A/N: Ok, I get it...you guys want Sylvia, right? It's been a long time since we heard from her, so here she is :D.

On with the show....


Chapter 14: Mrs Spencer

She had been married for just over two years now. Their anniversary was receding to join the mess of memories that was her life. Two years and Mrs Nathan Spencer still felt she did not suit her name at all. She looked out to sea, one of the only habits of old she had still managed to retain. There was barely any breeze at all so the ship was almost stationary. The sails of the Pride of the Sea were unfurled to their fullest extent but for all the good it did they might as well have not been there at all. Sylvia did not mind not going anywhere any more. For the first few months of her marriage a day like this would send her into a state bordering madness. She had hated being still even for a moment. Those were the days when she had still had hope, when she had looked for signs of familiar sails on the horizon and gone to sleep believing that they would appear tomorrow…always tomorrow. But it had been months since she had dared hope for anything. She could not pin point the exact moment she had given up but she figured it had probably happened soon after her first wedding anniversary. How far away that seemed now. A sad smile appeared on Sylvia pale face as she thought of why she had married Nathan in the first place; it all started, and ended, with Jack.

When the Conqueror had first taken her, unknowingly, away from Jack Sylvia had felt like she had lost everything, as if she had been torn in two and one part had been left behind to die. Her screams had been replaced by a complete and impenetrable silence. She had refused to eat, did not get out of bed and would not look at anyone. Her condition had spiralled downwards alarmingly fast until Lord Ryecroft, consumed by guilt and worry, was all set to turn the ship right around and speed back to the port they had so stealthily left in the dead of night. If they had not been closer to Lady Vanessa Ryecroft in England that would have been his exact course of action but he still clung to the hope that Sylvia's mother might be able to break the dark spell that was threatening to claim their daughter. They were only a few day's away from the Ryecroft manor when Lord Ryecroft had come to Sylvia and made her a promise, a promise that had changed everything.

"I promise, as long as I am seaworthy, I will help you find that pirate captain if you promise to pull through this for me." His whispered words were the first that Sylvia listened to in a long while and she actually raised her eyes and looked into his. His promise started the transformation back into her normal self and she clung to it even as the pain and loneliness continued to tear her slowly apart. Oh, how she missed Jack in those first few months apart…oh, how she missed him now.

It was a month after Sylvia had last seen Jack that they arrived in England but it seemed so very much longer for the whole crew of the Conqueror. Lady Ryecroft noticed immediately that something was wrong with Sylvia despite the fact that she had made every effort to hide it from her. Lady Ryecroft badgered Sylvia almost constantly to tell her what was wrong but Sylvia swatted her mother's attention away like it was a fly, but the persistent Lady Vanessa did not give up. Instead she began to work on her husband. Lord Ryecroft, to his credit, put up more resistance than was usual for him but he had never been able to resist his wife for long and this was no exception. When the truth came out it was comparable to letting loose a tornado. Lady Ryecroft was beyond angry. The screaming began at once. Lady Ryecroft's voice tore through the house grating on everything like a saw. Sylvia said nothing in the face of her mother's fury; she knew nothing she could say would change how her mother felt just like nothing her mother said could change how she felt about Jack. Sylvia remembered her mother's words perfectly.

"You've disgraced the Ryecroft family name! Whatever shall we do if anyone finds out, anyone at all!" Sylvia was forbidden to speak of "the pirate" as Jack was referred to in a hushed whisper. The staff, who could not have helped hearing Lady Ryecroft's spirited outbursts, were all heavily threatened to hold their tongues. And still Lady Vanessa remained in a rage the like of which Sylvia had never seen before.

"I brought you up to be a lady, a worthy member of society and you do THIS?! Don't you want to belong to this family? Don't you want a nice house with nice things? A family of your own? I have sacrificed everything to give you all you ever wanted and this is how you repay me?! I will not have a daughter of mine shame me in this way!"

