Chapter Two: Secret Lovers and Brothers' Pledges
Menelaus' Palace, Sparta
Menelaus: May the gods keep the wolves in the hills and the women in our beds!
Hector: Amen to that, brother.
Helen: Whatever, I'm going to my room now and of course since I'm the queen of Sparta no one will notice me leave. (Leaves)
Paris: And since I'm the prince of Troy no one's going to notice me follow her. (Follows)
Hector: (Notices) Wow, that's suspicious.
Menelaus: (Gets kissy-kissy with one of the dancing girls)
Helen's Room
Helen: You shouldn't be here.
Paris: (Bolts door) Should I leave, then?
Helen: Of course you should, that's why I'm taking my dress off.
Paris and Helen: (Start making out)
Helen: (Is naked) Don't leave me, yo.
Paris: (Is also naked) Sorry, no can do. But hey, why don't you come with me? The resulting war will only kill most of the main characters, including my father and my sexy, sexy brother, but screw them, all I want is mad love… uh, I mean sex… uh, I mean you.
Helen: (Teary eyed) This is why I love you.
Paris: Damn, I turn myself on.
Helen: …
Ship to Troy
Paris: 'Sup bro, do you promise to protect me from all the baddies since I'm too cowardly and weak to protect myself alone?
Hector: …Shit, what did you do now?
Paris: Uh… I'll show you.
Hector and Paris: (Go down a ladder into one of the room thingies)
Helen: Yo, been hiding out here since obviously your crew has no reason to ever leave deck and even if they did, they'd have no reason to be suspicious of a cloaked figure hiding behind some barrels!
Hector: (Drags Paris back up on deck) Oh my gods, Paris, you MORON.
Paris: Hey, this can't be THAT bad, right?
Hector: Shit, you freaking idiot, now me and Pops and a bunch of other people are going to die thanks to you. I'm SO taking her back to Sparta.
Paris: Then I shall follow her like the lowly man I am, because sex is good.
Hector: They'll kill you, although I gotta say, that wouldn't be a bad idea.
Paris: Fine, I'll die fighting.
Hector: Look kid, have you ever killed someone?
Paris: No.
Hector: Ever FOUGHT someone?
Paris: No.
Hector: Do you even know what the hell fighting is?
Paris: Uhh…
Hector: Dude, you don't know shit about ANYTHING, do you?
Paris: (Cries)
