Disclaimer: I don't own any part of CSI, obviously, or there would have been more action in "Nesting Dolls". But, what's a girl to do but write GSR fan fiction… enjoy.
Rating: R, for some adult themes and some dangerous treading.
Pairings: G/S, romance and some pretty heavy angst
Spoilers: Anything before Snakes… I hadn't seen Nesting Dolls when I started writing this so the explanation of Sara's past is my own. In my story, her father is still alive.
Summary: A memory from Sara's past comes back to haunt her and Grissom is the only one there to help her through.
Secrets Revealed
Part One
The two men approaching him were unfamiliar to him and Grissom hesitated a moment before stepping up to the older of the two men, "Can I help you gentlemen?"
Both men came to a stop a few feet from Grissom. The elder reached his hand out, "Jason Greenworth. This is Lance-Corporal Gregory Hicks. We're looking for a Miss Sara Jane Sidle, do you know where we can find her?"
Grissom shook the man's hand, growing more confused as their dialogue continued, "Gil Grissom, Sara's supervisor, and I'll page her for you if you'd like, but she's preoccupied at the moment."
"Mr. Grissom, I'd appreciate any help you can provide us with, it is highly important that we speak to Ms. Sidle as soon as possible," Greenworth told him.
A silent rush of panic raced through Grissom's system as he led the two men to his office, offering them somewhere to wait for Sara. He sat behind his desk and paged Sara.
It didn't take long for her to appear in the doorway and the moment that she did, the color drained from her face.
"Sara."
"Mr. Greenworth, what, um, what's going on?" Sara asked, taking a step further into Grissom's office.
"Sara, I don't think we should be having this conversation-"
Sara glanced at Grissom, suddenly remembering that he was there, "No, it's all right, he would hear it eventually anyway. Please, I can't take this, just tell me what's going on."
"All right, all right," Greenworth reached over and took a file from LC Hicks and handed it to Sara, softly saying, "Sara, I'm here to tell you that Mark Sidle is dead."
The play of emotions on Sara's face made Grissom's heart ache for her. Shock, anger, pain, sorrow, hurt, relief. Grissom resisted the urge to jump out of his chair and cradle her in his arms. Instead, he sat back and watched her deal with the information that had just been presented to her.
"You're safe now, Sara. Mark can't hurt you anymore," Greenworth said now.
Seeing the sudden shock on Grissom's face, Sara cleared her throat and took the file from Greenworth, "Thank you, Mr. Greenworth, for everything. I really appreciate all your help. Thank you."
The two men said their good-byes to Sara and Grissom and then quickly exited his office, leaving Sara to stand on less than sturdy legs in front of her supervisor.
Seeing that Sara wasn't sure what to do, Grissom stood, moving around his desk, and led her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. He moved away from her for a moment to close the door and then sat down beside her instead of across from her.
"Are you all right?"
The answer to his question was obvious in Sara's physical appearance. All colored had drained from her and the bright brown eyes Grissom had grown accustomed to were now glazed over. He could see the file she was holding shake as her body shook, the action scaring him to no end.
"Honey?"
"Griss, please, I can't talk about this here," Sara whispered, her voice broken and strained.
He didn't push her. He reached out and took the file from her, placing it in the briefcase beside his desk, before pulling Sara up out of her chair and into his arms. She tensed momentarily before burying her face into the crook of his neck, painful sobs suddenly breaking through her tough exterior and soaking his shirt in her tears.
Grissom didn't say anything. He just held her, comforted her not with his words, but with his warmth. That was all that Sara needed. She loved Gil Grissom, loved the man that he had become with her recently. She knew that he wasn't good with words when they required him to express emotions, but his whispered I love yous every evening when they woke were the only words that Sara needed. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she found comfort in the strength he was giving her.
The knock on his office door caused them both to take a large step apart, Sara rubbing absently at her red eyes and dipping her head to hide her tears. After making sure that Sara was ready, Grissom opened the door to find a smiling Greg on the other side.
"Hey Griss, got the results from-" he paused, catching sight of Sara in one of the chairs in front of Grissom's desk "-Should I come back later?"
Grissom shook his head, "It's all right, Greg. What do you need?"
"I got those results back from Trace about the fiber that Sofia and I found on our 419," Greg began, "But it was unidentifiable. I though, maybe, Sara could take a look at it for me."
"I don't think that's-"
"Its fine, Greg," Sara said, standing and moving past Grissom to take the printout Greg was holding. She examined the results for a moment before asking, "Do you have the fiber available Greg?"
