Ehehehe… Glad to know some of you liked Fuuko's POV… I had a reason anyway… scratches head Tokiya's POV would be heavy material… and I ain't got that… and besides, I'd probably just bore you out if I try to be so…No offense to Tokiya's fans out there. He aint boring. The author is just trying to explain to you in her most gentle way that she is a brainless twerp… Ew!
Sorry guys for not updating for after let's see… um I don't know, really… school was heaven (a.k.a. pure torture.) I swear the instructors in our university seem intent on busting our brains out with their heavy requirements blah blah blah. Aarghh! I'll stop now.
DISCLAIMER: Trinity and Sherrie are mine, that's the whole lot…
"A…" my voice croaked. "Wh…. Why should I be afraid?" then I blinked at him, my heart was thumping with dread slash anticipation slash excitement slash fear mixed into one. But I wanted to know, when it came to him I always wanted to know.
'Why'd you ask?" I tried to stare up at his eyes. I focused my gaze at his eyes and yes, a pity, still cold to the core.
He paused for a while then tore his eyes away from me. His tone, if possible, was becoming icier than usual.
"Nothing." He turned his back on me then resumed walking.
"Let's go."
I flinched at his voice.
I always get a pang when he uses that voice on me, it made me feel I didn't matter to him at all.
I ought to be used to that right?
The silence seemed to seep through.
I clutched my handbag tightly and shook my head. Then closed my eyes and bowed my head down. How my hand tightly clutched my bag was like how the hand inside my heart clutched mine.
Painful.
"Why'd you ask?" I repeated. Drop it Kirisawa, like he'd tell you.
"I said it's nothing monkey." He answered, oblivious to the fact that I was not following him.
"Oh so?" my voice dripped with sarcasm. "You ask questions for fun now. You asked something because it's just nothing?… Haha… great hobby Mikagami, it's so like you. Try another one."
He stopped short then slowly turned to me. He seemed to be looking at me while here I am staring at his oh so very interesting shoe.
There was a long silence after that.
I realized that he is not going to talk so I decided to look up, meet his eyes and force him an answer. "Hey! You didn't-"
"Were here."
I glanced at his side and indeed; he was standing in front of his home.
We were about 2 feet apart, and quite frankly, I can just run away and forget about everything…
I sneered. Yeah sure!
Everything.
Like it is that so easy…
Yeah, like it's so easy.
What am I doing anyway?
I can't just stand here looking at him.
And so I ran… past him, and the ever clumsy me bumped into him slightly, but I didn't want to care, I just went straight to climb the steps to his house.
When I reached the last step I hoisted up the nearest window and slid inside ignoring his call.
"Kirisawa… there's a door!"
"Yeah… and there's a window too!" I shouted back. You know, quite frankly, I think I might be loosing my logic. There's a door my ass.
I headed for his familiar kitchen, since I stay there most of my visits, I inspected the contents of his fridge and his cupboards. Boring. Seriously, how did I ever fall for him? I surmised as I continued to ransack his immaculate kitchen. I settled for some miraculously present junk food then headed back to his living room. I plopped down to his couch, turned on his television and was munching away when he emerged. (He took a long time coz he needed time to tell himself "I will not kill the monkey!" over and over again and convince himself that he wasn't lying.)
"Okarinasai, ice-man." I greeted him still looking at the TV.
At the corner of my eye I saw him freeze. I mean, he just stood there, maybe studying me again.
"I see you made yourself comfortable."
I'll be damned if I am comfortable fridge-boy! "Uh-huh." I nodded.
Then he disappeared.
I stopped munching. I set aside the pack. If I eat more, I'll throw up… Hey! It's not exactly easy to just stuff your mouth with junk non-stop and pretend to some fridge-boy that you're SO comfortable…
I frowned. What's with this façade?
I shifted from my seat.
It's not me… I can't keep hiding…
But what would happen if I just…
I sighed.
What am I here for?…
Uh yah…
My project.
I'm here for my project.
