A/N: Hello everyone! I was meant to get up really early and post this but...well, it just didn't happen. I didn't miss my deadline though, yay!
Thanks for reviewing all of you who did, you lot are all stars!
(for some reason document manager won't let me draw lines...so I have improvised :D)
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Chapter 10: Escaping the pain
Jack had fallen asleep almost as soon as he had reached the Pearl without even bothering to do anything about his hand. Despite his insistence to Sylvia to the contrary, he really did need to rest, and although he denied it even to himself, sometimes his body forced himself to sleep even when he didn't want to. And so it was that Jack knew nothing of the night. He woke slowly, existing for an hour in that half conscious state where thoughts are distorted into dreams. It was in this state that he made up his mind that he would go and see Sylvia as soon as the sun was up. If Sylvia was going to leave in a month then he would see her every day until then and he didn't care if he had to fight the whole damn crew of the Conqueror to do it. As the sun stretched fingers of pink light out towards the heavens Jack sat up. Instinctively he went to reach for his hat but this simple movement sent a spasm of pain from his fingers right up through his arm. Several colourful metaphors later Jack looked at his hand and pulled a face, it was not an attractive sight. But how it looked was nothing to how it felt. Jack tried to bend his fingers but it didn't take long for him to give up. For a minute he sat waiting for the pain of his attempt to fade, when it had had receded to the level it was going to stay Jack stood up. As he did so his back reminded him sharply that perhaps he should have been lying down after all.
"Anything else?!" Jack asked out loud angrily to no one but himself. Already he was tired of being in pain but, as it did not seem to be about to up and leave him. Jack knew he would just have to get on with it. But that did not stop him being in a foul mood as he stormed out of his cabin and into the morning air.
The pleasantly cool morning caused Jack's anger to cool off too. It only took a few deep breaths to clear his head sufficiently to make him feel in high spirits again; after all he was Captain Jack Sparrow. He'd fought immortal men and won, he'd lived through odds no one would ever have thought possible, he'd even passed as a church cleric, a fact that still made him smile. Surely there was no situation he couldn't handle.
Whistling his favourite sea shanty and full of optimism Jack turned and then stopped dead. He had just set foot on the beach and looked up. It was still early and the sky was still a light blue as the sun dragged itself sleepily out of bed. The sea was calm, the tiny waves barely making a noise as they broke on the shore. A couple of seagulls flew overhead, but there was something missing from the scene, something Jack had noticed at once. The docking area was, as usual, full of boats, their sails tucked away but on this particular morning there was a gap. A large and obvious gap. A gap in which the Conqueror had been only hours before.
For a moment Jack felt numb. He simply stared at the place he knew the Conqueror had been, quite unable to believe that it really had gone. Gradually, however, feeling returned and Jack found himself looking wildly around for any sign of the missing ship but inside he knew that if he could not see it docked then it was gone, a giant ship like that could not hide just anywhere.
Jack ran onto the dock his boots pounding on the wood. The horizon was empty, just like Jack's heart. He was torn between despair and shock when he saw someone emerge from a small fishing boat a little way away. The sight of another person filled Jack with an insane level of hope which would only have one release. He called to the fisherman who turned around looking startled. He was an elderly man; with hands that shook as he attempted to untangle the fishing net he must have just finished using.
"Is there something I can help you with?" he asked. His voice shook too, and creaked like a tree in a high wind.
"Where be the Conqueror?" asked Jack wasting no time, if he could find out were the ship had gone to he could rally the Pearl and catch it.
"I don't know," replied the elderly gentleman slowly, "She high tailed it out of here in the dead of night, didn't notice she was gone until this morning. A mighty quiet ship she can be when she puts her mind…" Jack cut the old man off.
"Someone must know where she is," he said. The old man shrugged. One of his shoulder joints cracked which sent a shudder up Jack's spine.
"Looks to me like they wanted to leave in secret," said the old man, "I doubt whether anyone knows where she's gone to." Jack shook his head disbelievingly, that couldn't be true, he refused to believe it. There had to be someone around who could tell him where Sylvia was…and then it hit him. What if Sylvia didn't want to be found? The closest he had ever been to feeling like this was when he had realised his first mate, Barbossa, was planning to mutiny. It was as if someone had plunged an icy knife into his stomach.
Jack shook his head again as if trying to dislodge this thought from his mind but now it had formed it refused to go away. The old man saw Jack's abrupt change of expression and watched him through shrewd eyes which had seen almost as long a lifetime as any man ever would. While Jack battled with his own mind the old man took in other details about him. He had known he was a pirate straight off, no one could miss that. That did not worry him, what concerned him was the way the pirate seemed to be hearing something inside his own head and then there was that strange, off balanced walk.
