Hey!

Ache, I'm late again!

On the positive note, This story is definitely going to be a trilogy. I'm really looking forward to writing this fic!

Now on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing, and right now I'm too lazy to look up who actually does. I'm just stating that it's certainly not me.

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Part 4: Denial

'This isn't fun anymore. I want to go home. This… this hits far too close to home…'


When a person's mind is presented with proof that goes against its views of the world, it has two options: Either it can accept and move on with life; or they can ignore the evidence, whether consciously or not…

Considering how much healthier it is to follow the first option, it is amazing how many actually prefer the second.

Humans, whatever you may say about them, are not as flexible as we would like to claim. It's the small things that we are agreeable with. Prove the world is round, and you will be lynched; and it doesn't matter that the people will agree with you decades from now, you'll still be dead…

The mind… simply can't handle big changes. It brakes down. System overload. Refuses to compute.

From there you either go insanely mad, dribbling drool down you chin, your spirit broken; or your back-up file is booted up, leaving you a functioning human being without the incriminating data that fried your hard drive to begin with.

This is called denial and it doesn't really solve anything, because the facts won't go away however hard we try to ignore them. And some day, it will come back and spit in our face.

So in the end… we only had one option…


Catatonic. What a weird word. Such a perceivably innocent word. It brought heartache to the pilots.

What does catatonic mean?

It means that when Duo found Heero, he began to cry. Duo doesn't smile anymore.

It means that when they went to visit, Heero didn't answer them. Heero doesn't answer anyone, not even Trowa.

It means that the blankness in his eyes, that Heero was so good at masking his 'feelings' with, is a permanent feature. Quatre feels nothing, only a vast emptiness.

It means that Wufei is constantly angry, because Heero gave up and fell, and that is injustice to his beliefs. It hurts…

Catatonic means that Heero is finally perfect. Heero doesn't feel anymore, because Heero is a living statue. A doll that doesn't see, doesn't speak, doesn't move and doesn't feel.

Perfection always did have a price, Doctor J.


April is a rainy season. It suited them just fine.

When the heavens are openly storming, so much like their sombre moods, it eases the tension. They can pretend that whatever gods are up there, Shinigami, Allah, Nataku, are weeping with them. For Heero.

Despite the fact that Quatre is a famous person, very few people actually come to his house. It's a very forbidding mansion, especially since that day Duo came stumbling home looking like the lost teenager he normally isn't.

Only the magunacs stay with them, and most of them keep their distance.

Even fewer come at night, to this sombre household, when it is storming outside and everybody is asleep.

Finding Heero on your doorstep would normally evoke surprise, even from Trowa; but finding Heero on your doorstep, when you know that he is supposed to be a patient in the asylum, diagnosed with catatonia, an unresponsive statue, makes Rashid throw caution to the wind as he bellows for Master Quatre to wake up.

What they see is Heero standing on the doorstep, glaring at his feet, tense. He is wet, his brown chocolate hair plastered to his skin as water trickles down his face, and even through his thick knitted jumper, that they have no idea where he got it from, they can see Heero's unease with the situation, muscles tense, ready to flee.

There's a hush as the four pilots stare at their comrade, unbelieving, not speaking for fear that this is all a dream.

Then those familiar steely blue eyes lift up to meet them, that angry glare from the 'Perfect Soldier' that they'd missed so much, and that nasal voice, slightly hoarse from disuse, speaks:

"You were looking for me…"


They never questioned how or why Heero came back to them. As the saying goes: 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

And they were so happy. Duo was smiling, Trowa was speaking more, Quatre's heart was once again filled, and Wufei stopped doing his kata's so intensely. Everything was just like before, only with Heero.

Heero… was just like before. Maybe wearing different clothes, forsaking his tank top and spandex for thicker more covering clothing, but still as quiet, stoic and intense as before. He spoke little, preferring to remain a little closed off from them, watching them from a distance when he wasn't typing on his laptop that they had so eagerly provided him with.

They all flocked around him, basking in the glow that was Heero, wanting to make him feel like part of the group. They were a team, and they'd been missing their comrade for too long. That would not happen again.

Duo, when he wasn't being mischievous, would drag him out to play basketball, and Heero would usually win.

Trowa would perform for the others or sit quietly besides him, just enjoying the silence.

Quatre would make his usual idle chitchat, trying to make sure everybody was happy.

Wufei would talk politics or philosophy when he wasn't trying to coax Heero into sparring with him.

They were all so busy smiling, trying to make him feel like he fit in, making sure he wouldn't want to leave, that they didn't notice the little things.

