It's a long chapter, so enjoy. It took a while to write cause the weather has been so nice and snowy, I've been really happy and it's hard to write angst when you are happy. Plus, all that nice snow lead to me going boarding and I am still seeing stars from the fall I took. I was trying to impress a guy with my skills, but instead I crashed, albeit spectacularly. Sigh
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Without thinking, Ryan bent down and kissed Summer. It took Ryan's mind several seconds to catch up with his body. When it did, he pulled back from the kiss and said, "Oh shit!"
Ryan jumped off the bed as if he had been bitten by a snake. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. That was … I mean … I didn't …" Ryan stopped. He couldn't think of a single thing to say other than sorry and sorry didn't really cut it. It wasn't that he didn't want to kiss her, the truth was he did want to, but he knew he shouldn't, plus the timing was bad. God, Ryan thought, she probably thinks I was trying to take advantage of her. Ryan finally looked at Summer, who had also jumped off the bed, and said again, "I'm sorry, I think I better go."
Summer didn't say anything. She watched Ryan struggle to apologize and rush to get out of her room. So much had happened lately and this was just another thing that Summer wasn't sure how to deal with. On Friday, she was happily dating Zach and now on Monday morning, she was waking up with injuries inflicted by Zach, and kissing Ryan. Summer wasn't upset about what had happened though. Waking up next to Ryan and kissing him hadn't felt wrong, it had actually felt right and strangely familiar.
Ryan walked out of Summer's room and headed down the stairs. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He and Summer had developed a close friendship in the last few days and he had just ruined everything with one sleepy kiss. Right now he just wanted to get out of there. Summer stood at the top of the stairs, her hands resting on the railing watching Ryan search for his coat so he could leave. Crap, Summer thought, now I have chased away the last guy on earth who I trust right now.
Ryan put on his coat and opened the front door. He turned one last time to say goodbye to Summer and he saw her watching him from the top of the stairs. Ryan stopped. For the first time since the kiss, his mind overpowered his flight instinct. As much as he wanted to leave, he knew he shouldn't leave things like this. He would have to be a man and talk to her. Ryan shut the door and headed up the stairs towards Summer. When he got to the top of the stairs he could see that Summer had tears in her eyes.
Ryan felt terrible. He didn't want to be the reason Summer was crying. He had only wanted to make her feel better and he had made everything worse. She looked so lost, standing in the hallway in her Paul Frank pajamas, with her arms crossed protectively in front of her. Ryan didn't know what to say, so he simply hugged her. Summer appeared to be a little more reassured to Ryan when he pulled away. "I'm sorry," Ryan said. "What happened doesn't have to change anything. We can figure everything out later. Ok?"
"Ok," Summer answered softly. She knew what she would be thinking about most of the day. "I do have to go, though. You're not going to school today, are you?" Ryan asked. "No, I am not going to go for a couple days. I don't want to go back ever, but that's not really an option." Summer sighed. She dreaded going back to school mainly because she knew she would see Zach. She was also going to have to make up a story about how she got her bruises. Right now she was leaning towards a car accident or maybe some crazy story about getting attacked at the mall by a girl gang for wearing the wrong color Hermes scarf or something.
Ryan gave her hand a quick squeeze, told her he would be back after school, and left. He wasn't looking forward to going to school today either. He would finally spend some time with Seth. Ryan had no idea how Seth would react to the news that Summer had been beaten by Zach. The thing that bothered him the most was that he was going to have to lie to Seth. Ryan hated lying, especially to Seth, but right now he was more worried about Summer than Seth, so he would lie.
The minute that Ryan and Seth set foot on the Harbor High campus, Marissa appeared in front of Ryan. "Hi guys," Marissa said sounding unusually cheerful. "Hi … Marissa," Seth said slowly, turning to look at Ryan with his eyebrow raised. "So Ryan, can we talk for a minute?" Marissa asked. Ryan nodded to Marissa then turned to Seth and said, "I'll catch up with you." Ryan and Marissa walked of to an unoccupied spot. "So have you heard?" She asked.
"Heard what?" Ryan asked warily. "There are all kinds of rumors about Zach and Summer." Marissa informed him. Ryan was worried, he knew that the gossip loving people of Newport would talk about Zach and Summer, but it was only 8:00 on Monday morning. He hadn't expected them to work this fast. "Well, it turns out Kate was at that party too and she saw Zach fighting with Summer over some guy Summer was dancing with. Summer isn't going to be here for a few days, and when she comes back with a black eye and avoiding Zach, people are going to talk."
