December 15

Dear Journal,

I was in London shopping with Ami and I saw this really really cute dress for the School's formal. My plan is to get a dress, then dance with all these other guys and make Wes-no I promised no more thinking about him. Yet that didn't last long because I was in the shop and came out trying on my dress. It's strapless and has a slit up to my Ami merely laughed and told me I would turn quite a few heads. It was true I did feel hot, yet I also felt a bit slutty so I looked around for another dress, which I found. (Wow I look good in it.) So then I am eating at this tiny small cafe with Ami. She said to me.

"I was thinking of buying that red dress, I mean you looked as you Americans would say "One hot mama." Ami was very informed on the ways of us Americans.

"I believe terms Americans use more is Sexy, but that's just what I heard." said a familiar voice. I turned around. He stood there wearing a white oxford with blue vertical stripes. The sleeves rolled up, a dog tag around his neck. His hair spiked up in the front, and he had quite beefed up which I knew he would do because he no longer had to hide he could work out freely, and be more of himself. Sure he wasn't a beast or anything yet he defiantly wasn't a wimp anymore.

"We didn't ask your opinion," said Ami to the mysterious boy who had just jumped into the conversation probably with a perverted mind in her book.

"No Ami it's ok." I said as I turned to Wesley.

"Can we talk?" he asked nervously.

"I don't know I'm sort of here with a friend." I said sweetly and casually.

"Oh yeh well uuh ok." he said obviously nervous.

"Yeh, seya around." I told him really sweetly. Once he left me and Ami fell into a fit of giggles, I totally just brushed off a guy.

Yet for some odd reason I found myself going down to the old subway station later that afternoon. Oh god why the hell am I here? I kept on repeating that to myself as I kept on taking steps towards the old abandon subway cart. As I cam in I heard grunts and punches coming from another cart, behind the one that held all his books and sleeping cot. I walked to the other cart to see him punching a punching bag. Obviously letting out lots of anger and frustration. It came to the point where I saw blood start to appear on the bag.

"Stupid." he muttered.

"You never wrote." I merely said standing in the doorway. He turned to me. Thankfully he didn't see me blush, because he had a 4 pack.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "I've written you every day since last month." he looked at me desperately trying to get me to believe me. "But I stopped a week ago."

"Why?" I asked him.

"My father." he mumbled. "He must also be the reason why you didn't get my mail, that bastard I-I." he merely made a fist yet then looked at it in shock. I could read him like I always could. His father gets him so pissed off, but then he remember when he killed him so he is all like deadly silent.

"Your not him Wesley." I muttered.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I walk over to him calmly, wearing jeans and a white turtleneck. The sleeves are a little long, yet it's perfect everywhere else and I can see that as I walk over to him calmly and how he blushes. Guy probably does have the same mind as a 17-year-old boy. Yet Wesley was a gentleman, one of the reasons I still care for him.

"I know you better then anyone Wesley." I whisper. He looks at me wide-eye. Those baby blue eyes that made him look so much younger when he was older. Just like they do now. "And I know you are not you father. Now why won't he let you-"

"Because your an American, poor, and I-I-"

"Yes?" I whispered. He turns his back on me. (Good think he can't seem me cause if he knew where I looked when he turned around he would of turned a shade of maroon.)

"Winifred (oh god he said my full name. That's pretty hot to.) I'm bethroned to someone else."

Ok all the hot factors about Wesley are thrown out the freaking window.

"I'm sorry?" I asked in disbelief.

"I am bethroned to another girl...in the future, her family decides to change it at the last minute because I was to wussy and now-"

"You obviously aren't a wuss anymore." I whisper.

"Yeh." he whispered back as I got closer to him.

"And my parents would never approve of me dating you. I'm not "bethroned" but they always talk about me marrying this boy who lives next door, but I'm sort of sucked into an alternate dimension before that happens." and I continued to get closer.

"Yeh" he whispers once more.

"Wesley this is so wrong." I whispered.

"Then why does it feel so right?" he whispered back and we kiss once more.

Oh god, oh god, he kissed down my neck and it was just so hot! I really wanted more of him; in fact I wanted all of him. He had me up against the wall this time.

"Fred" he whispered into my ear while kissing me and tugging on my earlobe. "We" kiss "have to kiss stop."

"Yeh I know." I am so panting. He suddenly leaves me and jumps back to the other side of the cart. We both look at each other panting, both wanting so much damm more.

"T-that was."

"Intense? Hot?"

"Addicting." he grinned. I then sighed deeply and sat upon the matted ground. He walked over to me and sat at my side. "What is it?"

"What are we going to do? No ones going to let us be together."

"Don't worry we'll find a way." he replied wrapping an arm around my shoulder and kissing my forehead.

