Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

Glad the funeral was a hoot! Muahahaha… Special thanks for the inspiration of a pet funeral from BarbaraSheridan and MisBehavin. Well, at least someone missed Saitou. RK Saitou's one of the most difficult persons to get along with.

GirlWaterShaman: About Saya and Tetsunosuke, well… I dunno, yet. Maybe Saya will make an appearance… and maybe Suzu too…

YamiChikara: If you're reading this, my Muse has been running amok in my head waving Shinsengumi banners and mimicking Hiko.

M.Kasshoku: Yes, poor Saizou. Okita's sis isn't very nice. And Tetsu had to drop the casket.

Lolo: Soujirou hates Usui. I think the only persons he likes in the group are Shishio and Yumi.

Sailor-Earth13: I will be following the manga storyline, with occasional side references to the anime events (eg. a certain Christian group, the ninja clan medicine of life etc). Okita has some words for his son in this issue.

The friendly neighborhood cop is back at his post answering letters! A morgue robbery and wanted notices? A message from the spirit world? And more crazy ads! Read on!


The Japan Bulletin

Official Meiji Government Flagship

Issue 14

From the Editor's Desk

Sorry for the two-month delay in this issue as we have to divert resources and manpower to our Kyoto headquarters after certain happenings in and around the area. We deny that there was an attempt to overthrow the Meiji government. Do not be deceived by the pack of lies some tabloid has been spreading! We need editorial staff members who are not police officers! Apply to me at the Tokyo offices.

We are saddened by the loss of our columnist Umeko-san as she is still undergoing treatment for emotional distress caused by the last letter she answered. It brought back memories for her, really bad memories. However, we have brought back our friendly neighborhood cop, Fujita Goro. Fujita-san has agreed to answer your letters as he recuperates from injuries suffered in the line of duty.

Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji


HOKKAIDO: LAND of OPPORTUNITY

Want to start life anew? Move to Hokkaido, northernmost province of Japan. The region is fertile with rich mineral deposits.

We are looking to the establishment of agricultural settlements and development of the land for mining. Settlers will be given a generous sum to set up housing and farms.

Hokkaido's new district governor, Hijikata Musashi, states that he wants to change the image of Hokkaido as a place of exile. He invites would-be settlers to move to the region known for its harsh climate. "Come let us work together for a better life in this Meiji era. The climate's great for apple-growing and goats. And we have rich gold and mineral deposits for mining!"

It is noted that Hijikata had been posted there after he ordered a crackdown on all stray dogs after a funeral disaster about two months back. The crackdown was halted abruptly after a pet dog belonging to the German ambassador to Japan was accidentally shot.


Kyoto Morgue Pillaged

The local morgue was broken into two nights ago. Morgue-keeper Kitsu-dono was horrified when she arrived for work at dawn and found corpses mutilated and entrails strewn all over the place. She has enlisted the help of the newly-established Shinomori Private Investigations in addition to police help. The motive is a mystery as nothing of valuable was taken, only body parts.

We are horrified by the disrespect shown to the dearly departed. We extend our condolences to the friends and relatives of the persons whose bodies were the victims of this foul crime. Rumors blame a cult of devil-worshippers for this outrage. Authorities are on the alert for any disturbances in the area. The public is advised to remain calm.


Wanted Persons:

The following persons are believed to be involved in terrorist activities. Notify police if you have any information on their whereabouts. They are highly dangerous criminals.

Iwanbo. Large male with round built. Believed to be hopelessly stupid. Often seen with a stupid grin on his face. Drags arms on ground when walking like an ape. Last seen bouncing away from a street brawl in Kyoto near Aoiya.

Seta Soujirou. Young male with a constant smile. Deceptively innocent appearance. Very dangerous swordsman. Believed to be number two of the terrorist group Juppon Gatana. Last seen casually strolling northwards from Kyoto.


Notice: Wanted Woman

Looking for middle-aged shrew of a female aged fifty-plus. Name Takagi-Okita Mitsu. Thin, quarrelsome hag. If you are reading this, know that you're a shame to the good name of your brother. How could you do that to poor Saizou! Souji must be turning over in his grave. Contact Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall, Tama or Shinsengumi Veterans Club, Mibu.


Advice Segment

I am back to answer your letters of distress while Umeko-san's institutionalized for medical treatment. If you have forgotten me, I am Fujita Goro, friendly neighborhood cop.

Dear Umeko-san,

You were known for your wisdom in those troubled years. I feel I am being unfairly treated by the government. After my wild-dog eradication drive ran into problems, they packed me off to Hokkaido! I think I am being slighted because of my family ties to the former bakufu government. What can I do? All my petitions went unanswered. Should I, you know…

Nephew of a Miburou

Runt,

Hn, are you really that eager to follow in your late uncle's footsteps? Understand that if you try any funny stunts to destabilize our current government, I'll be obliged to go to Hokkaido on a business trip and see to your funeral. Aku Soku Zan.

