Title: Leaving - Chapter 3

Author: StarQuality

Disclaimer:
Red Dwarf be the property of those very nice blokes.

Summary:
Now what?

Pairing:
Lister/Rimmer. Almost. Not quite. In fact, hell yes! It all starts to come out now.

A/N:
Well, here you are, the third chapter. Welcome! I hope you're not bored yet, I don't want to bore you. Trying to be interesting here, and it's not easy I'm afraid. And poppadom may or may not be spelt poppadom. The Kryten speech, I am exceptionally proud of. And sorry if the Rimmer/Voice in Head thing is confusing, it was written at 3am, and yes, I am aware it's odd. Bold in speechmarks is Rimmer, bold italic in speechmarks is the voice. Other bold italic is general thought. And I've spotted an error. In chapter one, they seem to be on Red Dwarf, but I said it takes place after Rimmer's hard light, and by that time they've lost it. Ah well.


Looking out of the window, Rimmer saw that he wasn't in space anymore. Well, he was in space, but he wasn't floating about aimlessly. Nope, he was on some kind of planet, one that he hoped was either inhabited with gorgeous nymphomaniacs - female, of course, he had reassured himself - or one that was completely deserted.

The planet had a slightly orange tint to it when you looked at it in one way, but in another, it looked more red. This confused Rimmer, but he put it down to being knocked out twice in the same day. To his left was a slight hill, in front of him was just... what looked like sand, to his right was nothing, above him was space, and behind him was his escape pod. He looked left, right and centre, and decided that he would climb the hill to see what he could see.

Absolutely smegging nothing. Just orange or was it red? Not a bit of vegetation, not a dribble of water, no sight of any animal life. The only things on this planet were him and the escape pod. Rimmer kicked the rock that was next to him. That just hurt his foot, so he sat down on the rock and rubbed it. Then he put his head in his hands and cried.

Alone again.


"We have to go after him Cat, you don't understand!"

"What I don't understand is why you've suddenly become so attached to the man who once said you looked like a model for gargoyles."

"Because... you... wouldn't understand."

At that point, Kryten entered the room. "I understand, Sir."

"You do?" Lister asked, looking up at him, ignoring the warm larger that the mechanoid was offering. Not alot made Lister go off his beer, but Rimmer in mortal danger was enough.

"Mmm. Just before Mr. Rimmer left in the escape pod, you had an emotion fuelled farewell, in which he, due to feelings out of his control, kissed you, and then left. You yourself also have certain... urges, and, thanks to Mr. Rimmer's actions, these urges and feelings have begun to emerge. At the present time you're hiding them, because you feel embarrassed to show them to Mr. Cat and I, Sir. But we are not blind, we can see that you're worried about Mr. Rimmer, because you respect him, and you, even if you don't recognise it, are deeply in love with him. Poppadom?"

Kryten smiled that smile of his, that 'I'm so clever for working it out, you stupid human' smile, and held out a plate of the snacks. Lister just stared at him, open mouthed. "How... How did you know that he kissed me?"

"Oh come now Sir..." If mechanoids had a blushing feature, Kryten would have been the colour of... something very red. "It's quite obvious."

Lister crossed the small cockpit and put his face very close to Kryten's, "Don't lie to me, Kryten. How. Did. You. Know? Tell me."

The poor 'droid was devastated, Mr Lister had never spoken to him like that before, "I... I was outside when it happened, Sir. I didn't listen in on purpose, I was on my way with the laundry, Sir, I... I..." he began to whimper, "I just caught a glimpse, Sir, I left straight away!"

Lister looked at him, "Right. Right."

"Yes, I know I'm right Sir." Kryten nodded, slowly.

"...You were mostly right. But there was one thing you got wrong."

"What's that Mr. David Sir?"

"I recognise I'm in love with him."


There was one good thing about his situation. Rimmer didn't have to listen to that smeggy gerbil-faced git and his chirpy, optimistic views on everything. Everything except his bunkmate. Rimmer knew he wasn't an easy guy to get along with, but surely Lister could come up with one good thing to say about him? Instead of always telling him that he was a weasel, a worm.

