I am Back!

Warning! Some of this chapter can come off as very disturbing, it was meant to be disturbing as that is Heero's intention! More in the author-notes!

Loved the vacation, am now back. Phooey.

Now on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing, and right now I'm too lazy to look up who actually does. I'm just stating that it's certainly not me.

Part 5: Anger

Don't you know, Duo-chan? I'm dying…'


Acceptance. So small a word; so simple a phrase; so very hard to do.

The path to acceptance is fraught with peril. Most never make it; if you are caught in denial for too long, you might not recover. You simply started too late.

Now, you can ignore a problem, but that doesn't mean that it isn't there anymore. It will only get worse as time goes by.

But denial can only take you so far…

What do you do when the illusion ends?


The Preventers Headquarters is a BIG building. It should be, it houses entire armies at times.

Sally's office is on the second floor. Close enough to the ground for easy evacuation. The Preventers may be new, but they're not naïve. They can't afford to be. There are far too many out there from the wars, still holding a grudge…

"…don't know what's wrong, Wufei. All the tests came back negative." The woman speaking is clearly upset.

"Injustice! Something is wrong, onna; Yuy said so himself." Do you really need to be told who the angry Chinese teen is?

"And I agree with you; something is defiantly wrong, I've seen him myself. But…" the blond sighs, brushing unkempt hair that has come undone from its custom braids away from her eyes. Sally has had too many late nights since the four ex-pilots practically kidnapped her from her apartment. The screaming…

"…but Wufei," tremble; "I have done CAT-scans, X-rays, blood tests and physicals; I've checked him for every single decease or ailment known to man. They've all come back negative. The results all state that Heero is one of the healthiest boys walking this planet. I-…" pulls at her hair, "Tell me what to do, Wufei! I- I've run out of tests and the medicine is not working; Heero's still fading…" Despairingly: "What more can I do?"

Four pilots and a princess watch a friend and doctor brake down on the floor. They are all tired, spending their nights listening to screams of agony, knowing there is nothing they can do to sooth the pain; hurting when those blank eyes look upon them. He will not open, even during his few waking hours; keeping his pain inside, hidden. Heero always was one for solitude. Alone in a crowd. Till the bitter end.

"Heero." The screen the sad girl is focused on shows a pale young Asian teen. He's sleeping. Peacefully for once.

Before, Heero always frowned in his sleep, his mouth a hard thin line. The very image of the hardened warrior that he is, guarding himself even on a subconscious level.

Now… now his sleep reveals his darkest secrets: A young child that could never grow up, lost in a nightmare of a world he could not possibly comprehend. He looks innocent. Soft. All the things that Heero is not supposed to be. Relena must have known that.

Relena. The poor girl. She hasn't been able to see him since he left her in January. Heero goes into unexplainable convulses the moment she steps into proximity and Heero won't tell them why.

She is forced to remain outside, watching the digital image of her crush slowly deteriorate on screen without being able to physically comfort him.

"Only Heero can tell us what's wrong," Quatre sighs. His blue green eyes have lost their happy lustre; there are far too many sad emotions here now.

Shinigami snorts. "Heero won't tell us anything. He wants to die alone." And Duo can't understand that. He's already lost Solo to the plague; now he is loosing another. And this time there is no medicine to steal…

"He will for Relena's sake," the blond states grimly, walking towards the door before looking back at them with a soft smile, "He fought too hard to let the peace crumble."


Heero did agree to come to Sally's office. Surprisingly easy. He's now sitting on the examinations table wearing only a skin toned hospital gown, riffling through Sally's papers.

"These are the results from all the tests I did on you earlier, Heero. As you can see, they all came back negative."

Slight nod as he continues to skim through the readouts.

"Do you know what we're doing wrong?"

Slight hesitation before he gives a small nod again.

Speaking to Heero is like pulling teeth, having to coerce him into answering unless you try the commanding route. If he doesn't want to speak he will simply stare at you with those big steely eyes of his. It's damned unnerving.

And then, out of the blue he will speak:

"You're not looking close enough," a small pause while he seems to be battling in his mind. This must be really big if they can actually read his hesitancy, setting the pilots on edge leaning forward as he speaks again:

"And... you're not looking at the big picture."

Philosophical hints. Heero would go for that, and apparently that is all he is willing to divulge. No matter, Trowa is also good at this kind of crap so they leave the pondering to him.

"Did we run a DNA-scan, Sally?"

