Eh… meep.

Right, I'll come right out with the truth: The delay is due to a mixture of exam-jitters (which I did lousy at, anyway), writers block (this is the 5th version of this chapter I've written), laziness (can you spell computer games?), and frantic search for better employment (static).

Changed the rating to R, because this chapter can not possibly be PG-13!

If you want to know what song finally got me over my writers block, you'll have to leave your e-mail address with your review, because it's late, and I don't want to wake my dad to ask were the cd-cover is so I can read it off there… Come on, ask! You might be surprised.

Now on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing, and right now I'm too lazy to look up who actually does. I'm just stating that it's certainly not me.

Part 7: Bullets

Even as I hear the click of the gun being loaded, I still know that there is time to stop it. But I'm too far away

"MATTE, ONEGAI"


Contrary to what many people might think, Japanese is not a common language anymore. The people itself, as so many other cultures and races, have blended into society so much that at this point there is nearly no distinguishing them from other Homo sapiens.

My first spoken language has always been Nihongo, the chosen language of Nihonjin, the people of the sun. It has always been one of the mysteries surrounding my origins, as I cannot recall ever being taught this speech, and no one speaks this language anymore than they do Latin. Yet, my looks were like one of them. Of people integrated into one giant society…

As I stare into the darkness of the night, holding a gun pointed to my head, I marvel at the sight of this golden haired beauty running towards me; because the language that escapes her lips is not the language of this world, the common English that surrounds me, but the one thing that will stop me where nothing else could:

Nihongo…


It really is peculiar when you can watch everything that's happening in slow-motion; it all seems so… weird.

I can see myself running, flailing through the mud and crashing into gravestones on my mad dash toward a boy I do not know.

The way the boy's eyes widen fractionally as I stumble, flying, tumbling to the ground at his feet, scraping my knee; at his mercy. How they flash as I look up at them, at him, lost as the raindrops glisten in his hair.

The rain seems to stop as our eyes meet, one lying in the mud as the other looks down, judging; the fog of our cold breath mingling, dancing to our racing hearts in this midnight air. Watching as his eyes harden, what connection we shared be broken as the track of a lethal weapon is altered, his finger tightening on the trigger.

Any moment now, as my eyes flutter shut, I am going to hear a bang and it's not going to be his blood flowing…


"Who are you?"

I do not know this girl looking up at me. Is she a civilian? Is she sent by Quatre? Is she an enemy covered in disguise?

Covered in mud, crying, I know she cannot stop me. Nobody ever could.

Lying on the ground, looking dejected, weeping silent tears; she cannot be a soldier, but can she be a threat?


I remember when I was all that was left. When my friends had died and Galaxia had been destroyed by Chaos.

Floating.

A world of space, a cauldron brimming with unborn stars. A child with the eyes of an ancient being, begging me to end it all; because the fighting will never end. Misery is eternal and my beliefs are destroyed.

Looking into his eyes, I see the same emptiness. Do you not shiver, boy with eyes of space? Do you feel no warmth? Have you touched the same cold substance of merciless truth and realised the dawning horror of our existence?

Are you as lost as I am?


"Who are you?" I ask again. I am getting tense, my shoulder is twinging from my fight with Duo, and I am ignoring this because it is necessary; I will not be vulnerable, I cannot be vulnerable, in front of her, in front of anyone; and I am weak and I am tired and I want this to end, because I want to die.

I want to die.


"I want to die."

I can hear it echo in the dark, and for a moment of surprise I don't know who of us spoke it, but it doesn't matter because I want to die as well, and then I remember; it was me…


I made a promise to Relena; I promised I would never kill again. But then, this is one promise I have never been able to keep. My hands are too bloody, and I was created for death. It was never my promise to give.


What makes me think that this teenaged boy, standing above me, will kill me?

He is pale and sickly as I see the outline of his ribs through his torn and soiled hospital gown and his arms are trembling ever so slightly from the effort of holding the gun still. His nose is bleeding.

