A/N: Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story and review
it. Believe me I know how difficult it is to get the energy to review. I
would rather just read the stories, but I've come to realize that I LOVE it
when I get reviews especially the ones telling me that I'm doing a good
job. So with that said I'm going to try and review more and I hope that you
review my story. I don't care if you think that it is the most horrible
story you have ever read please just tell me. That way I can fix whatever
it is I'm doing wrong. Just let me know. Anyways I'll try to update the
next chapter as soon as I can. Don't want to leave everyone in suspense.
Please be patient. If I take to long why not read my other story called
Untitled. I know original title, but I couldn't think of another name yet.
I also know that this was a silly plug, but hey if you read my other story
then it worked. ;)
Chapter 5: Buffy stared out of the passenger seat window. They had been driving for at least four hours now. Giles had said that it was be a ten-hour drive from Sunnydale to San Francisco. That was without stopping at night to get some rest. She was currently eating some fast food hamburgers and fries. She had been right about one thing; it was a very boring trip. Either Giles didn't know what to say or he didn't feel like talking. Buffy was perfectly fine with comfortable silence, but this was the uncomfortable kind. She wasn't sure why all she was there was definitely something on his mind. There was something on her mind too. She was thinking about what Anya had said. Did everyone know that she was Denial Girl, but her? Everyone seemed to be saying it. What was up with that? She would have to get to the bottom of her feelings sooner or later.
She looked over at Giles. He looked tired from all the driving. She would have offered to drive, but her and cars were unmixy things. It was close to eight o'clock and they should be stopping at a rest area anyway. She was tired and was just trying to not let it show. She had been tired for a long time now. She didn't let anyone see it, but she was definitely run down.
"Hey shouldn't we be stopping soon?" Buffy asked Giles.
Giles had been engrossed in his on thoughts. He agreed that if Spike was supposed to help them that they needed him to be strong and healthy, but he question Buffy's motives on the whole thing.
"There is a rest area not to far from here. Just a couple more minutes."
"Good cause I gotta tell you. I'm worn out."
"Didn't you get any sleep last night?"
"Some, but what with the whole guest appearance in Spike's dream I barely got any. I've been feeling like this for awhile now. All worn out and tired. I don't know what it is."
"You're working yourself to hard. You need some rest."
"Like a vacation?"
"A min-vacation. I guess you could use this as a mini-vacation. Granted it isn't headed to the best place in the world, but it's time off nonetheless."
"Alright. So I'll use this like a vacation. Course your right about it not being the best vacation in the world. I'm going to pick up a vampire that might possibly be souled and insane so he can help me defeat a tree and some wind. Sounds like the perfect vacation."
Giles laughed. She had a way of making everything seem so simple. "Well you do need him."
"Yeah well he seems to think that I won't need him. He says that he's insane or something like that."
"Well I would image that he is a little nutty. He's hearing and seeing his past bad actions. For a vampire like Spike that has to be hard. He could possibly be hallucinating about things. We had better be careful."
"I can take Spike."
"That wasn't what I meant. I mean that we better be careful or we'll set of some of those bad memories. Oh dear maybe you shouldn't have come."
"Why?"
"Well Spike has done some awful things to you. Also you are the slayer and he might see himself killing the other slayers he has killed. It might trigger something big."
"You don't think it will do you?"
"It might."
"So I couldn't even be around him?"
"If it triggers some repressed memories, then yes. Killing a slayer is a big deal and that might make him even more crazy."
Buffy didn't know what to say. She went back to staring out of the window. She hadn't thought about that. She remembered what it had been like when Angel came back from hell and started reliving all his past kills. He had gone loony. If that was happening to Spike how could he be of much help? Giles pulled into a parking lot of a rest area.
"Buffy we're here." Buffy slowly made her way out of the car and walked to the room. She was still thinking about how to get Spike away from the craziness of his memories, but she had no idea about what he was going through.
Spike was sitting in his corner as usual. There was nothing to do on this boat without getting caught. He had checked it out to see what kind of ship he was on and what he could do to keep himself busy. The memories were coming back and it was hard for him to keep quite. He had smoked all his cigarettes without even noticing. He was going insane again, but he had to get it together. Buffy was going to be coming for him tomorrow night and he had to be sane if he wanted to be able to help her in the upcoming battle. He had to get his act together.