Fujita

Dear Umeko,

I still can't get over my sister's death at the hands of her husband. I have taken your advice and left Kyoto for greener pastures, like Shanghai, but after so many years, I'm still grieving for my sis! And what really bugs me is seeing the murderer walking about and cohabiting with some young woman.

Furious Brother

Are you a man? You let your sister's murderer walk free for so many years? You're not even worthy of my advice.

Dear Umeko,

I have a problem with a beast of a relation by marriage. First he ships my husband, the son of a former daimyo, off to Hokkaido. Next he poisons my money making hog with his foul cigarettes. Then he insults me in the national paper! So I hated that pig! I hated my baka kid brother! But why can't I use them to make a small fortune? Those toothless Miburou don't have a monopoly on things! Umph!

Takagi-Okita Mitsu

Shrew,

You are the complete opposite of the ideal Japanese female. Knowing you is my biggest misfortune as it was Souji's for having you as a sister. Your only saving grace is you made me realize how lucky I am to have Tokio. Contrary to your belief, not all wolves are fangless. Rest assured if our paths ever cross, I will zan you.

Your relation by marriage, the last true Wolf of Mibu

EDITOR'S NOTICE: We deny that Fujita Goro is a former Captain Saitou of the Shinsengumi. He is just an average policeman with a special permit to carry a katana and special instructions.


Personal Ad

Leave me be. I'm trying to look for my path just as Himura-san suggested. I don't believe I'll find it in a jail cell so I'm not turning myself in yet. You guys be nice to Anji-san, okay? He's not that bad a guy. I really hope he's doing okay in Hokkaido.

Soujirou


Personal Ad:

Shinomori! You had to go inform my wife about my death prematurely, didn't you? You scared the wits out of her! She has a weak heart. Do you want me to do the like for you? Nay, I guess that weasel-girl will most likely throw a party in honor of your demise.


Advertisement:

Looking for lodgings. Yokohama Budget Mansions will not do for our boss. Must be reasonably large, with a large ceiling-free basement. Privacy a priority. Storage facilities for gunpowder and arms preferred. Contact Yukishiro Enterprises at Yokohama Budget Mansions.


Advertisement:

Looking for a long lost friend? Suspect your wife's cheating on you? Need some information not readily available? Contact Shinomori Private Investigations via Aoiya, we are affiliated to the Oniwabanshu Company. (This should cover Aoiya's rebuilding costs…)


10-Yen Obituary Notice:

To the Wolf. Yo. Rest in Peace. Sorry we couldn't find your remains for the funeral, so we decided to save on the expense.

Bad and Kiddo

(Sano! That was my money! Shut up, kiddo.)


Notice: From Emiko, Kyoto Psychic

Received this message very strongly from some departed Shinsengumi man. Contents are as follows:

Dear Seta Soujirou, er, I'm sorry about not being there for you all these years. I just found out that something did happen at that place where my buddies held my birthday bash. Kenshin is right about you needing a timeout. So please, stay out of trouble. I tried to talk to Saitou, but the man's not listening. (In fact, he kicked his shoes through me.) Stay out of brawls, don't break any laws… Don't come looking for me yet. If you need help, approach the Sheiken Dojo of Tama. I hear they are a bit short on assistant kendo teachers. Use a bokken there, okay?

Sincerest apologies, your departed father, Okita Souji

(Arigato, Emiko-san. Sorry about zanning your husband those years ago…

Emiko: Okita, if you didn't do him in, I would've.)

And then I got this one from some departed Ishin chaps, including Okubo, Sakamoto and Katsura Kogoro.

Quit bullying Umeko!

EDITOR'S NOTICE: We will not entertain frivolous ads by so-called psychics as of now!


Author's Notes:

The ex-Shogunate army made their last stand in Hakodate, Hokkaido in1869. It was led by Hijikata Toshizou, who died in battle. From New Kyoto Post, Okita and Tokio are distant cousins. So in a way, Okita and Saitou are related by marriage. And Okita's sister married Tokio's brother after the Bakumatsu. Will write more on that in my other fic.

The Kyoto morgue keeper Kitsu-dono and the Kyoto medium Emiko-san were featured in my other fic, New Kyoto Post. Another message from the dead? Okita trying to do his bit as a father? Too bad Tomoe didn't get in touch with Emiko-san.

Someone just got in from Shanghai. Enishi and the Jinchuu arc coming next.