Disclaimer : I do not own the Harry Potter series, the world, galaxy, or universe contained within J.K Rowling's pages, and mind. Another thing I do not own is They're Coming To Take Me Away By : Napoleon XIV, and Black Friday Rule By : Flogging Molly (Just one last time :D)
Chapter Four : The Verdict
« Tea for Two I presume ? » Fudge asked the two boys, one wearing glasses the other red hair.
« Yes'm » Ron said.
« Madam ? ! » Fudge asked with a slight, almost fake laugh.
« Yes'm »
« Tea. Right. Ok. »
After about three minutes of boiling water for their peppermint tea, Fudge stood and made their tea. He added something, but Ron nor Harry could tell. A blueberry muffin for Harry and a buttermilk biscuit for Ron were also served on plates with borders of blue and red ribbons, with a green turtle on the middle.
« You understand I have been very rude to you boys today, so I've made you a tad bit of a snack. Bon Appetit ! » Fudge said this with a casual smile on his face.
« What did you add earlier to the tea ? » Harry asked.
« Nothing ? Why ? What are you talking about ? Nothing ! » Fudge stated clearly pronouncing his vowels and constanents clearly.
« We saw you add something. » said Harry thinking it could be Veritaserum, which Dumbledore gave to his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in his fourth year.
« No. I did not add anything. Now eat your snack or I shall throw it away. » Fudge said suddenly with complete anger.
« Yes'm »
Harry pulled out a rather large syringe with white powder inside and added it to the muffin and tea. He knew that sugar made Veritaserum the exact opposite.
« What was that ? »
« Oh, well I added a little flavor. »
Fudge pondered.
And pondered.
And pondered a little more. He pondered till his eyes bulged out and then his brain grew bore.
« I'm bored. » said Fudge's brain.
« I know you are. » said Fudge's thoughts speaking to Fudge's brain which is pretty much like his brain talking to himself.
He pondered just a tad bit more until suddenly….
Until suddenly, he asked them a question.
« Harry !?YA KILL UMBRIDGE ? »
« Yes I did. » Harry said actually having the Veritaserum work on him, but with him telling lies.
« Did you add sugar to your muffin and tea Harry ? »
« No, I didn't. »
Fudge pondered just a tad bit more, luckily, he stopped right before he almost died of pondering.
« Harry James Potter, you may leave, thank you for your time. You may wait in the room through that door. The bathroom is in the back. We are still working on walls, so the donation box is on the opposite side of the room next to the sweat room, which is next to our offices, which is next to the fitness room, which it right next to the bathroom. »
« Yes sir. » Harry said somewhat sadly.
« Ron, did you murder former Professor of Defense Against The Dark Arts at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizradry, who was recently a ministry witch, special assistant to Minsister of Magic, who is me, and who I assigned Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher when Dumbledore was having trouble looking for someone to fill in the position after who was supposedly Mad-Eye Moody, but turned out to be Bartemius « Barty » Crouch, Jr. who is a pale young boy with straw-coloured hair, who became part of the Death Eaters, tortured the Longbottoms for information, because they were Aurors, but were caught, sent to Azkaban, who was rescued by his mother who convinced his father to allow her to change places with the boy because she was dying, went to Azkaban, took the Polyjuice Potion, to make her look like her son, and gave him the Polyjuice Potion, so that he could become her, and then went on to become Defense Against The Arts Of The Dark Powers Which Lurk Around What Could Be The Room You Are In, The House In Which You Live, The Neighborhood Where you are, The Town, The Country, The Entire World, The Entire Galaxy, The Entire Universe where Dark Arts Are, And Are Ready To Strike You And Send You Through Pain Class, Otherwise known as Defense Against The Dark Arts class, which at the next year, a woman came, first becoming Hogwarts High Inquisitor and eventually would become headmistress then have a class turn against her forming a different session during that year entitled Dumbledore's Army, in which they preform advanced magic and that Harry James Potter taught, finally, be attacked by Centaurs and be rescued by Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore, but didn't because this story is AU, and I cannot handle the suspense any longer saying I am finally running out of my breath in my elephant-sized lung capacity, the woman named Delores Jane Umbridge. »
« Yes I did. But no, I did not need to hear her life story in one sentence. » Ron said with an expression-less face after gulping down a sip of the peppermint tea. His eyes were peering nowhere.