And yet… this ghostly boy will be my salvation.


I never did manage to kill Relena, Relena is too innocent. She is everything I could have been if I had not been born who I am. And for that, I am grateful.

But this girl is not innocent.


And I truly do believe that he can kill me.


The only issue is: Is it right?


I have seen too much and I cannot run from this fight. No tears or whining will stop this horror, and the longer I fight, the more I will destroy, because this time… the demon is Me.


I was wrong.

Click.


I wonder what the world will be like without me in it. Will it be any different?

Will Minako continue to be an otaku?

Will Makoto no longer have someone to feed?

Will Rei still become a shrine maiden?

Will Ami grow more shy and distant as she hides behind her books?

I will never know.

But then, they don't exist on this world and I will never see them again.

BANG!


I was five the first time I killed. I helped Odin with his targets before that, but that is the first kill that I can remember, that I acknowledge was purely mine.

Taking a life is amazingly easy. Bones will brake. Necks will snap. Organs will burst. We bleed.

I don't even need a gun. I AM Death.

My hands are bloody. They will remain so. With each new drop added, I become a little less human. But then… was I ever human to begin with?

Feel less. More detached. I am destroying myself a little more every day. When have I gone too far…?


"There was only that one bullet. If you wish to die, I advise that you go find a bridge and jump off."


…Not today.


I didn't know I could cry anymore…


"WHY DID YOU DO THAT! BAKA!" And tiny delicate fists are pounding on my chest, ever harder in her despair. But what can I tell her? That I am sorry? That I understand what it's like to want to die over and over again, and still be denied?

There is no easy way in this life, and looking into her eyes, she knows this. It will only get worse.

But you are still allowed to cry.

Because if you don't, who will?


All my hopes lay in that bullet; as tears stream down, I cannot help but think: My peace, my dream, the hope that this was the end, that I wouldn't have to live this life! and now it's shattered, gone.

my hopes lay in that bullet; as tears stream down, I cannot help but think: My peace, my dream, the hope that this was the end, that I wouldn't have to live this life! and now it's shattered, .

And it angers me even more that he doesn't even winch as I pound at him with my fists, as I cry my heart out and he remains unmovable, a rock, merely looking down at me with those flat lifeless orbs of his, unflinching.

Can you not even comfort me?


Watery eyes gaze up at me from a face full of mud.

"Now neither of us can die."


As the rain slowly stops, you can see the moon peaking out among the clouds and suddenly it's not so cold anymore.

It isn't my moon, but it's shine is the same; and though I am no longer a Lunarian, part of me can still take comfort under it's pure light; and in it's shine we must make quite a pair:

A dirty blond and a ravaged bishonen.


The gun clatters to the ground, a piece of metal. It is of no use anymore and it is heavy in my arms. Duo will find another one.


"So what will you do now?"

Will you die alone, in the dark as you were trying this day?


Gazing up at the sky, I can almost pretend I am home, resting in the cradle of Wing Zero in outer space. There is no mission, there is no war, there is only me and the stars that I embody, floating in space, and I will never die because time stands still and this moment will never end and I will always be here.

"I'm going home," and I don't remember ever having used this voice, is this me? is this voice mine, and have I used it before? When did I speak with this voice and why have I never heard it before?

I... I think I am at peace, for the first time in my life.

"I am going home."


And I think I am happy for him, because his eyes are so beautiful and everything is calm, and it's an okay night even though it's been raining. And we can always die another day…


"Don't die alone."

And her face is serious as she ask me this, and I find I can't deny her as I answer, "I'll wait for you," and it makes her smile as I really mean it. Maybe we are not alone.

"Next time, we can die together."


Soon the sun will rise and the birds will start singing, but it is still dark, for a little while longer, and he is walking away. Going home.

I don't know what this morning will bring, maybe I will regret staying alive, but for now I am at peace. This is a whole new world, and I can do anything because I am everything. Because I am a Butterfly and there is nothing I can't do.