He had found out what time the ship would be getting in the docks. At nine tomorrow night. That had to give plenty of time for Buffy to get there. He hoped that maybe she would come back into one of his dreams. He just wanted to talk to her to look at her. It would make things easier. At this point any contact would make things easier. Isolation was taking its toll on Spike. He needed to talk to someone or he was going to go crazier then he already was. He would just have to wait until tomorrow night or hope that Buffy would show up in his dreams again.
Spike lied down in his corner and tried to get some sleep. He was so weak and he needed to rest. Of course he knew that he would most likely not be able to rest, but he had to try. His stomach was growling telling him that he needed to eat. Sleep was the only thing that Spike could do to keep his mind of off the hunger. The fact that he had cut himself before and lost a lot of blood didn't help. He had been trying to cut out his soul in the beginning. The first two months were spent trying to find away to get the soul out or at least trying to cut it out. He still had the scars on his chest from cutting himself so deeply. They were healing a lot slower then they should have because he hadn't drinking any blood in at least a month. Whatever he had drinking was only a little from various animals he had killed. Rats mostly.
Spike closed his eyes and wished that sleep would come soon. He could live much longer like this. 'S only a one more day, mate. Get a hold of yourself. You can't lose control cuz Buffy needs your help. After convincing himself that he just had to wait one day he feel into a troubled sleep.
Buffy sat on the bed in her room. It was a small little motel room with a double bed and a small bathroom. Buffy had said goodnight to Giles and went into her room for some much needed rest. It hadn't come as easily as she had hoped. After watching a movie and calling home to make sure things were okay, Buffy was still up and restless. She was really tired and needed to sleep if she wanted to be up to her full strength she would need some rest. She would definitely wanted to be at full strength, especially if Spike was going insane. She would have to be the one to come up with a way to keep things good.
Buffy couldn't help but think about Spike's possible soul. He had said that he had to do something that would help the both of them. He had told her that he had to do it if they stood a chance. He had gotten said soul for her. To make her happy and then she could fall in love with him and they would have the fairy tale ending. He wanted to make her happy. How many times had he tried his hardest to make her happy? Even when they had had their screwed up relationship he only did it to try and make her happy. All the things he had done lately were to make her happy and all she did was turn him away. He thought that he didn't deserve her, but Buffy was beginning to think that she didn't deserve someone who would go to great lengths to please her.
Buffy placed her head on her pillow. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She would see Spike in a day and then she would get the answers that she wanted. Even though she knew the answers to the questions. It was too much for her to think about right now. She just needed to get some sleep and think about it in the morning. One more day and you'll have the answers you're looking for. You'll get to see him and all will be revealed. Buffy thought as she drifted into a restless sleep.
Buffy found herself on the same boat as the night before. She was definitely dreaming again and she would see Spike any moment. Maybe that was a good thing. She could clear the air with him. She looked around to see if she could spot him. There he was again in that same corner curled up in a ball. Only this time he was banging his head against the wall and saying something that Buffy couldn't make out. Buffy stepped closer to Spike to hear what he was saying.
Spike hadn't realized that he was dreaming. It was weird to think that he could be dreaming about being tormented with repressed memories. He didn't even notice that Buffy was in his dream again. He just lay curled in a ball in his corner pleading for the memories to stop.
"Stop. Please stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Oh god don't do that." Buffy heard him pleading for something to stop. She rushed over to him and held him in her arms.
"Spike what's wrong?" Spike looked up at Buffy. He was having another dream or he had been sucked into one while he was trying to stop a memory.
"Nothing. I'm. I'm fine." His voice was shaky and uneven. Buffy could tell there was something wrong.
"Spike come on. Tell me."
"I'm fine alright."
Spike got up and shook Buffy's hand off of his arm. He started to run his fingers through his brown-blonde hair. "Spike are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes I'm fine. So, are we doing the whole in each other's dream thing again?" he tried to change the subject. He couldn't let Buffy see him so weak.
"I guess so. I don't know why though." She looked up at Spike. He looked even skinnier when he was standing up. He was so sick looking. "Spike you don't look so good."
"I'm okay, Buffy. I swear. Jus' need some blood and I'll be right as rain." "No you said that you were going insane. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, pet. I'll be fine and then we'll defeat this Big Bad together. Never told me what kinda demon this new Big Bad was."
