Title: Leaving - Chapter 2

Author: StarQuality

Disclaimer:
Red Dwarf be the property of those very nice blokes.

Summary:
In his escape pod, Rimmer has time to think. But... What's that big swirly thing...?

Pairing:
Lister/Rimmer, kinda. It's getting there.

A/N:
I wasn't going to write this, but the nice reviews I got, they done persuaded me (Sorry, I'm not a redneck. If that offends any rednecks, I am very sorry. A thousand apologies and pardons.) The threat of the knobbly thing was just too much. So yes, this is the next chapter in the Leaving series. Enjoy.
And 'squewiff' is a word. Well, it's a made up word that has BECOME a word. You know, it means wonky.


Rimmer sunk into the padded chair of the 'built-for-one' escape pod, and sighed. But, he wasn't sure what kind of sigh it really was. Was it one of relief? Relief that he had finally escaped Kryten, the insufferable git, Cat, the self-obsessed animal, and Lister, the... slobbiest entity in the universe, with his cute button nose and... No. No, it was a sigh of regret. But it was a sigh that said, 'I was right. I had to get out of there, it was driving me mad.'. Yes, that was what it was. He was out of there, and he wasn't going to be driven mad anymore. Especially not by Lister and his disgusting clothes, food, fags and toenails. And that smegging guitar, he had escaped Lister's smegging guitar!

"It's all gone now..." he murmured to himself. "I don't have to suffer anymore."

Looking out of the window, the hologram noticed that he wasn't travelling in a straight line. No, he was going sort of side-ways. A bit squewiff. Leaning to the left slightly. How odd. Ah well, there was nothing he could do about it now, all there was to do was sleep, read, and think to himself about what he'd left behind. Rimmer did enjoy a bit of wallowing in the past, he was quite the expert at it. There was quite alot to think about, really, when he really thought long and hard about it. When he reached into his soul and searched for the real reason why he had left. When he really, REALLY chewed it over...

He still couldn't come up with an answer.

But he didn't have much time left to think about an answer. Just as the word 'anymore' escaped his lips, the pod was hit by something on one side. Rimmer scrambled to his feet, and bashed his head on the top of the pod, thus knocking himself out. He was only in a state of temporary unconsciousness though, because he soon sat up again, being careful this time. He looked out of the porthole window again.

From the outside, it must've looked quite amusing. A man with an 'H' on his forehead, looking out of a window, with his nose pressed up against it, squashing it so that it was on one side, and with a look of utter terror and confusion.

"...Smeg..." Rimmer whispered. He had seen it, and it was certainly brown trousers time. "Smeg. What the smeg am I going to do..."

A meteor, the size of a small herd of small elephants, was zooming away from the pod. That must've been what had hit him. But, like buses, meteors seemed to come in twos or threes, when Rimmer was around. Actually, not like buses. Buses didn't come at all when Rimmer was around, they always drove past him for some odd reason. Maybe it was because of the time when he told the bus driver to buck his ideas up.

There were two options. One, stay in the pod, somehow die, but die a heroes death, or TWO, be a coward and call the 'Dwarf for help.
Rimmer seemed to like option two, and quick as a flash - it doesn't take long to get from one side of the pod to the other, really - he was tapping away, trying to open communication channels. Nothing on the first try. If at first you don't succeed, bash the stupid computer until it responds. Nope, nada, nein danke. "Argh, come on you goit.". Rimmer glared at the screen, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And then...


"We're getting a distress call, Sirs."

"What? Who from?" Lister dashed into the cockpit of Starbug, and Kryten stood up to let him sit down. "Punch it up, quickly!"

Cat looked annoyed. Couldn't the monkey see that he was busy, trying to catch his reflection in the screen? He growled. "You're the one at the controls, idiot." he said, grinning. He had been right, the human had been wrong. Stupid humans.

Lister frantically 'punched up' the distress call, but all they got was static. Static, static, then a flicker. Just a tiny flicker, but it was enough, "It's Rimmer. Kryten, you talk to him."

The mechanoid was slightly surprised. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to him, Mr Lister?". Lister didn't speak, he just looked at the screen in front of him, and he looked terrified. Kryten took that as a no, and opened the communication channel, the picture flickered again, and then Rimmer came into view properly.

"It's... I've been hit by a me... shower of meteors com... can't...".

"Mr. Rimmer Sir, are you alright!"

No-one could make out what Rimmer said, his voice was clipped and the image was flickering again. Lister was gripping the seat tightly. Never mind just brown trousers. This was brown trousers and white knuckles time.

"MR. RIMMER? SIR?" Kryten tried desperately, but to no avail. The image was still again, and they could see Rimmer was trying to talk to them, but there was no sound at all. Kryten tried to lip-read what the hologram was saying, but it was no use.

Suddenly, there was a jolt in the image, and Rimmer slumped forward, bashing his head against the screen. Lister stood up and stared at what he was seeing. The imaged jumped again, and Rimmer was thrown back in his chair, his head bleeding, unconscious again.

Kryten rushed to the front of the cockpit, and dragged Lister away. He was screaming Rimmer's name at the top of his voice, screaming for this not to be happening. But it was happening, and there wasn't much anyone could do about it.


The funny thing was... No, there wasn't really any funny thing about the situation. The hologrammatic life was draining out of Rimmer fast, and he wasn't able to do anything about it. Not that he would have been able to do anything about it anyway, but his state of non-consciousness was somewhat obscuring his ability to save himself.

All he could do was sit in the chair, bleeding, and wait for someone to come and save him.


Back in the 'Bug, Lister was sobbing his heart out. Lying on his bed, in his black trousers, and a black shirt that Kryten had somehow made, sniffing and wailing.

"Oh do snap out of it, Sir, you've been like this for at least two hours."

"I can't... I don't..."

The Cat slinked into the room, wearing an all black PVC suit that he had designed and made himself. He was quite proud of himself, it had taken him ages to find the material, soak it in black dye, sew it together, add some respectful accessories, and finally squeeze into it.

Kryten had managed to get into his only suit.

Even Lister looked a bit smart.

The reason? They were having a funeral for Rimmer. Sure, he wasn't dead, but they weren't to know that. Actually, he was already dead, but they were going to have one anyway. A kind of, post-death-funeral, seeing as he didn't exactly get one in the first place. But, even though they were all a bit down in the mouth, there was one member of the ever-decreasing crew who just couldn't find the strength within himself to leave his bunk. He wanted to go to this funeral, but he didn't know whether he would make it.

Maybe it was because something deep inside his heart told him that Rimmer wasn't actually dead.


Well, he wasn't, was he? He was alive, miraculously, and starting to come to. The escape pod slowly came into focus as Rimmer blinked his eyes open, slowly, they didn't want to be exposed to the light. Not that there was much of that, in the middle of space. He got to his feet, only to feel woozy and to sink to his knees on the floor.

"Smeg.." he said, again, "Why is it always me..."


TBC, guys. Promise.


Only, I don't know where to go from there. I know, my chapters are always so short, but... Meh. I have a few ideas of where to go (Thanks to my totally fabulous boyfriend helping me out), but I've not decided yet.
Sorry that it'll never be as good as Failure, but in my mind, nothing that I do will be. When I think about it, this is a bit better, but I'm too stubborn to admit that Failure has to move down a place.
Thanks for the reviews so far guys, they make me happy and inspire me to write more and more :-)
Who knows, I might even start the next chapter tonight :-p

Star
xx