"Scope's set up in the lab."
"Give me a minute and I'll be right there," she told him, turning back to Grissom when he left, "Do you mind if I head home after I help Greg out? I know I have a report to -"
"Sara," Grissom said softly, "Go home, rest, take a bath, anything you want. I'll be home not too long after you."
When Grissom walked into his townhouse after shift, he was more than a little surprised to find Sara, still in the clothes she'd worn to work, curled up on one corner of his brown leather love seat. She always complained about how much she hated that couch. She swore that, when he finally let her move in, that couch would be out on the street and they would get a new, more comfortable one. For now, however, she seemed to be dealing with the uncomfortable leather, looking slightly like a scared child with her knees pulled up to her chest and her head down. The sight made Grissom's breath catch in his throat as he stopped in the doorway.
Dropping his briefcase by the door and depositing his keys and wallet on the breakfast bar, Gil made his was to Sara.
"Honey..."
Sara's head shot up, red rimmed eyes meeting worried blue ones. New tears formed in Sara's eyes and she scrambled to unfold herself and climb off the couch.
Grissom took one look at her and his heart broke for her. In the twelve years he had known Sara Sidle, he'd only seen her cry twice. Once over a victim and once the night he had to pick her up from the station after she'd been picked up on the strip. The second time she had cried for herself, not out of pity, but out of pain. She cried to him that night, right here in his living room, curled up beside him on the same couch she occupied now. And the same emotions that filled him that night consumed him now.
She was a mess.
Sara knew that she looked horrible, she could tell by the look on Gil's face. She'd spent the last few hours on his couch crying, sobbing so hard that she had to fight to breath. And then she had thrown-up and she knew that he would be able to smell it on her but she just didn't care. It had taken all of her strength to make it to the bathroom and keep herself from being sick on his living room floor, she didn't have enough energy left to shower.
"I-I don't know what to do..." she muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear.
More tears and Grissom was right in front of her, pulling her against him and holding her face to his shoulder, letting her cry on him once again.
"Come on, honey," he whispered close to her ear, "Let's get you cleaned up."
Reaching the bathroom, Grissom helped Sara sit on the closed toilet and moved to turn on the shower, adjusting it to a decently hot stream before turning back to Sara. She didn't look up at him and he took a step closer to her, pulling his own shirt over his head before helping her remove hers. Sara made no move to stop him nor did she help as he divested them both of the rest of their clothing before getting her in the shower. Stepping in behind her, Gil watched Sara dip her head again and let the water run over her.
"Turn around, Sara."
She did as she was asked, turning to face Grissom who had picked up the shampoo bottle and was now squeezing a small amount into the palm of his hand. Sara closed her eyes as his hands came up on either side of her head and began to lather her hair, filling the large, glass enclosed shower with the scent of lavender and roses. It was the shampoo Gil had picked out for her, the one he never used but had in his shower just to remind him that she had been there.
Placing soapy hands on her shoulders, Grissom led Sara back under the spray and tilted her head back, rinsing her hair with his fingers.
"Sara, tell me about Mark."
Sara's body tensed immediately at the name and Grissom could feel her hesitate before she answered, "He was my brother."
Her voice was weak and raspy and Grissom knew that she had shed many tears over Mark Sidle. But what had Greenworth meant when he assured Sara that Mark couldn't hurt her anymore?
"What happened to him, Sara? What happened to you?"
She hesitated again before pulling away from him and stepping completely under the spray, rinsing the rest of the shampoo from her hair as well as hiding the tears that had started again. Sara took a deep breath, moving back toward Grissom as he picked up the bar of soap and began lathering it between his hands.
"Mark is my half brother," Sara began softly, "When my mom was in college, she met a man named Joshua, one of the assistant professors at UC Berkley. After mom graduated, she and Joshua got married and a year or so later, Mark was born."
Grissom's hands were now spreading ivory bubbles over Sara's shoulders and she took another deep breath, needed to calm her shaky nerves in order to tell him the whole story.
"I suppose, in the eyes of most people, Joshua, mom and Mark had a pretty good life... that is until Mark was about ten and things with my mom and Joshua's marriage started to go south. She... my mom... she was having an affair. By the time Joshua found out, she was two months pregnant. Joshua left my mom and Mark, swearing to my mom that she would never see him again... neither of them would," Sara's voice wavered slightly and a new wave of tears threatened to fall from her already burning eyes. Grissom's gentle kiss to her throat was a reassurance and she continued to tell him the story.