"God the girls, are not going to believe this." I chuckled. "They had been seriously mopping with me for the last 30 days."

"Girls?"

"Ami, and Ashley Baker." suddenly Wesley's chest which my head was resting on stopping moving, meaning he had stopped breathing.

"Wesley what is it?"

"I'm bethroned to Ashley Baker." I look up at him confused and hurt. I give him a peck and he looks at me confused. I gave him another kiss but it was light. Then I kiss him and he doesn't hold back. God he was so damm gorgeous. Next thing I knew we were making out again.

I missed my curfew to be back at the hotel where all the girls were staying. I had stayed out late with Wesley. We didn't stay in the cart and make-out. No, you see this is Wesley. He just used a baseball cap, and I used a busboy hat and I wore sunglasses and no one recognized any of us. So we went out to dinner, a nice Chinese Restraints. The one we never went to because I got sick. He held my hand, and we played footsie under the table. We talked about movies, and stuff. We were a regular 17-year-old couple. No parents to retract us from each other, no demons trying to kill us, and no prophecy saying we have an undying doom. He walked me all the way back to the hotel. Held my hand and we laughed and joked. About old times, and what we want to be when we grow up besides watchers. (Turns out he always wanted to be a reporter weird huh? Cause so does I! Weird weird and how does one say, weird?) I would never trade that night for anything. We did one last long passionate kiss before I climbed the fire escapes back up to my room and got into bed just as headmistresses passed us to make sure we were in bed.


December 16

Dear Journal,

I spent the entire day with Wesley. We went to this small coffee shop and ate breakfast together. Ok, we were wearing jeans, that dog tag again, and this plain old navy blue sweater that was a v-neck and he rolled up his sleeves. Oh god talks about hormones, after breakfast we made out. Then we went to a movie, then to the park, then he showed me around London, then lunch, made-out, more of London, dinner and then came the best part of the day. He took me the Tower Bridge, and it was all isolated, and on the walk way we looked down into the river of Thames.

"Wow" I merely said. "Long Way down." I was leaning over the edge slightly.

"Yes," he gulped.

"Your afraid of heights?"

"Slightly yes." he said obviously going nowhere near the edge.

"Come on." I said giving him a small smile and I spoke softly. Taking his hand I pulled him near the edge. He held onto my hand tightly and kept his eyes closed. "Come on you baby open them." I giggled. He opened them and gasped and shut them immediately.

"Winifred Burkle, I have no clue how you make me do these things." he said his eyes completely closed.

"I dunno, guess it's my power." I giggled, and Wesley immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. It was then I realized what I had said.

"Your power was not to let Illyria take you."

"Yeh, well all well. Hey Wes check out th-"

"Fred, we haven't talked about you...dying since we've been together."

"Well neither have you." I said defensively.

"I got caught open, and died in the evil bitch that took over your body. Not that complicated...unlike you."

"Wes, could we not talk ab-"

"We have to Fred." he merely said to me, and my back was to him. I swirled around and looked at him dead in the eye. "I was terrified ok?" He merely looks at me gently, and cups my cheek and wipes away a tear with his thumb because I am about to cry. "Wesley I was so scared! To have my life slowly taken from me. Do have any idea what that's like?"

He looks at me dead in the eye and says, "The moment you died Fred, I started to die to. Except unlike you, I didn't have a death to look forward to. Just an ongoing, unfulfilling life."

"Oh Wesley" I whispered before he captures my mouth and we start kissing again.

"Fred I want to show you something's." and he takes off his dog chain. Turns out it's a locket. I open it and my eyes nearly fall from my socket. One side it's a picture of us. It was the day Cordliea came back. Cordy is on Wes's back laughing and everyone's smiling, and laughing. Spike was in the picture doing bunny ears to Angel. Harmony wasn't in it thankfully. And in the picture Wesley in the corner of his eye is looking at me. Then on the other side there's a picture of us on our first date he had taken.

"W-w-hat? W-where? W-"

"I found it in the middle of the street one day. I think it's all predestined or something. Like I was meant to have it. I'm not sure." I close the lock it and place it around his neck. By grabbing each side of the dog tag and placing it around his neck and clip it together but meanwhile I have start to kiss him once more. That night was the night that I had really found my Wesley again.


December 22, 1991

Dear Journal,

I'm going home for the Holidays, thanks to Mr. Dixie's donation. And hehehhehehe guess who I'm bringing with me? Yep! Wesley! Hehehehhe, he lied to his parents telling them he needs to stay for the holidays to do some extra credit work. Their parents totally go for it. So here I am in a plan with lalalalala Wesley! He's holding my hand totally scared about the whole height thing. It's adorable! So we get off at the airport in Texas and Mom and Dad are there and they're all happy when they see me, yet when they see a boy following me, and holding my hand they immediately lose there smiles. I run over and hug them tightly, I really did miss them.

