply not enough.
"So, yeh finally woke up did yeh?"
Hagrid.
Recognizing his surroundings now as the inside of Hagrid's hut, Harry relaxed in relief.
What appeared to be a large eyedropper filled with a honey-brown substance made its way into his vision. Due to his previous experience with Hagrid's homemade concotions, Harry eyed it distrustfully.
"Come on, lil feller, open up. It'll make yeh feel better."
Harry allowed Hagrid to offer him the eye dropper. After all, it could not be worse than Polyjuice or Skelegrow, and he had survived those.
The liquid burned at it travel through his throat and traveled down to his stomach, and as Harry sputtered in disgust and discomfort, he was quick to acknowledge that he had severely underestimated the concoction's potency.
"It's a wee bit strong, but it's good for yeh. It'll build back yer strength."
WATER! Harry begged silently, making a mental note to have Dumbledore introduce Hagrid to the pleasures of lemon drops.
A thankful note burst from his throat as a saucer of water was placed in front of him.
After gulping down his fill of water, Harry took a good look at his friend for the first time.
Grief was rolling off of Hagrid in waves, and his cheeks were slightly flushed after imbibing a bit too much.
Summoning his strength, he flapped up to Hagrid's shoulder and curled up upon it.
Trying to soothe his friend, Harry reached out with what little magic he had recovered during his rest.
It's okay, Hagrid. I'm right here.
Hagrid did not hear the words but felt a warm sensation travel through him, loosening his throat and stomach.
Gently, Hagrid lifted the phoenix from his shoulder and lowered him back onto the makeshift bed.
"Thank yeh, but yeh shouldna be doin' that til yeh get a bit stronger."
Hagrid's thumb began to stroke Harry between the eyes to the top of his head.
At first, Harry felt quite awkward, but it was not long before he found himself giving into the calming ministrations.
An actual sound of protest emerged from Harry's throat when Hagrid stopped to examine him more critically.
"Now, yeh need a name. Have to have somethin' to call yeh."
Harry groaned inwardly.
Please don't be anything like Fluffy!
"What do yeh think of Fern?"
Fern? Like a plant? I'd rather be Fluffy. What in Merlin's name was Hagrid thinking?
Harry made a sound of protest, hoping that Hagrid would not take it as an acceptance.
"No?" Hagrid sounded disappointed. "I was thinkin' it could be short fer inferno."
Hagrid thought for a moment longer. There was a strange sort of flash in his eyes as he came to a new decision.
"How about Lightnin'? Fer Harry."
The last two words were whispered, and Harry nearly missed them.
Wishing desperately that he could find some way to let Hagrid now that he was Harry, Harry did the only thing he could for his friend and gave him a trill of assent.
Lightning was much better than Fluffy, after all.
Hagrid gave a small, sad smile that deepened into truer one as Fawkes entered the hut in a burst of flame.
"Fawkes has been a might worried 'bout yeh. He's been checkin' up on yeh off and on since yeh got here." Hagrid directed at Harry before addressing Fawkes, "Lightnin' just woke up. I'll let the two of yeh be."
Fawkes landed on the unoccupied portion of Harry's bed.
"So it's 'Lightning' now, is it?" Fawkes teased, seeming both worried and relieved.
"It's better than 'Fern.' That was his first idea."
"How are you, Harry?"
Harry could feel Fawkes's magic reaching out to him, gently assessing Harry's condition.
"I'm just really tired, and I can't change back. I really wish that I could change back."
Sadness welled up inside of him to the point that he thought he would burst, and Fawkes reached out to him again.
"What you did, speeding up your maturation after being reborn, was incredible but very draining. Give yourself a little time to heal. You'll be back to your old self soon enough. You should rest now."
Harry wanted to go back to sleep, but there was a question that he did not want but had to ask before he did.
"Fawkes, what happened at the battle?"
"It could have been a lot worse. When you defeated Voldemort, the Death Eaters felt it and disapparated."
Fawkes paused, and Harry tensed, knowing that he was not going to like what was coming next.
"There were casualties, Harry. That is an inevitable ugliness of war. Most I believe were unfamiliar to you, but your Defense professor, Mundungus Fletcher, was killed.
Harry bowed his head. He had not known Fletcher well, but he had liked him as a teacher, not to mention that he was only one of two Defense professors who had not wished him harm.
"The oldest Weasley child was also injured and was taken to St. Mungo's, but I believe that he has already been treated and released."
Before Harry could begin down the road of feeling guilty for not being there for Ron when his best friend needed him, Fawkes continued with the debriefing.
