Note: I do not own "Constantine", nor do I own "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day." Balthazar is now fully human, for future reference. With all that entails. Sometimes OOC. Forgive me.
And forgive me, Shakespeare, for using King Lear and having everyone butcher it so! I do love your plays! Forgive me!
Balthazar and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, Part Seven
In his dream, Balthazar was walking through Hell. The expressway of the dead, the rows upon rows of totalled cars, jumping demons everywhere. He was ignored, and he continued to walk along.
Suddenly the world exploded around him. He was floating in mid-air, in a giant, bright white dome that looked like an egg.
"You. Are. Here." some voice spoke, and —
And he was roughly awakened by John.
"You lazy bum, get out of bed and have something to eat."
"I'm getting up! I'm getting up!" yelped Balthazar rather uncharacteristically and found himself dumped on the floor. "Ouch…"
John smirked. "C'mon, we saved you some fries."
The ex-demon quickly put on decent clothing and then followed John into the kitchen, still a little woozy from the nap. Chas had nearly demolished his burger, totally done in his fries. Balthazar sat down and took a long, hard look at the hamburger that sat in front of him.
"Oh, you must've eaten hamburgers before." Chas said with his mouth full of food.
"I've eaten solid foods before." Balthazar huffed. "I doubt very much that this is considered a type of — miffs!" for John had reached down, picked up the burger, and shoved it into Balthazar's mouth. He was forced to bite down, chew and swallow.
"Ugh," he shuddered when he'd finished. "That's simply awful!" then he grabbed the rest of it and dug in with wolfish delight.
"See, I told you he'd like it." Chas said triumphantly to John. John rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"Slow down, you're going to choke." John sat down and rested his chin on his hand. Chas was eyeing John's fries hungrily, and he pushed them over. Balthazar, on the other hand, had just discovered the fries and was eating them three and four at a time. Chas looked at John with a heart-melting smile.
"Oh, they grow up so fast…" he said breathily, placing a hand over his heart, like a mother watching her child go off to school. "We've taught him so much in such a short amount of time. Where does the time go?"
John cuffed the back of his head, and for a moment, Balthazar looked up and saw Chas' eyes sparkle with hope. But then as John turned away to hack, the look turned to utter despair and he could nearly feel the kid's heart breaking.
"You know what this reminds me of?" Balthazar said loudly, breaking the quiet tension in the room. "King Lear."
Both Chas and John turned to stare at him with looks of confusion. They mirrored each other so well the ex-demon had to laugh.
"Do you know King Lear?" he asked. John lifted an eyebrow. Chas nodded slowly.
"Yeah, studied it in school last year." he affirmed.
"Lear is so full of it that he can't see an inch in front of his nose." Balthazar said, offhandedly. He waved a fry about in the air. "He loves his daughter Cordelia so much, but his pride is so large that when she can't flatter him with words, he banishes her from his kingdom!" Balthazar ate the fry, crunching it slowly, waiting for the right moment to continue.
"But at the end, he ends up regretting it all, because, in Shakespeare, everybody dies." he added in a sick tone. Then he laughed. "Well, she dies just outside his arms' reach. He never even gets a chance to tell her how much he loves her. He never even gets to say goodbye." he tilted his head. "He dies soon after, out of grief and regret. Now." he said, picking up another fry and waving it about the table for emphasis, "does anyone have anything to add to this discussion?"
Chas gave him a look that said, you set me up! But he turned to John and said in his bravest voice, "What shall Chas speak? Love, and be silent…Then poor Chas/ And yet not so, since I am sure my love's/ More ponderous than my tongue."
Then, there was silence. Balthazar could hear the clock ticking. John didn't move. And then, slowly, he stood up. He looked mightily ticked.
"Balthazar." he said slowly, evenly. "Get out."
"John?" asked Chas quietly.
"It's going to get really, really loud in here in a minute." John said, hauling Chas out of his chair and forcing him up onto the table. They were nose to nose, and John spoke again. "Unless you want to die, you will give us privacy." He then kissed Chas long and hard, Chas leaning up, reaching with his hands, closing the gap, the distance, so happy, so joyous, so utterly, utterly —
Balthazar was running. Running, running, running out of that room, out of that apartment, tears springing to his eyes, for some reason he felt so…empty.
He ran down the street, jacket flying out behind him, not seeing where he was going, not caring, he wanted to die, he wanted to just die —
Some hand dragged him into an alleyway.
He blinked hard. It was…Gabriel!
"What are you — "
"What are you doing here?" asked the angel smugly. "Ooh, I know all about your situation. And I'm willing to help. I can give you back your powers, you know. I have that ability."
Balthazar half-frowned, half-sneered. "Oh, really?"
Suddenly he was infused with dark magic. He snapped his fingers and his old suit came back.
"How…" he was incredulous.
"Oh, let's never mind with how." Gabriel smiled benignly. "But I can take it away. You can be yourself again if you help me."
"Help you how?" Balthazar raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, I've got a plan that will make humankind pay for all their sins."
"Sins, eh?" Balthazar cast his memory back to the apartment…that awful feeling he'd had when Chas kissed John…jealousy? Could he be jealous of that kid? "What can I do for you?"
"Oh, just…your usual things." Gabriel extended a hand. And for a moment, Balthazar was almost afraid to take it.
"So." Gabriel purred, smiled dangerously, darkly. "Do we have a deal?"
The End...
So that's it. The movie could be interpreted as a direct follow-up to the story, with a few details tweaked. If I get enough requests, I may post an alternate ending in which we see what happens after Balthazar leaves...
Review!