One day I am going to die and it is going to be painful, because it has hurt so much already, and it will be soonbecause I am meant to die; but right now I am alive, and though I can feel myself still bleeding and that something is wrong, I no longer feel like I am falling apart, I can pull myself together, and even when I feel a pair of hands wrapping around my waist like Relena always tried to, I don't blink.


The way his eyes slightly widens -that I shouldn't really be able to see- and then closes off, as he patiently waits for me to speak, and his thin frame tenses before he relaxes, but it's all pretend and he still doesn't trust me, because we don't know each other –I don't even know his name- but I need to tell him, because he is still sick:

"Don't die."


An angel-face splattered with mud is what I see, peaking out from over my shoulder.

A girl with golden tresses trailing to the ground in abnormal lengths, as impractical as it should be impossible, as she clings to me and for a moment something happens and I don't know what it is, but I make a promise:

"I won't."

Looking into my eyes, we are both serious; I don't know what she sees, there is nothing there.

I have no soul.

But it makes her smile, and in the waning moonlight she looks like one of Duo's angels.

I want to know what she is…


"What are you?"

I don't know.

Once I was a schoolgirl, living a normal life; but that was a lie.

Once I was a princess, royalty of the moon and beloved of Endymion, but that was long ago.

Yesterday I was Tsukino Usagi, champion of Love and Justice, but I am no longer that Usagi, because she died…


"I am a Butterfly. Just a butterfly," she laughs and is gone.

I walk home, and as I swing in toward the gates that lead to Quatre's mansion, I feel much better now.

What it's supposed to mean:

Matte – Wait
Onegai – Please
Nihongo – Japanese
Nihonjin – Japanese people
Otaku – Fan (an obsessive one)
Baka – Idiot
Bishonen – Pretty boy

Praeceps:

I am sooo glad that I finally got this chapter out! Two months! (winch)

Then again, I wasn't going to send out something that I despised (failed perfectionist).

But now! I am satisfied, and am actually quite pleased by how this chapter turned out (though that might have more to do with it finally being over (the chapter, that is), than the quality of penmanship) Even with debatable out of characterness (pay attention to each's point of view. It's not always what they say), and morbid plot (heh).

Anyone who claims this is romantic will be lynched! This was NOT a love at first sight meeting, nowhere in this chapter is there love. Puzzlement, curiosity, fascination, kinship… Ah bonding… (sighs wistfully) I like love-at-first-sight just like any girl (well, maybe not ANY girl…), but this is not that kind of story. You take the highroad, and I'll take the low road.

Besides, there are so many stories that revolve around Heero and Usagi meeting, and then Usagi healing him. (I like braking people, not putting them back together.) And even if I made Usagi try, and I'm not saying if I will or won't, what makes you think she would succeed?

Oh, and would anyone that knows Sailor Moon's speech in Japanese about love and justice etc be bothered to notify me? I'm going to need it in this following chapter or the next one, and I'm not too sure where to find it.

To whoever Mi is: "Not that I don't appreciate your enthusiasm (because I DO), but leaving that kind of message makes hell on scrolling when I want to check out the others comments."(not being mean here)

To Shade: "Can I have those cookies now?"(mind you, I will forfeit those cookies if it means I get to read more of your fascinating contemplations…)

For wrong info, some of it's deliberate, to make it suit my story much better, the rest… hey, I'm human, okay! I'm a Sailor Moon guru(relatively speaking), not a Gundam Wing one.

If you have any questions about the story that you find unclear, I will do my best to answer them, as long as I deem them of no harm to my present plot-line. I really appreciate all your ramblings (not in any way meant as insulting, just clearing that up), and might use some for inspiration if permitted, but for now I have my own agenda.

Thank you for your attention.

Oh! And any spelling mistakes can be blamed on incompetent English teachers, and/or my spell-check program, because I, myself, am PERFECT! ;-P (and when I say I am perfect, I MEAN perfect. My daddy said so ;-P )

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Well that was all, for today at least, toodles! ;-D