"I am pleased to tell you that Wormtail was apprehended and the Ministry has begun the process of freeing as well as making reparations to your godfather. He and Remus Lupin are staying at the castle until everything is finalized for safety reasons, but I think that Albus also wants to keep a close eye on your godfather."
"Is he all right?"
"He's taking your death hard, Harry. They all are. I don't know if you know exactly how much you mean to them, and I'm not speaking of those who are mourning the Boy-Who-Lived. You are so much more to so many of them."
Harry looked longingly at the window.
"I know that you want nothing more than to go to them, but you need to rest and recover. The sooner you regain your strength, the sooner you can transform. Just rest now. Do not worry about the things you cannot control. You've done enough for now."
Harry was not sure if Fawkes had accented his words with a bit of magic or if it was his own fatigue that finally allowed his heavy eyelids to close in sleep.
"Rest well, Harry." Fawkes whispered gently before disappearing in the same way he had come.
…
The next few days seemed to blur together as Harry lost complete track of time, surfacing from some sort of slumber only for brief periods of lucidity.
Despite the fact that he had completely given into his body's demand to sleep and had continued to choke down whatever it was that Hagrid claimed to be good for him, Harry still felt drained physically and magically.
It was not as if he was not improving, but he was not improving as quickly as he would have liked.
Harry had just slipped back into the first vestiges of sleep when a knock at Hagrid's door ripped him away from the comfortable warmth.
Murmuring a sound of discontent, Harry slit his eyes open to see who had disturbed him but found that whoever was beyond the door was completely blocked by Hagrid's huge frame.
"Alright, yeh two?" Hagrid questioned softly with a hint of sorrow coloring his voice.
Harry could not hear a response, but his heart simultaneously leapt and stopped as Hagrid stepped aside. He voiced a soft tone of distress as his two best entered, both looking as if they had not slept well or at all for several days, and although insomnia was a trait they seemed to share, it was obvious that they were dealing with their emotions in different ways.
Ron seemed withdrawn, his emotions buried deep inside of him as if to hide them from himself as well as others.
Hermione's emotions, however, were right at the surface like an exposed wound, and tears were threatening to spill from her red eyes.
Noticing the unshed tears, Hagrid gently wrapped her in a one arm embrace. As Hermione lost the tenuous hold she had on her tears, Harry found himself paralyzed, unable to fathom why his supposed death had brought such grief.
"There now. Everythin'll be al' right."
Hermione pulled away from Hagrid, her cheeks now flushed and eyes now flashing with anger that had temporarily usurped her grief.
"He promised me! He promised me that he would not go after Voldemort on his own."
Ron moved closer to her, giving her arm a soft squeeze, the look on his face making it obvious that this outburst had not been the first.
Feeling surging of Hermione's pain slice through him like a knife, Harry knew that he had to do something, even if it meant a delay in his recovery.
Flapping away from his bed, Harry landed easily on Hermione's shoulder.
Harry felt the jolt of her surprise move through him even as he let what he had regained of his magic swell and seep into her like a salve onto the open wound.
"Don' yeh worry, Hermione. Lightnin' won' hurt yeh."
"Hagrid, where on earth did you get a phoenix?" Hermione questioned, sounding much more like herself as a sort of calming sensation began to ease into her.
Somewhere in the deep reaches of her thoughts, she recognized the sensation, but the notion was squashed quickly before it could reach the forefront of her mind.
"He's not mine really. I'm jus' lookin' after 'im 'til he gets better."
"What happened to him?"
Hermione reached up to stroke the phoenix perched on her shoulder, her voice holding obvious concern.
"I'm no' sure, but somethin' drained 'im. Fawkes has been awful worried, poppin' in an' out all the time."
Harry was tiring quickly and had no choice to withdraw his magic until its influence was at a mere background level as a result of the physical contact. However, even with the withdrawal, Harry's body began to grow heavy, giving in once again to the command to sleep.
"Hagrid-"
Even as Hermione spoke the warning, the half-giant had begun to move to get the obviously exhausted bird.
"Cum on Lightnin'. Let's get yeh back ter bed."
Harry made a soft noise of protest and gripped Hermione's robes with his talons, not wanting to leave knowing that his mere presence could still be a help to his friend.
Settling down into a comfortable position on Hermione's shoulder, Harry sank heavily into a deep state of sleep.
…
Harry awoke to the sensation of a soft breeze tickling through his feather and the low, worried tones of Hagrid's voice.
