Jess burst out of Dumbledore's office at a run, nearly colliding with Tara as she hastened to get away.

          "J-jess," Tara said tentatively as the girl brushed by her.

          "Not now, Tara, sorry," Jess called back over her shoulder, "we'll talk later, okay?" She disappeared down the dark hallway.

          "Okay," Tara whispered. "D-don't mind me."

          "Can I help you, young lady?"

          "I need to see Grey. Is he here?"

          "Do you know the password?" The tiny knight puffed out his chest and pulled himself to his full height.

          "No, I don't know the damn password."

          "Then I suggest you depart. My lord has asked not to be disturbed."

          "Listen up, tin man. I want to speak with Grey an' I want to speak with him now. Don't make me get testy with you."

          "Now you listen here, witch," Cadogan said, his voice rising, "I am charged with MMMF …" The door swung open, cutting him off.

          "Dammit, Cadogan. How many times do you need to hear it?" Grey stopped suddenly, sensing the urgency in Jess's posture. "What's going on?"

          Jess barged past him into the room. White pages covered in his familiar scrawl were spread across the bed. She recognized the designs as potential lesson plans for the upcoming auror training. "It's Willow."

          Grey shut the door behind him. "What's Willow?"

          "I was havin' a lesson with Dumbledore, one o' my walkthroughs."

          "Are you okay?" As always after the walkthroughs, she looked tense and nervous, but Grey suspected that wasn't the whole reason this time.

          "No, but it doesn't matter. She walked in on it."

          "So what?"

          "I mean she WALKED in on it."

          Suddenly, Grey understood. "In the pensieve?"

          "Yeah." Jess bit her lower lip nervously. "I'm sorry, I had no idea it would happen."

          "What did she see?"

          "You … us. The … the wall."

          "Oh god." He paled. "Did she…"

          "She flipped out a little, but Dumbledore reined her in, I think."

          "If he hadn't, we would have heard it by now. Goddammit!" He pounded his fist on the door.

          "I cut it off as soon as I could, but … we might have a problem, her an' me. I'm not sure she won't lose it the next time she sees me. Or that she shouldn't."

          "I'll take care of that," Grey said, envisioning the unpleasant night ahead. "It's not your fault. I've told you that before. Are YOU okay?"

          "It was scary, watchin' myself do that." He crossed the room and put a hand on her shoulder. She automatically folded into a hug, his familiar arms wrapping the comfort around her. "I looked like I used to, y'know?"

          "The short hair. I remember."

          "D'you miss it?"

          "No." They embraced for a few long seconds, then Grey pulled away. "It's really okay, Jess. I've dealt with it. I'm not angry about it. You can let it go, too. If you're going to blame anyone, blame that bastard Voldemort. Not yourself."

          "How did you deal? How can you not hate me?"

          He looked past her, out the window. "I just did. I knew it wasn't you who did those things, and I accepted that I had to save you. And …"

          "An' what?"

          "Willow." He turned his gaze back on her. "I … she brought me back. She fixed the damage," he pointed to his heart, "in here. I never hated you, though, not even while it was going on. I was afraid for you, but I didn't hate you."

          "But you stopped loving me?"

          The question surprised him, and after a short pause his answer came out whisper quiet. "No, not really. I think … it just changed. I love you, but … not the same way. I figured I couldn't love anyone like that. I didn't want to even try. If this was a talk show, I'd say I thought I couldn't let anyone in, that something snapped inside me when you left. I thought it was gone, until…"

          "Until Willow." He nodded, and the dam in Jess's heart finally cracked open. She had known that he truly loved Willow, that he was meant to be with her, but she had never accepted it. In his words and in his voice, she finally heard what she had been denying: Willow's the one that saved him from me.

          "Jess? You still with me?"

          "Huh? Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."

          "It's okay." He gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't say stuff like that. I know it's hard for you, me and Willow."

          "You do?"

          He nodded. "I appreciate you trying not to show it, but it's me. I know every one of your facial tics, every tone of your voice, the tension in every muscle. You can't hide it."

          "You never said…"

          "I don't know what to do about it," he admitted, "so I didn't say anything."

          "Me either."

          "I miss us, too, but…"

          "Not enough."

          "It isn't like that. It's not a competition."

          "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound that way."

          Grey almost explained the difference in the two relationships, but he decided that wouldn't be fair. It wasn't, after all, a competition. He was deeply in love with Willow. Period.

          "I wish I could help, Jess. You know I'll do anything for you. I just don't know what to do."