"Don't change the subject. You don't look good at all. Please tell mer what is the matter."
"Not here. Not in our dream. I want to be face to face when I tell you."
Buffy knew that she wasn't going to get any more information out of him until they saw each other in person.
"Okay. So when is this ship getting to San Francisco?"
"Nine tomorrow night. Will you make it in time?"
"Yeah almost there. Right now I'm at a rest stop not to far away from the destination."
"So you gonna answer my firs' question are not?"
"Oh. It's not a demon. It's Willow."
"Red? I thought that she was off the magick?"
"She was, but then Warren shot Tara and Willow kinda went all vengency. She killed Warren and his two buddies. Then she went wild with the magic and now she's terrorizing Sunnydale."
"Is Glenda. is she dead?"
"Yeah she is." Spike stood there quiet for a minute. Buffy saw the look on his face. He had liked Tara and that had to come as a shock to him.
Spike didn't know what to think. Buffy had to be going through a lot. Her best friend was now the Big Bad she had to face and bring down.
"So what else happened in my absence that I should know 'bout. Everything okay with the Bit, the Watcher, demon girl, the whelp?"
"Do you actual care if Xander is okay?"
"I happen to care if you care."
"Everyone is good. The Magic Box isn't so good, but other then that."
"How are you holdin' up?"
This is what Buffy missed. Someone to ask her how she was doing during this time. Everyone thought that because it was her duty to bring down the bad guys she would just except Willow as a bad guy and move on. Either that or they were to busy dealing with their own pain.
"Depends on the day I guess. Some days are less painful then others. Then there are the really bad days. The days when I think that I can't make it. I guess I'm just trying to deal with everything, but my brain isn't going as fast as I would like it to. Right now I keep expecting Tara and Willow to be a happy couple. Sometimes I even forget that Tara is dead. It only last for a second and is usually in the morning when I wake up." Spike had come to sit next to Buffy. He was listening to her intently and looking at her. His eyes were filled with concern and understanding.
"So no one has been there for Buffy?"
"They are a little too wrapped up in their own grief. We all don't want to believe it and we barely got to mourn the loss of Tara. I didn't even know that Tara was dead until hours later. Of course that wasn't my fault. I was in surgery trying to be saved from a gunshot wound."
"You were shot?"
Spike couldn't believe that his Buffy had been hurt. "Are you okay? Well of course you're okay, but what happened? Who did it?" Buffy saw the concern in Spike's eyes along with some anger and. guilt.
"I'm fine or well I was fine. Willow did some magic to save me. They said I would have died if she didn't do the magical help. When Warren killed Tara he was really there to kill me. So in conclusion Warren did it."
"If he wasn't dead."
"Spike calm down. I'm alive and okay. Well not exactly okay, but alive."
"I know its jus'. I don't know. Maybe I could have done something different. If I hadn't have left then maybe I could have stopped it."
"I was outside during the day. There was nothing that would have made things different."
"You're probably right. I jus' don't know." Spike got up and started pacing around. He couldn't take it. He was feeling guilty for things he had no control over. Sure angry and concerned suited him well enough, but guilt wasn't exactly him. He only felt guilt when he hurt Buffy, which wasn't very often.
Buffy watched as Spike paced around the little room they were in. His face was a mixture of emotions, but the one that stood out the most was confusion. He was definitely confused about something.
"Spike are you going to sit down."
"No I don't think so. Lil' jittery nowadays. No more cigarettes to lessen the nerves." Buffy looked around and so what looked like a hundred cigarette butts on the floor.
"Maybe that's because you smoked all your cigarettes."
"Yeah I thought that I had enough to last me this lil' trip, but guess s'not."
"You're worrying me here."
"Come again?"
"You. You're worrying me. You're not acting like the normal Spike. What have you done with Spike? I know that this has to be some sort of alien invader or something."
"Sorry to disappoint, but this is the real me, luv. No alien invaders present."
"Well then what's up? How come you're acting so different?"
Spike ran one hand through his hair and tried to think of some lie to say to her. He couldn't tell her yet. He had to be face to face with her. This was too big and too important.
"Nothin' is wrong. Everthin' is perfectly normal. I jus' need to eat. 'Aven't eaten in awhile." Buffy knew the truth, but he obviously wanted to tell her in person. She thought that maybe it was better that way.
"Alright. I'll take that as an answer for now. I brought some blood along with me so things should be okay."
