Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.
GirlWaterShaman: Er, you do realize Saizou's gone to join his master now, don't you? More on the pig in this issue. More Soujirou in the coming issues, trust me.
SailorEarth13: Can't resist poking fun at Saitou. I mean, Okita and Saitou were kinda close in the RK OVA. They always patrol together. Of course, PMK Saitou was more of a loner. And PMK Okita hangs around Hijikata rather than Saitou.
YamiChikara: Er, can that German doctor do anything about my Muse? She whispers inspiration into my mind on a 24 hr basis and it's seriously starting to bug me. Ever tried reading some boring but important work documents then having a mental image of the RK and PMK cast doing something wacky? I'm getting sick of having to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud.
M.Kasshoku: I think Okita's more riled about the fact his son's working for a maniac bent on destroying Japan. If he finds out about that rotten childhood… Ah well, at least Kenshin (Kenni) talked some sense into the boy.
Lolo: More on Saizou and Tetsu coming up. And you thought the Saizou-Tetsu interaction was over. More PMK wolves…
Pet funerals! More fires and street battles. A striptease at Aoiya? All in this issue.
The Japan Bulletin
Official Meiji Government Flagship
Issue 13
FIRE at MT HIEI
A large fiery explosion occurred at Mt Hiei outside Kyoto city limits three nights ago. The cause is unknown. The area was privately owned by the leader of a secretive group known as the Juppon Gatana. A monk and a local businessman turned themselves in to the local police confessing involvement with the group. They have been taken into custody.
The businessman, known as Sadojima Houji, claims that the victims of the fire included his boss, Shishio Makoto, his consort, Yumi, and a local psychic, Usui. He claimed that a police officer, a hitokiri, an okashira and a street punk were involved in the fire and should be brought in for questioning.
Police doctors later determined that Sadojima was suffering from a state of severe shock. He has been detained for medical treatment at Kyoto prison.
POLICE HEADQUARTERS FIRE
Three days ago, a mysterious fire broke out at Kyoto's police headquarters. The fire was believed to have started when a cigarette butt set off a chain reaction in the ammunitions store. The building was not attacked by a giant as witnesses claimed. The figure of a large samurai was a trick of the sunlight on the vast quantities of smoke from the fire.
The temporary police headquarters are at the Civil Works Building. Applicants for posts in the police force are still welcomed to apply. Our recruitment drive is still on! Apply to Constable Chou as Officer Fujita has left on personal business.
FIERCE STREET BRAWL OUTSIDE AOIYA
Kyoto police were called to Aoiya after a particularly fierce street battle three days ago. Officers and paramedics were shocked by the scale of the destruction wrought. There was a twenty-foot crater in the street and the nearby Aoiya Restaurant and Inn was totally demolished. Surrounding buildings suffered severe structural damage.
Local morgue keeper Kitsu-dono remarked that she had not seen destruction of such scale since the Bakumatsu. She was surprised that despite many serious injuries, there were no deaths. A reason for the low death toll was that apart from Aoiya, the neighborhood had been evacuated for a local fire drill. Authorities deny that the brawl was anticipated. The injured included a young girl with broken ribs and a boy with severe burns to the back. However, they are expected to live.
Police arrested several suspects involved in this brawl and brought them in for questioning. Investigations rule out any involvement with Aoiya's inhabitants. Authorities hereby state that Aoiya is a legitimate business with no links to ninjas, drugs or hitokiris.
In a separate incident in the same neighborhood, a white-haired giant was arrested for gross indecency when he strolled through the street in a very revealing outfit. He also shed parts of his outfit in public. Two women present were shocked by his impromptu striptease. However, they soon recovered from their fright and were later seen plying a large man in a white cape with sake. The giant is charged with indecency and faces a jail term in Hokkaido.
Disaster at Shinsengumi Mascot's Funeral
Yesterday, a dignified ceremony at Mibu pet cemetery for the recently deceased Shinsengumi mascot, Saizou, was thrown into chaos when mourners discovered that his last owner, Okita Mitsu, had skinned the porker and sold his hide to a foreign businessman as a piece of Japanese history. Members of the cortege rushed to the nearest port only to discover that the buyer had already sailed off.
