Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. This particular story is mine, but the books it's based on - and all they include - are not. The song lyrics are from the Beatles' song Across The Universe by John Lennon (re: also not mine).
Photo Manip: To view the cover page I made for this fic, check my profile for the link, or type in: img dot photobucket dot com / albums / v325 / HeronOnFire / CaughtInbetween-LilyFicManip dot jpg (there's no www, so just start with the 'img').

Caught Inbetween (A Story in Three Parts)
By: Jewel Kaufman

II.
When Lily Evans was fifteen years old, she had a year left until the war. It had been brewing for several years now, though Lily had been too busy in the beginning, being dazzled by the exciting new world she was now a part of. There was too much to learn in those first few years to notice the suspicious string of events that would eventually lead to the inevitable. Hogwarts itself was overwhelming enough without taking into consideration the entire Wizarding world, and though she had quickly gotten a subscription to the Daily Prophet, the sporadic reports on the disappearances of variously ranked Ministry workers did not register much on her then-pre-teen radar.

Now, though, it was getting near impossible to ignore the suspicious disappearances and sightings of scary figures in black robes and white masks who were rumoured to work for someone or something called 'Voldemort', and though it would be another year before war was officially declared, the battles had already begun.

Battles that, on a smaller scale, were already playing out on Hogwarts' grounds.

Life at the castle was both completely and not at all what she had expected it to be when she'd first arrived there five years before. However, from the very first time she'd stepped into the Great Hall with her fellow first years, still wet and cold from the boat ride across the lake, Lily had known that this was indeed where she belonged.

Unfortunately, others had – and did – feel differently.

Lily could remember her first sorting ceremony as if it were yesterday; the unique combination of excitement and terror as the hat deliberated, and then the run to the Gryffindor table as they cheered their new addition.

She had been a bit skeptical of the hat's assessment of her, not sure that she was as brave as the hat had most vehemently insisted. That was when another first year had joined their table; Marlene McKinnon, who still remained the best friend Lily had ever had. Later that night, in the privacy of their new room, Lily had confessed her worries to Marlene, who had quickly responded with very wide eyes;

"Of course you're brave – you're Muggleborn! Just coming here in the first place shows that."

Unfortunately, over the years, Lily had realized how right she was.

It had been naïve of her to think that her problems would end in the Wizarding world. The hierarchy she'd found herself in amongst her new peers went way beyond anything she'd ever confronted in the past.

Pureblood, Half-Blood and Muggleborn (or Mudblood, to an unfortunate amount of people). Everything was about parentage, and if you didn't have the right kind (were Muggleborn), you weren't a real wizard.

In the beginning, the taunts and slurs left Lily in tears, feeling as dirty and tainted as the blood they said flowed in her veins. She'd despaired of it all, imagining herself damned; too magic for the Muggle word, too Muggle for the magic one. It seemed like an impossible situation, but with the help of Marlene, and several others like her, Lily realized that she couldn't let them win. The pressure on her was enormous, but Lily, being Lily, could only rise above it.

She worked herself to the bone each year, learning everything she could, wanting to master it all to prove to every one of those naysayers (and perhaps to herself as well), that she was just as magical as any one of them. Upon entering fifth year, she had been named Prefect, and she proudly fastened the badge to her robes every morning. It was not just a status symbol to her, but a badge of honour as well. It was the first real step towards her goal, and with the Ordinary Wizarding Level (O.W.L.) exams that year, she was determined to place well.

Though there were some just as determined to stop her.

This time her troubles came not from the impending war and the bigotry it created, but from a seemingly (and deceptively) more benign source; James Potter and friends.

A weekend in which they were allowed to visit the neighbouring Wizarding village of Hogsmeade never went by without Potter (as she called him), suggesting that she should just admit her feelings and go out with him.

They'd been having Hogsmeade weekends since third year.

Lily had never met anyone as completely and totally arrogant as James Potter. Even Sirius Black, Potter's equally obnoxious best friend, could see that Lily was in no way 'holding herself back'. Potter just couldn't seem to take a hint. He thought that if he kept ruffling his hair and starting petty fights with poor Severus Snape, she would somehow start falling all over herself to be near him. There was nothing Lily hated more than bullies, having been the target of all too many of them in her own lifetime.

But Potter was apparently completely blind to his numerous faults. No matter how much she ignored him, he would always be along somewhere, showing off fancy flying maneuvers with his top of the line broom. Ever since Lily had fallen off of the school broom she was using during their first flying lesson in first year, her aspirations had remained fixed on solid ground. She was not impressed by silly loop-de-loops. And even if she had been, she'd never give him the satisfaction of admitting it. There was more to life than playing Quidditch, and there was more to life than James Potter. The sooner he figured that out and grew up, the better. Not that it would affect her in any way – other than perhaps providing her with a bit of uninterrupted study time, that is.