The blond starts typing furiously on her computer, fingers racing across the keyboard, bringing up all her notes on screen. Searching through them, she answers, "No. The computer checked automatically the strands from his blood samples for any genetic diseases, but…" click, click, "we didn't…" click, "actually look at-"

The file opens.

"Oh My God!"

Sally stares at the computer screen, a hand coming up to cover her mouth in shock.

Trowa, who has been standing next to her leaning over her seat, blinks, single eye quite visibly widening.

"Onna, put it on the big screen!" an edgy voice grinds out. Somebody doesn't like being left out of the loop.

Trowa's hand moves over the mouse slowly. Click.

"Oh Allah!" "Nataku!"

Duo pretty much sums it up:

"Shit Yuy! What the fuck did J do to you!"

On screen they see two 3D-images. One is a clip of Heero's DNA, it looks like the standard double helix; but the other…

…the other…

Oh my.

The DNA-strands only unravels when its duplicating itself, the rest of the time it remains dormant, wrapped inside protecting proteins. At these times they're more commonly known as chromosomes.

Humans, as a species, are generally born with a set of 23 pairs of chromosomes. That makes it a total of 46 chromosomes.

It is rare that people are born carrying more than the standard amount of chromosomes. Most foetuses don't survive such abnormalities, the conflict of such delicate information resulting in instant abortion. People with Downs Syndrome are an example of the ones that survive.

Sally knows this. Most of the pilots might not, chemistry and physics being more their forte, but even they know enough standard biology to notice the unusual amount of chromosomes flitting across the screen.

"I-it's not possible. He-he shouldn't even exist; there must be close to a hundred chromosomes up there…" the awe in her voice isn't hard to miss, this must be like Disneyland for her.

"94," agrees Duo-the-braided-calculator, "46 pairs revolving around the two funky ones."

"T-th-the odds of… and-and when you take into account what could go wrong… They must be astronomical!" Sally is obviously completely blown away, going into full scientist mode.

"How did J do that!" she points to the computer screen. "Heero has effectively two sets of 'human' chromosomes, which should be impossible of itself, orbiting around an unidentified pair," taps at the pair for emphasis, "which seem to be acting as an anchor, keeping the rest stabilized."

Waves a hand casually across the rest, she takes a deep breath, "The rest are obviously following the human pattern, only twice the numbers."

Shakes her head to clear it before rambling on, "In theory, Heero should be a Fully Functional Human being; his genetical makeup is simply, generally speaking, more intricate, detailed… advanced than yours."

"So…" Duo tilts his head, his nose scrunching up, "what does that mean, exactly?"

Spreading her hands out in an open gesture, she shrugs helplessly, "Truthfully…? It means that I have no way on earth of knowing Heero's condition, health wise; because though Heero is undeniably human, he is an unique human, and everything we learnt in biology class just got tossed out the window."

"And the only one who could possibly have any knowledge pertaining to today, who's been keeping record of Heero for years, is dead," the muted teen observes

"Doctor J…" Quatre breathes, understanding lighting his eyes.

"Yes," Trowa agrees, "…and Heero…"

And logically speaking, Heero should know all that J recorded on him; he would have to know his vital statistics and etceteras to function during the wars.

They all turn to him.

The 'he' in question is sitting motionless on the table, staring into space. It reminds them eerily of that vapid glaze festering his eyes from when he was catatonic, but at the slight shift of the crowds attention and he snaps out of it.

When the hint of awareness has leeched back into those frosty eyes of his, not that he was ever unaware, Sally proceeds with her interrogation.

"What are your vital signs? Physical and mental capabilities? Health and fitness statistics? Are they similar to us regular humans, Heero?"

A second goes by before he frowns, uttering a curt "No."

"He can bend steel with his hands," pipes the American, grinning proudly at his stoic friend.

"Uh huh," Sally jots down on a form, smiling sweetly as she looks up again, "Could you continue Heero? Give a visual demonstration where possible perhaps?"

An icy glare is sent her way, but the 'soldier' complies, his stance straightening as he starts reciting personal statistics in the only way he knows.

"… parameters… enhanced senses… higher resistances… -ntrol of repertory syst-… limited cardiac… reflexes…" 'blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…'

Listening to that emotionless drone is giving Duo a headache, both by the way Heero keeps referring to himself as the 'subject specimen 01', which is mildly disturbing, and all the horribly stiff technical terms that go straight over his head. Not only is it unhealthy to think of oneself as 'subject specimen 01', but if Heero is to fall under human rights… well, it might be an idea to actually act like a human. Time to remove that stick up his 'enhanced' inhuman ass.

