Disclaimer: see chap 1
He woke to find himself alone and the sheets next to him cool to the touch. Staggering to the front of the house, he looked out the window to see that Sam's car was already gone. He wasn't surprised, exactly – she was famous for working through her problems in her lab and he hadn't gone out of his way to make things easy for her. Still.
He showered quickly and then dressed, not stopping for breakfast. He wasn't hungry and there would be food on base. Besides, after the previous night's revelations, he felt uncomfortable in Sam's house without her, uncertain as to how welcome he really was.
The roads were almost empty of traffic and he reached the base quickly. Taking the lift down, he thought about what he would say to her, but he still didn't know. He wanted to do the right thing, but thinking about resigning and being a father again made him feel shivery and jumpy, all tight-chested and short of air.
He spent the morning wandering round aimlessly, getting in his own way: starting his paperwork (it worked for her, after all) and giving up after only twenty minutes; getting his ass kicked by Teal'c, so badly that the jaffa refused to spar with him any longer until he could regain his focus; trying to deny his terror and act as if the world hadn't fallen down on his shoulders.
Finally he went to her lab, unwilling to put off their confrontation any longer. He found her staring at her computer screen, but for once her fingers were still, and her face was pale and strained. Again, he felt his stomach lurch.
As he closed the door behind him she looked up, slowly and without her usual smile. "Hi."
"Hey," he echoed. Jack stood by the door, hands thrust in his pockets. He felt awkward and abruptly wished that he hadn't come to see her, that he'd just been a coward and let her make all the decisions.
"Have you thought about what you want to do?" He barely heard her words through all thoughts racing through his head, but forced himself to concentrate.
"I don't want to let you down." It was the truth, but it sounded ugly. No endearments, no expressions of hope for their future, no excitement. Just honesty, but it was all he could bring himself to give.
"Do you want me to have an abortion?"
He hadn't thought she'd be so blunt. His ears buzzed and he fought off a wave of dizziness. He thought about how he'd felt when he'd first seen his son, all the games they'd played and cuddles they'd shared and how incredible it had felt to have a family.
Then he remembered the sound of the gun-shot, and his hands and face turned icy.
"Yes."
She stiffened, closing her eyes. "Thank you for your honesty, sir."
He flinched at that last word. "Sam."
She lifted her chin. "If you'll excuse me, sir, I have reports to finish, and then I have to see Dr Fraiser."
"What are you going to do?"
Pain flashed over her features once more, but then her mask of control went firmly back in place. "I don't know, but I don't expect you to be involved."
That stung. "I'm the father, of course I want to be involved!"
"I'll take that into consideration."
He paused, staring at her as she stared at the floor. "Don't leave things like this."
"I'll let you know what decision I make."
"Sam..." He stopped, not knowing what to say.
"Sir?"
And that was that; he decided to back away for the time being. "Never mind." He pulled the door open and left the room, trying to control his need to tremble and let the grief pour out of him.
Later that day he was summoned to the general's office. He hovered by the door, standing to attention for once.
"At ease, Colonel." The general regarded him strangely. "Take a seat."
"Thank you, sir."
The general paused, shuffling through some papers. "I have some bad news for you, son." Jack's heart sunk. "Has Major Carter informed you of her condition?"
What was he trying to say? "Sir?"
The older man sighed. "Jack, Carter's pregnant. She intends to stay on with the Air Force, but obviously she won't be able to go on any off-world missions in her condition. For now, I'm assigning her a larger role in the Research Department here."
Jack stared at Hammond, looking for any signs of suspicion. He didn't think Carter would have told the general of the father's identity without his permission, but that didn't mean Hammond couldn't guess the truth.
"And she's keeping the baby?"
Hammond was obviously surprised at the question. "From what I understand, yes."
"I see." He tried to sound unconcerned, to play the role of dutiful CO. "Sir, have you thought about assigning a replacement to SG-1?"
The general nodded. "I have several candidates lined up. I'll get the paperwork to you ASAP: you can decide who you'll be taking off-world with you tomorrow."
"Thank you sir." He stood up, and then remembered he hadn't been given leave to go. "Anything else, sir?"
The general shook his head, looking almost sad. "No, son. Dismissed."
He headed straight down to her lab. She was sitting in front of her computer again, but this time she was typing away, fingers flying over the keyboard. He knocked awkwardly on the open door.
No smile. He figured he'd probably blown his chance of ever seeing her direct one at him again.
"I've just been to see the General."
Her face was cold. "And he told you?"
He nodded. "I thought you wanted to discuss this."
"I do." Anger resonated in her voice. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to go along with everything you decide."
He was affronted at her tone. "It might be best for both of us – we could keep our careers, things wouldn't have to change..."
"Sir," she hissed, "The child is mine too and I'm not willing to just... flush it away without a second thought, and certainly not just for the sake of our careers."
