Random Jottings

By Clemmy and Jenny

A/N – Bold Clemmy and Italics Jenny Underline Hettie

One day Harry and Ron were walking along holding hands.

"I love you!" Ron said.

"Shut up." Harry said bluntly.

Then Malfoy popped out of thin air.

Malfoy had always had a big crush on Harry but he was nasty to him, because he was playing hard to get.

But Harry had no idea about it, but Ron wasn't that ugly and dumb.

Suddenly Voldemort popped out of a tree and killed Ron.

"My lover!" Harry cried.

"Your stupid lover!" cried Malfoy.

Then Voldemort committed suicide.

Harry cried and cried.

"Life is not worth living now!" Harry screamed.

Hermione came along and saw Ron dead, she laughed.

Harry laughed.

Malfoy laughed.

They all laughed.

"What's so funny?" Malfoy asked.

"Shut up." Harry said.

"You're sad." Hermione said.

"Shut up," said Harry.

Hermione thought this was so weird that she wet herself. Then she took of her knickers and shoved them in Harry's mouth.

"Shut up." Mumbled Harry.

"Okay!" said Hermione and hugged him. Harry looked shocked and ate a squirrel.

"You suck!" said Malfoy and ate a shark. The shark then ate him, from the inside.

Suddenly Harry barfed and out came Pikachu. Pikachu electrocuted Malfoy's dead body and gave birth to a muffin. The muffin then stabbed Pikachu with a fork. The fork died, but Pikachu remained unscathed.

Hermione then was so shocked that she kissed Harry's leg. Then Harry gave birth to Bulbasaur. Hermione kissed Bulbasaur.

Well while every thing was dying the lord of the dance had died and cried.

Um.

Well Harry decided to join the dark side.

Hermione said, "Ummm I'm telling!"

And then she went and told Hagrid who said, "Go away I'm giving birth."

Hermione cried.

She went home and was never to be seen again.

No one cared.

Life was going weird. "She was a dumb mud blood!" Harry said. And then went swimming.

And while he was swimming a huge shark came up to him.

"Hello, I'm a terrifying shark and I'm gonna eat you! Ha ha ha!"

"Alahcarpofff!" he yelled and the shark turned into a little goldfish.

"Shut up," ha said.

Malfoy you might think he's dead but you are wring in fact he's talking to me right now.

He's an actor that eats fish.

Harry went on a search for Hermione and found Hagrid's child. She was a Barbie doll. Then Harry found Voldemort and conquered the world and captured JK Rowling. They imprisoned her in a magic chicken pen. Then Harry married the Barbie because she had split up with Ken because he was gay. But then Harry remembered so was he so he married Ken instead. Barbie cried and fell off a cliff. Harry murdered Ken.

Ken died and went to Hell, where he ate chicken noodles all day. Harry found Hermione and hugged her. They gave the fork a funeral. Everybody died except one atom.

Story 2

James Potter and Lily Potter were married. Lily was expecting a baby, she had a craving baked beans, brussel sprouts and cheese on toast with ketchup and HP. They all smelt of fish, surprisingly.

When Harry was young he would eat grass like a cow.

Everyone thought Harry was a cow so they made him a bell and they would milk him.

Harry would cry.

"Get bent" was his first thousand words.

"Mother of pearl!" was his million.

"Shut up." Was his favourite though.

When James was at work, Lily would go round to Sirius's house. And they would have fun time. Lily liked Sirius and her fun time together. They would play trains, leap frog and dogs. But one day when they were playing leap frog Sirius's trousers fell off.

(Note he was going commando. We won't go into what happened there. One word. Eew..)

Harry liked being cow so much he had a calf and named it Bob. They ate him that night.

Reality check. Harrys parents Lily and Sirius.

Ha bet you didn't know that. James never did.