"Hey Hee-man, lighten up," the exasperated boy grins slapping the brunette on the back, "We can't all be J's 'Perfect Soldiers'. Speak English, man!"

Maybe it was the way it was worded; maybe it was the fact that Heero is sick and severely unbalanced; maybe it was because Duo had forgotten that for once, Heero had let himself open, vulnerable to them.

Instead of ignoring him, or simply pulling the gun out as a silent threat for him to shut up, the room goes infinitesimally colder. Hidden malice and billowing rage wash against their skin as they all instinctively tense, weary eyes settling on the maybe not so emotionless soldier.

He is staring at them. Glaring at Duo. He is tense. He is intense. He does Not. Look. Right. It is scaring them. Shit.

And then, it is all gone. Switched off. Like they imagined it, made up that cold hungry savage spark that was burning with unholy glee in the flickering depths of his soul. Quatre thought he was going to have a heart attack.

But all is not right. The lone figure is still gazing at them, emotions blocked, fingers fisted as if to prevent himself from something he really shouldn't do.

This is not the 'Perfect Soldier'. This is not Heero Yuy.

This is the person that slaughtered the mobile suits and laughed while doing it. And he is smiling.

"English," the Japanese brunette purrs, rolling his neck and shoulders, cracking his joints, feral smile upon his face, "I can do that."

The predatory gaze he sends Duo is not only disconcerting, it is downright freaking them out, as he moves towards the frozen teen. And the boy is not just walking, he is gliding.

"Are you afraid of me, Duo-chan?" the boy breathes into Duo's ear, circling him, pushing into his personal space dominatingly.

"You know, I can hear your heartbeat," he whispers, a slim corded arm coming to rest against the braided teens chest; warm. His smirk grows as he feels him flinch before his eyes narrow calculatingly, pressing on, fingers tapping the rhythm of the beat against his chest, "I can hear all your hearts beating. They're racing…"

A small insincere laugh escapes his lips, his eyes twinkling metallically as he rests his chin on the Americans shoulder, standing flush behind him watching the others. "Mmm, you smell nice," he purrs, sounding like a cat basking in the sun as he plays with the rigid teens braid.

"You know," he opens a lazy eye, watching them all, "that was the one thing J didn't train me in…" At their confused gazes he taps his nose "Smell" before grinning nastily, "It made him uncomfortable…"

Heero made Doctor J uncomfortable?

"Too inhuman…" he whispers into Duo's skin, tightening his hold as the teen instinctively shivers at the intimate contact.

Straightening, without loosening his hold on the American rogue, he faces the others. The tenseness on their features and the taughtness of their muscles, ready to spring at a moments notice, is casually disregarded as he quirks an eyebrow at them, seemingly ignorant of their discomfort.

"What?" he hums, questioningly, caressing his hostages arms, up and down, up and down, "Duo is always insisting on touching…" A wicked gleam is aimed at Duo, though his voice remains unquestioningly innocent, "Is this enough touching, Duo-chan?"

He snorts in disdain at the madly nodding pilot before letting go, making Duo crumble to the ground in surprise, going through a complete transformation. "Hmph. You really did open 'Pandora's Box'," he sneers, staring down at the floundering boy with contempt. Crouching down, he asks mockingly, "What's the matter, Duo-CHAN? Not loose enough for you?"

"What? Who are you?" the American gapes, crawling on his back in an attempt to get away.

An unholy smile graces the Asian boy's face as he stalks closer, bullying the frightened teen into submission as he crouches closer, face to face, voice rising with rage at each point. "Don't you know, Maxwell? I am faster than you, stronger than you, smarter than you. I feel no pain, I heal more rapidly than you. I need less air, less heat, less fuel. What am I? I'm your WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE COME TO LIFE!"

A great creak can be heard as the steel table Heero is leaning on, towering over Duo, is bent under the pressure the emotional teens fingers are subjecting it to, giving Sally her wanted demonstration of strength.

"Don't you know who I am, Duo?" Heero's intense voice asks, back to its regular quiet monotone filled with belligerent viciousness, of reigned in violence, that refuses to be ignored, "I am…"

… Heero Yuy…

…subject specimen 01…

…a weapon…

not human…

…which one is the right one?

"Why don't you say it, Yuy?" Quatre shivers at the bitter resentment in Wufei's voice. Wufei has always looked up to Heero in some ways. Being one to take great pride in his martial arts and its codes; protecting the weak, justice… This is not justice. And for it to be Heero braking it, rubbing it in, their faults… injustice.