He felt sick. "Is that really what you think I want?"
"Isn't that what you just suggested?"
She stood up and approached him. "Jack, this doesn't change anything, or at least, not straightaway. I need some time alone, to think, and I think you do too." She faltered slightly. "I have some leave stored up. I'm going to take a week or two off, maybe visit Mark. If I stay in Colorado Springs, I'll end wasting my leave in on base." She smiled, but it was obviously forced and he wished she hadn't made the effort.
"Right." He shifted uncomfortably. "So we can talk when you get back?"
She nodded. "I'll have my cell phone with me. If you need to call..."
"But you'd prefer me not to."
She ducked her head. "Probably, yes."
"Okay." He hovered uncertainly. "Um, you should probably tell the others yourself. Daniel's going to be particularly upset."
"Or excited," she reminded him. He flushed.
"Or that."
He wondered how much longer he could keep making a fool of himself for. "Well, bye then." And he left, feeling oddly lost, with none of the relief he'd hoped for.
It wouldn't be unfair to describe the next few weeks as a nightmare. He and his team went on several missions, each time babysitting a different nerd or military geek. He remembered it being difficult to find a replacement for Daniel, way back, but this was worse. He hadn't realised how much he relied on Carter's military training until she was gone, and none of the officers Hammond had recommended had even a quarter of her scientific knowledge. He was surprised that they hadn't been killed already.
At first, Daniel wouldn't let the subject of Sam's pregnancy drop. He kept asking if Jack knew who the father was, how long they'd been dating, mentioning snippets of conversations he and Sam had had – apparently it was okay for Daniel to phone her cell. Then one day Jack lost it, letting loose all the anger that had been building since he'd heard the news. His teammate didn't even argue back, which somehow made things worse, but dropped the subject altogether. Jack found that he missed what little news of her Daniel had shared with him, but he didn't know how to apologise and therefore kept quiet .
Jack suspected Teal'c knew exactly who the father of Sam's child was. The jaffa didn't say anything, but his tone and manner had lost some of the respect Jack was used to receiving from him. There was no doubt as to his disapproval.
So the weeks went by. Jack was aware of when Sam returned to base, but he didn't go to see her and avoided taking his meals in the mess if he thought she'd be there. They bumped into each other occasionally, as was inevitable in such a small facility, but all contact between them was brief and painfully polite.
The pain and fear continued to sear into him and he became unable to sleep through the night, waking up regularly from tortured dreams of finding his son lying in a pool of blood.
Finally, he couldn't take it any longer, and he went to see her in her lab.
He stood in the doorway, watching her – she was always so involved in her work that he could steal a few minutes just gazing at her. Her face was fuller than it had been, and he realised that he didn't even know how many weeks pregnant she was.
"Hey."
She jerked up, obviously unaware that he'd been there, and stared at him, wordlessly. He stared back.
"Can I come in?"
She took a few seconds, and then nodded. "Sure." She gestured towards a chair. "Take a seat."
He didn't, preferring to stand and watch her. "How have you been?" he asked.
"Nauseous, how about you?"
He winced at her anger. "Not good."
She waited for a while and then, seeing that he wasn't going to say anything else, turned back to her computer and started typing again.
He ran a hand through his hair. This was harder than he'd thought it would be. "I need to talk to you."
She stopped typing. "I'm right here. I've been here all along."
"Of course you have," he muttered under his breath, suddenly angry with himself for being such a coward "Look, I know I've screwed up. I don't deserve another chance, and I can't imagine what you must be dealing with, but I want to be there with you."
She didn't say anything, and he continued. "I keep having these dreams – look, should we really be talking about this here?"
She stood up and walked to the door, closing it. "Better now?"
"I guess." He took a deep breath. "I keep dreaming about Charlie, and he's shooting himself with my gun over and over, and I can't stop it." He realised that he was shaking, but forced himself to continue. "I love children but I never thought I'd be a father again. When you told me you were pregnant, I totally lost it."
His breath rushed out. "Go on." Her voice wasn't unkind, and he took it as a good sign.
"I'm still scared." He looked straight at her, trying to convince her that he was speaking the truth. "But that doesn't mean that we can't make this work somehow."
She nodded slowly. "Sir, it's inappropriate for us to be having this conversation here."
He felt his heart sink and started standing up. Then she continued. "I can come to your house this evening, say at seven."
Relief washed through him, making him feel so giddy that he almost laughed. "I'll cook."
He saw something in her eyes that he'd never thought he'd see again. "You'd better."
Slowly he stood up, knowing that he was grinning. "Major."
She smiled back at him. "Colonel."
He left the room and leaned against the wall by her door, unable to believe that he was so lucky. He was still terrified, and still felt like a total bastard for being so unsupportive, but maybe everything would work out after all.
The end