"Good cuz I need to drink some blood. I need to get up to my full strength."
"Okay." There was an uncomfortable silence. Neither one knew how to get out each other's dream. Last night it had ended after Buffy had kissed him. They weren't sure how to end it.
"I wonder how I get out of here?" Buffy said out loud.
"Don't know luv. How did you get out last night?"
"I just woke up after we."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Both were silent again. "Do you think that we have to. every time we want to get out?" Buffy said after five minutes of silence. For some reason even though she was asleep she felt like she wasn't. She really needed her rest and she was sure that Spike needed his.
"I don't know. We could try or we could just wait."
"Yeah well what if we what and I never get out?"
"Maybe we control it or something. Maybe last night after we kissed it was too awkward so you thought about getting out."
"I don't really remember what I thought after." Yeah right. You thought about having sex with him right there and then. Don't lie to yourself Buffy. It will only make the situation worse. Buffy thought as Spike walked closer to her.
"Well then I don't know what to do. We could just sit here and wait it out."
"I don't know. For some reason I feel like I'm wide-awake. I really need to get some rest."
"So what do you propose we do?" Buffy wasn't sure. It felt so nice to have him that close to her. She felt like she was lost in his blue eyes.
Part of Spike was wishing that she would kiss him and part of him was wishing she wouldn't. The bloody soul was making everything so damn confusing. He wanted to touch her so badly, but he could still here that little voice in the back of his head nagging him to not do this. That it was wrong because she thought that he was a soulless monster. He just couldn't stop himself from walking closer to her.
"I think that it's worth a try." Buffy said as she finally found her voice.
He was becoming the Spike that she knew and that Spike always knew which buttons to push to get her to do anything that he wanted. "Alright then." Spike gently placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her closer to him. He bent his neck down and closed the space between them by putting his lips on hers. He nibbled on her lower lip and then tried to put his tongue in her mouth. Buffy immediately parted her lips allowing him to deepen the kiss. Their tongues fought for dominance for a good five minutes before Spike pushed away.
The kiss had been a little too intense for Spike and he had to put a stop to it. "Buffy." He wasn't sure what to say to her. She didn't look angry or confused. If anything she looked. dazed. Buffy just stood there looking off into space. The kiss had been great. Somehow it had never felt like that before. Buffy wasn't sure what to do or think. She didn't even answer when Spike called her name.
"Buffy. Are you okay?" Spike was a little worried that she hadn't talked for over a minute now or he guessed considering he didn't have a watch. Finally Buffy answered him.
"Yeah just a little." She didn't know what to say. How come now things had changed and not before. It was just the same kind of kiss that they had always shared.
"A lil' what?"
"Confused. Why didn't that work?" Buffy lied, but she wasn't exactly in the mood to go into lengthy explanations.
"I dunno. Could be 'cuz that ain't the trigger or 'cuz we aren't suppose to stop dreaming yet."
"Well we've covered everything right. I don't know why the Powers aren't letting us get some sleep. Do you?" Buffy waited for Spike's answer, but looked around and couldn't see him.
"Spike! Spike, where are you?" Maybe he already left. Maybe he figured out the way and didn't tell her.
"'M right here. Jus' had to do something." He was afraid that he was going to have another flashback, but it quickly faded. "
Oh well is there anything that you need to tell me?"
"No all bases covered."
"Okay so then why am I still where?"
"Anythin' that you need to tell me?"
"What? No, only. no nothing comes to mind."
"Very strange. Let's try saying goodbye."
"Why?"
"I dunno. Runnin' outta ideas 'ere."
"Okay good bye Spike."
"Good bye luv." Nothing happened.
"Great it has to be late. Very late. What if Giles comes in my room and I'm still asleep. I need to get out of here."
"Well I don't have anything to do other then sit and wait for you to come and get me so I don't understand it."
"Neither do I. Maybe there's something that we're missing."
"All I know is. wait hold on a minute. Do you here that?"
"Hear what?"
"Someone is saying something. Can't make it out right now."
"Maybe you are going insane."
"No I think someone is gettin' close to my hiding spot. Bollocks! How am I." in and instant Spike was gone leaving Buffy all by herself.