Sylvia could not have helped noticing that her mother always brought the point of the argument back to herself as if Sylvia had done this for the express purpose of spiting her mother. She knew this was rooted in her mother's preoccupation for high society, something Sylvia had never understood. She could see how important the right clothes, hair style and husband were to women like her mother but Sylvia did not care about knowing the right people or holding the right cutlery at the right time. She had never wanted any of it and meeting Jack had confirmed this belief so strongly that Sylvia knew there was no turning back. She did not want what her mother could give her any more, but she became increasingly aware that she had no choice. She might have told her mother exactly what she was thinking right then, right when her mother paused for breath about to launch another attack, and she would have done had Lady Ryecroft not dropped the bombshell that crushed what remained of Sylvia's spirit.

"The ship was a bad idea, I always thought so. It was your father's idea to take you, of course, as you well know. Well, at least that's one less thing I don't have to worry about, thank heavens for small mercies." Sylvia had felt her words of rebellion fade away.

"What do you mean?" she had asked fearfully. Lady Ryecroft looked right into her daughter's eyes.

"Your father has finally agreed to retire." Her mother had continued to speak but Sylvia had not been able to hear a word. Her heart seemed to have frozen solid in her chest. She had walked numbly from the room completely ignoring her mother's furious insistence that she stay where she was. The promise that she had clung to throughout her mother's hysterics and throughout her own crippling heartache had been shattered in an instant. Sylvia remembered falling to her knees and crying so hard that it had felt like she would never stop.

Sylvia shivered, it was getting cold up on deck now. Nathan would find her soon and he would fuss. Sylvia closed her eyes. She had perfected the art of holding back her violent emotions. After all, it was not becoming of a lady to let any emotion overtake her in public whether it be grief, unhappiness or even love. They had taught her that in finishing school; the one Sylvia had been forcibly enrolled in by her mother a mere week after arriving back in England. Lord Ryecroft had tried to stop it, he had expected Sylvia to put up more of a fight when she was told about Lady Eleanor's School of Excellence and Elegance but in truth, Sylvia had no fight left. After all, she no longer had the means to find Jack so what was the point in wasting energy fighting her mother's wishes? She retreated into herself, a mere shadow of the woman she had once been.

Five months after being separated from "the pirate" Sylvia was still quiet, secretive and sad. Betty, Milly and Lotte, all commented on the haunted look in her young eyes.

"Never have I seen such unhappiness in one so young," said Betty gravely to the others and they all nodded their agreement. They tried to talk to their charge but she would not listen, whether she believed them to have played a part in the Conqueror's sudden departure that night they would never know but they suspected that to be the case. Lord Ryecroft tried to reach his daughter too but she no longer even looked him in the eye. The pain he had caused her ran too deep to be forgiven despite Lord Ryecroft's best efforts. Lady Ryecroft, on the other hand, seemed either not to notice or not care about her daughter's uncharacteristic behaviour. She seemed to think that the best way to make Sylvia a proper, and above all respectable lady, was to find her a husband. As a result Sylvia was inundated with suitors which Lady Vanessa personally deemed suitable. Sylvia made no effort with them at all. She barely acknowledged them and did not care when her mother shouted at her for it. Most did not return for a second visit.

"You're not trying!" Lady Vanessa cried in exasperation when the son of a rich business man left after just one hour.

"I don't want a husband," Sylvia had replied dully. Lady Vanessa looked scandalised.

"You will get married my girl," she said in an almost threatening voice, "To a nice respectable man with prospects. You will have a family and you will smile, do you hear me Sylvia?" Sylvia had begun to walk away.

"Don't walk away while I'm talking to you!" screeched Lady Vanessa who was not at all used to such conduct. Sylvia had turned, her eyes burning with cold hatred.

"You're never talking to me," she said, "You don't even know who I am." With that she had turned away again leaving her mother speechless quite possibly for the first time in her life.

"Sylvia, aren't you cold out here my dear?" Nathan had arrived just as Sylvia had predicted. If there was anything unpredictable about Nathan he kept it very well hidden. Sylvia had found that she could accurately predict his response to every situation after just two months of marriage.

"I'm quite alright," Sylvia said more irritably than she had intended. She did so hate being disturbed like this.

"Oh," said Nathan and after a little pause he added, "I do worry about you, you know." He sounded like a wounded puppy, the way he whined and fretted. He sort of looked like a puppy too, Sylvia thought. Blonde floppy hair, large blue eyes, with an altogether attractive face if you did not look too hard at the relatively new, neatly clipped moustache and beard combination that Nathan insisted made him look more distinguished.