"Fred hunny welcome home! Now who's this?" asked her mother looking at Wesley up and down almost as in expecting him.

"Mamma, Dad meet Wesley Wyndam Pryce my boyfriend." I say proudly. My father looks as if he's about to kill while my mother looks as if she's about to cry.

"I've heard a lot about you." he says calmly shaking my dad's hand. My dad grips his hand firmly, and I could read Wesley's face, unlike anyone other. My father wants to rip his hand off. Yet he says nothing and shows no sign of weakness.

"Fred sweetie you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend."

"Well, he's sort of a new one."

"How long have you been going out?" asked Roger?

"About a month." says Wesley calmly.

"Fred you never mention him in the letters you sent us." Said Mama.

"Ma! Come on, let's go home." I smile and take Wesley by the hand who looks unsure about coming here was such a great idea but I pull him along anyways.


December 23, 1991

Dear Journal,

Thank god mama and dad visit me in the future. So Wesley knows what they like gaining him the advantage. So he knows their simple, and good people. We come home and sitting in the living room and there's all this tension.

"So where did you guys meet?" asked Mama. In a hell dimension, he was leading a rebel army to save my life. Even though it's not supposed to happen for years.

"In a coffee shop."

"A coffee shop?" asked Roger skeptically.

"Yes, well your daughter here ordered the last-"

"Cup of hot chocolate." I smiled. If they freak out this much over a boyfriend I'd hate to tell them I'm drinking coffee.

"Yes, well she accidentally spills it all over me." he said calmly. "And we started talking."

"So you guys are pretty serious?" asked Trish just as skeptical as her husband.

"Ma!" I said in annoyance.

"Well I was just wondering." she said defensively.

"Uuuh yes well it's getting late maybe we should all to bed," said Wesley calmly

"Yeh, to bed...in separate rooms...alone... away from each other..." said Roger.

"We're the first room by the stairs."

"So we hear anyone going down them." Roger said completing his wife's thought.

"Or going up them." and my mother who looked square at Wesley.

"And Wesley is sleeping on the couch." Roger continued.

"So lets just say Fred comes down for a midnight snack."

"Hunny we'd know." Roger replied grimly. I could see Wesley gulp. My parents we way over protective.

"Ok well good thing I won't be hungry." I told them and we went off to bed. I was really nervous because ma and I left daddy and Wes alone.


December 24, 1991 (1:20 AM)

Dear Journal,

I met Wesley in the barn at Midnight. To bad I don't need the stairs just the tree that's outside my window. I had slipped him the note, knowing my parents would do this. When he was unpacking for his PJ's he must of found it.

We met outside in the barn, he was there first and I ran over and wrapped my arms around his neck and we started kissing. Phheewww let me tell you, his kiss's, not getting any less explosive. Once we stopped for a moment he held my hand and we sat up in the loft of the barn looking at the clear sky.

"Your fathers very-"

"To other boys the scariest person alive." I grinned looking up at him.

"I was going to say interesting."

"What did he say to you?"

"One he doesn't like me, two that if I hurt you he'll come and kill me, and three they haven't seen you this happy in a while." he grinned as he came to "three". I squealed and wrapped my arms around his neck again and we started kissing again. Hmmm god he taste good. Then he stops all of a sudden and gets serious. "Winifred...eventually we're going to have to stop fooling around and figure out what's going on," he whispered. Fooling around? This is fooling around? Sure maybe making out is fooling around, but he meant the whole relationship, so I tell him exactly what I was thinking.

"Fooling around? This is fooling around to you?" I tell him clearly upset. He looks at me all desperately with those delicious baby blue eyes of his.

"Fred, I didn't mean it like that." he said not wanting to hurt me yet it was so late. It did hurt. I start to walk away but he grabs my arm. "Fred, please don't leave me." he whispers. I then look at him shocked, he was so desperate. "Please don't leave me again." I gasped, oh god, I had forgotten one big factor. Illyria...Illyria was there...hurting him... reminding him constantly of the love he lost.

"Oh Wesley I'm sorry." I say breathlessly before kissing him again.

"Y-you have no c-clue how much it hurt when you l-left."

"Shhh baby I'm here now." I whispered and kissed him softly all over his face, kissing away the tears. When I back away I cup his cheek. "I won't leave you I promise." and with that he holds me tightly. We snuggled and eventually have to separate, to go to bed. Yet I won't forget that I'm not the only one who needs the other. Wesley needs me just as much as I need him. I will not forget it. Just like what Wesley said was true. We can't stop acting like it isn't going to happen. Something big is coming...and if we don't start buckling down who knows what's going to happen.