Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah... Harry Potter is © JK Rowling, obviously.
Surreal
Prologue
I don't know why I said yes to him. Perhaps it was the butterbeer getting to my head. Even though I was in 2nd year, I had some "upper class" friends who could manage to sneak me a few drinks back from Hogsmeade. Yes, they were rather thoughtful. I smiled to myself grimly. Did I really want this happen? I rolled over on my belly and exhaled. The warmth and comfort of my bed had always been soothing to me. On several years, when I blew out my birthday candles, I wished that I could spend the rest of my life in my bed and also succeed in life, becoming a millionaire. But so far, the wishes have deceived me and each night, I broke my back studying. I exhaled again slowly, taking in and memorizing each and every little detail on my ceiling. I was only twelve (soon to be thirteen, hooray!), but I've always been mature for my age. Of course, just hanging out with my friends, I've never showed my side to me and they'd probably laugh so hard that they'd pee their pants if I ever called myself mature. Talk about supportive, eh?
I did a few more belly-flops on my bed, just having deep thoughts about life, in general. How lucky I was to be here, living in Hogwarts, inside a... safe, protected castle surrounded by friends. But was I really happy? Or perhaps was all this surreal? I don't know... after all, I'm only 12!
I reached under my bed (and into who knows what) and pulled out a tattered, dilapidated book. It was just a bunch of old paper bounded together by a beautiful, but very worn, black leather. It had been a gift from my sister, Petunia... before I came to Hogwarts. Petunia and I... we were very close. The ties that separated us were that she was a Muggle, I was a witch. After I received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, we turned into oil and water... never mixing. It was actually quite a pity, really... we were the best of friends before, and things just broke apart after she realized I was a 'freak' - her favorite word to describe me. Yes, loving family, too, hm? My parents... damn, let's not even go there.
I took out my quill and sucked on the tip, deep in thought. It was quite a nasty habit, sucking on the tips of quills. First of all, it tasted horrible and once I sucked the ink right out of the pot! My teeth were black for days, weeks even! Quite a nasty experience and I'd prefer it if it didn't happen again, thank you very much. Anyways, I begin to scrawl the date in the most legible handwriting I could muster at the moment. Suddenly, I stopped. What's the point? Realizing that this is the most I'm going to ever write in this journal, I put it away slowly, making sure the pages didn't rip or the leather didn't snag on who-knows-what under my bed.
Feeling a tad depressed, I wanted some social in my life right now and walked down to the common room. The first face I saw was James Potter. Oh god, my "boyfriend". I don't even know why I said yes to him. I sank in to peer pressure, I guess. I felt a guilty stab in my stomach. I promised myself I'd never give into peer pressure and lately, I just realized how hard that really was.
He smiled at me, showing his dimples. Oh sure, he was cute and all... but I don't even know me. He walked over. "Hey you," He grinned, putting his arm around my waist.
I smiled back at him, but inside I was having a fit. I wish he would take his hand off my waist. Calm down, Lily... calm down.
"How are you?" The grin was still on his face, but it looked plastered. He cocked his head to one side and stared back curiously at me.
Oh god, how I hated him in that moment, but I managed to suppress my bulging passion by coating it over with one of my best fake smiles that looked genuinely real. "I'm fine," I replied breezily. "How about you? Quidditch going good?" I pretended to be interested in his reply.
"Oh, it's going okay, Slytherin is getting better, but I'm confident that Gryffindor will beat them, as usual," He replied to me, looking mystified. I bet he didn't know I liked Quidditch, but he seemed to buy my fake smile and interest. I smiled to myself. I am that good.
"That's good to know," I nodded. Great, 3 minutes into the conversation and we already ran out of things to say. Great couple we were, eh?
"Yeah," He replied, looking kind of bored. Hey, I can't blame him.
"James," I said suddenly... then took a pause. I had to do it. "I got to go to the Library - homework!" I dashed off through the Common Room to the Library faster than you could say 'Lily'. When I made sure I was a good distance away from the entrance of the Common Room, I hung my head down in shame. I should've broken up with him and I had no idea what was holding me back. Maybe it was destiny or anything. I laughed dryly, yeah right.
I walked into the library. Why am I here again? It's not like I needed to actually fulfill my excuse for a narrow escape. Oh well. Might as well look at some of the selection of books. The librarian greeted me with a smile that was a genuine, real one. It looked kind of freaky to me. Maybe it's because I'm too used to the fake smiles. Whatever, I shrugged the feeling off. I've always been smiling my fake smiles for awhile now. It may seem freaky, but it's really now. Ever since I realized I only had me, myself, and I in this lonely, cold world, I've been like this. Like my last boyfriend, Danny Stuart, said, "Lily, I can't believe your this jaded." Of course, my friends never knew this about me, except maybe Arabella. Arabella Figg... her last name is corny, I know, but names don't judge a person's personality. She was beautiful, inside and out. I loved her like I would've loved my sister. Keyword: would've. Anyways, we were best friends since way back when we were ickle firsties. (Should I even call myself an 'ickle firstie' when that was only last year? I am after all, only in 2nd year.) Anyways, we knew all of each other secrets. I think someone made a mistake when my mother got pregnant with Petunia, it felt like she should've given birth to Arabella. That's how close we were to each other and how much we loved each other. It was an amazing bond we shared. I loved it.
Days passed after the incident with Potter and my passion of resentment toward my 'friends' grew. Ahh, how I hated them. But I came up with a simple solution that would probably take days, weeks, and months even to successfully work. I'd slowly distance myself from them. It doesn't sound like anything, but I just had a feeling, a spark (if you will), that it would.
After a week, I broke if off with James. It was simple and unnerving, thank God. I didn't care much for him, and I don't think he cared much for me, either. I was quiet and barely talk to him. Great girlfriend, hm? Anyways, glad it was off, I felt like I could finally breathe again.
And in a way, that was true... I inhaled deeply and smiled toward the setting sun. I could breathe again.