          "I'm thinkin' maybe there's nothin', Grey. It just takes time."

          At the end of the lesson, which Dumbledore cut short because Willow could hardly focus on anything, she made straight for Grey's room. She couldn't imagine how ghastly she looked, but she needed to see him.

          "Ah, Lady Willow," Sir Cadogan said with a bow, "a great pleasure to see you again, though I must say you look a bit distressed."

          "Is Grey here?"

          "Why yes, my liege is indeed here. I believe he's with someone at the moment."

          "Who?"

          "I'm not sure, milady. A woman – she seemed quite upset when I wouldn't allow her in, and I feared I would have to give her a taste of my English steel," he raised his sword halfway out of its scabbard, "but then my lord came out and invited her in."

          "Did she … did she have dark hair?"

          "Yes, milady."

           Willow's stomach tightened. Her hand trembled as she reached out to knock; she knew the password, but busting in on them probably wasn't the best idea. It took all of her strength not to turn and run back to her room.

          The door swung open before her knuckles could land on the frame.

          Grey stepped through into the hall, his eyes full of concern. He swept her up in his arms, lifting her several inches off the floor. She clutched handfuls of his shirt, pressing the two of them together and burying her head in his neck.

          "I'm so sorry, Willow," he whispered in her ear. His voice quivered. "You never should have had to see that. I never wanted you to see that."

          "She … and you … with the stakes and the blood and the spells … goddess, Grey, it was so much worse than I ever pictured it," she sobbed into his shoulder. "The blood … there was so much blood and it ran everywhere and I thought 'goddess, he looks like a mountain with all these tiny little streams,' except then I realized it was blood and how much it had to hurt and you said she did it for hours…" Willow's words dissolved into anguished bawling. Grey held onto her, rubbing small circles on the back of her robe as she cried herself out.

          With Willow's attention diverted, Jess slipped past the couple. Her face was every bit as tear-stained and hurt as Willow's. She shot Grey a meaningful glance as she disappeared down the hallway.

          He knew what the glance meant. He had felt the change in her voice. She's about to put me behind her, he thought with regret. He wondered how long it would be before she realized it.

          "Come on, Will," he said when she had gone, "come inside. We'll talk."

          She raised her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. "Is she … is she in there? 'Cuz, I-I don't think I'm ready to face her, y'know?"

          "She just left while you had your head on my shoulder. You can probably guess that she's not the most happy person right now, either."

          She nodded. Grey led her back into his room, removing his arms only to shut the door, and brought her to the bed. He carefully stripped off her black Hogwarts robe, revealing a tank top and jeans underneath. Then, before she could object, he scooped her up and laid her on his bed. He climbed in behind her and draped his arm across her stomach, her red hair tickling his cheeks as he pressed himself against her.

          "Feel better?"

          "Oh yeah," she said, the familiar feel of him against her soothing her pain and fear.

          Grey couldn't think of what he should say to help her, so he stuck with the simplest choice.

          "I love you, Willow. I wish you hadn't seen that."

          "I got so scared when I … saw you. It was like every nightmare I've ever had about it, except that it was in 3-D surround sound, and not the crappy speakers-on-the-tv kind either. The good kind with the tiny little speakers, y'know?"

          "I know." In spite of the grisly subject, he smiled. He loved her child-like speech.

          "I lost it a little bit when we got back."

          "Jess told me that, and that Dumbledore was handling it. She felt terribly about it. That's why she came and got me, to let me know you were gonna be not okay, and then…"

          "Then what?"

          "Well, we didn't hear explosions or anything, and she started crying and … it got kind of ugly. She's really upset. Then we heard you talking to Cadogan."

          "Yeah, taking on Dumbledore? Even black magic me knew that was a bad idea."

          "Good." He slowly dragged his fingers along her stomach, feeling her breathing and listening to the quiet thump of her heart against him. "Are you alright, though?"

          "Wigged. Big time. She was so … gleeful about it."

          "She enjoyed it, yeah." Grey could almost feel the spells raking the skin of his chest as he remembered. He pulled Willow closer, trying to drown out the phantom pain with the feeling of her heartbeat.

          "I'd never let anyone do that to you again. Not me or black magic Willow, either. We'd both not let anyone do it. Does that make sense?"

          "It does. Thank you."

          "I love you, too."

          Willow curled deeper into him. Despite the horrors of the last hour, she loved these moments: the two of them, together, not doing anything but being together. They had loads of passion between them, and she loved the other stuff they did in bed, too. The thought of those things made her tingle. What moments like these did, though, was make her warm all over, and she cherished that.

