AN: I felt the need to write this I the shower the other day, but it didn't go away, so I decided to write this since I was really bored.
Hi. I'm Boromir. I thought I'd just make a few things clear about me, since Peter Jackson has made so many mistakes and told so many lies about my family. I have a few subjects that are really bothering me, so I'll start with them.
Peter Jackson is an idiot. Sure, he made cinematic history, and if he wouldn't have made it look like my father hated my brother, I might actually like the movies. Look people, my father loved my brother. Sure, he might have gone a little crazy when he tried to burn my brother, but he staid by my brother's side for- let my look- I dunno, but he loved Faramir. He might have acted like he favored me, but he was proud of him too.
Sean Bean bugs me too. Why couldn't Orlando Bloom have been me in the movie? That way, he wouldn't have had mismatched hair and eyebrows in the movie because he wouldn't have had to dye it. I have black hair, not blonde you idiots! Plus, I would have fan girls! Lots of them! Why do you people have to take these things away from me? WHY?
Okay, next subject. I AM NOT EVIL! Okay, so the ring did tempt me a little bit. I only wanted to use it for Gondor. Yeah, I tried to take it from Frodo, but I sacrificed myself for the other two, the ones with the gay names. Why did Elrond have to send so many? Cripes, they never quit eating, talking, or being gay! Do you know how difficult it is to walk like a thousand miles with those-things? And after all that, they tackle me?
Alrighty then, I've calmed down. Aragorn. What more do I need to say? I've read the Lord of the Rings (yes, I am literate), and why does he kiss me? Why does he marry an elf? I think he's the worst thing that ever hit Gondor. Gay with an elf for a wife. Phwch!
I hate them! I hate them all! NO, I'm not sobbing…I just have something in my eye and am having a seizure. Yeah, that's it. WAAAA! I WANT MR. SNUGGLEPUFF! MOMMY! DADDY! MAKE THESE WEIRDOS GO AWAY! WAAAA! Fine, sniff, I'll go take my medicine. I hate you all! You're so cruel! Why do you have to pick on me? I can handle orcs, Uruk-hai, and cave trolls, but criticism? I can't take that, so stop calling me a baby before I unleash all of Gondor's soldiers on you!
WHAT! I CAN'T! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! WHY CAN'T I HURT THEM! Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I need to go take my medication now. And find Mr. Snugglepuff. I didn't' even get to old Daisy. Oh well. Some other-snore.
AN: That was messed up. It's kinda just a spur of the moment thing, but tell me how you like it, please. Just so I can see how people like this. Okey dokey? Good.
