Note: I do not own "Constantine", nor do I own "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day." Balthazar is now fully human, for future reference. With all that entails. Sometimes OOC. Forgive me.
Balthazar and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, Part Five
Balthazar woke up to a whole new meaning of pain. From the moment he opened his eyes he was awash with agony that centred on his lower back and stomach. Agony and nausea and -
He leaned over the side of the couch and heaved. But dry heaves produced nothing, just a little saliva that dripped from his open lips and fell to the floor. He closed his eyes and tried hard not to cry out in pain, as his entire body seemed to throb with it.
"You're up. Good." Chas squatted down. He tilted his head up to look into Balthazar's grimacing face. "How do you feel?"
"Like I've been raped. What else do I have to compare it to?" Balthazar said dryly. "Like someone's given me an enema with Holy Water."
Chas wrinkled up his nose. "Gees, I'm sorry." he paused. "You hungry?"
"Get me a bucket, first. Then we'll see if I'm hungry afterwards."
Chas shook his head. "Noo, no buckets here. C'mon, the bathroom's over there." He got one of Balthazar's limp arms over his shoulder and dragged him to the toilet, where the elder proceeded to throw up anything that was in his stomach.
When it was all over, he leaned back. Suddenly a cool cloth was pressed to his forehead, another wiped his mouth and face clean.
"Wha-?" he said.
"John is out." Chas said. "So I have to take care of you. You've got a fever."
"Damn straight."
Chas chuckled. "How apropos. C'mon, we gotta get you in bed."
Balthazar gave him a look.
"No, not like that. Gees." Chas rolled his eyes. "Sure, I'm gonna take advantage of an ex-demon, who's sick and is experiencing the 'morning-after' syndrome for the very first time…" he trailed off as he dragged Balthazar to the bed and slung him onto it.
"Now stay put, I'm gonna get some more stuff." he said, and vacated the room.
Balthazar lay there in disbelief. Why in Hell was that kid treating him so well?
Chas came back into the room with a large basket of things. He set them out on the bed, as if he were arranging flowers. He stood back, as if to admire his work.
"Hmmm." he pointed to each object and named it as he went along. "Cold compress, towels, ooh, I did find a bucket!" he held it up proudly, Balthazar rolled his eyes. "Hey! But I've also got some Gravol, Pepto-Bismol, water…he looked around. "Oh, where did I put it…"
"Put what?"
"Thermometer." said Chas, stuffing it unceremoniously into Balthazar's mouth.
"Oomph!" protested the ex-demon.
"Ooh, just keep that in there for about…" Chas looked at his watch. "Two minutes. I'll be back!"
And again he left the room.
Stunned as he was, Balthazar managed to growl something around the thermometer.
"If you bite down on it, you'll get mercury poisoning." Chas said from the kitchen, voice annoyingly cheerful to Balthazar. "It's an old thermometer."
Balthazar hunkered down in the bed and crossed his arms furiously. This was humiliating.
Not so much as humiliating as what happened when Chas came back in.
He took his temperature.
"Ooh, 99 degrees. Just above normal. That's not too bad."
He then picked up a spoon. Balthazar looked down to see a large bowl of chicken soup and crackers.
"Open wide!"
End Chapter 5
More coming soon!