"Are you alright son?" the old man asked kindly dropping his knotted fishing net to the bottom of his boat. Jack looked up. Had the old man just called him son? Another shudder travelled down his spine and Jack cursed silently. Jack didn't like the way the old man was looking at him, nor did he trust it.
"It's alright," said the old man with a wink that looked like was more effort than it was worth, "I were quite a drinker myself in the old days." Jack started.
"Trust me mate, if I'd been drinking, I wouldn't be feeling half this bad," he snapped, resisting the urge to swear horribly,and he turned abruptly and walked back up the dock away from the physical emptiness left by the Conqueror. He would keep walking until he was away from the stupid old man, away from the sight of the sea, away from everything that was hurting him. The old man watched him and sighed before picking his net up again and resuming his mornings work.
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Sylvia woke with a start to the sound of a gun shot. It had sounded so close by, so real, but it had been a dream. Oh, how she wished it had all just been a dream. How she wished that she had woken up to find herself in Jack's arms behind that waterfall. If only George had not come looking for them, if only Jack hadn't…She couldn't finish that thought. It hadn't been Jack's fault. It had been hers. Jack would never have had to kill George if it hadn't been for her. It was all her fault. Sylvia felt dirty with guilt, tainted by it but then she remembered Jack on his hands and knees, George's pistol rising…George had been about to kill the man she loved, she would never have recovered if Jack had died, if she had just let it happen. She thought of what her father would say if he knew his own daughter had been witness to and assistant in a murder, she as good as pulled the trigger herself. She had known that by distracting George she would give Jack the chance to kill him, she had signed George's life away just like that, she might as well have been called a murderer too. Everyone would blame Jack for leading her astray if they knew, but it hadn't been his fault. He would never have asked her to help him like that. It had been her decision and she had to stick by the consequences no matter how much she might regret them.
It was only when she got up that she realised something was wrong. The floor was rocking very slightly. It was a familiar feeling that Sylvia recognised at once, the feeling of being out on the open ocean.
She did not care that she was only in her nightdress, she would not have cared if she had been wearing nothing at all, she simply had to know for sure. She burst through the door to her room and headed upwards onto the deck. The salty sea breeze hit her at once as she ran barefoot into the sunshine. She ran right to the end of the boat, her heart hammering as her eyes took in nothing but ocean in every direction. She pushed away from the rail and ran to the stern of the ship praying that the conclusion forming in her mind was the wrong one. When she reached the back of the boat and saw the endless expanse of ocean stretching out for miles she screamed Jack's name. She screamed so loudly that her lungs felt like they were going to tear. The ship had set sail while she slept; she had been tricked and betrayed by all the people she was supposed to trust. She was still screaming Jack's name as they dragged her back to her rooms.
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Jack walked fast, the faster he moved the less he had to think but he had to stop eventually, and as soon as he did he thought his heart was going to rip right in two. It wasn't until he stopped that he realised where he was. He was standing on the edge of the cliff, the place where he had first met Sylvia all that time ago. From here he could look out upon miles of calm sea. The Conqueror's absence, if possible, seemed even more obvious.
'It's going to be hell to say goodbye to you.'
'I told ye luv, I'll think o' something.'
But she had left, she had avoided goodbye completely and he had not suspected a thing. Jack felt cold even though the sun was beating down already. His mind seemed to be stuck, the only thing it seemed able to do was scream, 'SHE'S GONE!'
Jack did not want to be able to think. He didn't want anything but numbness, he wanted to pass out and feel nothing at all. That night he got his wish.
Gibbs had carried his Captain and friend back to the Pearl in the small hours of the morning. He knew something was wrong; Jack had not acted in that way for years. Getting drunk was common place for him of course, but drinking rum with the express purpose to black out was not. In fact, the only time Gibbs could recall that came close was not long after they had first met, when Jack had lost something very dear to him. That had been when he had lost the Black Pearl but they were on that same ship now, something else must be very wrong. Jack groaned as Gibbs watched him but did not wake up.
Gibbs became even more convinced something was terribly wrong when Jack did the same thing the next night and the next. Gibbs tried to get something coherent out of him but it was no use, he would not allow himself to sober up.
"Jack, don't ye think ye better be…?"
"That be Cap'n Jack to ye," slurred Jack who then added, "Hang on, do I know ye?" Gibbs opened his mouth but there was no point in speaking, Jack had gone back to a rapid hand gesture conversation with the wall.
