Disclaimer: I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.
M.Kasshoku: Oh they will…
Lolo: Sadly, the Jinchuu arc is drawing to a close. This fic will be ending soon. And the Megumi exchange with Sano is a classic.
This is the second last issue. (sob) Enjoy. I am thinking of writing an insanity fic about a talk-show where the characters from both this paper and the companion can thrash issues out. Something like Umeko's Kitchen LIVE! Any comments? Suggestions for issues?
The Japan Bulletin
Official Meiji Government Flagship
Issue 19
POLICE SUCCESS
Crackdown on Arms Smugglers
The Japanese police force and navy cooperated to bring about an astounding success in the war against illegal arms smugglers when they broke up an arms smuggling outfit. The two naval frigates cornered gangland chief Yukishiro Enishi and his minions on a small island off the mainland of Honshu. The sea surrounding the island was booby-trapped with mines and one of the frigates became a casualty when a mine went off under her hull. Fortunately, casualties were kept to a minimal.
Special operations officer, Fujita Goro, led a boatful of specially trained personnel onto the island to confront the gangsters in close combat. Most of the action was over when the main force arrived on the island. Due to security and safety reasons, the identities of those involved in the initial attack unit will not be released.
We vehemently deny that the group took a woman and two minors onto the island in their initial attack unit. We also deny that a former hitokiri was involved and that the whole mess stemmed from a personal grudge against Hitokiri Battousai held by Yukishiro.
Yukishiro and several of his henchmen, including second-in-command, Wu Hei Sin, were taken into custody. Yukishiro's gang was based in Shanghai. He must really be regretting this business expansion abroad. They will be charged in a Japanese court for their crimes.
A young woman the gang had kidnapped to work as their housekeeper and cook on the island was rescued. Yukishiro was overheard saying the woman's housekeeping and cooking skills, or lack of, were not worth the trouble of kidnapping her to begin with and that he should have settled for hiring a maid through regular channels.
In an embarrassing turn of events, when the frigate docked on the mainland, police were shocked to find their prize captive Yukishiro Enishi gone. Authorities suspect that he may have committed suicide by jumping off the ship at sea, or else his less-than-happy business partners gave him a send-off. As such, no warrant will be issued for his arrest.
Citizens rest easy. Officer in charge of the operations state that Yukishiro is not a threat and that you need not be alarmed by a certain tabloid's reports of escaped arms dealers.
Amakusa Christian Association Notice
We are NOT devil-worshippers. We do not pillage morgues or dig up graves. We have tenets against such things in our faith! We fear the riot outside our Nagasaki branch offices arose from a misunderstanding of Christian theology. Eternal life referred to in our sermons mean life of the immortal soul in heaven, the Lord's kingdom! Not some twisted earthly existence as a zombie or the like.
We bid farewell to Lady Magdala who died of her illness last week. She was buried in a quiet ceremony in the Christian cemetery. Lady Magdala, the younger sister of our respected leader Shogo, was well-respected in the local Christian community for work in education of the young. Rest in peace, Lady Magdala.
NO Merger! German MNC snubbed
After intensive discussions, the merger between Black Knights International and a local medicine manufacturer will NOT happen due to suspicions of a hostile takeover bid in the near future by the German MNC. The spokesman of Black Knights insists that it is a big misunderstanding caused by his drunken bodyguard and asks Lady Ayumi to return to the negotiating table. The lady told him to pack his bags and leave Japan before she throws her kunai at him.
Edo Cemetery Disturbance
Two visitors to the old Edo Cemetery were embroiled in a morning scuffle. The men involved were named as a Himura Kenshin and Officer Fujita Goro. It was understood that both men were there to visit the final resting place of a mutual friend, Okita Souji. Okita was a legend in his own right. One of the youngest captains and a legendary swordsman in the Shinsengumi, he perished of TB in an Edo hospital and was buried in the cemetery.
Both men acknowledged that the deceased was a close friend of theirs, but they denied having anything to do with the Shinsengumi or the Bakumatsu in general. Police were called in to break up the squabble, the cause of which is unknown. Both men agreed to discuss their unfinished business elsewhere at a later time, away from their friend. Okita, rest in peace.
Advice Segment
Umeko here, perky as always. Ryou-kun, Kogoro-chan, I can find my way around, you know. I DO NOT get lost!
Dear Umeko,
Your advice sucks but I'm desperate. I have always wanted to settle my duel with Battousai in the Aku Soku Zan tradition. I have found him after ten years but the man's changed. We have actually fought twice on the same side! Now he's got this no-killing policy. Should I proceed with the duel?
- Wolf of Mibu
Wolf, define Aku of Aku Soku Zan. See any Aku (Evil) in the boy now? Battousai is gone into the shadows of the Bakumatsu. Get on with the times, wolf. Take your family to watch a play or something. You've been neglecting them. For shame!
Dear Umeko,
My boss is a jerk! I've arrested the three dangerous criminals like he requested but the guys at Evidence will not let me keep that cute magnetic sword set! I risked my life but my boss is siding with the Evidence guys! I want my sword set…
- Blond Cop
Since this is a communication breakdown problem in the police force, I referred your letter to the acting officer-in-charge while Uramura is on medical leave. Who is that officer by the way? Never mind… Feel kinda sleepy… Zzzz…
Hn, Chou, you sound worse than a certain redhead page from my days in that other peacekeeping unit. Want a toy sword? Pipe down or I'll use my sword on you.
- Your boss (Must remember to pick up Tsumoto from pre-school…)
AOIYA KARAOKE NITE
Aoiya OPEN! Swing by at our restaurant and inn for good service and food. We will be promoting our Karaoke Nite special on Thursdays. Ladies' night is on Fridays. Rest assured someone will be dealt with.
– Okon and Omasu, Public Relations
P.S. Hiko-sama (heart). Free sake flow for you daily. Free room too! Want room service? (Blows kisses)
SECURITY SERVICE: Need an elite bodyguard squad? Contact us at Four Stars Security Escort. Our four-man teams are highly trained and protect many leaders across the world.
FOR RENT. Island with tall cliffs, sheltered inlet and secluded location. Lavish mansion overlooking inlet. De-mining of surrounding waters required. Contact your nearest Government Land Office.
MAID SERVICE. Need a nanny? Housekeeper, cook or personal assistant? Contact us at Hotaru's Maid Agency. Kindly note, certain old perverts, that we are not a 'geisha' ring!
FENGSHUI SHOWDOWN! The Water vs. the Wind Clan. Who will triumph? The battle of the century will be held at the hill outside Tokugawa family shrine. Spectators are reminded to keep at least twenty feet from the arena to avoid being hit by stray ki blasts.
Author's notes:
Enishi should have hired a maid through regular channels.
Amakusa Christian Association is still being plagued by trouble after Gein's shopping trip to the morgues. Mass hysteria-induced riots in Issue 15 have forced them to put up this notice. Side references to the ninja medicine and fengshui.
Poor Okita. Having your friends (refer to New Kyoto Post) do a death-duel at your grave can't be good…