"Well, let them talk I guess. We can't stop them. I told Zach not to say a word though, not like he would anyway." Ryan was annoyed, why couldn't people mind their own business. "Summer said you stayed with her last night," Marissa said. She wasn't sure, but she thought that maybe Summer liked Ryan, as more than just a friend. "Yea, well she didn't want to be alone." Ryan replied uncomfortably. He didn't know how much Summer had told Marissa and he had no idea how Marissa would react to the news that he had kissed Summer.
"I am heading over there after school, do you want a ride?" Marissa asked. Ryan decided that Summer hadn't told her about the kiss, and he was relieved. Ryan agreed to meet Marissa after school. When Ryan caught back up with Seth, Seth was curious. "Dude, you haven't talked to Marissa in weeks. What did she want?"
Great, Ryan thought, now the lying begins. "She just wants to get together after school and talk," said Ryan. "Oh right, and what exactly are you and Marissa going to talk about?" Ryan could tell that Seth was enjoying his discomfort. "I don't know," Ryan said as the bell rang. Before Seth could continue his interrogation, they were swept up in a crowd of students trying to get to class.
Summer was bored. Though still sore, she felt much better than the day before. She couldn't remember the last time she spent two whole days in her house without leaving. She wished she had some sort of videogame to play, because daytime tv sucked, and there was no way she was watching Dr. Phil. Since she didn't have anything to occupy her attention, her thoughts, of course, turned to Ryan. Deep down, Summer had to admit that she had enjoyed kissing Ryan. She had also enjoyed talking with him.
Ryan was right on with his psychoanalysis and that gave Summer even more to think about today. She didn't let people get to know her because if they really knew her they might really hurt her. Like her mother, and then Seth, and now Zach. So far, Summer didn't think she had done a very good job protecting herself, despite her efforts. The thing that scared her a bit about Ryan is that he now knew her better than almost anyone. Summer, who had been so cautious to allow Seth and Zach into her life, had let Ryan in in a matter of hours.
Ryan hadn't seen Summer alone since Sunday morning. Marissa had been with her after school and she had stayed with her Monday night. Tomorrow was Wednesday and Summer would be going back to school. Ryan really wanted to talk to Summer before they saw each other at school. They still had to talk about the kiss. So once again, Ryan was riding his bike in the dark on the way to Summer's house. He had gone over what he was going to say a million times in his head.
Summer was watching for Ryan and she opened the door as Ryan was getting off his bike. Summer lead Ryan into the living room and they sat next to each other on the loveseat. Neither said a word. "So you're going back to school tomorrow?" Ryan asked. Of course she is, you idiot, Ryan reproached himself. He was nervous and suddenly he couldn't remember the speech he had rehearsed so many times. He knew that it had something to do with reasons why they couldn't be together, but now that he was with Summer the reasons didn't seem as important as they had earlier.
"I … um," Ryan stopped and cleared his throat. He had hoped it wouldn't be awkward, but it was. Summer waited for Ryan to continue. She had decided that she would let him speak first. "So, I like you Summer. I like how I feel when I am with you and I liked kissing you." There, he had said it out loud. "But," Ryan continued hesitantly "I guess we should just be friends. I mean, you're probably going to want some time to … recover and between Seth and Marissa, I just don't know how we could …" Ryan stopped.
He was afraid to look at Summer. He didn't know if he would see relief in her face, or maybe disappointment. When he finally did look up, he saw a mixture of both. Summer was conflicted. One minute she never wanted another boyfriend again and another minute she wanted to be with Ryan. Life was suddenly so complicated. He had said he liked her though! She smiled at Ryan and said, "I like you too Ryan. I don't know what this is between us, but I know I want to spend time with you." Now it was Ryan's turn to smile.
When Summer woke up the next morning she was nervous. She couldn't remember the last time she was nervous about going to school. Marissa had told her yesterday about the rumors. She didn't even remember seeing Kate at the party. Stupid Kate. She had loaned Kate a tampon once, but never again! Summer knew intimately the inner workings of the Harbor gossip scene. Everyone in school will have heard about her and who knows what they will have heard. Gossip always reminded Summer of the game telephone, since the story morphed as it was being told and retold. So there is probably some freshman out there who totally believes that Zach took down like 5 cops and had to be tranquilized and that Summer was so traumatized by the situation that she had fled to a monastery in Nepal. It was going to be a long day.
She took her time getting ready for school. She had put a lot of thought into what she was going to wear today. She knew everyone in school would be looking at her and she wanted to make sure they saw the Summer they knew, happy and confident, and not the Summer she had become, scared and unsure. She had also given a lot of thought to what she would do when she saw Zach and after all the planning she had decided to ignore him. Brilliant. She would also ignore all the people at school. She wasn't going to make up some story to tell them; she wasn't going to tell them anything.