"Yes," said Gibbs quietly who, uncharacteristically, was not touching his drink, "Ye know me Cap'n."
Jack couldn't remember how he had got to be on the beach at two o'clock in the morning or why he had decided to be there at all. He still had a bottle of rum in his hand and through the alcoholic haze he wasn't even aware that he was holding it with fingers that were screaming at him. He looked out at the dark ocean. It was peaceful, or it would have been if it hadn't been for that whispering.
"She left you all alone!" one wave taunted its voice rising wispily, "Just when you thought someone actually loved you."
"Shut up," growled Jack the words took a great deal of effort to form. They sounded garbled even to him.
"Listen to yourself Jack," the sea said and it rippled with laughter, "Listen to the mighty Captain Jack Sparrow. She left you Jack, she left you and you know it."
"No," Jack snarled defensively. He wouldn't let the ocean get the better of him.
"Did you honestly think that she cared about you?" the water continued to mock, "Did you?"
"Shut up, just shut up," said Jack but apparently the ocean was not listening for it continued, its voice morphing into something very similar to Barbossa's.
"Are those tears in your eyes Captain?" it asked with a sneer.
"No," said Jack. Another laugh, low and cold.
"It's that kind of attitude that lost you the…"
"SHUT UP!" Jack threw the rum bottle he was holding as hard as he could into the black heart of the ocean. He wanted to shatter the calm, make the voice stop. The only problem was he didn't let go. The momentum of his own throw carried him forwards knocking him off his feet. He landed face down in the salty water and passed out completely.
He had nearly drowned. If Gibbs had not noticed he had gone missing from the Lamb's Heart and gone to look for him he probably would have done. It was a miracle that in the dim light he had been able to pick out Jack's outline just by the shore. Once again Gibbs found himself carrying Jack back to the Pearl. He was glad that none of the other crew members were out to see them that night; it wouldn't do for anyone to see Jack lose himself like this.
Gibbs covered the younger man in several blankets; he didn't want Jack catching his death of cold. He stayed by Jack's side all night occasionally checking to see if he was feeling warmer. At some time near daybreak Jack opened one eye.
"Ah, ye be awake," said Gibbs, "How are ye feeling?" Jack looked at Gibbs his eyes out of focus.
"If it talks to me like that again I'll kill it," he said forcefully. Gibbs could not even pretend to know what Jack was talking about but before he could ask Jack had passed out again.
For some reason Gibbs had expected Jack to snap out of it after that episode. He left Jack in the afternoon not expecting there to be a problem, apparently he had been mistaken. When he arrived back at the Pearl to check on him he found that Jack had disappeared. With a sinking feeling Gibbs hurried to the Lamb's Heart. As soon as he entered he saw Jack at it again. When Gibbs tried to take Jack's third bottle of rum from him Jack snatched it back, anger flaring in his slightly glazed dark eyes.
"Leave me alone," he snarled viscously, his tone most uncharacteristic.
"Listen t' me Jack, ye've had enough t' drink," said Gibbs sternly, "Put that one down." Suddenly Jack stood up and with one quick movement his sword was unsheathed. The whole pub fell silent, all eyes watching the drunk pirate captain.
"Now Jack," said Gibbs his eyes on the sword, "Ye don't want t' be doing somethin' ye'll regret."
"I said leave-me-alone!" shouted Jack but before he could look even remotely threatening he swayed alarmingly and collapsed. The sword fell to the floor, the half empty bottle of rum smashed beside it. A few people laughed before returning to their business. It did not take long for the pub to return to its usual rowdy self. Gibbs sighed. One thing was for sure; he wasn't going to leave Jack again until he got some bloody sense out of him however long that took.
It took almost twenty four hours for Jack to come round this time. Gibbs was by his bedside once again when he opened his eyes. The whole room swam so Jack clamped his eyes shut again but the room still kept spinning relentlessly. Jack abruptly leaned over the bed and was violently sick. He then lay back and blanked out again. This little routine repeated itself several times until finally Jack opened his eyes to find the room was completely stationary. Cautiously, not wanting to push the boundaries of his new found stability, Jack sat up with one hand pressed to his aching head.
"Drink some water Cap'n," instructed Gibbs, "It'll help." Jack did as he was told.
"Ye be trying t' kill yerself or something?" Gibbs asked, "If ye are yer goin' the wrong way about it, hanging be quicker." He was looking at Jack with genuine concern.