          "I get it now," she said awhile later, when they were both firmly ensconced in the quiet snuggle.

          "Get what?"

          "Why you curled up into your shell. If Oz or Tara had done that … I think I would have totally cracked."

          "No," he shook his head, "not you. You might have wigged and fought back, but not cracked. You're stronger than you think, Willow."

          "I dunno. That was intense."

          "So are you." His fingers moved to her chin, tilting her head up to him. He captured her lips in a slow, soft, mournful kiss. "It's okay, Will. It was a long time ago, and since then I found something that made it all go away."

          "What's that?" She was a little breathless from his kiss.

          "You." He kissed her again, and breathing was suddenly the furthest thing from her mind.

          The knock at the door broke Tara's concentration. Not that it was all that sturdy to begin with, she thought as she grabbed her wand and closed her Potions notebook.

          "Come in." She opened the door with a wave. Jess, her face red and blotchy, stepped through tentatively.

          "Hey, Tara. Can I …" she gestured to the center of the room.

          Tara nodded. "S-sure. Of course."

          "I jus' wanted ta say that I'm sorry I blew by you in the hall back there."

          "Oh. I-it's okay, really."

          Jess took the seat across from Tara, then leaned forward towards the blonde witch. "No, it's not okay. Sure and I appreciate you bein' there for me. I just … I had ta get to Grey's an' I was kind of freaked out. I didn't mean to barrel you over that way."

          "I kn-know you didn't."

          She reached out and touched Tara's leg. Tara barely restrained her flinch; she seldom let people touch her, though with Jess it was more because she liked it a lot and didn't want the other girl to know than any other reason.

          "I mean it, though. It was rude. I'm really glad you're always waitin' for me. I need it, most times, an' especially today, if you want the truth. I jus' needed ta warn him first."

          "You need it? Are you okay?"

          "Not really, no." She said it so casually that Tara thought she was joking at first. Then she explained what had happened.

          "Oh, goddess. Is Willow…"

          "She seemed a bit looped out of it, as you'd expect. He had her in hand, though. I think she'll be fine."

          Tara nodded; Grey would take care of her. "A-and you?"

          "He helped me a bit, yeah." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I can't believe he doesn't hate me. Those things … seeing 'em again … I'm here livin' the life o' Reilly an' I did that to him…" She buried her face in her hands and finally broke down completely. Tara could see the tears running down her palms and over her forearms as Jess collapsed out of the chair and onto the ground.

          Without even thinking, Tara slipped out of her chair and knelt on the floor beside her. She took Jess in her arms, gently rocking her as she whispered into the weeping girl's ear.

          "Shhh, sweetie. Shhh. It's okay. It's okay."

          Jess tensed at Tara's touch, then gave in and let the blonde girl hold her as her pain poured out in a flood of hot tears. Jess's arms went around Tara, and they spent several long minutes on the floor like that, Tara's calm voice and soft touch soothing her.

          When her tears were almost spent, Jess pulled away from Tara's embrace. Her tears had soaked Tara's robe.

          "Sorry 'bout that," Jess said, her left hand brushing at the tear tracks. "I don't break down, usually."

          "I-it's okay. I understand."

          "He's not gonna leave her for me, is he."

          Tara looked at the floor, but didn't say anything.

          "That wasn't a question, Tara. I know he won't. I realized it when I went to his room." A lone tear cascaded down her cheeks. "She saved him from what I did. From me. She deserves him."

          Tara reached up, her hand shaking slightly, and wiped the tear from Jess's face.

          "She does, but not because you don't. Willow's a-an amazing person, but s-so are you. Y-you d-deserve the same happiness with s-someone, even though it w-won't be Grey."

          The room suddenly got very still. Jess could feel Tara's warm thigh up against her own and her right hand resting on Tara's back. The cavernous suite was silent and empty except for the two of them. Their faces were six inches apart, and Tara could smell the hint of vanilla floating up from Jess's skin.

The slightest move forward and they would be kissing.

          Before Tara could work up the courage to lean in, Jess blinked. She shot off the floor, confusion gripping her mind and a familiar tension gripping her chest. Her head was suddenly awhirl.

          "I … Tara … I need to go. Really."

          "Y-you don't have to. If y-you need to talk more or …"

          "No, no, really. I need to … I have to, to think a little. Alone. I need to go."

          Without a backwards glance, Jess bolted for the door. Before it even closed behind her, Tara started to cry.