"I know you worry about me," said Sylvia kindly, "But there's no need."

"You're so complicated," said Nathan with a distinct note of pride. Sylvia knew how much he liked other men thinking he had a complicated wife. She was lucky in that respect, another man would have found her nature a threat, but Nathan liked the fact that Sylvia had chosen him when it looked like she would choose no one at all. Sylvia smiled as she gave into her husband and allowed herself to be led inside.

Nathan Spencer had been introduced to Sylvia on one beautiful clear but cold September day. They were married six months later much to Lady Ryecroft's delight, but Sylvia had not accepted Nathan's proposal to please her mother as Lord Ryecroft believed. She had accepted for one simple reason; Nathan Spencer owned a ship. Sylvia married him because of the Pride of the Sea, an impressive ship despite being smaller than the more familiar Conqueror. It was the only way to keep her life on the sea, the only hope she had of finding Jack…

It was a fairytale wedding. Flowers decorated every part of the tiny church, guests crammed into pews as close together as possible to keep warm for though it was March there had been a viscous cold snap. Sylvia was sure that the elements were trying to tell her something as she trod on frosty grass on the way to the church.

"It's for Jack," Sylvia had tried to tell the icy wind but it just howled at her angrily. As Sylvia walked down the aisle in her white dress she hated the way everyone looked at her, pretending that they cared what happened to her, pretending to be emotional. It made her feel better to think of their faces if she told them all that she should not even be wearing white at all. Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw Nathan's face. It was shining with happiness, for him at least this was a perfect wedding and Sylvia felt a stab of guilt. She did not love him, she would never love him, and yet here she was, about to lie in front of a whole congregation of people, just like countless brides and grooms had done before her.

Nathan was watching her closely; Sylvia could tell his eyes were upon her so she made a conscious effort to pull herself away from the tangled web of memories that she kept getting stuck in.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Nathan asked, his blue eyes full of genuine concern. Sylvia fixed a well practised everything's fine smile onto her face.

"Quite sure," she replied, "I wonder whether the wind will pick up tomorrow."

"I expect so," said Nathan brightly thinking he had found the reason for his wife's melancholy, "I know how much you hate it when we're still like this." He had failed to notice Sylvia's lack of enthusiasm was unchanged whether they were moving or still. He still saw her as that eager fresh faced bride though that person had disappeared a long time ago. Sylvia's smile remained in place but her mind began to wander again. It had been a few weeks since their last visit to England. Nathan seemed to think that Sylvia loved staying with her parents and so he always insisted that they stay with the Ryecroft's. Sylvia sighed internally. That was Nathan's problem, just like her mother, he did not know her at all.

Their last visit had been quite as painful as the others. Instead of being satisfied with having her daughter married to a wealthy gentleman Lady Ryecroft had begun to make wistful comments regarding her longing for grandchildren. Even Nathan could not fail to notice Lady Vanessa' pointed references to other people's children and when they had appeared relative to the length of the said couple's marriage. Nathan's cheeks had gone very red at one point and he had been forced to make an excuse just so he could leave the room.

"Look at what you're doing to the man!" Lady Vanessa had said after Nathan had dashed away to avoid looking at some clothes she had produced that had belonged to some friend's cousin's wife's sister's child. Sylvia refused to rise to her mother's bait.

"Why haven't you given him a child?" Lady Ryecroft continued, "He deserves a child and it's your responsibility to give him one. Besides, I want some grandchildren before I am too old to appreciate them." Sylvia rolled her eyes, how did her mother manage, without fail, to bring everything back to herself? It was nothing short of a gift. Sylvia chose not to say that she was extremely grateful that she had not fallen pregnant, she chose to keep inside that she lived in fear that one day she would be with child. Her negative attitude in bed had been noticed by Nathan and, being a shy man, he rarely touched her in bed any more which suited Sylvia down to the ground. But she was not a fool, she knew she was expected to have a family and this fact weighed on her mind heavily. Nathan had given her everything he had to offer. He had never been anything but kind to her and Sylvia knew that sooner or later she would have to resign herself to her fate as faithful wife and mother.

