How to Lose a Wizard in 10 Days
Chapter 8 – Our So-Called "Love" is a Weed
Bz. Bz. Bz. 8:00 AM. Perfect.
Lily watched as her alarm clock rang for the very first time in her life. She was getting ready to surprise James with another one of her brilliantly, thought-out schemes. Early this morning, when she woke up at 5 AM (due to some stupid dog barking wildly outside like a bloody car alarm), she tried transfiguring one of her old quills into a lovely Rose plant. Unfortunately, this plan backfired and instead, she got a disgusting-looking weed. Lightning struck, and a beautiful plan was born.
"You are my star," Lily whispered to the feeble weed. She hummed a merry tune and got ready to visit James at his workplace. Oh what a perfect girlfriend she was. She went and fetched some coffee to be more awake, after all a day of torturing lay ahead of her.
"Someone looks nice this morning," Arabella commented with a smile when she saw Lily stroll in. "But lose the plant, seriously."
"That's a plant?" Katie asked, looking intrigued. "I thought it was like wire, wound up or something…"
"Thanks, guys," Lily rolled her eyes. "Result of my wonderful transfiguration. Lovely, isn't it?"
"Gorgeous," Arabella replied, clapping. "Absolutely fantastically gorgeous. Did I mention how much I envy you in Transfiguration?" Arabella laughed.
"Agreed," Katie replied, nodding her head.
Lily bowed. "Thank you."
"So what's the plant for?" Arabella asked, while eating cereal.
"It's actually a weed, calling it a plant would to make it sound stronger than this limp thing," Lily said, touching it gently. A piece of it fell off. "Uh, yeah. It's really… not strong."
"A weed? Why do you need a weed, for God's sake?" Katie asked.
"It's a present for James," Lily replied simply. "It's our Love… plant."
"Love Weed?" Arabella asked, raising an eyebrow. "How catchy."
"That thing looks like it's going to die," Katie commented. "Why don't you use another plant that's more stable like… a fern?"
"That's perfect!" Lily exclaimed. "It grows really long and everywhere, just like our love. Thanks Katie." She cackled.
"Your welcome," She smiled. "But don't ever cackle again. That was sure as hell one of the most freakiest thing ever."
Lily rolled her eyes and smiled. "I know you love it."
"I'll transfigure it," Arabella suggested, lightening up. "It's been ages since I've transfigured anything. Let me whip out my wand."
"Sure," Lily replied carelessly and sauntered over to the kitchen, leaving the plant on the table. "Do we have anything besides cereal and milk?"
"No," Katie replied.
"We have to go grocery shopping soon," Lily said, making a mental note.
"Back with my wand!" Arabella exclaimed, rushing back, holding up her wand in triumph.
"Awesome," Lily replied, munching on Cheerios. "Transfigure it, dear."
Arabella did a few motions with her wrist and muttered, "Rortify!"
The weed immediately transformed into a healthy-looking, green fern.
Arabella beamed. "And that is how it's done."
"Thanks, Bell!" Lily exclaimed, giving her a hug. She motioned for Katie to join in.
And she did.
- - - - -
"Jamesie-poo!" Lily cooed. "Open this door, sweetie! I have a surprise for you!"
James groaned. What was it? A Saturday morning? No. Oh shit, it's Thursday! He rubbed his eyes sleepily and treaded slowly to the door to answer it.
"Lily," He said flatly. "Hi."
"Hello, you!" Lily replied bouncily, holding the fern in a basket with other accessories and letting herself in immediately.
"What a nice surprise…" James replied dully, shutting the door behind him. "What brings you here?"
Lily sniggered. "Nice boxers. Flying ducks, how classic."
James blushed. "Don't judge me on my underwear; at least I'm not wearing extra small tight ones that cling to my bottom... although I think that would be a rather generous image and offer for you, m'dear." He grinned.
"No thanks, and thank god you don't!" Lily replied, laughing. He really could be quite the charmer… it was a shame Lily had to do what she had to do to him. "Anyways, I thought I'd drop by asking what you want to do for today. Oh! And I brought something very, very special…"
"Dare I ask what it is?" James asked, fogging up his glasses and wiping them so he'd have clearer vision.