I'm sitting here in the kitchen, plotting my "diagram" in a cardboard. Stacks and stacks of books were either scattered at the floor or piled at the kitchen table. Is he a bookworm or what?
I took a moment to glance at his profile; he was seated at the very far edge of the table, probably to get away from me as usual, reading his chemistry book. And oh… do I really need to say this? I'm sure everybody knows it already but let me boggle your minds once more when I say that he looked impeccably handsome and pretty and gorgeous and drool-worthy etc etc, as you would expect him to be.
Earlier, he had been instructing me with what to do and what not to do, he was a huge help, really. I already know everything that should be known, all I have to do is plot it in this cardboard and it's finished. Thank god for the brains of this walking block of ice!
I took a longer glance at him this time. This silence is starting to get to me. "Hey fridge-boy!" my ears stung. Wow! Am I that loud or I just haven't heard any sound for the longest time? Thanks to yours truly the ever stone cold Mr. I-will-not-say-a-word-unless-my-life-depended-on-it.
He looked up. "I'm not in the other side of the mountain monkey. Why do you have to shout?"
I'm betting for the latter.
I beamed at him, deciding to ignore his remark. "This house is too big for you. Why don't you sell it?"
He looked shocked, he stared at me as if I had started to morph into the monkey he claims us to be. "Are you out of your mind monkey?… I will never sell this house."
"Then have it rented then, on summers. It's near the beach and all…"
By the look of his face, I think he's starting to sputter. I take "shocked" back, he is horrified.
"Is this supposed to be a sick joke! This is the place where my sister and I lived! I won't have it desecrated--"
"By old very dependable people who couldn't even hurt a fly chosen by you. C'mon Mi-chan! It isn't that bad!"
"… Isn't that bad!" he repeated, his eyes flashing murder.
Nope, he is totally disgusted by the very idea of it.
Silence.
Now he's in a state of catatonia.
"Well?…" I raised my eyebrow at him after a few minutes of shocked silence. I wanted to snicker but I still want to live mind you.
"Just drop the subject monkey. I suggest you stay out of matters that don't concern you."
Drop the subject?… Stay out?… oh… "Well… yah you're right… But you know what?… I'm not."
He stared at me, his eyes flashing cold looking at me with contempt.
"Why do you want to change the subject when you insist on staying with your past?"
"What!" I'm imagining that he is furious; I can feel his rage emanating from within him I even stifled the urge to cower.
Warning sign Kirisawa. Stop now. You won't win with him and you know it.
No.
I'm giving this bloke a piece of my mind and nobody's going to stop me.
"Well… Look. You got your vengeance; you know who's who… But you're still ice-man. I don't get you at all. You don't want to talk about it but you won't forget it. What's the matter with you?"
He stood up and I felt my resolve wanting to crumble. I can feel all the hard work, all the little trust he gave to me as a teammate slowly deteriorate in the sudden barrier he had created with his cold cold look.
"What I am and what I choose to be doesn't concern you at all, Kirisawa."
Cold.
"Oh yes it does! You are Hokage, and the moment you chose to fight with us had bound us together. So it does concern me!"
"Bound or no bound it doesn't matter Kirisawa. I joined Hokage to seek vengeance. Not friends. Not concern, not especially from you."
Cold.
"I know that you idiot! You think it matters to me? Besides for your vengeance, you joined Hokage to protect Yanagi! You don't want her pulled to pieces by the Uruha so you joined. Why don't you at least admit that?"
"And so I did. But if I knew someone like you would do some stupid stunt like this then I would have done otherwise. And so I repeat, it doesn't—"
"There you again! It doesn't concern you. It doesn't concern you… What concerns you anyway? And you still haven't answered my question!"
You're childish.
So what?
He's hurting me and I refuse fall apart before him!
He walked towards me, standing just in front of me. Then he looked down, as if sizing me up, trying to read me. "Why do you care so much anyway? Why do you act like its big deal that I answer that?"
I stood up, meeting up his gaze. "Well maybe because it's important to me."