The deception was uncovered when a careless pallbearer, Ichimura Tetsu, tripped and dropped the casket. It was discovered to the horror of those present that the pig had been skinned. Ms Mitsu made use of the mad rush to the port to escape. Chairman of the Shinsengumi Veterans Club, Nagakura, swears that he and other former Miburou will not let this rest.
As current laws do not offer protection to deceased pets, it is unlikely Mitsu will be charged. The ceremony was attended by a representative of the Meiji government, Hijikata Musashi, and many Bakumatsu veterans. Hijikata Musashi is the nephew of the late Shinsengumi Vice-chief and a rising star in the new government. He was visibly outraged and was seen stabbing his umbrella into the shrubbery in an attempt to locate Ms Mitsu. He muttered something about getting one 'Saitou' to look into this outrage.
In addition, a ninja messenger arrived with a piece of ill news for a mourner, Takagi Tokio. It claimed her husband had perished in a fire. The poor woman was overwhelmed with grief and it took the efforts of almost everyone to talk her out of stabbing her throat with her silver hairpin. It was discovered with the arrival of a blond weirdo two hours later that the earlier message was false.
Then it was discovered Takagi's young son had gone missing. They found the lad sleeping three hours later in Hijikata's parked carriage. When everyone finally remembered the deceased porker, wild dogs had made off with the remains.
Rest in peace, Saizou. You will be sorely missed. (Muahahahaha…)
Advice Segment
Umeko-san's still feeling under the weather, so we got Miss Takani Megumi, a local physician with Dr Gensai's clinic. She will be handling the letters today.
The Japan Bulletin Editor
Hi, I am Takani and I will be answering your letters in Umeko-san's stead.
Dear Umeko,
I have a problem with my husband. He is a policeman and his work takes him away for months on end. It's very hard on me and my son. He is a chain-smoking workaholic. And he's been after this Battousai guy since his Shinsengumi days in the Bakumatsu. Do you have any ideas how to tame his wild nature? I worry that he isn't as young a wolf as he used to be.
Worried She-wolf
Dear She-wolf,
You actually married that creepy cop? Oh dear. For his smoking habits, I suggest the nearest Smokers' Anonymous. Honestly I suggest a divorce. You sound like a steady and independent female. You don't need to rely on that loser.
Takani
Dear Umeko,
Aoshi-sama is not paying attention to me! I think he hates me! Help!
Misao
Dear Misao-san,
Please! You actually like that Shinomori ice-man? What's it with you women out there? Look at Ken-san, now that's a man! KEN-SAN!
Takani
Editor's Notice: Takani-san has left suddenly after receiving a letter from Kyoto. We are now looking for a temporary columnist until Umeko recovers. Apply to the Tokyo Police HQ.
Obituary:
I'm doing this one last favor before I skip town.Do forgive me if I'm too blunt. Here goes.
Shishio-san, Yumi-san, rest in peace. I don't know anything about heaven or hell. But I guess you do end up somewhere. As for the moron Usui, I passed your place on the way out. Thought you made a rotten wall hanging. I thought you were psychic. Why didn't you see it coming? Seta.
Employment:
Aoiya currently accepting bids for major reconstruction works. Apply to Makimachi Misao on site.
Employment Opportunity! Accepting bids for re-constriction of Kyoto Police HQ. Also seeking debris-removal crew for certain streets. Apply to Kawaji at Civil Works Building, Kyoto.
Educational Opportunities:
Want to expand your horizons? Are you a star student? If so, apply for Sakamoto's Student Exchange Grant. This is a grant established in the memory of Sakamoto Ryouma, a Royalist who was assassinated for his beliefs. With government sponsorship, study in colleges in America and Europe. See the world, then return to serve your nation in our civil sector.
Author's Notes
More references to PMK. Okita-san must be turning over in his grave for sure. Well, at least his worries about his offspring have been taken care of, sorta, by his friend Kenshin. I assumed Tetsu made it into the Meiji era. Saitou's wife's reaction to the news of his demise is a bit extreme. Poor Saizou. Skinned, dumped, and eaten by dogs. Okita's sis can't be very nice...