"All those skills you listed… combined they make a great warrior," Trowa observes, standing seemingly calm in the eye of the storm, though he is inconspicuously protecting Sally, edging in front of her.

"J's 'Perfect Soldier'," Duo murmurs dejectedly, staring lost at the floor he is sitting on. Unnoticed, said soldier flinches at the nickname.

"So why don't you say it?" the Chinese grinds out, teeth clenched, "Say that you're better than us. Say what you've wanted to. Say that you're Perfect!" And with that, he takes a step forward, a silent threat against harm, shoulders tensed for a possible fight.

But Heero doesn't fight. He steps back. And all of them suddenly become aware of the fact that the 'Perfect Soldier' is trembling. Quite badly. His hands are holding around his waist, and his head is bowed, shadows covering his eyes… And that voice… that horrible quiet childish vulnerable nasal voice that Duo hates so much speaks again:

"Doctor J wanted a perfect soldier and he was given one. The truth is I am a perfect soldier; as perfect as can ever be…"

And then he raises his head, for all to see.

His eyes are dark as ever and still set in that infernal frown of his, but his eyes are shining, a glittery watery sheen that they have never seen before. Heero is crying; and from his lips runs a crimson line.

"…But perfection is flawed. The world does not stand still, it's constantly changing. What was once perfect is now an inconvenience. I was made perfect and I've served my purpose… Now I am Obsolete."

As the pilots eyes widen and Quatre closes his eyes shaking his head, the grownup child continues to speak his truth:

"The bottom line is I was designed to die," hand coming up to rest by his heart as hard eyes stare them down, "I felt the very moment when peace was assured and I began to die."

Eyes slightly glazing as he looks into a distant memory, he murmurs lightly, "I can feel it even now…" And as he speaks a new river mingles with the first, running from his nose.

Snapping back to the present he glares at the five, the blood adding to the paleness of his skin and the sharpness of his eyes, "You opened the box, now deal with the contents: Perfection always has a price, and for that blessed perfection I am doomed to die."

"There is your justice, Wufei," he spits out, making the Chinese flinch with the anger directed at him, "I will never be able to make amends for the deaths I've caused. I will never know peace. I'm on a one-way trip to Hell for reasons I had no choice in."

"'Perfect Soldier' indeed," he sneers, "Tick tock, Wufei. Remind me how very different from you I am; how little time I have left…"

A half laughter escapes his lips, "Heh. Dead man walking." And the office of Preventer Sally gains a hole in the wall as Heero redemonstrates his immeasurable strength.

As Heero visibly struggles to collect himself, a hand grabs him, both steadying and preventing the sick boy from fleeing. Sad violet orbs meet angry blue as the Japanese struggles to brake loose, howling "LET ME LEAVE, I'VE DONE WHAT YOU ASKED FOR! LET ME DIE IN PEACE!"

"But why do you have to die, Heero?" It must be a mental thing… Nobody could possibly be as cruel as to program certain death.

Slapping the teenagers hand away, Heero points to the screen, seething, "Don't you get it, Duo? That is ME!"

"We may be family, the same species, but I am on a completely different level than you, a different race."

"Do you know what would happen were I allowed to live? The same thing that happened to Australia when rabbits were introduced. It was an ecological disaster!"

"My offspring would be genetically superior to you, rapidly replacing you and dominating the Earth where you once ruled. Survival of the fittest…" he emits a sound of frustration at Duo's blank look.

"You can't compete with us, your only advantage is numbers…"

A hand wipes impatiently at the blood, smearing it across his face, while serious eyes set in a frown pierce them, "Do you truly believe that that is enough against me?"

What can they say? Saying 'yes' would be a lie and Heero would know, knows that now; and yet… to say 'no'… it would be admitting that it's alright that Heero has to die. And it isn't.

"In the end I was meant to be a tool, there ISNO moral dilemma here. I am NOT a person, I have NO future. What I am is the 'One and Only', a child of fate, and I will always be sacrificed. Body and soul."

No…

"I fought for Peace…" closing his eyes and breathing it in, he murmurs "Now, it's much easier to die…" He smiles ironically at them, head cocked, as metallic blue clashes with aquamarine green, scenes from Heero's self-destructions flashing across their minds. The face of the 'Perfect Soldier' is back, but the illusion is shattered… Because they know now…

"A wise person once said: It's when a warrior gains the ability to loose everything, that they become the ultimate warrior, the 'Perfect Soldier' that legends said possessed the ability to save everything," Wufei recites, a nauseating comprehension entering his eyes as he realises what J's intentions were, what all martial artists have strived for without knowing, understanding.

