Penumbra, part 2:

Duncan let himself into the grove. She was here… he could feel her. He waited by the spring for her to join him. Alisaunne appeared on the landing high above and stared at him curiously.

"Come down here," he said, motioning at her.

"I told you I don't dare go to Waterloo," she replied as she slowly descended the steps. "It's not safe!"

"I know."

"So what's this about?"

"Last night," Duncan replied harshly. "We have some unfinished business."

Alisaunne halted on the steps. "I'm sorry about that. I was feeling needy and very clingy. You were right to leave."

"Down here… now!" Duncan barked with an edge of menace in his voice.

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Go home, Duncan! Sleep it off."

Duncan shook his head, as he crossed to the base of the stairs and climbed, taking several stairs with each step. Once he reached her, he pulled her tightly into his arms and kissed her harshly, biting at her and running his tongue wetly over her. At first she pulled back… but… as he expected… she began to respond eagerly to him. With a leer, he twisted suddenly and tossed her to the ground, ten feet below and then leaped down beside her.

She looked at him with confusion.

He laughed and spread his arms as he crouched next to her. "Isn't this what you wanted? Your darkness and mine?"

She shook her head and backed away, then turned to scramble to her feet. He grabbed her ankle and pulled her back covering her heavily while she struggled beneath him. "Not so much fun when you don't hold all the cards… is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alisaunne protested.

"I think you do. You want to be loved so much that you kill them. Why Ali? Because you only feel release in the quickening? Is that the only time you can climax?"

"Let me go! You're scaring me!"

He ran his hands under her sweatshirt and fondled her breasts. His tongue rammed into her ear. "You were the one who wanted this. But here… where it's safe. Not where you can kill me. I call the shots!"

"Stop it!" she screamed as she fought futilely against him. Her struggles inflamed him even further.

Duncan rose up to lean over her as he held her down. She was nearly hysterical. Likely visions of Nestor's rape were filling her mind. He rolled off of her and lay on the grass while she curled sobbing into a ball. The throbbing between his legs gradually lessened.

Once he was in control, Duncan rose and pulled out a handkerchief, which he dunked into the water. He squeezed the excess out and handed it to her. She took it and wiped her face… then turned away from him, silently weeping.

"I'm sorry, Ali," he said. "I wanted you to think about this… about what it is that you want. It was the only way."

She continued to weep. She was both strongest and weakest here. She was more in control of her darkness… but she was also more fragile. He'd feared he'd gone too far and that she'd snapped. He did want her… hell he'd always wanted her at least once, since she'd become immortal. But not this way… and not while she thought she was in control and needing love… but not necessarily needing him.

Duncan sat on the edge of the stones and waited. Finally he spoke up. "I called Methos. He'll be here soon. He said he was bringing you some help."

"I don't need help!" she choked out.

"I think you do, Ali. I really do."

"Would you have raped me?" she finally asked.

Duncan chuckled ever so slightly. "That's not who I am. But when I was lost in that darkness that you seem to want me to give in to again… that's who I was. Believe me… you don't want that Duncan. If there ever comes a time for us… it will be because it is something we both want… not because of need or convenience… but because it is right."

Alisaunne rolled onto her back and looked at him tearfully.

"You need to get control of this and move on with your life. You're too engrossed in research here. Don't make the mistake that Darius did and let this place take over your life. And don't let Nestor's lingering darkness rule your actions. You have to fight that… or accept it as part of who you are. That's what I had to learn. We are all of us, the sum of all that we've learned. Because we have such long lives, our emotions are stronger. We have to be stronger. We have to choose who we are and how we face the world."

She nodded, but Duncan didn't think she truly understood. He settled on the ground next to her and gently cupped her chin in his hand. "You are beautiful, smart, and desirable. If I weren't otherwise involved… I might stop by and see if we could make a go of it for a while. But not now. Not like this."