"Yeh two don' have ter be in class today."
What surprised Harry the most was that Hermione seemed to consider the option for a few seconds, an option she would normally consider blasphemous.
"Thanks, Hagrid, but it's better to keep busy. It-"
Hermione's voice choked up, and Ron simply nodded in agreement.
It's all right, Hermione. I'm right here, and I'm really not worth this.
Harry's automatic response to her heightened emotions alerted Hermione to the fact that her shoulder's occupant had awakened.
The beginnings of a smile played at the corners of Hermione's lips as her hand moved once again to smooth the scarlet feathers.
Hagrid sent a worried grin in Harry's direction as he motioned for Ron and Hermione to join their peers, who had begun to gather in front of the hut for class.
Waiting a few moments for the pre-class pandemonium to die down a bit, Hagrid took his position at the front of the class and motioned toward the phoenix on Hermione's shoulder.
"As yeh can see, we 'ave a visitor. Who can tell me what's so special 'bout a phoenix. Hermione?"
Hermione had tentatively raised her hand without knowing why. She had originally planned to coast through the class as a silent observer.
"Phoenixes are known for many things but are most known for having the ability to be reborn from their ashes when they die."
"Too bad Potter wasn't a phoenix." Malfoy remarked with a smug arrogance that betrayed the fact that his family had come out unscathed from the attack.
Ron tensed, ready to fly at Malfoy as his anger and frustration erupted to the surface but was stopped by the horrible sound that shrieked from the phoenix's throat, which loosely translated would have led to a stern lecture from Hermione about his language.
"That was uncalled fer. Thirty points from Slytherin, and report to yer Head o' House now!"
Not paying any attention to Malfoy's unrepentant antics as he left, Harry found himself torn.
Malfoy's words had finally brought Ron's emotions to a plane that Harry could reach, but they had also reopened Hermione's raw pain as well.
Leaving Hermione for Ron would mean abandoning her when she still needed him, but he could not just stay and ignore Ron, whose pain was just as real and desperate as Hermione's.
Unwilling to compromise, Harry temporarily left his perch on Hermione's shoulder, and grasping the fabric of Ron's sleeve in his beak, Harry began to pull on Ron's arm.
"Cut it out. What are you doing?" Ron cried out in annoyance, still itching for some sort of physical release after Malfoy's comment.
"I think Lightnin' has some plans for yeh, Ron. Humor him. See what he does."
It took a couple minutes for Harry to successfully maneuver Ron's arm around Hermione with his hand placed on her shoulder. Satisfied, Harry retook his perch on her shoulder with one foot on Hermione's shoulder and the other on Ron's hand.
For a brief moment, Harry's existence consisted only of two tumultuous streams of emotions. Forcing himself to take a few deep breaths, Harry regained a tenuous hold on the situation.
Both of his friends were beginning to calm when Hermione suddenly started, her brain recognizing that somehow the sensation was familiar.
That's it, Hermione. Harry encouraged, relief and hope swelling inside of him. Put the pieces together.
"Well, I'll be." Hagrid murmured under his breath before continuing with his lesson.
A sense of impatience began to build inside Hermione as the class continued, her mind whirling through all the strange things Harry had done and said, trying to find some sort of pattern.
When the class finally ended, Ron and Hermione found that once again that their winged friend obstinately refused to budge.
"Um, Hagrid…" Ron spoke, completely at a loss.
"That's alright. Take him with yeh, but bring him back later tonight. He hasn't fully recovered yet."
"Thanks, Hagrid." Hermione answered quickly before she began to step hurriedly towards the castle.
"What's the rush?" Ron questioned, despite the fact that his long legs allowed him to keep up with her easily.
"I want to hurry up with dinner. There's something I'm going to need you to help me research."
Ron let out a characteristic moan of exaggerated distress as Harry let out a note of pure joy.
The joy was displaced as they crossed the threshold into the castle.
Something was not right.
Harry suddenly felt as if there was somewhere else that he desperately needed to be, and the sensation grew until he felt almost-ill.
Noticing that the phoenix had suddenly grown fidgety, Hermione spoke softly, "Go on, Lightning. Just remember that we have to take you back to Hagrid tonight."
"Besides, I'd like my arm back." Ron added with a forced lightness.
Harry did not wait for any further encouragement and took to the air, at first relying solely on his senses to guide him to where he needed to be, but about mid-flight, he understood exactly where he needed to be and why he needed to be there.
His flight took on a renewed urgency, and he found himself in the Marauders' guest room in record time.
