Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

Lolo: When I watched the Hiko-Fuji showdown outside Aoiya, I was certain Hiko's using a sword similar to Kenshin's only bigger… Oh well, Umeko may be teasing Hiko over his own no-killing beliefs.

SlowMotionRunner: Your letters get an answer in this issue.

Sailor-Earth13: Poor Okita. I think this news about his son is a bigger shock than waking up in the nude in a strange room after his birthday bash, with no memory of what on earth happened after that last cup of sake. Sake-induced amnesia. Lol. I think it's a miracle he forgave his fellow wolves for that. More on Okita's family issues.

GirlWaterShaman: More of Soujirou and his dad in the coming issues.

YamiChikara: An update as requested.

Glad the apology is so popular. More 'apologies' coming up. The ghosts are giving advice from beyond in this issue. Kyoto fires, ship explosions and more wolves.


The Japan Bulletin

Official Meiji Government Flagship

Issue 12

RESTLESS NIGHT IN KYOTO

Kyoto was plagued by an outbreak of purely accidental fires last night. The fires are NOT planned acts of arson by a rag-tag army bent on plunging our nation into chaos. A few would-be arsonists were detained by our police and volunteer units. Most of the fires were put out quickly, apart from one where the local neighborhood watch accidentally threw kerosene instead of water on it. The popular tourist spot, Wolves' Den Soba House was razed to the ground.

In a stroke of good luck, the Shinsengumi exhibits and records at the Wolves' Den have been moved to their new home at the Tama's Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall. Future generations will still be able to enjoy Hijikata-san's poetry. However, Shinsengumi mascot Saizou the pig succumbed to suspected smoke-inhalation and tobacco poisoning in his pen after a visit by an old friend from the Bakumatsu era in the morning.

Current owner Takagi-Okita Mitsu, elder sister of the original owner, Okita Souji, was handsomely compensated for her loss by the relevant authorities. Ms Mitsu says that she will be channeling the sum into a program to educate the public on the hazards of secondhand smoke.

In an unrelated incident, a fifth of our Kyoto police elite were killed when breaking up a street brawl. Police will be launching their recruitment drive today to replace the fallen officers.

Kyoto Police Recruitment Drive!

All able-bodied men will be considered. Minor previous brushes with the law will be overlooked. Apply to Officer Fujita at the local police headquarters.


Notice: Exhibition Cancelled

Kyoto Sword museum wishes to announce the cancellation of the Bakumatsu exhibition due to security fears. We regret that we have failed to meet your expectations. We apologize in particular to a member of the public who dropped by at our sneak preview and was so appalled by the way we have portrayed the Shinsengumi exhibit that he nearly Gatotsu-ed us. We wish to clarify that the letters exchanged between Okita and Saitou are coded letters pertaining to military matters and not love letters as we have mislabeled them.


OSAKA HARBOR EXPLOSION

A new vessel recently moored in Osaka Harbor mysteriously exploded last night. Witnesses reported seeing a policeman, a rooster haired ahou and a red-haired female at the scene when the blast occurred. A first blast was reported prior to the vessel explosion. Massive damages were done to the pier and boats moored nearby. Fortunately, no lives were lost as crew members and passengers on the stricken vessel managed to take to the life boats before the ship sank to the bottom.

Investigations are underway but poor quality shipbuilding of a Shanghai-nese origin is suspect by the owners of the vessel. Shishio Inc. Shipping spokesperson, Sadojima, was quoted: "That (bleep) bastard from Shanghai promised us a quality armored ship and what do we have? A kid throws a couple of firecrackers at us and it is scrap! This is the last time we do business with Yukishiro Enterprises!"


Notice from Aoiya: Okina is ALIVE

Okina is alive and recovering! Stop sending us wreaths and condolence letters! Aoshi, I'm sure when happened the other day was just a misunderstanding, right? Do come back!

- New Oniwabanshu Okashira, Makimachi Misao


Urgent Apology Notice

Mitsu, aka Shrew, so sorry about the loss of your money-spinning hog. I was wondering where I put my cigarettes. Too bad Saizou found them. 500 yen a photo? You must be kidding. I regret to inform you that you sadly lack all your brother's good traits. In fact, I wonder how a shrew like you even came from the same line as my close friend.