« Come with me. » Fudge said. He backed up his chair, but first did something with Ronald Weasley's tea leaves, « It appears you have the Grim, my boy. »
As Ronald Weasley stood and turned the golden finger-printed vibrating doorknob, he suddenly felt extremley light-headed. He then turned the doorknob and walked out into the room feeling extremely depressed until he saw Harry leading the entire Ministry of Magic in song.
« I want to believe--- »
« WAIT STOP ! WAIT WAIT WAIT ! ! ! » Harry was yelling, « LETS DO IT FOR THEM ! »
« ONE ! TWO ! ONE TWO THREE FOUR ! »
« I want to believe in myself once again,
So I dream of a man whose hopes never end.
To kiss with a girl who's as lovely as you,
I'd give you my heart if you gave me the truth.
And for every tear that is lost from an eye,
I'd dig me a well that no many could destroy.
I want to believe in a freedom that's bold,
But all I remember is the freedom of old.
HEY !
Well I lost me a wife, but I found me a plane,
Flew all the way to Californeeia.
This mess in my head is a mess getting out,
You drink too much coffee, I drink too much stout.
But after a while, when my mouth's not so dry, »
(A/N : I know how to spell California, that's how they pronounce it in the song.)
After the part of the song was over, the crowd had something else to share before Ron had left for Azkaban.
« OK ! OK ! OK ! » Harry exclaimed, after the cheering had died down, « We have another presentation, and it is of Albus…DUMBLEDORE ! He will be doing a breakdance for us. With the help of a random guy doing random beats in his own random way. »
Albus Dumbledore, and another six foot tall man next to him with a paper bag over his head with two holes for eyes and a big black quiestion mark printed on the bag, suddenly, the old man started doing flips in the air and on the ground more than about 99 per second. Soon, he exploded and died. His still beating heart flew into Harry's head, which made him temporarily blind.
« I have terrible news for you. » Fudge told everbody, addressing them as « you », « Ronald's Weasley's guilty of killing The former Defense Against the Dark Art teacher, Hogwarts High ---»
« We don't need to know her life story ! » Ron yelled at him.
« Fine, then. Ron's just going to Azkaban, no biggie. »
……gasps and whispers and murmurs and gasps…. Then Ron left for Azkaban.
«Remember when you ran away,
And I got on my knees
And begged you not to leave,
Because I'd go beserk ?
Well you left me anyhow,
And then the days got worse and worse,
And now you see I've gone,
Completely out of my mind !
And they're coming to take me away ha-haaa
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha-haaa
To the Funny Farm !
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats,
And they're coming to take me away ha haaa !
You thought it was a joke,
And so you laughed,
You laughed when I said
That losing you would make you flip my lid,
Right ?You know you laughed
I heard you laugh. You laughed
You laughed and laughed and then you left
But now you know I'm utterly mad
And they're coming to take me away ha haa
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away ha haa ! »
When Ron had left, the music started joyfully again. It was as though they hadn't cared. Even Harry. Next time he saw Harry he was going toready to go to the land of teddy bears, daffodils, and lollipops are just a few of Sophie's Favourite Things ! Tomorrow we are going to go with her on a murder in a cold dark night in cold blood. Yes ! Yes HAHAH ! ! ! Ron laughed madly.
« I cooked your food.
I cleaned your house.
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind, unselfish, loving deeds,
HA ! Well you just wait
They'll find you yet and when they do,
They'll put you in the A.S.P.C.A
You mangy mutt. »
When Ron had FINALLY left, and the Irish Music started again.But first Harry had to leave. Fudge, the muggle way, put a blanket over him and gave him cocoa, and he stepped into his carriage shaped as a pumpkin, and went all the way to the ball with Prince Charming--- I mean Hogwarts with the Brownie Man.
« And they're coming to take me away ha haa !
They're coming to take me away ha ha ho ho hee heeTo the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time,
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats ! »
When Ron had FINALLY FINALLY left, he had a strange feeling of happiness as though he might get out of prison to be with Harry and Hermione and Hogwarts once again. After all the madness and suffering he will have to go through and then after decades of punishment he will be set free in his elder years. And It will be fun ! Happy People Everywhere and daisies blooming in green pastures in the meadow !
« And they're coming to take me away,
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds,
And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes,
And they're coming to take me away ha haa ! »
Chapter Five Preview :
Ron goes to Azkaban
Harry goes to Hogsmeade.
Hermione goes to the Time Turner.
Tune in next time for Back Colded Blood Stabbing Gangsta Imposter !
Yay ! I made a mistake !
REVIEW ! REVIEW ! REVIEW REVIEW ! ! ! !