Summer was able to cover up most of the discoloration from the bruises, but there was nothing she could do about the swelling. She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. There would probably be a rumor that she had gotten a nose job. Hmm, that would be a good story. Summer mulled over her story options as she waited for Marissa to pick her up. Summer wasn't going to say anything to people she didn't know, but she would have to have something to say to her friends and teachers.
As Summer sat in her first period class, she fought the urge to get up and run home. So far the day had been worse than she had imagined and all she had done was walk from the parking lot to class. Everyone pointed and whispered as she walked by. Though Summer didn't really care what they thought about her, it was still uncomfortable.
When the bell rang signaling it was lunch time, Summer felt her dread return. She would finally have to talk to Seth and she would probably see Zach. When Summer walked out of her classroom she wasn't surprised to see Ryan leaning up against a locker, waiting for her. Either Ryan or Marissa had escorted Summer to and from each of her classes so far. She had tried to tell them they didn't have to do that, but she was secretly relieved when neither of them listened to her.
"Hey!" Ryan greeted her as she walked out of the classroom. "So are you ready for this?" Ryan asked as they headed down the hallway. Truthfully no. Summer would have preferred to leave campus and have a quiet lunch with Ryan, but she knew that soon or later she would have to face lunch at school. Marissa was already sitting at a table in the corner with Seth when Summer and Ryan arrived.
Seth jumped up as soon as he saw Summer. He had heard all sorts of terrible rumors about what had happened to her. Marissa had told him that Summer had been in a car accident, but Seth wasn't sure he believed her. He had overheard Kate telling a group of people that Zach and Summer had a big fight at some fundraiser. Finally, yesterday he had asked Zach where Summer was. Zach had told Seth that they had broken up and that he hadn't talked to her since Saturday. When Seth had pressed him for more details, Zach ended the conversation quickly.
Seth carefully studied Summer. He could see the bruises that she was trying to hide. He could also tell that she was scared. "Hi," Seth said quietly. "How are you feeling?" Summer smiled at Seth and told him she was feeling much better. "So … um car wreck, huh?" Seth asked as they sat down. "Yea" Summer answered uncomfortably. "It was just a little fender bender, but the airbag didn't go off, so …" She stopped herself. Summer knew that when lying, it was best to keep the story simple. Don't give too many details.
"I tried to call you," Seth said "there are all these crazy rumors and I just wanted to make sure you were ok." Summer shifted in her seat and shot a "rescue me" look to Marissa. "I'm fine, really." Summer said trying to keep her tone light. Ryan finally rescued her when he said, "Come on Seth, lets go get some lunch." Seth looked back at Summer. He wanted to finish this conversation, but he got up and followed Ryan over to the line.
"Do you think she was really in a car wreck?" Seth asked after he placed his order for sushi. Ryan winced. He should have taken Summer out to lunch somewhere and avoided this whole mess. "Yes, that's what she said," Ryan replied. "I don't think I believe that man. She's acting weird, why would she be acting weird if she just had a fender bender? Zach is acting weird too and so is Marissa." Ryan was relieved when Seth didn't add his name to the list. "Something is going on here and I am going to find out what it is" Seth vowed.
Seth pondered the situation as he sat in English waiting for the final bell. It was the last class of the day and a class that Summer was also in. He had hoped to talk to her, but she walked in late so he didn't get a chance. Seth had hoped to catch her after class, but she had gone to the bathroom and hadn't returned yet. Seth gathered up his stuff and headed out into the hall, trying to keep an eye out for Summer, which was virtually impossible in the packed hallways.
Seth saw Ryan as he walked out of the room. "Hey," Seth said, surprised to see Ryan waiting for him. "Did you decide to walk me to the car?" Usually Seth and Ryan met after school in the parking lot. "Well, we got out a few minutes early so… " Ryan was sneakily trying to see if Summer had come out of the room. "Well, lets go then," Seth said as he started up the hall way. Seth paused when he realized that Ryan wasn't following him. Ryan was looking into the empty classroom.
"So was Summer in class today?" Ryan asked, a little fear creeping into his voice. "Yea, but she left to go to the bathroom and never came back. Why?" Seth could tell that Ryan was worried. "Shit!" Ryan swore as he looked around wildly. "I gotta go," he said and he started up the hall. "Wait," Seth called. "What the hell is going on?" Seth was worried now. Ryan didn't say anything as he walked quickly down the hall. Seth ran to catch up with him, calling his name, but Ryan didn't turn around. Seth finally caught up to him. He grabbed Ryan and threw him up against a locker. Ryan struggled against him, but Seth didn't let go. "Ryan, tell me what the fuck is going on."
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So please leave me some reviews, they don't have to be witty or anything. I have to work on a project all day tomorrow with a coworker who … well, let's just say, sucks. So some reviews would help ease the pain.
Hehe. I always hated when tv shows would do the whole will they or won't they hook up plot and now I am doing it.