'But what about you, Heero? Do you truly believe that? Do you feel NOTHING?'

Pupils widen as two eyes narrow, a cunning smile flashing across bloodstained lips. The room turns soundless for two, the world tilting on its axis as a vacuum descends, muffling all senses with its roaring silence.

A brief afterimage of a boy with chocolate hair stumbling across the room, clutching his head, bent over, screaming 'GET OUT OF MY HEAD!' as he claws at it, before twin burning pyres of blackest blue, spiked with darkest crimson, takes its place, laughing mockingly at the blond observer.

'A gift to you…' and then everything goes dark and there is colour everywhere.


Echoes can be heard as Heero walks down the stairs, away from the office. He will be long gone before they reach the door, but for now that doesn't matter because Quatre has collapsed, screaming and crying, clutching at his heart. Sally is rushing towards him this very instant.

It's only a half hour later that they will realise what has happened, what the blond is moaning, and what a BIG mistake they made, but Heero wanted it this way.

On the floor lies Quatre, moaning:

"I am always lost… until the day I can die."

'It's easier to die now…'

Praeceps:

Yes, I am wonderful. Especially since I didn't cut this chapter in half considering its length!(And I can't believe I spent every free minute of my holiday writing on this. On paper! By hand! No Computers!)

This chapter is about anger. Who's? (Casts sideways glance at cast.) Pick a number, Any number! Well, er, mostly Heero's actually. (Damn that was fun writing, even if it scared the hell out of Duo and Quatre.) Why Heero was acting this way is debatable… (if you have an opinion, let's hear it!) but first of all: He's sick, unstable… Another is that this was his way of finally giving them what they wanted (and he sure did go to the extreme!) Duo wanted Heero to loosen up (for the n-th time), reading between the lines: act more like him. Psychotic Heero anyone? While Quatre, as nice as he may be, continues to monitor them occasionally with his empathy. Quatre wanted feeling, he got feelings. So many that he went into overload. snicker

The next question to think about is this: How much of what Heero said was true?

If you look closely, Heero is actually quite vague about his abilities… he says he's enhanced, better, but how much? (me to know, you to maybe find out) But I am stating here! that this is NOT a trilogy about superhuman people on power trips! If I am accused of that I'll get pissed off! True, they are different, but this is difference is meant more to explain WHY things are happening as they are, why they react as they do etc. This'll actually remain mostly in the background.

Each of my main characters have had their own little introduction now, we know what's happened in their pasts… now they get to meet!

I'm a bit unsure whether I'm supposed to raise the rating on this story. I don't think it'll get MUCH worse than this, but I'm biased… So… a little help, please?

I am not a medical or biology-expert. Some of it I remember from class, some of it I asked my dad (science person)about. Like for example Heero's DNA. I asked my dad about Perfect Humans and the Fifth Element's film theory (cool film), and would function. Of the choices I was given, I liked the one I chose best (naturally). Sally does state how unlikely of this actually successfully happening!

The Australia comparison? Memory (a very decrypt one). And come on, it fit too well! Pun and all (Rabbits, Usagi…).

Wufei's quote? An expansion/rewrite of what Sailor Cosmos says close to the end…(I liked it, so sue me (please don't take that seriously))

Random rambling: Do I get double the amount of reviews since this chapter was double the length?

For wrong info, some of it's deliberate, to make it suit my story much better, the rest… hey, I'm human, okay- I'm a Sailor Moon guru(relatively speaking), not a Gundam Wing one.

Am still thrilled by the amounts of reviews I've received, would it be too much to hope for the same kind of response with this chapter as well? I just loved all the insightful comments you people spouted and am now seriously curious to hear more!

One last note, I'd like to hear what you think of this fic (don't all authors, eh?), and point out beforehand that complaints about OOC-ness and pairings will be ignored. It's going to be a Usa/Heero pairing, but to be honest I thought that was a bit obvious from how I wrote the summary (oh well)…

Thank you for your attention.

Oh! And any spelling mistakes can be blamed on incompetent English teachers, and/or my spell-check program, because I, myself, am PERFECT! ;-P (and when I say I am perfect, I MEAN perfect. My daddy said so ;-P )

If you have any questions about the story that you find unclear, I will do my best to answer them, as long as I deem them of no harm to my present plot-line. I really appreciate all your ramblings (not in any way meant as insulting, just clearing that up), and might use some for inspiration if permitted, but for now I have my own agenda.

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Well that was all, for today at least, toodles! ;-D