The most important thing to Lily, especially as she got older, was finding a way to carve herself a niche of her own in the Wizarding world, once she'd left the relative safety of Hogwarts' protective walls. The fifth years had career planning appointments coming up with their Head of House, and Lily had received some surprising and quite flattering comments during her own.

"Well, Miss Evans, I'm sure you are clear on the purpose of this meeting. I'm here to discuss any future career goals you might already have in mind," said Professor McGonagall, her Transfiguration professor, opening the conversation in her usual brisk manner.

"Yes, Professor." Lily dutifully replied.

"Well then, I spoke with Professor Flitwick this morning, and he has told me that your Charms work thus far has been truly exceptional. You should know Miss Evans, that while Filius is kind, he delivers praise neither lightly nor extravagantly," Professor McGonagall added, somehow managing to make her words sound stern in spite of the meaning they conveyed. "Apparently you truly have a gift for the subject, which is a serious consideration when choosing a future vocation."

Lily felt her cheeks start to redden at the commendation, and immediately tried to curb the impulse to blush. Professor McGonagall's use of the Charms professor's first name brought home the fact that at that moment she was being spoken to as an adult. Whether it was because of the compliments or the fact that they were discussing Lily's future, she wasn't sure, but she did know that if she were to be treated as such, she wanted to act the part as well.

This was another difference between the Muggle and Wizarding worlds that she was still working to get used to. She could remember Petunia at fifteen, not having a single clue as to what she wanted to do with her life. Even at eighteen, Lily was doubtful that Petunia had made a decision apart from the holy triumvirate of 'marriage, children, normalcy'. But then, her parents had not really expected Petunia to have a full plan as of yet. Not so for her new world.

There weren't any magical universities, no other schooling after you finished Hogwarts at the age of seventeen aside from specialized training programs. At seventeen you were an adult, and at fifteen you were almost there. She'd even heard Potter and company putting some effort into their future plans (though she hadn't cared to stay for details). There were times when it seemed as if stepping into the Wizarding world was akin to stepping back in time. Ignorant of electricity, a near-adult at fifteen, and the week before, she had actually heard someone use the word 'courting'. Many people even decided to get married right after graduating – something that Lily couldn't even fathom.

Still, despite the fact that a lot of it was beyond her, this was her world, and she did have an idea of what she wanted her future to be.

"I was thinking of perhaps being an Auror," Lily offered in an exceptional example of an understatement.

More than anything, Lily wanted to be an Auror. Not yet plagued by the constant fear of being in the midst of war, the glamour – as well as the guarantee that she was doing something noble and worthwhile, appealed to her immensely. In theory, she knew the job was dangerous, but secluded as she was, safe within Hogwarts' walls, she could not yet truly grasp everything that meant. All she knew was that she wanted it.

Professor McGonagall's eyes narrowed, and she gave Lily a measured look. Lily felt as if she were being sized up by her Head of House, and could only hope she wasn't found lacking. After a silent moment, the professor spoke again.

"What is it that draws you to the particular career, Miss Evans?" Lily forced herself not to shift in her seat, or bristle at the hint of skepticism that had seeped into the older woman's tone.

"I want to help," she offered, knowing the explanation was incredibly simple, yet not able to express it better than that, "Whatever's coming, I want to help."

Again, Lily found herself the subject of a slightly unnerving stare, and when a small smile soon appeared at the corners of the professor's lips, softening her usual terse demeanor, Lily had the strangest feeling that it wasn't because of her future aspirations.

"I think you will, Miss Evans," she said, "No matter what you end up doing." Before Lily could interrupt, she continued on in a crisper tone, "But Charms will help if you're to be an Auror."

The appointment concluded shortly after that, and Lily had gone back to Gryffindor tower with a packet of information to look through, and an eagerness to start studying for the O.W.L.s.

At fifteen, Lily Evans knew a lot more than she had at ten. However, there were still quite a few things she didn't.

She didn't know that when James Potter grew up it would affect her very much, indeed – and not in a way involving study habits of any kind. She didn't know that those she thought of as obnoxious and arrogant today would be those she considered family in less than two years. She didn't know that by her own graduation, she would be able to fathom marriage. She didn't know just how much she would lose before that day arrived, just how much each and every one of them would lose, before and afterwards. She didn't know that war was unavoidable by this point, nor what her own role would be. She didn't know that at fifteen, she had already lived three quarters of her life.

She was Muggle and Witch, adult and child, patient and caring with a volcanic temper. Brave and frightened. Jaded and naïve. A mass of contradictions being pulled back and forth from one direction to the other. Belonging to both and neither at the same time.

And from here on out, it would only get worse.