A/N: Okay so whatcha think? Will Spike make it back in time to hide from the people on the ship? Will Buffy ever be able to sleep? Who knows you'll have to read to find out. I'm not even sure what will happen. Just going with the flow of things. I know that I'm dragging out the whole rescue of Spike, but it's just happening that way. He will be reunited with the Scoobies pretty soon. Like next chapter soon or maybe next two chapters. I just thought that I would add some steamy Spuffy encounters while everyone is waiting. Review! Please.
Chapter 5: Buffy stared out of the passenger seat window. They had been driving for at least four hours now. Giles had said that it was be a ten-hour drive from Sunnydale to San Francisco. That was without stopping at night to get some rest. She was currently eating some fast food hamburgers and fries. She had been right about one thing; it was a very boring trip. Either Giles didn't know what to say or he didn't feel like talking. Buffy was perfectly fine with comfortable silence, but this was the uncomfortable kind. She wasn't sure why all she was there was definitely something on his mind. There was something on her mind too. She was thinking about what Anya had said. Did everyone know that she was Denial Girl, but her? Everyone seemed to be saying it. What was up with that? She would have to get to the bottom of her feelings sooner or later.
She looked over at Giles. He looked tired from all the driving. She would have offered to drive, but her and cars were unmixy things. It was close to eight o'clock and they should be stopping at a rest area anyway. She was tired and was just trying to not let it show. She had been tired for a long time now. She didn't let anyone see it, but she was definitely run down.
"Hey shouldn't we be stopping soon?" Buffy asked Giles.
Giles had been engrossed in his on thoughts. He agreed that if Spike was supposed to help them that they needed him to be strong and healthy, but he question Buffy's motives on the whole thing.
"There is a rest area not to far from here. Just a couple more minutes."
"Good cause I gotta tell you. I'm worn out."
"Didn't you get any sleep last night?"
"Some, but what with the whole guest appearance in Spike's dream I barely got any. I've been feeling like this for awhile now. All worn out and tired. I don't know what it is."
"You're working yourself to hard. You need some rest."
"Like a vacation?"
"A min-vacation. I guess you could use this as a mini-vacation. Granted it isn't headed to the best place in the world, but it's time off nonetheless."
"Alright. So I'll use this like a vacation. Course your right about it not being the best vacation in the world. I'm going to pick up a vampire that might possibly be souled and insane so he can help me defeat a tree and some wind. Sounds like the perfect vacation."
Giles laughed. She had a way of making everything seem so simple. "Well you do need him."
"Yeah well he seems to think that I won't need him. He says that he's insane or something like that."
"Well I would image that he is a little nutty. He's hearing and seeing his past bad actions. For a vampire like Spike that has to be hard. He could possibly be hallucinating about things. We had better be careful."
"I can take Spike."
"That wasn't what I meant. I mean that we better be careful or we'll set of some of those bad memories. Oh dear maybe you shouldn't have come."
"Why?"
"Well Spike has done some awful things to you. Also you are the slayer and he might see himself killing the other slayers he has killed. It might trigger something big."
"You don't think it will do you?"
"It might."
"So I couldn't even be around him?"
"If it triggers some repressed memories, then yes. Killing a slayer is a big deal and that might make him even more crazy."
Buffy didn't know what to say. She went back to staring out of the window. She hadn't thought about that. She remembered what it had been like when Angel came back from hell and started reliving all his past kills. He had gone loony. If that was happening to Spike how could he be of much help? Giles pulled into a parking lot of a rest area.
"Buffy we're here." Buffy slowly made her way out of the car and walked to the room. She was still thinking about how to get Spike away from the craziness of his memories, but she had no idea about what he was going through.
Spike was sitting in his corner as usual. There was nothing to do on this boat without getting caught. He had checked it out to see what kind of ship he was on and what he could do to keep himself busy. The memories were coming back and it was hard for him to keep quite. He had smoked all his cigarettes without even noticing. He was going insane again, but he had to get it together. Buffy was going to be coming for him tomorrow night and he had to be sane if he wanted to be able to help her in the upcoming battle. He had to get his act together.
He had found out what time the ship would be getting in the docks. At nine tomorrow night. That had to give plenty of time for Buffy to get there. He hoped that maybe she would come back into one of his dreams. He just wanted to talk to her to look at her. It would make things easier. At this point any contact would make things easier. Isolation was taking its toll on Spike. He needed to talk to someone or he was going to go crazier then he already was. He would just have to wait until tomorrow night or hope that Buffy would show up in his dreams again.
