Chapter Three: Greatest War
Menelaus' Palace, Sparta
Fisherman: Hey, I don't know if you noticed yet, but your wife kinda left with the Trojans.
Menelaus: OMGWTFBBQ! They are so, so dead, those beeyotches.
Agamemnon's Palace, Mycenae
Menelaus: Waaah big brother that Trojan ho snuck off with my wife now I'm sad and waaah why are younger brothers such pooheads in this movie.
Agamemnon: Don't worry, little bro, I'll get your wife back for you. Not to mention take over the entire Aegean. Ooh yeah, biznatches.
Menelaus: Yay!
Agamemnon's Palace, Later
Agamemnon: I always knew that my brother's wife was a nymphomaniac, but she's proved very useful to advancing the plot. I finally have a reason to sail over the Aegean and conquer those Trojan bastards, bwahahaha!
Nestor: Yeah, except Hector kinda commands the best army EVAH. Not to mention he's been voted Trojan Heartthrob for every year running since he became legal.
Agamemnon: Yes, it is a shame that I must attack such a sexy man, but think of it this way, once I control the Trojans, I control Hector. Mmm.
Nestor: Dude, you need a wife in this movie. Like, seriously.
Agamemnon: (Smacks lips)
Nestor: Oh, by the way, we'll be needing Achilles' help.
Agamemnon: (Is jerked out of fantasy) Hubba-whaaat? He's sexy too, but we ain't gonna get any of HIS lovin', yo.
Nestor: This will be the greatest war the world has ever seen. We need the greatest naked body to showcase… and Odysseus is the only guy good-looking enough to persuade him to be that naked body.
Agamemnon: What, is MY naked body not as hott as Achilles'? Damn, I turn myself on.
Nestor: …