Both Lupin and Dumbledore were too focused on trying to get Sirius to eat to notice Harry's arrival, and Sirius seemed too despondent, too immersed in his own grief to notice much of anything.
"Leave me alone. I'm not hungry." Sirius spoke, his tone completely lifeless.
"Please, Padfoot. I can't lose you too. Harry wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, especially now that you're finally free."
A bit of caustic anger crept into Sirius's voice as he responded to Lupin's plea.
"What good is that now? Harry was the only reason that my freedom really mattered."
No! Harry argued, his heart almost bursting with his own chaotic emotions as he landed on his godfather's shoulder.
Absently, Sirius tried to shoo the phoenix off of his shoulder, but once again Harry clenched his talons more tightly in a blatant refusal to be budged, determined to be more stubborn than his godfather.
After all, this whole situation was entirely his fault.
"I think that there's someone else who's not going to leave you alone." Dumbledore observed, a faint hint of a twinkle returning to his aged persona.
"Isn't that Fawkes's friend?" Lupin queried.
"I believe so. I haven't seen him since the battle, but I think Hagrid's been looking after him."
"What's he doing here?" Sirius complained, irritated that something else had come between him and his desire to simply drown in his misery.
Lupin found the corners of his mouth turn upward slightly despite himself.
"It looks like he's going to take a nap."
Those were the last words Harry understood before his mind grew too foggy with exhaustion to make out more than muffled sounds and was in a deep sleep when Sirius unconsciously picked up his fork.
…
Although Hermione and Ron had collected the phoenix from Sirius and had returned him to Hagrid, Harry returned to the castle the next morning in time for his lessons.
After all, he still had to prepare for his O.W.L.s, and since he had learned that Dumbledore had postponed the examinations an entire week, Harry had regained his hope that perhaps he would be able to join his classmates, perhaps he would finally get to do something normal.
Snape had scowled when Harry glided into the dungeons and immediately perched upon Neville's shoulder, but he made no comment.
Neville seemed to have lost any confidence he had gained that year, and his hand was shaking as he began to chop his Jimson Weed.
Relax, Neville. You know what you're doing. Just relax. You don't need me to prove what kind of wizard you really are.
Neville's anxiousness continued to ebb at Harry's continued presence on his shoulder as well as the continued words of encouragement that Neville felt rather than heard.
Neville was just putting the final touches on his potion when Snape approached the younger wizard's cauldron to examine its contents.
Snape studied the potion for a moment before speaking.
"A greatly overdue improvement, Longbottom. Five points to Gryffindor."
A stunned silence fell over the dungeon, and before any of them truly had a chance to recover, Snape barked out in his usual harsh timbre, "Class dismissed."
Silently congratulating Neville on a job well done, Harry rose from his housemate's shoulder and waited to land on Snape's until the two of them were alone.
Thank you, Professor.
For an instant, Harry was convinced that an actual smile stumbled upon Snape's sallow features before Snape fell back into the role he had played for so long and dismissed the phoenix with a few choice words.
Harry easily caught up with his classmates in the hallway and rode the rest of the way to Transfiguration on Ron's shoulder.
McGonagall raised an eyebrow at the new addition to her classroom before beginning her lesson, but Harry found himself studying her instead of her words.
McGonagall's face seemed more stern than usual, as if she was trying to compensate for something, and Harry could sense a deep, repressed pain undulating from her.
Before even he was conscious of it, Harry found himself on McGonagall's shoulder, noticing that up close she was gripping her wand tightly in an effort to maintain control as she demonstrated how to transfigure seeds into seedlings.
Now that he was in contact with her, his head was swimming with her emotions. Guilt, grief, and anger were carefully dammed behind her sense of duty to her roles as Gryffindor Head of House and deputy headmistress. She had to set the example, remain stolid for everyone else.
Harry's mere presence on her shoulder was melting her barriers, which she struggled in vain to resurrect.
"Continue practicing." McGonagall instructed, knowing that her internal battle had been lost. "I need to step out for a moment."
Once outside the classroom, she strode quickly and purposefully to her office where she finally collapsed into her chair behind her desk and allowed her barriers to fall, hiding her face in her hands as she sobbed silently as if still concerned that someone would see her moment of weakness.
Her tears fell harder as she mourned for those that had died, for her colleague and for Harry. She cried for her failure to keep him safe when she had only had to watch over and protect the students instead of facing the Death Eaters herself. She cried for the life she thought Harry would never get to live and for the unfairness of an existence that would take a child and leave an old woman like her.