Spike lied down in his corner and tried to get some sleep. He was so weak and he needed to rest. Of course he knew that he would most likely not be able to rest, but he had to try. His stomach was growling telling him that he needed to eat. Sleep was the only thing that Spike could do to keep his mind of off the hunger. The fact that he had cut himself before and lost a lot of blood didn't help. He had been trying to cut out his soul in the beginning. The first two months were spent trying to find away to get the soul out or at least trying to cut it out. He still had the scars on his chest from cutting himself so deeply. They were healing a lot slower then they should have because he hadn't drinking any blood in at least a month. Whatever he had drinking was only a little from various animals he had killed. Rats mostly.
Spike closed his eyes and wished that sleep would come soon. He could live much longer like this. 'S only a one more day, mate. Get a hold of yourself. You can't lose control cuz Buffy needs your help. After convincing himself that he just had to wait one day he feel into a troubled sleep.
Buffy sat on the bed in her room. It was a small little motel room with a double bed and a small bathroom. Buffy had said goodnight to Giles and went into her room for some much needed rest. It hadn't come as easily as she had hoped. After watching a movie and calling home to make sure things were okay, Buffy was still up and restless. She was really tired and needed to sleep if she wanted to be up to her full strength she would need some rest. She would definitely wanted to be at full strength, especially if Spike was going insane. She would have to be the one to come up with a way to keep things good.
Buffy couldn't help but think about Spike's possible soul. He had said that he had to do something that would help the both of them. He had told her that he had to do it if they stood a chance. He had gotten said soul for her. To make her happy and then she could fall in love with him and they would have the fairy tale ending. He wanted to make her happy. How many times had he tried his hardest to make her happy? Even when they had had their screwed up relationship he only did it to try and make her happy. All the things he had done lately were to make her happy and all she did was turn him away. He thought that he didn't deserve her, but Buffy was beginning to think that she didn't deserve someone who would go to great lengths to please her.
Buffy placed her head on her pillow. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She would see Spike in a day and then she would get the answers that she wanted. Even though she knew the answers to the questions. It was too much for her to think about right now. She just needed to get some sleep and think about it in the morning. One more day and you'll have the answers you're looking for. You'll get to see him and all will be revealed. Buffy thought as she drifted into a restless sleep.
Buffy found herself on the same boat as the night before. She was definitely dreaming again and she would see Spike any moment. Maybe that was a good thing. She could clear the air with him. She looked around to see if she could spot him. There he was again in that same corner curled up in a ball. Only this time he was banging his head against the wall and saying something that Buffy couldn't make out. Buffy stepped closer to Spike to hear what he was saying.
Spike hadn't realized that he was dreaming. It was weird to think that he could be dreaming about being tormented with repressed memories. He didn't even notice that Buffy was in his dream again. He just lay curled in a ball in his corner pleading for the memories to stop.
"Stop. Please stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Oh god don't do that." Buffy heard him pleading for something to stop. She rushed over to him and held him in her arms.
"Spike what's wrong?" Spike looked up at Buffy. He was having another dream or he had been sucked into one while he was trying to stop a memory.
"Nothing. I'm. I'm fine." His voice was shaky and uneven. Buffy could tell there was something wrong.
"Spike come on. Tell me."
"I'm fine alright."
Spike got up and shook Buffy's hand off of his arm. He started to run his fingers through his brown-blonde hair. "Spike are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes I'm fine. So, are we doing the whole in each other's dream thing again?" he tried to change the subject. He couldn't let Buffy see him so weak.
"I guess so. I don't know why though." She looked up at Spike. He looked even skinnier when he was standing up. He was so sick looking. "Spike you don't look so good."
"I'm okay, Buffy. I swear. Jus' need some blood and I'll be right as rain." "No you said that you were going insane. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, pet. I'll be fine and then we'll defeat this Big Bad together. Never told me what kinda demon this new Big Bad was."
"Don't change the subject. You don't look good at all. Please tell mer what is the matter."
"Not here. Not in our dream. I want to be face to face when I tell you."
Buffy knew that she wasn't going to get any more information out of him until they saw each other in person.
"Okay. So when is this ship getting to San Francisco?"
"Nine tomorrow night. Will you make it in time?"
"Yeah almost there. Right now I'm at a rest stop not to far away from the destination."