The screaming was just nightmares, they all had them. And that Heero was so reluctant to play with them, that was because he was trained that way, he was a loner. Heero was acting normal, like he had always done. Normal.

And Heero let them believe that.

So when Duo wanted to race to the basketball court that one time they were all playing, Heero ran with him.

They all knew he ran faster, they all knew he would win, because he was better than them, he was perfect, but it was fun… It was acting like boys, and they were boys.

So when Heero stopped running and looked back at them, fear flashing in his eyes, they didn't want to believe it.

And then he crumpled and there was blood flowing from his nose…


It must have been because Heero wasn't eating properly.

When they put him to bed and called the doctor, they discovered just how thin Heero was under those clothes.

There was no skeletal resemblance, but the muscles that separated Heero from slim to lithe were gone. His skin was paler than they had thought, and in his comatose sleep he looked frail.

Heero wasn't frail!

The doctor said there was nothing wrong with him.


Heero woke up the very next day.

But something was different.

Maybe he was tired of putting up an illusion for them.

His eyes were still blank, not a single emotion escaping them. He still wore the concealing clothing, though he knew they had seen. He was quiet, but he still spoke to them when they asked.

But he moved less and less. Slowly he stopped participating.

He didn't play basketball anymore with Duo. He simply shook his head when Wufei wanted to spar. The laptop gathered dust in his room.

He simply watched them. Watched them try to ignore the signs.

They did notice. It's hard not to. When a person that before was a powerhouse of muscles and energy slowly becomes more tired, low on energy, sleeping…

But Heero didn't tell them what was wrong. Was something wrong? What was happening? Why?


They were all sitting in the living room. They were watching cartoons, one of Duo's. They'd been spending a lot of time in this room lately. To be with Heero. They were worried…

Duo was looking despairingly at the others, arm wrapped around Heero on the couch, fingers running through his hair. Heero never let him do that. It went against his training.

But Heero was asleep yet again, leaning against the American. He looked so much smaller than the other, though everybody knew that they were roughly the same height.

"I don't know what to do anymore," he sighed, stroking the sleeping teen. The cartoons weren't funny anymore.

"Injustice…" There wasn't any amount of anger in that statement, only tired helplessness.

"He won't tell us," Quatre murmured, unhappy, staring morosely at the floor.

Trowa only looked out the window. There was nothing to say.

"Oh Hee-chan, what's wrong with you?" Duo whispered to the sleeping teen, oblivious of their worry.

"Don't you know, Duo-chan…?"

The voice startled them, not only because Heero was talking in his sleep, but because they'd heard that childish tone before, the one time they had heard his voice full of anguished emotion.

"…I'm dying…"

Praeceps:

Well, this chapter could have been better, but I had a lot of trouble writing it. I made about five false starts (each of about 1000 words) trying different angles that just wouldn't work out. PLUSS, I had a very disturbing experience that left me a bit to uneasy and weirded out to write properly. So… this is as good as it gets. I wash my hands of it.

I think… I think that the next chapter will be pure Gundam as well, we might see Usagi at the end... if not then, then in the chapter after that.

Heero is… going to make a good comeback next chapterish, with lots of goody-goody raging anger (at who? Not gonna tell ;-P), and we will find out partly why he's acting so… strangely.

And I'm really sorry that this chapter's so much shorter than they others, and that there won't be any more updates for roundabout three weeks, seeing as I'll be in Florida, Disneyworld, on holiday with me dad! Whoohoo!

For wrong info, some of it's deliberate, to make it suit my story much better, the rest… hey, I'm human, okay- I'm a Sailor Moon guru(relatively speaking), Gundam Wing one.

Am still thrilled by the amounts of reviews I've received, would it be too much to hope for the same kind of response with this chapter as well? I just loved all the insightful comments you people spouted and am now seriously curious to hear more!

One last note, I'd like to hear what you think of this fic (don't all authors, eh?), and point out beforehand that complaints about OOC-ness and pairings will be ignored. It's going to be a Usa/Heero pairing, but to be honest I thought that was a bit obvious from how I wrote the summary (oh well)…

Thank you for your attention.

Oh! And any spelling mistakes can be blamed on incompetent English teachers, and/or my spell-check program, because I, myself, am PERFECT! ;-P (and when I say I am perfect, I MEAN perfect. My daddy said so ;-P )

If you have any questions about the story that you find unclear, I will do my best to answer them, as long as I deem them of no harm to my present plot-line. I really appreciate all your ramblings (not in any way meant as insulting, just clearing that up), and might use some for inspiration if permitted, but for now I have my own agenda.

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Well that was all, for today at least, toodles! ;-D