Note: I do not own "Constantine", nor do I own "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day." Balthazar's not gonna have a very good week. Rating will continue to go up. Sometimes OOC. Oh, well.


Balthazar and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, Part Two


"Balthazar!"
The yell made him jump and nearly fall off of the roof he was sitting on. He had been watching the police and an ambulance clean up after a traffic accident and wishing he'd been involved somehow.
"Balthazar! Are you listening to me?"
He found himself being held by the sharp lapels of his striped suit-jacket, staring into the face of Lucifer himself.
"Yes, sir." he managed with a pathetic squeak. He was being held nearly a foot off the ground, and was not in the most comfortable of positions.
"It has been brought to my attention," said Lucifer slowly and dangerously, "that you have been associated with many…'miracles'…that happened yesterday."
"Um." was all the half-breed could manage.
"Are you aware of my abhorrence towards such actions?" asked Lucifer snidely, bringing Balthazar closer to his face, scowling deeply.
"Uh, yes?" he said, wincing.
"Then what is wrong with you!" he shook the half-demon hard, using both hands to violently prove his point.
"I didn't - do - it - on - purpose!" Balthazar yelped as he was swung back and forth. "I - don't - know - what - happened!"
He was brought abruptly so close to Lucifer that he bumped noses.
"Then let me make myself very clear." he paused. "You are to stay out of any public business for one week, starting tonight. Or I will be forced to deport you for good. Period. Understand?" He was held over the rim of the building.
"Yes, sir." Balthazar said weakly, feet scrabbling for purchase.
"Good." Lucifer chuckled, and let go of the half-demon's lapels.
Balthazar found himself dropping ten stories to make a rather messy impact with the pavement below.


After he'd picked himself up and managed to find all his missing bits, Balthazar wandered over to Midnite's bar. And surprise, surprise, who should he find there but John Constantine?
"Is someone else trying to do my job or did you try to beat up someone bigger than you?" John asked sarcastically as the half-breed sat down at his small table. He took another drag from his cigarette and chuckled.
Balthazar sneered. "I didn't come here to be made fun of."
"Oh?" John snickered.
"If you really must know, I'm in deep trouble for all the nice little things I did yesterday, and got dropped off the side of a 10-story building for it."
"Ooh," John said, half-grinning, wincing and turning his head away, "I would have never noticed. That's gotta hurt."
"Yes, it did."
"We're not exactly Angels. Which means the word 'pain' is definitely in our vocabularies. So what now?"
Balthazar leaned on a hand and frowned. "I can't go back until I shape up. And if the Boss catches me interfering he'll put me out of commission permanently. Plus," he noted wistfully, "after that fall, I…" he looked away "I seem to have been stripped of power."
"Ouch. Probably Lucifer's doing." John said. He lifted the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag. Then he coughed, and smoke went across the table into Balthazar's eyes.
"Ah!" the half-breed blinked as his eyes watered up.
"Sorry." said John, still coughing a little. "It's getting worse. Doc says I have about a year to go before I go."
Balthazar smirked slightly. "That means I have a year to shape up or I'll never get you in Hell."
John glared. "Asshole."
He stood up and strode away, and Balthazar had to scramble up to follow him through the crowds of half-breeds and their ilk.


Back up on the street, John turned to the half-demon that was following him down the streets.
"Go the Hell away." demanded John.
"But, I've got nowhere else to go! I need a place to stay!"
"Go stay somewhere else."
"I'm not going anywhere without magic!" pleaded Balthazar. "I'll get mugged!"
"You'd deserve it." John was smoking again. "You'll get far worse, and deserve that, too."
"You mean you'd leave me out here?" his eyes were huge. "Look at me!"
John Constantine took a long, hard look at the half-breed, who was trembling with genuine fear. He looked like some rich pretty-boy, just begging for some punk to come and work him over. He wouldn't last long out here. Not in Los Angeles.
"All right, fine." John growled. "Get over here."
He lead the way back to the apartment.


"Oh, hi, John, I - whoa!" Chas opened the door and quickly shut it when he saw Balthazar.
"Chas." said John patiently from behind the door. His voice was muffled. "It's fine. Open the door."
"What's he doing here?" Chas demanded angrily, opening the door reluctantly. "Oh, my God, John, you're not -" Chas made a gagging noise.
"Shut. UP. Kid." John growled, pushing his way through and into the kitchen. Chas paused for a moment, then looked at Balthazar, who was still standing hesitantly outside the frame.
"Well, are you coming in or not, 'cause I'm not gonna hold the door open all night." Chas huffed. Balthazar blinked and scurried inside.
"Huh." Chas walked over to John, who was puffing away on yet another cancer stick. "What's the deal with him?"
"He's being punished by Lucifer. Long story." John said quickly. "I said he could stay here -"
"Stay here?" Chas almost squeaked. "Are you insane?"
"I've often asked myself the same question, kid." John said, turning around to look at the wandering, lost half-breed, who was running a finger over the inscription in the doorway.

"There's always a price."


End Part Two. Please Review! (hey, that rhymes…)