Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

Lolo: I thought Kenshin can'tbe the only guy suffering from post-battle syndrome. Too bad they didn't have much success with Saitou. Man needs counseling to help him cope with the Meiji-era Kenshin.

YamiChikara: Aromatherapy doesn't seem to be working for Hajime as it worked, sorta, for Kenshin.

Swirly: I'm using one of the several common spellings for ruronin, rurouni etc.

SailorEarth13: There will be reviews after opening night for the play. Just enjoy the ads for now.

M.Kasshoku: Umeko has recovered a bit. The spirits are still dropping by even at the mental institute. About Tetsu and his star actor, there will be more about them in the reviews.

Yahiko's a hero in this issue! And more on Sano's whereabouts. Hiko has some problems… More of Umeko's advice.


The Japan Bulletin

Official Meiji Government Flagship

Issue 18

NOTICE FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

Due to certain incidents, we are currently operating out of temporary offices in the Civil Works Building. Send in your suggestions, ads and letters to The Japan Bulletin, Civil Works Building, Tokyo. We also need editing staff and reporters. Interested? Apply to the same address.

The police will also like to remind citizens that they will be operating from the Military Headquarters for the time being while their building is undergoing re-building.

Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji


TOKYO JAILBREAK: Unlikely Hero

An insane prisoner broke out of Tokyo Police HQ's maximum security lock-up three days ago. He stole an Armstrong Cannon-cum-Grenade Launcher from the Confiscated Goods Room and attacked the officers who tried to arrest him. The police building was destroyed in the battle and several officers were seriously wounded as the criminal rampaged into town. Police ordered a hasty evacuation of the city to keep casualty numbers to a minimum.

However, the deranged giant was stopped by a small band of police constables led by a young boy from the local Kamiya Dojo. In what can only be described as a heroic effort the likes of which was unheard of since the Bakumatsu, the young lad inspired the cops though his courage in taking on the giant continuously despite suffering terrible injuries and being severely out-matched.

A small boy was rescued from certain death when our young hero shielded him from a grenade blast. Our severely wounded hero was nearly killed if it weren't for the timely intervention of a red-haired ruronin. The ruronin managed to talk down the madman, who submitted quietly to police custody.

Several buildings were damaged during the few-hour-long rampage, including Tokyo Police HQ. The ruronin and the boy hero were taken to the nearby clinic for treatment. The boy's name has been released as Myojin Yahiko, a student of Kamiya dojo. It is not known if the boy will live. The identity of the ruronin is withheld by authorities.

Police reassure all citizens that steps will be taken to increase lock-up security. Moreover, this incident was a pure fluke. There is no cause for panic or alarm. Other dangerous criminals are still safely locked up.


WANTED PERSONS ALERT!

Police want information on the whereabouts of the following persons who DID NOT escape from the lock-up during a certain incident. Contact Constable Chou via the Sword Collector's Club, Tokyo. They are highly dangerous and should not be approached. Their descriptions are as follows.

A transvestite with thick make-up, long hair and a tacky outfit. Carries a magnetic sword sheath. Known for using hidden weapons.

A street punk in camouflage fatigue rompers. Hair in dreadlocks.

A monster, literally. Very long arms with claws for hands. Has sharp teeth and a freakily long tongue.

Constable Chou is on orders to kill them if need be. It will be a prime opportunity for him to try out his nice new sword. Chou, rest assured your funeral and medical expenses are covered under your employment scheme. I have no time to chase after small fry. - Fujita


ISHIN OFFICIAL AND NEPHEW BASHED

An Ishin official visiting the town of Shinshu was severely battered when an intruder broke into his mansion. His guards were also wounded in the unprovoked attack. Authorities are looking for a punk with the word BAD on his back to assist in investigations.

In an unrelated incident, the official's nephew, M, a local sumo wrestler was found badly beaten on a hillside outside the same town, along with 149 of his fellow wrestlers. It is unknown who was responsible for the attack. Sources have it that M and his men will be leaving the town after failing to conclude a land purchase, once they can walk.


AKU FAD! Town Finds Courage

BAD fever has hit the small waystation town of Shinshu. Small boys pestered their sisters and mothers to sew the kanji for BAD on the backs of their clothes. "Niichan gave us back our courage!" One young girl was quoted as she sewed the word on her brother's shirt. "He taught all of us to stand for our beliefs and never to be cowed."

It was understood that an unnamed youth came into town and left just as quietly. Townsfolk claimed that the youth had saved a girl from a mob of gangsters outside a provision store. "Though he may be a wanderer, we consider him a son of our town. Indeed he is a son of the common people," a town leader was quoted.

However, authorities suspect that this folk hero may have run afoul of certain laws and request for information on his whereabouts. Tales of his courage and superhuman strength are nothing more than the romantic fancies of a couple of bored townspeople in a rural settlement.


Advice Segment

I am glad to receive visitors, as always, especially old friends from Bakumatsu Kyoto. Tomoe dropped by but she needed to rush off and speak with someone…

Dear Umeko,

My pretty gals are ignoring me! Misao's gone out to Tokyo with her Aoshi-sama. The other gals have been neglecting me! I'm stuck with the two Aoiya waiters. They wouldn't let me to pick up any of our female customers. And when I try to chat up the pretty women in the street, they use pepper-spray on me! Where are the willing, pretty gals?

- Ji-ya

Dear Ji-ya,

You sound like a lecher, hentai and pervert, just like that Okina of Kyoto. As one-time chairwoman of the Women's Association of Japan, I declare you a hazard to women of all ages. (Pepper-spray, pepper-spray…)

Totally disgusted, Umeko

Dear Umeko,

I am being pestered by two female ninjas! Help! I'm considering migrating to America or somewhere, really, really far away. It was fun at first, seeing they are pretty gals. But now it is ridiculous! They jump me whether I am in the tavern or the bath! What should I do?

Helpless Hiko

Hiko,

You always bragged about being a babe magnet. Looks like you attracted some real interesting problems. Considered actually settling down? You aren't exactly a young buck anymore. You'll need someone to take care of you when you overdo the sake and pass out on your doorstep.

Very amused, Umeko


Advertisements

MISSING: A moron by the name Sagara Sanosuke. Obnoxious punk with a right hand he really shouldn't be using. If you have information on his whereabouts, contact Megumi at Gensai's Clinic, Tokyo. Sano, do not misunderstand. I'm placing this ad on Yahiko-kun's behalf. I regret still that there is no cure for your stupidity.

BIDS FOR REBUILDING. Businesses in Tokyo Central and Police HQ Building. Apply to Tokyo Town Council.

EMPLOYMENT! Police officers in Tokyo. Apply to our temporary offices at the Military Headquarters. Rest assured that you will not be packed to Hokkaido, yet. We need you for patrol duties in town.

NEW PRODUCT. Libido-Down. The perfect medicine for those oversexed men. Our secret medicine is concocted from all natural ingredients by our leader Lady Ayumi. One dose is guaranteed to tame those hentai thoughts for 12 hours. No known side-effects. On sale at all pharmacies!

A comedy of errors involving the Vice-Chief's haiku book, his first captain, the page and a pig. The Vice-Chief and I, the latest play from the Hall. Coming soon! Tickets at all Bakumatsu Veterans Offices! You'll never look at a Miburou the same way again.


Author's Notes:

Constable Chou got work to do. Saitou's a hard taskmaster alright. Dunno if they had mace back then. Expect a record breaking sale of Libido-down in Kyoto.