"It's our Love Fern!" Lily exclaimed happily, shoving the basket to James. "It's still a baby… just like our relationship." She said, batting her eyes, trying to look innocent while desperate at the same time.
"…what?" James asked. Bewilderment spread to all parts of his face. "A fern? This looks like a … weed. But it's wonderful, darling! Absolutely wonderful…"
"What?" Lily asked innocently. "You don't like it?"
"No no no!" James exclaimed. "I love it… but what's the point of a fern?"
"I think it's fun," Lily shrugged. "Plus, it's like our relationship… it's just still a baby. Don't you just find that the littlest bit cute?"
"Of course I do," James replied weakly, feeling cramped.
"I also brought a box of my stuff over," Lily said. "I mean, now that we're in a relationship – I think I should leave some things here in your flat… since I'll be spending more time here." She smiled.
"S-sure," James stuttered slowly, and tried to take in all this information.
"I hope you don't mind, but I thought – why should you mind! I mean, we are boyfriend and girlfriend, right?" Lily asked, smiling again.
"I d-don't mind," James said, trying to be nonchalant and shrugging it off. "It's okay."
"Aww, you're so good to me, Jamesie," Lily said, in a baby voice. She started setting her stuff up. They were mostly pink, frilly things. Oh, and of course feminine products like pads and tampons. That was definitely a must. No matter how macho James made himself seem, no man could be okay with feminine products.
James sighed in frustration, wondering if he should go through with the bet or to just call it quits. Lily Evans was driving him nuts – and this time, he could not handle it.
"Lily, it's already 9:30 and I have to get to work in half an hour," James said, trying to get her to leave. "Chris would kill me if I was late."
"Aww, okay," Lily replied, sounding sad. "I'll miss you, Jamesie-Wamesie!"
"I'll miss you, too, my Lily-lily," James said, cooing back. Two could play this game. He walked her to the door.
"Owl me later if we're going to do anything!" Lily said, smiling. "Bye.. I'll miss you, boo!"
"I will!" James said, opening the door.
"Byee… Remember! Owl me!" Lily yelled, trying to look desperate.
James slammed the door and felt like crying. What had he done? This Lily Evans… absolutely infuriating and was it really worth it just for one account? He sighed.
- - - - -
"Guys, I seriously can't take this anymore," James said, bringing his fist to the table.
"Come on, James," Sirius replied exasperatedly. "It's not like we're asking you to climb something like Mt. Everest. Just date her. You have like, what? 6 days left? Come on, be a man!"
"A man?" James scoffed. "Pfft, I don't think any man could handle this. She's fucking nuts, seriously! She gave me a damn Love fern. She said all this rubbish about it being symbolic to our relationship. How could she compare love to a weed!"
"Love?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow amusedly. "Since when was this undying hate turned magically into love?"
"You know what I mean!" James replied and rolled his eyes. "Not love but how could she compare our 'relationship' to a weed? Something that like attaches itself on walls and just… grows?"
Sirius snorted. "Maybe she thinks the love both of you share is like that."
James took a swig of butterbeer. "She's fuckin' psychotic."
"Don't need to tell me that twice," Sirius nodded, agreeing.
"I think she's pleasant," Remus said simply.
"Oh, do shut up, Moony," James implored sarcastically.
"But, seriously," Sirius said, "I hate it when girls get like this. I mean, everything's like a smooth ride until bam! something hits and they're PMS-ing like crazy. I really don't get women and if any man ever does, I will worship him until the day I die, I swear."
"Amen to that," James said.
Remus nodded in agreement.
They all leaned back, thinking about their past relationships with women. Some went wrong, some went right, and some didn't go anywhere at all.
Remus suddenly snorted with laughter.
"What?" James asked.
"A weed," Remus chortled softly, "I really can't believe she got you a weed."
James rolled his eyes. "Shut up," he muttered.
"Maybe this is why you're still single. Women think of your love as weedy," Remus suggested, trying to stifle his laughter.
"My love is fucking fantastic, thank you very much," James nodded brusquely. "You're just jealous you won't get any of it."
"Quite the contrary, Mr. Potter," Remus replied dignified. "I'm actually glad and relieved I won't have to experience a taste of your weedy love."
