"Ok" she said quietly and shut her eyes. Partly to avoid Marissa's declaration, partly because she just wanted to sleep, and lose her self in dreams and unconsciousness. Marissa lay looking hurt. An awkward silence swept across the apartment like a ghost, chilling them both. Alex opened one eye slightly to spy on Marissa. Sure enough, she still lay there, with a glazed expression, her eyes wide open, still. She looked like a broken doll.
"Look, Marissa…I…" she mumbled, searching all of the words she knew for an appropriate explanation to her sudden shock.
"Save it" said Marissa. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what Alex was thinking, or whatever excuse she was formulating as the two exchanged glances. She wasn't angry, just upset, and she knew this wouldn't change much. However, Marissa thought there was nothing worse than saying "I love you" and not hearing it back.
"Please Marissa, don't be like this"
"Like what?"
"Look Marissa, I don't want you to think all this bad shit about me…I care for you right now more than anyone, and I'm thankful for what you said I really am" Marissa leaped out of bed before Alex had chance to continue.
"Whoa! Wait a minute! You're thankful? Out of all the things in the world you could have felt from those words you're thankful!" she paused. "I don't believe this" she walked over to her bag. And walked out of the room into the lounge. Alex sighed and slowly got up and followed.
"Marissa, at least let me explain"
"What is there to explain…you don't love me"
"Marissa…I…" by this time, Marissa was dressed, somewhat scruffy, but dressed; she pulled on her shoes, and her clothes which were still damp. And uncomfortable.
"You can keep the sweatshirt" she choked at her. And ran out. She attempted to slam the door behind her but Alex caught it. She shouted after her.
"Marissa…that's it! Turn and run it's all you ever do! Go have a childish mood swing just because I'm not in love with you!" she slammed the door on her. Either side of the door the girls felt very different things, but tears were shed with no prejudice.
Marissa had nowhere to go, in the pouring rain; she escaped to Summer's house.
"Hello?" she knocked.
"This better be Good, it's mighty early for a Sunday!" she heard Summer yelling as she shuffled wearily to the door.
"My God Coop! What the hell happened to you?" She exclaimed. Marissa did nothing but cry. Summer grabbed her and led her indoors in a hug
"I told her…I told her," she whispered.
"What, Coop? What did you tell her?" she said in the most calming manor possible. Closing the door with her free arm.
"I said I loved her."
"Oh, and I'm guessing it didn't go so well"
"She said "Ok"…that's all she fucking said"
"I swear to God! Do you want me to hurt her? 'Cause I swear Coop, I'll tear her a new…"
"No. It's ok" she interrupted.
"Do you really love her?"
"Of course I do! I wouldn't have said it other wise"
"I thought…well…you could have been drunk?"
"At ten AM on a Sunday?" she gave Summer a look, complete with raised eyebrows, and let out a small smile in Summer's direction.
"Sorry Coop." Marissa let out a small laugh. And wiped her nose on her sleeve. Marissa explained the entire first date situation to Summer.
"Aww! That's so sweet! As if you did that for her…She's stupid not to love you!" Marissa almost started crying again, but regained herself. "Come on…we'll go pick up your car".
There was silence as they drove. Nothing but music filled the car, neither dare speak over it, it was such a beautiful song. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter played over the speakers and Marissa struggled hard not to cry.
Alex meanwhile was sat alone, bolt upright in the center of the freezing cold floor. Wearing nothing but Marissa's hooded sweatshirt, and her pants she cried roughly, biting her nails. Alex was notorious for this, for inflicting emotions on others, good or bad, she spread a bad mood like a disease. She would say things, she knew weren't true. Just to worsen the situation sometimes, she had been hurt, and ever since that day pushed people away like they had the plague. She thought she had lost Marissa too now. It wasn't that she didn't love her, she did, she was just so terrified that what Marissa was saying wasn't true, that she had rushed her into things and it was merely a sleepy afterglow reaction. She was also scared that they might have clashing opinions on what love was. Marissa had been in love with, and dumped, two guys before. Where as she, had only loved once. And it hurt. Pushing people away was Alex's last line of defence. What she felt for Marissa was painfully real, she found herself trusting her more than anyone she ever had, even Jodie. It felt more special with a girl anyway, more intimate, and more intense. The feelings were stronger, special, and just exploded in your face. She did love Marissa, but the question was, could she trust herself enough to say it. To say it, mean it and not get hurt. After the pain she was going through at the thought of losing Marissa, she knew she had to…she had to tell her.
Marissa sit in summer's car. The rain still pouring, the music had stopped now, making the sound of the rain much more fierce. Summer had luckily remembered her spare key to Marissa's car she left once.
"You sure you're going to be ok Coop? I do worry about you!"
"I'll be fine"
"Go make it up with her. Go be happy, you deserve it" she smiled.
"I will…thanks for calming me down Sum, I needed it."
"If I'm not here for you at ten AM on a Sunday, who is?" she smiled again and hugged Marissa. "You're amazing, but you have way too much pride sometimes. Go get the girl back, Cosmo-Girl, and don't forget to give her a slap from me, for what she said!"
"I deserved it…I have to go tell her that it shouldn't matter whether she loves me back or not. I fell in love with her…it should be unconditional."
"Yup! Good luck honey" she said kissing Marissa on the cheek. Marissa exited the car and climbed straight into hers, avoiding the rain.
Alex was now drinking whiskey, peeling off the label slowly, and getting more drunk by the second. She wasn't an alcoholic, and she had no problems with drink, except she liked it. She just thought she would get drunk because she could…no other reasons. It made her feel happy for a while at least and she didn't care. By the time she'd almost finished the bottle she stopped diluting it and started drinking it straight from the bottle, she left the house for a walk. She contemplated going to the tree, but the weather was awful. She made her way to the Cooper-Nichol residence.
Marissa was driving to Alex's apartment, the rain made visibility terrible, and she continued to drive until she got there. Running out to the door, she banged on the door violently. No answer. Leaving the car parked outside as a signal to Alex, Marissa started home. When she turned the corner she was shocked to see Alex. Sat on her garden wall, swigging from a bottle of whiskey.
"Alex?" said Marissa in disbelief.
"Marissa!" she yelled. Her speech was clearly slurred and she was clearly very happy to see Marissa. She jumped off the wall and ran towards her sweeping her into a hug.
"Marissa! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean what I said; it's a long story I'm sure you don't want to hear. But I swear. Marissa, I love you!"
"I love you too" she smiled. "Keep it down, my mom's in there". Alex slammed her empty bottle to ground and spread out her arms. And screamed so loud everyone must have heard.
"I love you Marissa cooper!" she elongated the last word. And kissed her so passionately there in the rain, that Marissa almost cried.
"What is going on here?" the unmistakable voice of Julie Cooper-Nichol stopped them like a deer in the headlights.