Sylvia lay in bed facing her husband; the candle on his side was still lit.

"Sylvia my dear," he stammered nervously, "Shall we…er…?" Sylvia tensed.

"I'm not in the mood tonight," she said bluntly her heart beating wildly.

"Oh, oh…ok," said Nathan and he extinguished his candle. Sylvia felt him moving around beside her trying to find a comfortable position. She would have felt more awful if she did not know what she did. As it was she felt terrible. She wondered whether Nathan was as unhappy as she was but just then Nathan began to snore. Sylvia sighed, if he could fall asleep as easily as that then he must be happy after all.

Sylvia was up at first light, her quill scratching her latest diary entry before most of the crew were even stirring. The bluish grey light of the early morning was something Sylvia had learnt to love dearly. This was the time when she could be alone, the time that she could think clearly and remember things the best. As a consequence it was also often the time that she missed Jack the most. Sometimes she could see him standing in front of her with that infectious smile and those intoxicating dark eyes. Sometimes he would appear so vividly that Sylvia had to stop herself from running forwards and shattering the illusion. Her quill paused on the page and she re-read what she had just written, the ink still shining:

'I miss him so much today; I find it hard to tell if I miss him more than I did yesterday, it hurts so badly that comparison has become quite impossible. My heart has grown so cold. Sometimes I hold my breath and listen to it beating to remind myself that it's still there. But if a heart was just for love mine would have disappeared long ago.

I sometimes look out at the crew and wonder whether their hearts are longing for someone as mine is longing. I cannot see it on their faces, but surely I know better than anyone that deception can run deep and secrets can be kept where no one will find them…no one except the one person who knows where to look.

I looked in the mirror and saw chains, chains wrapping themselves around me never to let go. The bird back in its cage again. How much worse the cage is now I know what it's like to fry free. Will I always feel this way? Will I always miss him? How hard it is when I want to forget him but at the same time I know I will never let his memory go.'

Sylvia flicked back through the diary. Page after page of heartache. Jack was in every sentence, every word, every curving letter. She closed the diary and slid it back onto the shelf next to the others. Nathan was far too gentlemanly to ever consider reading them so Sylvia made no attempt to hide them. Sylvia trusted the crew not to pry either. They had no reason to suspect her of anything anyway. Anyone who had known about Jack was long gone. Her three maids had been dismissed long ago, Sylvia had personally dismissed them. Betty and Lotte now had families of their own; Sylvia did not know what had become of Milly. There were times when she missed them. The times when the silence stretched like a black cloud in every direction, she longed for their light, inane chatter but she had not spoken to them as friends since they had played a part in her kidnap. Sylvia still could not believe the extent of their deception, the way they had taken her to see Jack, knowing how much he meant to her, making her believe they were on her side. She thought about that last day with Jack, such bitter sweet memories came back to her. In a way she was glad that neither of them had been aware that it was going to be the last time they saw each other, that way they had enjoyed those hours in the same way that they had spent so many days.

"Good morning Sylvia," said Nathan making Sylvia jump. She had not heard Nathan get up.

"Morning," said Sylvia who had avoided all affectionate pet names for her husband.

"How did you sleep?" Nathan asked.

"Well," lied Sylvia, "How about you?" What clipped conversations they had.

"Very well," said Nathan. He looked ridiculous in his nightshirt, Sylvia had always thought so.

"Good," she said, "The wind has strengthened today, I went out to check earlier."

"Excellent," said Nathan enthusiastically, "I think I'll get dressed and then check for myself." He got up and walked towards Sylvia. He leaned over and kissed her once on the cheek. No great excitement there. As Sylvia watched him get dressed she found it hard to believe that she had been living this life for over two years, she tried not to feel physically sick as she thought of the years that stretched torturously ahead of her.


A/N: Thank you SO much for all the lovely reviews! You guys do wonders for a writer's confidence :). Was this chapter what you wanted? 100 Sylvia ;) I know it was kind of short, sorry about that.

Had the chance to watch Nick of Time and What's Eating Gilbert Grape for the first time a few days ago, and I wasn't disappointed :D. Gilbert is such a sweetheart ;D.

Hope you all had a wonderful New Years. New chapter being prepared for Tuesday!