Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.
Sailor-Earth13: Kenshin is very busy, looking for a replacement sword and seeking out Master Hiko to beg for forgiveness over what happened more than ten years ago. Read on.
A-chan, Yami Chikara: Yep, I like Umeko-dono too. She is the composite of various strong-willed ladies in my family. Surprisingly, she is very modern in her thinking. About those stolen swords, well, it'd be sad if Okita or Tetsu's swords got broken. Considering the trouble Tetsu went through to earn his swords. We'll see. Why does Seta Soujirou resemble Okita so much? The shocking truth!
SlowMotionRunner: Still thinking of that letter… well, we'll see. Maybe Umeko can find someone departed to assist her in the advice.
Read on! Your reviews are inspirational.
The Japan Bulletin
Official Meiji Government Flagship
Issue 11
FRONT FULL PAGE APOLOGY NOTICE
To Master Hiko. I am a BAKA. The biggest BAKA DESHI ever. I am most unworthy of being your student. I, Himura Kenshin, aka Shinta, apologize most profoundly for failing to heed your words of wisdom and running off those years ago. Sorry I took so long to beg for your forgiveness. I disgrace the name of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. I hereby publicly admit I am a BAKA ten times over to the whole of Japan.
Himura Kenshin is a baka deshi (x10. Gomen. Too lazy to type out)
(Baka deshi: Please, shishou, will you help seesha now?
Master: I was kidding you when I told you to place that notice… BAKA DESHI!
Baka deshi: Oro!)
OFFICIAL FIRE WARNING
In light of the recent dry spell, Kyoto citizens are reminded to be wary of fires. As most Kyoto buildings are of a wooden nature and streets tend to be narrower than most cities, fires here have a tendency to erupt into firestorms. The worst fire on record occurred ten years ago with massive loss of lives and property.
Kyoto Town Council will be organizing a fire watch. We are looking for volunteers. Sign up the Kyoto Fire Department. Skilled swordsmen with the police force will be enlisted to help.
SUSPECT IN CUSTODY
The thief who made off with several swords of historical value from the Kyoto Sword Museum was taken into custody after he was spotted by an alert member of the public lying unconscious in the courtyard of a local shrine. The stolen swords have been recovered from the cheap inn where he was staying.
He was described by staff members as being so obnoxious that his roommate, a good-natured lad, decided to leave and report the latest information they have gathered to their master. The lad is described and constantly smiling and polite. Police will like this boy to come forward to assist them.
POPULAR RESTAURANT OWNER ATTACKED
Owner of popular family restaurant and inn, Aoiya of Kyoto, was attacked by persons unknown today. The man fondly known as "Lecher Okina" to the majority of Kyoto's female population was found badly slashed in a shack by his grand-daughter after he failed to return from a fishing trip. He was rushed to the local hospital where it took several hours and hundreds of stitches to close his wounds. In accordance with the old man's prior wishes, he was taken home by his family. Doctors do not expect the old man to survive.
Police believed this incident was the result of a secret business deal gone wrong. Aoiya is under suspicion of spiking their dishes to give an addictive high for customers. However, health inspectors have yet to find anything amiss with the ingredients, although poppy seeds are suspected. The management denies that Aoiya or the Oniwanbanshu Company it is affiliated to has anything to do with drugs.
In a separate incident, neighbors complained of a late-night ruckus at Aoiya. Staff members clarify that it was triggered off by one of their number tripping on the kitchen stairs. They denied that it was an attempt on Okina's life. The local women's association branch has already sent a funeral wreath to the household.
Advice Segment
Most of the Choushu spooks have taken time off to help Okubo get used to the afterlife. Ryouma's a terrible shogi player. I won all hundred rounds. No, Ryou-kun, I'm not that good a player. Just ask Takasugi. He won against me yesterday. After my near-drowning after making a wrong turn whilst looking for Ryouma's grave a few years back, I found I had returned from death's door with this particular 'gift' for communicating with the guys. It does help to know that they haven't really left.
Dear Umeko,
This is way freaky. I saw my mentor the other day. The crazy part is this. The last time I saw him was ten years ago and his head was on a bench after his execution! Am I falling ill? I was up for two nights straight smashing rocks…
- Spooked Sano
Dear Spooked Sano,
I see Sagara-san's finally had that talk with you. Do remember to pick up your tab at that restaurant.