James gritted his teeth. "I. Hate. Her."
"I. Love. Her." Sirius sighed happily. "She's really getting to you, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Bloody fantastic, she is."
"Padfoot?"
"Yes, Prongs, m'dear?"
"Do shut up."
"Make me, peon."
"Tart."
"Prat."
"Idiot."
"Moron."
"Wanker."
"Okay," Remus interrupted, "Stop the petty name-calling. It's really so childish of you two. So, anyways, James… when she came over and brought the plant, did she say anything else?"
"She told me to owl her. Like I'm going to anymore," James scoffed. "She's crazy if she thinks I am."
"Then let her be crazy," Remus raised an eyebrow, "You do want this account don't you? You have what, 5 or 6 more days left? That's less than 150 hours, Prongs! You'd spend half of that sleeping for Christ's sake! Just suck it up and do it!"
"I agree, James," Sirius nodded, serious, "don't you want to show up whatstheirfaces? Think of the immense satisfaction and rubbing-it-in-their-face time we'll be getting. It'll be totally wicked."
"That is quite tempting," James said, nodding a bit, "Fine. I'll owl her. But what the fuck do I say? 'Lily, I love you for comparing our so called love to a weed?'"
"It's a start," Remus said, shrugging.
"More like a dead end," James commented. "I can't write that. Something real and genuine."
"Plan another date," Sirius suggested.
"Oh god," James moaned. "Another few hours of torture."
"Which means another few hours of bragging and pounding Carolyn and Jessica's egos," Sirius quipped happily, feeling as if he'd already started.
Hesitation inhibited James at first, but then he was sure. "Fine, I'll do it. Rubbing it in Jessica and Carolyn's face better be as good as I'm expecting it to be." James shook his head. "I'm going to kill someone if it's not."
"With an attitude like that, I'm sure it'll feel freeing," Remus chuckled.
"More than freeing. More like bloody damn awesome!" Sirius cried happily. "Oh, god, I can't wait. Their expressions: priceless."
"I'm getting excited thinking about it, too," James confided, feeling jumpy. "Get me a piece of parchment! I'm going to write a love letter to my beloved Lily."
Remus hurried and grabbed a piece of paper.
James started to scribble his heart away… as if that was possible.
- - - - -
"God, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for him," Lily said, laughing at her own antics. "I compared our so-called love to a weed."
"That was ingenious," Arabella commented, suppressing her sniggers.
It was Thursday morning, bright and shining in the Teen Witch Offices. Lily had been talking about her triumphs this mornings with Arabella and Katie.
"So, my star, Lily, how's the brilliant article going?" A distinct voice asked curiously behind the girls.
"Absolutely lovely," Lily replied promptly, handing Lana a packet of papers. "My notes so far, including a scenario from this morning."
"Oh?" Lana asked, flipping through the pages. She mused and paused while she was thinking. "Love it, love it… Lily, if I was a person who laughed, I would, but can't have any frown more lines! But I have a feeling this article is going to be a smash. I'm loving all the words so far." She ran off and scurried away.
"Any more frown lines? The woman's got enough than dirt!" Katie whispered, giggling.
Lily laughed, nodding. It was true.
Lily smiled, pleased with her own achievement, nagging and bugging the hell out of James. She sighed with content. Doing this job was easier than baking a cake sometimes, and deep down, she knew it bothered her, wasting away her life doing something so easy.
But she would once she made enough money to financially support herself, she would do it her way. She would apply to be a journalist and write about ground-breaking stories and not about how to date some stupid wizard in 10 stupid days.
- - - - -
A/N: 1 year, 2 months. That's
inexcusable. My writing interests have changed. I'm going to try my best to
finish this story, which at this point I have NO idea how I'm going to do that,
and maybe get started with other styles. I have another story in mind, yes, I know, another story… but thanks for sticking with me along for this ride.
I hope you enjoy this chapter. I updated all the other chapters and took out
the responses to reviewers because I will no longer be doing that. I appreciate
all reviews but it's stupid to include it in the text of my story, you know? I
think I might just make a separate livejournal for that because I truly
appreciate each and every review and reviewer :)
Love Always, Angeline