"So you gonna answer my firs' question are not?"
"Oh. It's not a demon. It's Willow."
"Red? I thought that she was off the magick?"
"She was, but then Warren shot Tara and Willow kinda went all vengency. She killed Warren and his two buddies. Then she went wild with the magic and now she's terrorizing Sunnydale."
"Is Glenda. is she dead?"
"Yeah she is." Spike stood there quiet for a minute. Buffy saw the look on his face. He had liked Tara and that had to come as a shock to him.
Spike didn't know what to think. Buffy had to be going through a lot. Her best friend was now the Big Bad she had to face and bring down.
"So what else happened in my absence that I should know 'bout. Everything okay with the Bit, the Watcher, demon girl, the whelp?"
"Do you actual care if Xander is okay?"
"I happen to care if you care."
"Everyone is good. The Magic Box isn't so good, but other then that."
"How are you holdin' up?"
This is what Buffy missed. Someone to ask her how she was doing during this time. Everyone thought that because it was her duty to bring down the bad guys she would just except Willow as a bad guy and move on. Either that or they were to busy dealing with their own pain.
"Depends on the day I guess. Some days are less painful then others. Then there are the really bad days. The days when I think that I can't make it. I guess I'm just trying to deal with everything, but my brain isn't going as fast as I would like it to. Right now I keep expecting Tara and Willow to be a happy couple. Sometimes I even forget that Tara is dead. It only last for a second and is usually in the morning when I wake up." Spike had come to sit next to Buffy. He was listening to her intently and looking at her. His eyes were filled with concern and understanding.
"So no one has been there for Buffy?"
"They are a little too wrapped up in their own grief. We all don't want to believe it and we barely got to mourn the loss of Tara. I didn't even know that Tara was dead until hours later. Of course that wasn't my fault. I was in surgery trying to be saved from a gunshot wound."
"You were shot?"
Spike couldn't believe that his Buffy had been hurt. "Are you okay? Well of course you're okay, but what happened? Who did it?" Buffy saw the concern in Spike's eyes along with some anger and. guilt.
"I'm fine or well I was fine. Willow did some magic to save me. They said I would have died if she didn't do the magical help. When Warren killed Tara he was really there to kill me. So in conclusion Warren did it."
"If he wasn't dead."
"Spike calm down. I'm alive and okay. Well not exactly okay, but alive."
"I know its jus'. I don't know. Maybe I could have done something different. If I hadn't have left then maybe I could have stopped it."
"I was outside during the day. There was nothing that would have made things different."
"You're probably right. I jus' don't know." Spike got up and started pacing around. He couldn't take it. He was feeling guilty for things he had no control over. Sure angry and concerned suited him well enough, but guilt wasn't exactly him. He only felt guilt when he hurt Buffy, which wasn't very often.
Buffy watched as Spike paced around the little room they were in. His face was a mixture of emotions, but the one that stood out the most was confusion. He was definitely confused about something.
"Spike are you going to sit down."
"No I don't think so. Lil' jittery nowadays. No more cigarettes to lessen the nerves." Buffy looked around and so what looked like a hundred cigarette butts on the floor.
"Maybe that's because you smoked all your cigarettes."
"Yeah I thought that I had enough to last me this lil' trip, but guess s'not."
"You're worrying me here."
"Come again?"
"You. You're worrying me. You're not acting like the normal Spike. What have you done with Spike? I know that this has to be some sort of alien invader or something."
"Sorry to disappoint, but this is the real me, luv. No alien invaders present."
"Well then what's up? How come you're acting so different?"
Spike ran one hand through his hair and tried to think of some lie to say to her. He couldn't tell her yet. He had to be face to face with her. This was too big and too important.
"Nothin' is wrong. Everthin' is perfectly normal. I jus' need to eat. 'Aven't eaten in awhile." Buffy knew the truth, but he obviously wanted to tell her in person. She thought that maybe it was better that way.
"Alright. I'll take that as an answer for now. I brought some blood along with me so things should be okay."
"Good cuz I need to drink some blood. I need to get up to my full strength."
"Okay." There was an uncomfortable silence. Neither one knew how to get out each other's dream. Last night it had ended after Buffy had kissed him. They weren't sure how to end it.
"I wonder how I get out of here?" Buffy said out loud.