Yours, Umeko
Dear Umeko,
My baka deshi never even visit me since he ran off to join a bloody revolution. Then today he pops up on my doorstep and begs me to help him. He claims it's got all to do with national security. And now he's got this crazy idea about not killing. Should I help him?
- Master Hiko
Dear Master Hiko
Nice to hear from you. The last time we parted, you were half-soused at the Sake Shack. Surely, you wouldn't turn the boy down. He's not as crazy as you claim, right? After all your sword's a sakabatou too. You aren't too sake-addicted to impart your skills to him, are you?
- Your fellow poetry and sake lover, Umeko (If I ever get released for good conduct, I'd love to drop by your place for a sake and poetry appreciation session, then we'll pay that rat-den Aoiya a little visit… think it'll survive one of your moves?)
Dear Umeko,
Hello again! You won't believe what I saw when I visited Kyoto! There was this young man who looked just like Okita-sama walking down the streets! Just give him longer hair and it's Okita-sama! I even heard someone address him as Soujiro! Souji, Soujiro, it's really close, and there are rumors Okita-sama went by the name Soujiro. Is it Okita-sama back from the dead? Should I give up looking for the grave and give the candy and incense to Okita-sama's supposed "reincarnation"? Ah, Okita-sama! (sparkes in eyes)
-Still loving Okita
Dear fangirl,
Er, the last time I checked with the guys, Okita is still very much deceased. Here he comes now with Hijikata… My, you look pale (even for a ghost).WHAT? He just found out… (Attempts to slap Hijikata's ghost) Trust you wolves to set poor Souji up at the Tama Red Lily pleasure house on his birthday. Now he's got to deal with the fact his son's a cold-blooded killer with a rotten role model… My advice to you, girl, keep away from Okita's bastard. Now I must advise Okita on the proper thing a departed parent should do with a wayward son.
Yours, Umeko
Dearest Umeko,
I hear that you haven't been yourself lately. If you feel like running off with a dead rebel samurai, I would like to offer my services to the paper and take over your column. I think I might enjoy it this time around. I'm sure you can imagine how much I've learned in ten years. I'll be in touch again. Say hi to your brother for me.
Regards, Shishio Makoto
Shishio Makoto?
YOU? I shudder to think of how many lives you irreversibly wrecked with your (bleep) advice. I always knew my brother's men goofed up your funeral. Shoulda let my girls handle it. Do burn in hell.
With deepest heartfelt curses, Umeko
Assorted Advertisements
Eyes of the Heart Psychic Services. Contact Usui at Mt Hiei Rise, Number 2. With luck, I'll soon be moving to number 1.
Youth wants sparring partner. Must be suitably quick and skilled with swords. I do not use shinai or bokken, only genuine swords. Also need body disposal service for my last sparring partner. Apply to Tenken, Mt Hiei.
Need a Buddhist monk to administer the final rites? Contact Anji at the small shelter at the foot of Mt Hiei. Free rites for children, especially poor children who have lost their lives through no fault of theirs from the bigoted prejudices of certain political powers.
I still need a personal assistant. Must be reasonably smart, not too nosy and willing to work odd hours. Must not be too annoying. Apply to Officer Fujita Goro of Kyoto Police Department.
WANTED! Contractor to fix shattered lock-up cell door. Door should ideally be steel reinforced. If work is satisfactory, you may be commissioned to replace all cell doors in Japan's police stations. Apply to Kyoto police station. (Hey, are you sure that punk just threw a punch at it? This door's a pile of toothpicks!)
Author's Notes:
It is a folk belief in some parts of Asia that having 'died' and then returning to life kind of opens a channel between both worlds. This is my explanation of why Umeko has psychic powers after her near-drowning.
Umeko is acquainted with Hiko, being a Kyoto Sake Shack regular herself. Seta's mother was a prostitute at the brothel the guys took Okita to on his birthday as an initiation into adulthood. She later became Old Man Seta's mistress. Seta Soujirou must have inherited his biological father's swordfighting genes. I know Okita looks awfully young to be Seta's dad in RK. I'm putting his age at about 20 when he was running about with the Shinsengumi. Okita died at age 25. Soujirou's age at this point in the RK series is about 16 to 22 according to sources. Read the past issues of companion fic New Kyoto Post for Shishio's bad advice. Umeko's girls are ninja-waitresses working at her restaurant.
About Okina… well, I recall that episode from the anime where he's bothering the girls. Figures he'll be public enemy of the Kyoto womenfolk. Poppy seeds in restaurant cooking? Well, some eateries were busted for using opium in their cooking to addict the customers.
