Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.
Sakura-Shinguji: About Saitou doing the advice segment, well...
Slow Motion: Watch out for more gaffes from our non-violent Kamiya dojo spokeswoman. You may want to read The Meiji Journal, Mibu Times Dispatch or New Kyoto Post for similar humor if this is your cuppa tea.
Of course, this ficcie in no way reflects actual life in the Meiji era.
The Japan Bulletin
Official Meiji Government Flagship
Issue 2
Tokyo: Disturbance at Kamiya Dojo
Police were called to the Kamiya dojo by concerned neighbors after unsavory characters were seen going into the premises. The police found the aftermath of a battle at the place and a very grateful dojo mistress. The woman claimed she was rescued from those riff-raffs by an unknown ruronin who took them out with his sword.
Surprisingly, no one was killed. It is believed the ruronin struck with the blunt side of his sword. Among those captured was the fake Battousai, Hiruma Gohei, who has been bashing up people on the streets. Miss Kamiya stresses once again that her dojo does not produce murderers and using the sword as a tool for murder runs counter to the Kamiya dojo's philosophy.
However, we understand that Hiruma was a one-time student before he was expelled as a troublemaker by the late Kamiya sensei.
(Kaoru screeching in background: "HE'S NOT A STUDENT!" WHACK!)
TOKYO CRIME WAVE!
Pick-pocketing cases up
Tokyo police warn all citizens to watch their belongings as there has been a sharp increase in pick-pocketing incidents. Be wary in crowds and hold your purses close to your person. Police suspect Yakuza gangsters have been recruiting young kids as pickpockets. Police will deal with these culprits severely. Children caught pick-pocketing will be taken into state custody until suitably responsible guardians can be found for them.
Street fighter on the loose
Citizens are to be wary of a certain young ahou with the 'Aku' or kanji for BAD character on his back. This man has beaten up several men in a street brawl and is guilty of not paying for his meals. He targets Ishin supporters. Do NOT approach him! Witnesses state that he is very, very pissed off by any degrading remarks with regards to the fake Royalist Army known as the Seikihou… (Ack! What did you say, you cockroach? BASH! BASH!)
Advice Segment
This segment has been suspended after our friendly neighborhood policeman Fujita Goro threatened to Gatotsu us for putting his name down as advice columnist.
(Damn! How we wish Umeko-san was still around… She hasn't forgiven us over what happened at the end of the Bakumatsu to that peasant army…)
Reminder on Law against Public Sword Wearing
The era of the samurai is past. Former samurai are reminded to put away their swords. You have no use for them in this peaceful era. This notice is targeted at a certain red-haired ruronin who is a persistent offender. The said ruronin was last seen in a Tokyo eatery. Desist or else!
Employment Opportunity
Bodyguards wanted for top politicians against assassins in the pay of political rivals, renegade former employees and anyone else who holds a grudge. Must be skilled fighters prepared to be killed in the line of duty. We have openings all over the country. Apply to your local Pan-Japan Private Security branch office.
Tokyo Job Opening for Clinic Assistant
Family physician needs trainee-cum-assistant at Tokyo clinic. Experience in medicine preferred. Apply to Dr. Gensai.
Japan Tourism Board Promotions
Visit Shingetsu village! Our hot springs are the perfect vacation hotspot for honeymoons. In addition, our local spring-water has curative properties suited for treatment of skin problems. Soak in our soothing springs.
Visit Kyoto, the infamous site of many Bakumatsu battles. Join our ghost tours as we bring you to the infamous Ikeda-ya and other battles sites! Take a photo with Saizou, the Shinsengumi's mascot pig that outlived his master, Okita Souji of the First Patrol, and most of his comrades. Read actual haikus by the notorious Demon Hijikata at the Wolves' Den Soba House. Come soak up our rich history! Special rates at Aoiya Inn.
Desert Island off Japan. One ferry per week. For those who really want to get away from it all.
Akabeko Notice:
Our restaurant in Tokyo has stopped our set meal offer because we are having problems meeting our running cost thanks to a customer with very bad credit. (Like the word on his back…)
To Sagara Sanosuke, PAY UP! I'm not running a soup kitchen! And quit throwing your fishbones everywhere!
- Sekihara Tae
Missing Person: Hitokiri Battousai
All policemen and citizens are to be on the lookout for a red-haired samurai with a cross-scar on his cheek. If you find him, contact District Chief Kawaji IMMEDIATELY!
Bids for Shipbuilding
Preferably steel-clad warship class vessel. Contact Seta at Kyoto Post Box 10. (Seta, you sure you can get away with this? Houji, it's on Shishio-sama's orders)
NOTICE: To all you politicians
Prepare to die!
- Jin-ei Udo
(What? After that guy! ARGH!
Friendly neighborhood cop arrives on the scene ten minutes later from the local tobacco shop with a letter…
Fujita Goro: Okubo-san wants to see me? Very well…
Steps nonchalantly over dead newspaper staff member strolls off smoking his cigarette)
Employment! Vacancy at The Japan Bulletin for editing staff. Must be pro-Ishin government.
Author's Notes:
Please Read and Review. Yes, the police headquarters have the worst security ever. Maybe someone can persuade Saitou to do the advice segment soon...
Umeko's the advice columnist from the New Kyoto Post and an OC. Anyone wants her back in the same capacity in this paper? Ten years may have dulled her wits a bit...