Don't come claiming emotional distress. You hated that pig! You dumped him with Tokio until the Shinsengumi craze started up a few years back. Then you came demanding his return. I also remind you that you abandoned six-year-old Souji at the Takagi place so you wouldn't have to raise him and never visited until his deathbed only so you could claim inheritance rights! So much for sentimental ties. Hn. Thankfully, Okita had the foresight to will everything to the Mibu orphanage, except Saizou for fear he may be reduced to bacon for the kids and his sword that he gave Hijikata.

Further condolences on the loss of your tacky Wolves' Den Soba House. Your soba is a disgrace! I'm thankful Shinpattsan got the foresight to cart everything of importance out under the cover of darkness to Tama. If you happen to be looking for your deadbeat sake-soused husband, yes, the one you married before you discovered his daimyo father disowned him, he is on the one-way boat to Hokkaido for attempting to assault an officer and harassing his wife for money.

Er, happy third birthday, Tsu-chan. Sorry Papa's got work as usual.

(Mitsu: I demand that (bleep) apologize for this slander! SAITOU HAJIME! You bastard!)


Advice Segment

Got a certain Kohagi Inn waitress in here to advise poor Souji-chan on what to do with his newfound son. Mrs Himura has, after all, been caring for a wayward sibling from beyond the grave. Another letter from the Kyoto area.

Dear Umeko-san,

I traveled to Kyoto from Tokyo after this man I have feelings for (blush). I am worried for his safety because he is going to fight this very dangerous criminal. He is currently training under his master. He was good during the Bakumatsu, but I fear that he might be killed! What can I do to help? Or will I be hindering him?

- Shy Girl

Dear Girl,

Sigh, this is the same dilemma we women have faced for centuries. Men go fight for their beliefs, die for their beliefs. What you can do is to believe in him. If possible, hold the home front. Keep things in order at home so he can go fight with an easy mind. That will be your mission. Do stay safe.

- My prayers are with you, Umeko

(OH NO! First Ryou-kun, then my bro and now Kenni-chan… When will it end? WAIL…

Okita's ghost: Er, I think we better help Umeko-dono… let's see...)

Dear Umeko,

Life has become dull now that the Meji era has been set into full swing. No one needs my services anymore as a bodyguard, and I don't know what I can do to fill this void. What do you suggest?

Bored Swordsman

Dear Bored-san,

Apply to Officer Fujita Goro for the post of personal assistant-cum-sparring partner. That way, Hajime-san will have something else other than terrorizing the poor police clerks and petty criminals to keep his skills sharp.

Okita Souji, former 1st Capt Shinsengumi (Tomoe-san, I think this other one's your field)

Dear Umeko,

I have reason to believe that my long-lost brother is alive, but he is dabbling in a life that is dishonorable and full of shame. What should I do?

Confused sibling

Dear Confused-san,

Confront him and talk to him. Sigh. You have it so much easier, being alive. I try to play guardian angel to my kid brother but he can't hear me. I try to send him to our aunt's place in Nagoya. He hi-tails to Shanghai! I try to set him up with a good family there, he blows it! Now he's running about with some gangsters, and he still asks why I'M NOT SMILING! Whaddya want? Me to throw vases or screech in a highly unladylike manner to get the message through to you?

Tomoe

Editor's Note: Umeko has suffered a breakdown. We need a replacement columnist. Apply to Tokyo Police HQ.


Personal Ad:

Long time no see! Surprised you dropped by at my place that day. Rest reassured we at the Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall will carry out your request on the artifacts and records. Do drop by for a sparring match. I get so bored writing my memoirs. Will love to have your views on our little place before I move to Hokkaido to open a branch of our kendo school.

– One of the Trio

Reply to Ad: Shinpattsan, writing your memoirs? I fear the years have made you soft like tofu. You wouldn't last two minutes against me. Still, if my work allows, I will drop by for old times' sake. Of course, it'd be very embarrassing if you threw your back again.


Author's Notes:

Big mistake on the exhibits. No wonder Saitou's peeved.

Memorial Hall? Shinpachi's memoirs? Nagakura Shinpachi, 2nd Capt Shinsengumi, survived the Bakumatsu and went on to write his memoirs later. He also moved to Hokkaido.

Poor Tomoe… Enishi just doesn't get it, doesn't he. Anyhow, he should be in Shanghai still, so he missed his neesan's spectacular outburst in the national Japanese paper. I don't think Okita should bank too much on Tomoe's advice pertaining to his wayward son. At least Okita will be re-united with his pet pig.