I'm so sorry, Professor. You're not a failure. Sometimes staying behind is braver than facing danger face to face. I should know. I am a Gryffindor after all.
Having cried herself out and now feeling a bit better, McGonagall pointed her wand to her face and erased all signs of her emotional outburst with a quick spell.
As she stood, preparing to return to her class, there was a knock at her door. Upon her bidding the person entrance, Dumbledore stepped into her office.
"Minerva, are you all right?"
"I'm fine, Albus. I just needed to step out for a little bit."
"In all your years of teaching here, I don't recall you ever stepping out during class time."
His eyes were searching her, trying to ascertain the veracity of her words.
"I'm fine." McGonagall repeated, her hand reaching to stroke the phoenix absently.
There was a slight curve to Dumbledore's lips as he spoke, "He does seem to turn up where he's most needed, doesn't he?"
His eyes are all wrong! Harry's thoughts screamed at him. There was that same sort of hint of a sparkle that Harry had seen the day before, but otherwise, they seemed dead.
With a trill that promised McGonagall he would return, Harry moved to Dumbledore's shoulder.
Dumbledore's countenance flashed with surprise, especially in light of his previous observation.
Guilt assaulted Harry with such ferocity that Harry let out a cry of pain. It ran so deep that Harry's death was just the tip of the iceberg, and although Harry knew that his ability to help would barely scratch the surface he knew that he had to do what he could.
I knew what I was doing. It was my choice. You could not have done anything to protect me.
The golden sound of the phoenix song filled the room, and much to Harry's amazement, the beautiful melody was coming effortlessly from his own throat. An incredible warmth was building inside of him, and an aura of flame surrounded both him and Dumbledore.
Amazement usurped Dumbledore's mountain of guilt as the flames died.
Feeling weak and magically spent, Harry flapped wearily back to McGonagall.
He thought for one hear-stopping moment that he saw hope and recognition in Dumbledore's eyes, but it disappeared quickly, leaving Harry once again to battle disappointment.
"Well," McGonagall spoke, breaking the awkward silence, "I must return to my class and see what mayhem they've managed to cause."
…
Harry had not realized that he had fallen asleep again until he heard Ron and Hermione approach McGonagall's desk.
"Professor McGonagall?" Hermione spoke with a determination in her voice.
"What can I do for you two?"
"We'd like permission to research something in the restricted section."
McGonagall studied the two of them before asking, "Why?"
"Harry said something to me before he-" Hermione choked, unable to finish the sentence. "It may be important. We looked last night and couldn't find what we needed."
McGonagall studied the two of them for a moment more before responding, "Very well, Miss Granger. I trust that the two of you will not abuse the privilege, and do keep in mind that your O.W.L.s are still approaching."
"Thank you." Hermione spoke quietly, both grateful and relieved.
"You're welcome, Miss Granger. If either of you needs to talk, please feel free to see me at anytime."
As both of them nodded, Harry bid McGonagall farewell and retook his perch on Ron's shoulder.
Lunch passed by quickly, and as they were leaving the Great Hall for their next class, Ron was trying to get Harry to go with Hermione to Arithmancy, but Hermione quickly interrupted him.
"No, Ron. Keep Lightning with you. This is your first Divination class since Harry died. Do you think that Trelawney's going to let it slide that she's been predicting Harry's death since our third year and that he actually died?"
Ron paled. "She wouldn't," he whispered without conviction.
Hermione gave him a sympathetic squeeze on the arm. "Go on. I'll meet you after class."
Sighing, Ron trudged up to the Divination classroom. Taking a moment to collect and prepare himself, Ron climbed inside the room, never envisioning the scenario that actually transpired.
Ron jumped as Trelawney screamed.
Trembling, she pointed a finger in the direction of Ron's shoulder and exclaimed "Harry Potter!" before fainting dead away.
Lavender knelt beside the fallen professor while Parvati ran to fetch Madame Pomfrey as Ron looked at the rest of the class and pointed to himself.
"No, Ron Weasley. I think that the old bat has really fallen off her rocker."
Harry sat stunned on Ron's shoulder. Out of all the professors, out of anyone, why did she have to be the one to know who he really was.
No one else would ever believe her.
A/n: Normally I would address and thank individual readers at the end. At the moment, I think that would add another couple days of delay, and you all have waited long enough. I will post the response replies at my yahoogroup, and if you don't belong and want to read them, e-mail me, and I'll send you a copy. So, at this time, let me just say thank you to everyone. Your comments are very much appreciated!