"What the smeg are you thinking, you fool?" he said to the air, "It's not Lister at all, it's you. You never have a good word to say about him, not the other way around. He's right, you're a worm. What makes you think that he would ever look at you twice!"

Rimmer stood, quite angry with himself, but more shocked than anything else. What was that last part? He closed his eyes and thought hard, 'what makes you... look at you twice ... look at you twice'. Arnold J Rimmer wanted David Lister to look at him?

"Oh god. Oh god, please no."


Kryten scurried down the corridor behind Lister, who was almost running. "Sir, where are we going, Sir?"

"I don't KNOW, Kryten." he stopped. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. The thoughts were rushing through his brain, all clamouring to try and be the one he thought about. He felt numb.

Kryten was now more worried than ever. He LOVED Mr. Lister, and seeing him like this just wasn't normal. Not normal at all. For once, he didn't know what to do for the best. Mr. David had turned down his offer of his favourite curry, he'd turned down his idea of watching 'It's A Wonderful Life', and he had failed to even LOOK interested when Kryten had been explaining why it was always best to wash blue and purple separately.

"I just don't know anymore." Lister sat down on the cold, hard floor, and sobbed into his hands. Why did this have to happen now? Just when he'd started to find Rimmer... attractive, the stupid git had to go and kill himself, albeit accidentally. Kill himself... "Kryten... I don't think he's dead."

"Pardon Sir?"

"I said, I don't think he's dead."

"But Sir..."

"No, listen. I think..." But it was absurd. "Oh, forget it, I'm being stupid."


Rimmer wasn't gay. There was no WAY. Sure, he wasn't excellent around the opposite sex, but gay? No. He liked GIRLS, and he hated doing the YMCA.

"But you haven't seen a girl for years." said a voice in his head,

"It's not my fault!"

"Come on, Bonehead, you can't blame this one on your parents."

"Shut up. Just SHUT UP."

"Not until you've accepted it."

"There's nothing to accept. I just want Lister to RESPECT me, that's all. I mean... wanted." Rimmer smirked, thinking he'd won.

"Tot." The voice sneered, "You want HIM, admit it."

"Never... I... I don't like him."

"Oh, but you do. You kissed him, didn't you?"

"That was a... manly kiss."

"Pfft. There's not such thing."

"Well, I'm willing to admit that I... I..."

"...am gay."

"...am lustfully bisexual."

"Oh for smeg's sake."


A week after the whole 'Rimmer's gone in the escape pod crashed feared dead' scenario, Lister was still depressed, Kryten was still worried, and thanks to The Cat, Starbug made a graceful landing on an uninhabited planet.

Uninhabited, perhaps, except for one, lone, hologram.


TBC.

Thank GOD I've got that out of the way. I swear, that chapter was haunting me. Haunting, and taunting. Almost like, "Teasing, confusing...". Ah, classic.
Apart from the error I pointed out in my A/N, this fic isn't going so badly, is it? I'm proud of it so far, it might be as good as Failure one day. I think there'll only be one more chapter. Maybe two. But don't worry, the Rimmer/Lister squeeeee-ness is coming soon. Cross my heart and hope to die. Well, no, I don't hope to die, or I won't be able to write the next bit. Maybe that's for the best.
Oh and MAJOR pride over Kryten's speech. Which I have mentioned several times, to several people. Sorry about that. But I just amused myself.

"The thoughts were rushing through his brain, all clamouring to try and be the one he thought about."
Inspired by something my boyfriend said to me once.

Right, it's 3:32am, and I'm smegged.
Night night, and keep reviewing, I live off of them, seriously. I won't be able to write unless I know what the general consensus is. Haha, that's a good word. And, if you have some 'Dwarf Lister/Rimmer slash, advertise. As well as reviewing, I don't appreciate reviews where the sole purpose is to tell me about your fic :-) So, yes, review and thank you for reading this far!

Star
xx