I knew he was surprised, I saw it in his eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it appeared. "Why?" he asked. His question was more of like a command.
"Why?…"
I can't say it.
"Because you are Hokage." I fidgeted but I never wavered from the gaze. "Because you are my friend. Because I care. Of course because you're my friend. So that's why I care." I stared up at him.
Why do I cook up so many excuses anyway when there is only one…
Really. I need something better.
Oh fuck it!
"Because I like you… I mean not because you're a friend… yes you are a friend but you are a friend I really like… I mean… I want to know what you really mean but… but what I mean to say is that I think I…" I gazed at his astounded eyes.
"I…" I breathed in.
"I love you."
He didn't move. He was stunned; he was frozen to the spot. His jaw might just be dropping to the ground and he won't notice it. I'm not even breathing. Yah, even "I," am stunned with what I just said.
Then he moved, just a bit and looked the other way. He was contemplating… maybe thinking of ways on how to reject me…
And still…
"And you know what? Strange… when I try to see the two of us together… it just…" I gazed up at him.
I'm babbling.
I waited for a response.
"Will you say something!" I mouthed, my head bowed down.
He didn't answer.
I just can't picture it…
And so I took a step back, gazing at his beautiful face for some last hope. "Well… so… I guess… I'll…" I took the unfinished diagram and ran away, not even bothering to finish what I am supposed to say. Not like he'd hear it, not like he'd care.
Everything was a blur as I ran. Somehow I regret everything that I said. A part of me wanting to be content on being just there for him. But a part of me knew… I knew that this thing was bound to happen…
We will never be the same again. I know.
Tears started to well up in my eyes but I blinked them away.
What's the use anyway?
Never fully trusting someone won't mean anything…
I am his friend… and this is all I can do.
I love him…
And this is all I can do.
I guess it was just too much to believe that he can love me back…
I reached for the doorknob.
I dropped the diagram as strong arms pulled me back to a firm embrace. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
"Don't…" he hesitated. "Don't go…" his grip tightening around me.
I was stunned.
My head suddenly buzzed with a growing hope and at the same time a sense of caution in me for a pain I know that I might experience. Another part of me wanted to throw everything away.
However…
"Please…" he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… What I said… It's just that…"
Something inside of me snapped as realization had finally hit me.
Then a mist started to cloud my vision. What I can only feel is the ache I feel coming from inside brought about by me who assumed something so much…
So much…
And so I sobbed in his arms. He seem to distress on my sudden outburst that he held me closer.
"Fuuko… I…"
"No! Don't talk!… Don't say that. Don't say anything! Please!"
I grasped his arm. "I just think it's unfair! It's so unfair that you say it doesn't concern me. That I don't have any right to be concerned when you appear to be warming up you know. You stay for dinner at home now so I just assumed… I assumed that… It's so unfair! How can you lead me on like that! It's so unfair that you try to help me with my project and… You ask me if I'm afraid of your company and then you said its nothing… And I said I love you… and you won't answer. You won't talk. It's so unfair when you are so young, so beautiful, so gifted and yet you are so cold, so unhappy… And here I am, I love you, and it's so unfair…"
I tried to struggle away; I don't want to be comfortable in his arms. I don't want to remember this. Any of it. But he didn't budge. He held me there; never letting go, and I cried more.
"Can't you see Mi-chan! If you don't let go now! If you don't let go now…" I cried harder.
"Fuuko… What I said… I'm so sorry… So sorry…"
Then I felt his grip slowly easing away until I can't see his arms around me anymore. But he never moved from where he stood at my back.
Then I ran away.
Away from something that felt so right.
Something that I can never have.
I don't know but the gods must have conspired against me at this moment.
It rained hard today.
I don't know why but this is supposed to be one shot. And then it extended into two chapters. And then it turned into more… AAAaarrgghhh! This is getting nowhere I tell you!
Umm… I don't have a beta-reader… she's too busy right now so if there are any errors… kindly inform me please?…
