If I were a Mary-sue

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd brush my hair

If I were a Mary-Sue

I would have all the boys

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum

If I were a biddy biddy perfect

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl

I have a beautiful name with syllables by the dozen

Right on the foreign student list

I'd come to Hogwarts and entrance the guys

With all the admirers plausible

The girls are green with envy

And a teachers pet as well as a prefect just for show

I'd be friends with Harry and Ron and Draco and Oliver

Flaunting them around for the school to see

And each little kiss and hug and hand holding and wink

PDAs as obvious as a tree

As if to say "there is a Mary-Sue"

If I were a Mary-sue

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd brush my hair

If I were a Mary-Sue

I would have all the boys

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum

If I were a biddy biddy perfect

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl

I see my self, Mary-Sue, looking pretty as can be

With proper diamond jewelry

Flirting with boys to my heart's delight

I see me putting on airs and strutting like a peacock

Oy, what a happy mood I be in

Screaming at the girls day and night

The most important officials would fawn on me

They would ask me to advise them

Like Merlin the Great

"If you please, Mary-Sue…"

"Pardon me, Mary-Sue…"

Posing problems that would cross Dumbledore's eyes

And it won't make a bit of difference if I answer right or wrong

When you're a Mary-Sue they really think you know

If I were a Mary-Sue, I have time that I lack

To sit and do my make-up

Maybe have a seat at Teacher's table

And I'd snog the hottest boys several hours of the day

That would be the sweetest thing of all

If I were a Mary-sue

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd brush my hair

If I were a Mary-Sue

I would have all the boys

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum

If I were a biddy biddy perfect

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl

AN: This one is based off the song "If I were a rich man" from "Fiddler on the Roof" which is a musical/movie. All I have done is changed the lyrics to fit fanfiction.