"I guess it didn't take my mom long to recover from Joshua's departure because she married the man she was having an affair with less than five months later... my father, Alan. I don't really know much about the period between the time my mom and dad got married up until the point where I was born, but my childhood was relatively normal for a while. My mother quit her job to stay with me, working part time at the bed and breakfast my great aunt owned. That way, during the day, while my dad worked, I stayed with my mom and my aunt at the B and B, and then, when my dad wasn't working, he would pick me up and take me home. I would stay with him and Mark until my mother came home from the B and B."
Conditioner was now being massaged into her hair and Sara's eyes closed.
"What changed, honey?" Grissom whispered, keeping up the ministrations on her scalp.
Sara shrugged, "I started school. I started kindergarten just like every other child. I went to school for half the day, only in the morning, and then the bus would drop me off with my mother and aunt until my dad picked me up. The first three years I was in school it continued on that way. It wasn't until I started was getting ready to start fourth grade that things started happening... um, I got moved ahead at school. My teachers approached my parents, telling them how smart I was and how advanced I was for a child my age. They put me two grades ahead, into sixth grade, and I started taking the bus home after school, instead of staying with my mom and aunt. That's when it started happening... when Mark-"
Sara choked down the lump that had recently formed in her throat and a painful sob took over her body for a moment. Grissom's arms wrapped around her and he pulled her body into his, keeping her as close as possible.
"Its okay, Sara, you don't have to finish now," he told her, big hands running up and down the length of her spine.
She shook her head against his shoulder, taking a small step back but staying in the circle of his arms, "No, because if I stop now, I won't be able to finish."
Grissom nodded, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and let her go.
"The first two weeks I was home alone with Mark after school, I started to find out who he really was. Mark blamed me for his father leaving. He told me that I was worthless... that I ruined his life. He started hitting me, throwing me around a lot. At first he didn't do anything that would leave a bruise, he didn't want my mom and dad to figure out what he was doing to me. But then he stopped caring. The first time he really hit me, the first time he let me know just how angry he was, he threw me down the stairs. I ended up in the emergency room with a black eye and three broken ribs."
Sara felt Grissom's hands trembling as they spread more soap down her back.
"Mark told my mom that I got hit by a car chasing after my dog... they actually believed him. I lived through eight months of hell with him and each time it just got worse. My parents were clueless... they both worked all the time and Mark just played it off as my clumsiness. When he left for tech school, I was relieved, I thought it was finally over. Things started looking up from there and my parents let me take dance classes and karate classes. It wasn't until two and a half years later that I saw Mark again for the first time. He was bigger and stronger and I knew that he would hurt me again," Sara shuddered slightly, the memory becoming suddenly clear to her, "My parents left us alone one night so they could go out. I cried and begged them not to go. It didn't work of course and Mark told me to stop being a baby and then told my parents he would take care of me and that they should have fun. His definition of "take care of" and mine were two very different things. The minute my dad's car left the drive way, Mark chased me upstairs to my bedroom. I beat him there but I couldn't keep him out. I would've done anything at that point just to get out of my house. The only thing I could do was go out the window, and I tried. I climbed over my bed, crawling toward the window, but Mark grabbed my be the ankle and flipped me over, breaking my foot in the process."
Neither one of them was moving now. Grissom simply stood in front of her, watching as she relived the torture her brother inflicted on her. Sara could feel herself shaking under the now cold spray of the water and she stepped closer to the man in front of her, needing him to hold onto her and protect her as she finished her story. With Sara suddenly pressed up against him, Grissom wrapped his arms around her waist and held her.
"Mark pinned me to the bed and I screamed. I screamed so loud, Grissom, and no one ever heard me," Sara muttered, suddenly weak with emotion, "Mark put his hand over my mouth and I did the only thing I could... I bit him, hard. Hard enough to draw blood. He jerked his hand away, somehow managing to punch me in the jaw at the same time... he knocked one of my teeth out," Sara paused, gathering her thoughts while Grissom reached around her to shut off the water. Sara's body shook as Grissom's heat suddenly left her to reach for two large towels, wrapping one around her shoulders and the other around his waist.
Helping her step out of the shower, Grissom led Sara by the hand down the hall and to his bedroom. Sara sat on the edge of the large bed that she had spent many nights in recently, feeling sudden heat as Grissom adjusted the thermostat.
"Sara..."
She looked at him, smiling a teary smile and pulling the towel tighter around her. Grissom moved to the bed now, pulling the bedspread down to the end of the bed and wrapping them both up in it.
"I guess you need to hear the rest don't you...