"Something be wrong Jack," he said, "And ye best be telling me what it is."
"I be doing no such thing," said Jack wincing as his head throbbed even more painfully.
"Jack, I know when a man's hurtin', I see it now. What trouble 'ave ye got yerself into this time?" Jack just leaned back so his head was resting on the wall and said nothing. Gibbs took Jack's silence as a bad sign, a very bad sign.
"Oh no Jack," he said in alarm, "Ye haven't got yerself cursed again 'ave ye?" Jack took one look at Gibbs' wide eyed, fearful expression and then burst out laughing. His head protested angrily but he found the situation too funny to stop laughing now.
"I take it that's a no then," said Gibbs a little dryly but he could not help find the sight of Jack actually laughing a heart warming one, the worry he had been harbouring for his captain had run deeper than even he knew. He waited until Jack had regained his composure before asking, "So, what be the problem Jack?" Jack took a deep breath.
"I suppose ye won't be letting it go 'til I tell ye, is that right?"
"Aye," said Gibbs, "That will indeed be the case."
"Alright," said Jack and he leaned back again. He closed his eyes; his head hurt less that way, and began to tell Gibbs exactly what had happened.
"She could a' said something," he said finally, "Anythin' would have been better than leavin' without goodbye." Gibbs said nothing for a moment; he wasn't a great authority on matters of the heart.
"How'd ye know she had a choice in goin'?" he asked tentatively not knowing how Jack was going to react to any question at all. Jack opened his dark eyes.
"What?" he asked sharply.
"Well," explained Gibbs, "The Conqueror may a' left with the lass on board but who's t' say she had any choice in the matter, eh?" Jack's brow furrowed slightly.
"Ye think that could have happened?" he asked carefully.
"Aye," said Gibbs, "From what I know of the lass it seems the likely course."
"Gibbs?"
"Aye?"
"Yer a good man," said Jack, "A captain be in need of a good man." Gibbs smiled, it was as good a thank you as he was likely to receive, and he wouldn't have wanted any different.
"If yer not goin' t' attempt t' drown yerself again I'll be goin," said Gibbs, "There be a few things I need t' take care of." Jack's bill in the Lamb's Heart for one.
"Aye," said Jack who really wanted to be left alone now. Getting everything off his chest had helped immensely but his head was requesting silence and he was all for it.
Jack thought he would sleep when Gibbs had gone but unfortunately his thoughts kept him firmly in the realm of the conscious. He was an idiot. Simple as that. He could admit this fact to himself quite easily, although to admit it out loud, even to Gibbs, would be something different entirely. If he had set sail at once instead of attempting to drink the whole town's rum supply the Pearl might have had a chance of catching the Conqueror but now there was no chance at all. He didn't have any idea where the ship carrying Sylvia might be headed but, he thought as he closed his eyes, at least there was the possibility that she was still his.
It took several days before Jack could stand up without feeling at all dizzy. He was tempted to vow never to drink rum again but he never did like to break a promise. He certainly did not want to feel numb anymore. It wasn't that Gibbs' suggestion had made Sylvia's absence any easier to bear; it had just made it easier to understand. And understanding was the first step to acceptance.
As soon as Jack felt sea worthy again he had Gibbs order the crew to return to the Pearl. They were all ready to return to life on the ocean wave, some of them had already made too many enemies as it was. As Jack stood at the helm watching them ready the ship he was glad that Gibbs was the only one who knew about Sylvia, and he was fairly confident that Gibbs wouldn't breathe a word to anyone which was just the way he wanted it. Forgetting her was going to be hard enough without everyone knowing. Besides that Jack had no desire to let anyone see any kind of weakness that wasn't connected to rum, a weak Captain was more likely to be overthrown and Jack would be damned before he let that happen to him again. The crew were working quickly, but Jack couldn't help wanting them to hurry up. He could not stand staying in this town a second longer. Sylvia had walked along the beach with him, swum with him in the sea, smiled at him in a million different places. Her laughter sounded in the wind, her shadow was everywhere. He just had to get out of here.
The Black Pearl's mighty sails unfurled, they caught the wind and the ship moved forwards, silently gliding through the water. Jack turned back as the wind carried them from the shore that had become so familiar. He looked once more at the place where the Conqueror had been, the place where he had first fallen in love.
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A/N: Another chapter finished.....what did you think? Hopefully it was long enough, although it wasn't as long as my super chapter last time :). I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter, for reasons I'm sure you'll spot when it gets posted next Tuesday :D.
I hope everyone is enjoying December! I just love this time of year :).
