My Immortal

Summary: Danny's life becomes impossible knowing he's ruined someone else's life. Its even worse knowing it's his best friend.

Rating: PG-13 for mature themes and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom, Butch Hartman does. I do not own My Immortal, Evanescence does.

Chapter One

Suppressed by all my childish fears.

The front door slammed and was followed immediately by heavy footsteps up the stairs. This was followed immediately by the slamming of another door. Danny dropped his book bag to the floor. It landed with a heavy thud. He kicked of his shoes aiming in the general direction of his dresser. Falling to the bed, Danny closed his bloodshot eyes. He hadn't slept in weeks. Not really. Sleep was when you lied down and rested willingly. What he was doing was pushing himself to go through days at a time till he would just collapse.

He fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling without ever really seeing it. Unfocused blue eyes glazed with the vacant stare. This was becoming routine. He would lie here, not able to remember what he had done throughout the day. He was ignoring all ghost threats. Danny Phantom was never going to exist again. Sam had been the one who had convinced him to embrace the new persona. 'It makes you unique,' she grinned. So much for unique.

He wasn't blaming her. Heck, he didn't think he could blame her for anything if he wanted to. It was hard to blame something on someone who hates you. He sat up suddenly. His head flared in pain with the blood-rush and spots appeared before him. He blinked them away and slowly walked to the computer. He dropped into the chair after pushing the on button. He closed his eyes. He watched the stats roll across a black screen as it loaded. It caused the back of his eyes to hurt.

He didn't really need to do this. He had it memorized anyway. But despite that fact, as soon as windows loaded he double-clicked Outlook Express. It came up with his email. He clicked on a folder on the left-hand menu. It was just entitled 'New Folder'. He couldn't think of anything that he could bring himself to name it. A dialogue box appeared in the middle of the screen.

He stared at it for a moment tired brain refusing to function. He finally brought his hands to the keyboard and typed the eight letter word that had been the only thing they'd parted with. But that was late December, it was now almost March. He hit the enter key and the wave of self-loathing came just as always. He read the last email she had sent him. Dry, bloodshot eyes skimmed the lines. A dark feeling churned inside him but he didn't do anything to stop it. He almost embraced it. He deserved every agonizing moment of it.

He read her pleading with him to forgive her for being a hormonal brat. Thanking him for spending one last day with her. It was dated December 21, the same date that was written on Christopher Bailey's tombstone. He wondered if he would have gotten it before hand what would have happened. It hurt to think about it. He wished he could say it would have changed something, that it would have changed everything. But there was no way to know. He could have stopped it, he could have fought it harder. But he couldn't think of anyway to fight it more than he hadn't. He had been a weakling and Sam had been the one who paid it for him.

It wasn't fair. But then life wasn't fair. None of this was fair. If life was fair, Sam would still be the bright-eyed rich girl from freshman year. If life was fair, he wouldn't be a half-ghost. If life was fair, he wouldn't have three innocent people's blood all over his hands. That thought made his stomach churning. His mind flashed back to the split second he had finally broken free of the apparition's grasp. He had looked down and seen his hands covered with Chris' blood and Sam's limp form lying before him. The thought made bile rise in his throat.

He swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes shut, trying desperately to get rid of the image. Again it still lingered. Just like yesterday and the day before that. He used to be able to avoid it but lately he had stopped fighting it. Why should he? He disserved every horrible moment of it. He closed his eyes and just let the whole series of events play behind closed eyes. The horrible scream, Sam falling lifeless to the snow, the wave of rage, the second shot in retaliation at Ryan before he finally managed to get control again.

He opened his eyes, sitting there loathing himself. If he had been stronger he could have saved them. He could have saved them all. Chris, Ryan, even Jacob. Especially Jacob. He had killed her baby. The child he had wished with all his heart was his and not some monsters, the one he had lied to parenting when Sam had asked. He hadn't deserved to die. In fact if anyone deserved to die, it was him. He sat for a moment that horrible thought ringing endlessly through his mind.

Danny suddenly sat up straight, a fierce determination burning in bloodshot blue eyes. He pulled open a desk drawer where he was sitting. He pushed a side a roll of masking tape and a stapler looking desperately for something. His hand closed around a curved handle. Suddenly, something Sam confided in him rang through his mind, 'Everything's a weapon. You just have to be desperate enough to see it as that.' He picked up the pair of silver scissors and stared at them blankly for a moment.

He remembered Sam's sliced wrist, could almost remember the feeling of pressing his palm against the wound trying to stop the bleeding. He opened up the scissors. Wrapping his fingers around the right blade, he pressed his thumb against the hinge, holding it in place. He looked at the silver blade glinting in the light given off from the displayed email. It somehow seemed symbolic. He briefly wondered if it would hurt to do this. He knew it wouldn't kill him. He didn't want it too. He wanted to suffer. He disserved to suffer. Maybe, he even needed to.

He placed the blade against his skin. The vein had almost a greenish tint to it. He'd never noticed that before. It wasn't something he did, just sitting around contemplating his wrist. His hands shook slightly, and he curled the left into a fist while his right gripped the scissors harder. He swallowed. He needed to do this. Maybe it would give him some peace, just enough to sleep at night or be able to eat again. He couldn't starve to death. He disserved so much worse than that.

Danny drew the blade across in a swift motion. He paused there was no feeling of freedom that Sam had described so enraptured. He looked down and his eyes darkened. The skin wasn't broken. The top part was wrinkled, snagged on edge. But there was no blood, no redemption. He pulled back the open scissors laid the edge flush against the inside of his forearm. He pressed hard and it sank in neatly.

He hissed at the sensation. It made his scalp crawl and he felt almost as if he wasn't in control of himself anymore, a feeling he feared more than death itself. He pulled the blade back and let it slip from his shaking fingers to fall to the floor with a metallic thud. He watched the blood leek out. It wasn't as deep of a wound as Sam's and it wasn't near as thin or as clean of a cut. Of course, Sam's was an attempted goodbye to the world his was just a way to feel the pain. But it worked. He watched the blood trail towards his elbow with a sick sense of atonement. He didn't expect Sam to forgive him or the Carter's or Bailey's. But he did need to pay for what he'd done.

Maybe he needed the peace that came with it. Maybe he needed to be like Sam, to feel closer to her again. Maybe he needed to deal with the fact that she would be here to watch him pay for what he'd done for her. All Danny knew at this moment was, that for now this was what he needed.

A rather morbid first chapter but the longest one since the first half of Hello. This book is going to have longer chapters. 50 more per chapter actually. But now to thank those who reviewed the prologue: Mrs. Granger-Weasley, Terrasina Dragonwagon, wingedwish, Lady-Ashanya, Samster The Hamster, WormmonABC, Silverflare07, Ryo's destiny, AngeloflLight, YAY!!!, audi katia, pinkXfairie!, MayB, Pandemonium Fox, CoLdPLaYeR813, RavenForever, Moody Maud, RainbowSerenity, Spice of Life, Janus-Wolf, The Fuzy Llama, The Good Girl, Mujitsu Yume, Danielle Phantom, Airie, Storm Sword, Chibi Millenia Phantom, and Medisti. Thanks Everybody!