"Don't know luv. How did you get out last night?"
"I just woke up after we."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Both were silent again. "Do you think that we have to. every time we want to get out?" Buffy said after five minutes of silence. For some reason even though she was asleep she felt like she wasn't. She really needed her rest and she was sure that Spike needed his.
"I don't know. We could try or we could just wait."
"Yeah well what if we what and I never get out?"
"Maybe we control it or something. Maybe last night after we kissed it was too awkward so you thought about getting out."
"I don't really remember what I thought after." Yeah right. You thought about having sex with him right there and then. Don't lie to yourself Buffy. It will only make the situation worse. Buffy thought as Spike walked closer to her.
"Well then I don't know what to do. We could just sit here and wait it out."
"I don't know. For some reason I feel like I'm wide-awake. I really need to get some rest."
"So what do you propose we do?" Buffy wasn't sure. It felt so nice to have him that close to her. She felt like she was lost in his blue eyes.
Part of Spike was wishing that she would kiss him and part of him was wishing she wouldn't. The bloody soul was making everything so damn confusing. He wanted to touch her so badly, but he could still here that little voice in the back of his head nagging him to not do this. That it was wrong because she thought that he was a soulless monster. He just couldn't stop himself from walking closer to her.
"I think that it's worth a try." Buffy said as she finally found her voice.
He was becoming the Spike that she knew and that Spike always knew which buttons to push to get her to do anything that he wanted. "Alright then." Spike gently placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her closer to him. He bent his neck down and closed the space between them by putting his lips on hers. He nibbled on her lower lip and then tried to put his tongue in her mouth. Buffy immediately parted her lips allowing him to deepen the kiss. Their tongues fought for dominance for a good five minutes before Spike pushed away.
The kiss had been a little too intense for Spike and he had to put a stop to it. "Buffy." He wasn't sure what to say to her. She didn't look angry or confused. If anything she looked. dazed. Buffy just stood there looking off into space. The kiss had been great. Somehow it had never felt like that before. Buffy wasn't sure what to do or think. She didn't even answer when Spike called her name.
"Buffy. Are you okay?" Spike was a little worried that she hadn't talked for over a minute now or he guessed considering he didn't have a watch. Finally Buffy answered him.
"Yeah just a little." She didn't know what to say. How come now things had changed and not before. It was just the same kind of kiss that they had always shared.
"A lil' what?"
"Confused. Why didn't that work?" Buffy lied, but she wasn't exactly in the mood to go into lengthy explanations.
"I dunno. Could be 'cuz that ain't the trigger or 'cuz we aren't suppose to stop dreaming yet."
"Well we've covered everything right. I don't know why the Powers aren't letting us get some sleep. Do you?" Buffy waited for Spike's answer, but looked around and couldn't see him.
"Spike! Spike, where are you?" Maybe he already left. Maybe he figured out the way and didn't tell her.
"'M right here. Jus' had to do something." He was afraid that he was going to have another flashback, but it quickly faded. "
Oh well is there anything that you need to tell me?"
"No all bases covered."
"Okay so then why am I still where?"
"Anythin' that you need to tell me?"
"What? No, only. no nothing comes to mind."
"Very strange. Let's try saying goodbye."
"Why?"
"I dunno. Runnin' outta ideas 'ere."
"Okay good bye Spike."
"Good bye luv." Nothing happened.
"Great it has to be late. Very late. What if Giles comes in my room and I'm still asleep. I need to get out of here."
"Well I don't have anything to do other then sit and wait for you to come and get me so I don't understand it."
"Neither do I. Maybe there's something that we're missing."
"All I know is. wait hold on a minute. Do you here that?"
"Hear what?"
"Someone is saying something. Can't make it out right now."
"Maybe you are going insane."
"No I think someone is gettin' close to my hiding spot. Bollocks! How am I." in and instant Spike was gone leaving Buffy all by herself.
A/N: Okay so whatcha think? Will Spike make it back in time to hide from the people on the ship? Will Buffy ever be able to sleep? Who knows you'll have to read to find out. I'm not even sure what will happen. Just going with the flow of things. I know that I'm dragging out the whole rescue of Spike, but it's just happening that way. He will be reunited with the Scoobies pretty soon. Like next chapter soon or maybe next two chapters. I just thought that I would add some steamy Spuffy encounters while everyone is waiting. Review! Please.