She nodded in his hand and smiled tearfully. He leaned down to kiss her lightly… as if in promise of someday. And then he pulled back and released her. Alisaunne sat up and embraced him. "I do care about you, Duncan. You are my dearest friend. But you're right. It's not you that I want so much as Ian. I have to let him go… or I'll never be complete… but it's hard."

"I know," he said stroking her hair. "I've told you about Tessa and how hard that was for me."

"But she was mortal. You knew you'd lose her. Ian shouldn't have died."

"No, he shouldn't have. Not the way that he did."

"And his quickening just lays on me like some inert thing… as if he's not there. His memories are not a part of who I am."

"Then you'll have to remember for him… all the times that you two were together… the good and the bad. Maybe he'll answer to that… maybe he'll awaken just enough to give you all that he is."

For several hours, they sat in the grass near the sacred spring, and holding one another, and rocked back and forth in companionable silence.


Once Methos had arrived with Cassandra, Duncan left the grove and waited by his car. Eventually Methos emerged to join him.

"Cassandra?" Duncan asked.

Methos shrugged. "She's the best we've got these days. Eleanor and I had talked about it the last time we were here. We both felt that Alisaunne needed something more than we could give her."

"But Cassandra?"

"We've made our peace, Duncan. What lay between us is three thousand years old. We grow, adapt, change, and move on… or we die. Change is the only constant of our existence. I moved on… she didn't. Cassandra had to let go of the past to find her freedom. She had to release her hate and reform it into a desire to live before she could find internal peace. It's done."

"And you trust her?"

Again Methos shrugged. "I have to."

Duncan shook his head. His own feelings about Cassandra's actions were still tinged with bitterness. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"You and me both. There are dangers in letting a woman who plotted my demise for millennia counsel my disturbed daughter. But I have to take the chance. I can't help her. I doubt even Eleanor could help her now. No… Cassandra is the best choice. Besides…" he shrugged with a grin, "… she might help her deal with the voice of Nestor that Alisaunne occasionally hears."

"What's behind that?"

Methos shook his head. "Phillip has Valeraine contained somewhere. Only he and Reagan Cole know where exactly and neither of them is talking. She's dead until he says otherwise. As for Nestor… who knows. His evil seems to transcend even death. He told us that if mortals killed him and his quickening was lost… he'd find a way to return… remember? So until we find a way to end it… he's contained."

"But he still reaches her."

"They're bonded the same way as Eleanor and I are… as others will be when the time is right. She is likely his one outlet on the world. But he can't always be in control. Evidently there is some variable I don't yet understand in their relationship."

"So she remains on the edge of the shadow… not yet lost in darkness… but drawn to it," Duncan nodded.

"Yes," replied Methos curtly. "We both know how dark and enticing the shadows can be MacLeod. We've been there. She's still so young… that she might not find her way back to the light without help. But that help has to come from within her. Cassandra might be able to teach her the tools to make that leap of faith so that it will happen."

Duncan nodded and answered his phone as it began once more to ring. "Hey… Joe!" he said with a grin and a slight hand motion to Methos. "What's up?" As he listened he sobered and closed his eyes. "Can't help you Joe… but it wasn't me. Yeah… I'll meet you for an early dinner and we can talk." He closed the phone. "Evidently someone else was shadowing me earlier and killed an immortal I talked to."

Methos sighed heavily with a nod. "And despite your best efforts… the game goes on. You know, MacLeod, even if the game is a lie, we still have to convince others of that. I sincerely doubt we can save them all. Some will hunt and kill… and friends will die. We cannot be everywhere. We cannot reach them all."

Duncan nodded and shook hands before climbing into his car. "We do what we can. If I have a shadow… be careful. I wouldn't want him to get you."

"I wouldn't want him to get me either," Methos smirked as Duncan drove off. He looked around… wondering if someone were watching… or just following. He took a great breath and headed for his own car. He was through here and he wanted to get home. Within his mind… he sensed Eleanor laugh. "Yes! Come home… we miss you."