Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

SakuraShinguji: Saitou will be back, after the Shishio incident. Till then please put up with Umeko. The jury's still out on whether she's a lunatic or not.

Lolo: Umeko's known for her sensible advice... well, mostly. :)

Please Read and Review! Do write in to our Advice Segment.


The Japan Bulletin

Official Meiji Government Flagship

Issue 7

ATTACKS ON TOKYO DOJOS

Two local dojos were attacked by a man supposedly peddling medicinal powders. Maekawa dojo was the first to be attacked when the unknown man challenged a senior student present there. The other students were out on a field trip with their sensei. The student described the man as tall, thin with slitty eyes and a freaky smile. He was said to be speaking with a Tama accent.

When told Maekawa sensei's out, the man took out a hidden sword and threatened the boy. On finding out that he was at the Maekawa dojo, the man asked for directions to the Kamiya dojo and left muttering something about his lousy informers needing to be disciplined. At the Kamiya dojo, the assailant stabbed a street punk present in the shoulder when he learned that the occupants were out.

Dojo owner, Kamiya Kaoru was shocked to return and find his "calling card", a hole in the dojo wall. The injured man is reported to be stable condition after medical treatment. Understandably, dojo owners and their students are shocked and outraged by this chain of senseless attacks.

The Tokyo police assure everyone that our streets are safe and the person responsible will be severely dealt with.

(Trust that Miburou to get carried away… mutter, mutter…)


BOMB ATTACK CULPRITS FOUND

Police in Tokyo arrested members of a local gang posing as members of the Sekihoutai and using the group's name to commit these atrocities. However, the culprits swore that they themselves were attacked by two genuine Sekihoutai survivors. They also deny responsibility for what appeared to be a jailbreak attempt. Come on, all the troopers were either cut down by musket fire in that ambush or executed as traitors. When the military silence people, they do a thorough job.

(Oops! Shouldn't have printed that…)


Local Politician found Dead

Local small fry politician Shimba-or-something-like-that, was murdered last night in his room in a local inn. His bodyguard, a man of dubious repute, was also found beheaded at the threshold of the room. Police deny that eyewitnesses saw a policeman leaving the building shortly before the bodies were discovered.

(Bleeping chain-smoking wolf... bleep)


Amakusa Christian Association Notices

Our respected spiritual leader, Shogo Amakusa, denies that we are planning a revolt against the government. As for the minor incident involving our chief priest, we ensure you that our clergy will be subjected henceforth to strict background checks, including verification with the Vatican. We will be opening our Holy Mother Grotto to Christian pilgrims from all over Japan. Come worship in our underground cathedral with its lovely stained-glass skylight. Come receive the Lord's blessings.

Lady Magdala requests that visitors to the grotto do not deface the walls with cheap graffiti. Prayers and words of devotion are okay. She reassures everyone that she is recovering from that bad cough of hers. However, she will be going away to convalesce in a quiet seaside town for a while. She reminds all students to continue with their bible lessons and language lessons in her absence.

- Spokesperson


Advice Segment

Got several visitors this past week, including members of the Shinsengumi. Played shogi with Kondo-san and San-nan. Ryou-kun is a terrible shogi-player… Kondo kept winning. Takasugi dropped by for a chat too. Yes, I know they have passed on, but who says they do not visit?

Dear Umeko-san,

I am bothered by a kitsune(fox/vixen)! She takes the form of a doctor's assistant and tries to score with 'her Ken-san' whenever she drops by! Help! I think I may be on the verge of forsaking my father's policy of non-violence!

- Kendo Gal

Dear Kendo-san,

I can relate fully. I had the same problem with a blond bimbo once. Ano, did you try jumping in front of a sword in a desperate attempt to save his life? No, someone already did that for him. Try to fake your death or something… so he'll realize how much you mean to him.

- Yours, Umeko

Dear Umeko-san,

I am well-respected by my flock in my hometown. However, I find that I attract a lot of attention outside, the unwanted type. I hired a professional image consultant after that scandal involving a member of our clergy but it doesn't seem to be working. Also, the image of our group has taken quite a trashing after the scandal. Only my sister's work with the poor and needy keeps us in some of the authorities' good books. However, she is ill and really shouldn't be exerting herself… What should I do? Spending two weeks fasting and praying hasn't turned up anything, till a gust of wind blew this paper into my face. I'm taking it as a sign from the Lord.

- Good Shepherd

Dear Shepherd-san,

You seriously need a new image consultant. Er, you sound like a very well-traveled person. Ever been to Nagasaki? I keep hearing about a Nagasaki church flock, but I never saw a single sheep when I was there… I think... Did I mention you need to work on your PR?

- Umeko

Dear Umeko-san,

I am a samurai who has a split personality problem. As a result, my life has been that of a ruronin for many years. Recently, I made some friends and stayed for a while in a local dojo. Gasp! I think I'm starting to finally settle down. But recently, I've been troubled by dreams of my Bakumatsu past. Is this a sign that my current happiness is in jeopardy?

- Shin

Dear Shin,

Good to hear from you after all these years. I believe you deserve your current happiness. However, I regret to report that you may be facing some trouble given what I've overheard from Okubo-san and a certain baka Miburou.

- My prayers are with you, Umeko

Excuse me. I believe I have a visitor… SAITOU! Okita wants you not to neglect his cousin Tokio! Do ya hear?

Fujita: Someone please sedate that madwoman…I'm only here because Tokio asked me to visit! Hey, are you sure it's alright to leave her in charge of the advice segment?


ADVERTISEMENTS:

Wanted: Contractor to repair massive damages to dojo building. Apply to Kamiya Dojo. Finances a tad tight...Do you accept credit?

MISSING! Okashira. Shinomori Aoshi. Tall, very cool and handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes… (heart) If you have any information on Aoshi-sama's whereabouts, contact Makimachi Misao, the coolest ninja gal in Japan. AOSHI-SAMA! WHERE ARE YOU! (Heart-heart-heart)

Missing: Ninja girl of sixteen. Ran away from Kyoto to look for her Aoshi-sama. If you find her, DO NOT approach. She is highly dangerous with the kunai and her kicks. Contact her worried family at Aoiya Family Restaurant and Inn, Kyoto.

Church of Japan Scholarship Grant. Study in Holland with the Lord's blessings. Applications limited to Christians only. This is a grant partly sponsored by Amakusa Christian Association.


Author's Notes:

There is a bit of bad blood between Umeko and Saitou/Fujita. Will delve into that in the companion ficcie. Some of the remarks Umeko makes are based on the PMK manga storyline and New Kyoto Post fanfic. She knows Fujita's wife as well.

Know who Good Shepherd is? I always wondered who is his image consultant. However, he will not cross paths with the Kenshingumi. I included him in for a pan-Japan flavor. Unlike the other paper, this is a national paper.