In this one i used Empty Space by Lifehouse and then Beneath by After Forever
I stand here at your grave again tonight. I know I am the only visitor you have ever received. The only other one is lying in the ground beside you.
My feelings towards you have turned to hate. I cant understand why you would choose to leave this world and me when you had the chance to stay. I feel guilty about not coming for almost a week but the hatred kept me away.
I stare looking at your grave not really seeing it for the complete darkness. The wind and rain nipping at my face trying for me to play their game. Lightning lights the sky and for a brief second I can see you name and the peach rose I had just placed their the rain forcing both to play its game.
The metal in my hand feeling left out makes its presence known as it gets heavier in my hand. Lightning strikes the sky again, causing me to see the deadly weapon in my hand. I have tried everything to move on but some how I am still at square one. So this is why I choose to do this tonight; now.
My death will have an impact on some people I know but they will never experience the pain that I live with everyday of not having you here. I have a letter in my pocket that explains everything.
I sit with my back leaning up against your name with the gun in my hand not wanting to do this just yet as if im almost waiting for a sign not to do this Thunder pounds in tune agreeing with me now is the time to do it. Lightning agrees as this one is extra bright and I see that I am covered in mud.
too late to hide
and too tired to care
take what you've left
and forget the rest
take what you see
of what's left of me
you know where I've been
and I don't want to go there again
I have nothing to live for anymore. Things that once would have excited me have turned into a chore that never seems to end. Us together is where I could forget everything. How can I get away if you are no longer here? The headaches have been getting stronger and take longer to go away. I should have taped your voice so your words could break through. I am afraid to think that I have forgotten how your voice sounds. The rise and fall of your tone when your happy or sad sometimes pissed off. That's what scares me the most. I have tried so hard to hang on to you and you keep slipping farther away now.
The dreams have gotten worse now I only see the back of your head or what I think it is but know I can catch up to you and I place my hand on your shoulder you turn around but you head falls off and I wake up every time around that time.
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
but empty space
I've been down
this road before
all that I've found
points me right back to you
and I've watch you move
from down below
where do I go from here
I guess I'll find out as I go
I take the gun now and remove the safety checking to see that it will work ok. I check the clip only one bullet in there, that's all I'll need for this job that I have to do.
All our lives we try so hard not to turn out like our parents until one day it hits us that we are just like them. With me that has become true, I am not abusive who would I hit? I just drink. Look it what you have reduced me to Ritza, a drunken bastard that I cant stand to be around.
In my attempts to move on I have packed some of your pictures so they cant taunt me knowing that you never knew this side of me. But they failed horribly and I brought back out every picture I had put away.
Is it possible to be drunk enough to be sober? I know I have a lot to drink tonight but yet it hasn't taken the pain away like it usually does. This helped my decision of what I am about to do.
I hope for lightning so I can see the picture I hold in my other hand; its of us on our wedding day. Its just after we had kissed, you had a big smile on your face and if anyone saw this they wouldn't know you were dying. That's what I admired even though you were dying you thought about everything else and tried to move on like you weren't afraid. I knew you were, everyone is along with me. I am scared to do this but there is no turning back now.
I cock my gun and bring the picture within my eye level, my eyes have well adjusted to the darkness now and I can see us clearly. Given the chance I know our kids would have been gorgeous. One of my regrets is not giving Ma and grand kids to spoil. But how am I supposed to do that when the one I wanted my kids to be with is dead? I cant.
Fighting a war that rages inside
The world can't see the hate that burns in there
How can we face what lies beneath,
If we just fear and don't fight back?
Soon i will be with my precious Matriza i can already see her welcoming me with open arms.
Until your everything
I have nothing
But..
My finger is itching to pull the trigger and finally i allow it.
An Empty Space
The gunshot is heard by no one except the graves adn their owners but they wont say anything. Couldnt even if they tried.
The caretaker found Bosco the next morning when he was cutting the grass. All he could do is stop to stare in amazement how wonderful the rose was blossoming you could almost call it the perfect rose. It lay untouched by the body beside it. Days later he was buried beside Matriza and one his grave it read.
Maurice Boscorelli
Died loving his one and only...
Martiza
I really don't know if I should end it there do you think that I should post what's in the letter? Let me know.
