To Love a Jedi
Chapter 2: When I Saw You Again
Author's Note: I had to watch this scene three billion times to get it right. Please forgive for my tardiness.
It had been months since she had seen that rough space pilot. She did not want to see him, and yet she did. It was impossible to believe that she would find him attractive. She tried to deny this, but the more she tried, the more she couldn't help but feel for him. She remembered the fights they had, and how many times his attempted flirtations had angered her, yet somehow, they warmed her heart. When she saw him again, the first words out of her mouth were words she had never thought she would speak, "I love you."
I immediately put down the holobook. I had tried to read, but I couldn't take that last sentence. I had always been partial to romances, but I can't bear to read them anymore.
I walk over to the window. I look out to see a courtyard below. There, Leia is playing with some boys from the palace, where we live. She laughs as she runs around trees, chasing them. Her laugh travels up to me. But I can feel it for only an instant before the coldness covers my heart.
Not even a child's laughter can cure me now. I am too far gone in my despair.
I sit on my couch and lounge upon it. I sigh, trying not to think about anything in particular. An image forms in my mind, as clear as if it were real. Anakin… Not a young boy on Tatooine, but a man. It was how he looked when I saw him again. So handsome and strong…knowing what he wanted in the world, yet plagued by tragedy…
No!
I must not think about him. I must keep those memories in the back of my mind, trying not to let them get the better of me. Anakin is gone, and thinking of him will not bring him back. I know my guilt and sadness will never go away, just as my love will never leave me. But I can at least, concentrate on the present rather than the past. The future can change, but the past can't.
Yet the present and the future are made from the past.
Thunk!
What was that noise? It sounds like it came from the closet. I walk over to it and open the door. I see what has fallen, my box of memories.
I kneel next to it and open it. This is the box where I put everything that reminded me on Ani. I have everything in here; the marriage certificate, little tokens he gave me, even the documents of the births of the twins, stolen from all the archives that they would be put into.
I go through the box, sinking into many years of happiness. The necklace that he had given me so long ago falls into my hand. He gave that to me when he was so young…when we were both young. At that time I did not know what he would grow up o be. I didn't know he'd grow up to be so…loving.
I sift through the contents fingering small snippets of memories. My fingers linger over the hologram of Luke, the child I haven't seen in years. I ruined his life as well as Leia's. I just wish I could have known my son.
What's this?
I lift a small holoprojector into the light. It is turned off. I finger it, wondering what it reveals. I do not remember it. On the bottom, two words are etched into the metal: Missing you. Missing you? It still sparks no memory. My finger hovers over the button to activate it. Am I sure I want to see what it will reveal? But I am to curious. I press the button.
An image on Anakin is revealed. This hologram must be old; he still has his padawan haircut. It must have been made soon after we were married. Now I remember, he had to go off into the clone wars, and so this was a way we could relieve out separation.
"When we are too far separated by communication, we shall still be able to see each other." I remember he had one of me, too. What happened to it? Does he still have it?
I look back at the young padawan's face. It reminds me of how he looked after our parting of ten years…The time my life changed forever…
At that time, I was no longer queen. I was senator of Naboo. This was the day after there was an attack on my life, unknown to me to be the work of Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation. After visiting the Chancellor, who I once considered a friend, he was bringing in jedi for my safety. He had suggested Master Kenobi. Like Ani, I had not seen Obi-Wan in ten years. I had remembered that Ani was going away to be his padawan learner, but I guess I did not think about it. After all, this was before I fell in love.
I was standing on the balcony with Capitan Typho, minutes before my "bodyguards" were to arrive. I looked out to Coruscant. I always detested the capitol. I liked Naboo better, with more greenery and open spaces. I was thinking about why someone would want to kill me. The answer was obvious, the opposition against the proposal for an army of the republic. I had been making a list of senators in my head who might pose a threat when Typho said, "The jedi shall be here shortly."
I replied, "Thank you, captain. Let us hope that he shall be able to track down this killer."
He looked at me puzzled. "He? From what I understand, there are two jedi that shall be in our presence."
Again, I did not connect it with Ani. I supposed the other jedi was one dispatched by the council to help Obi-Wan. "Well then, let us hope they will be able to track down the killer."
"But, milady, they are here to help local security protect you, and that is all I understand."
"Perhaps the culprit shall stop these attacks and be drawn into the light." I suggested. "When jedi are called in, it means business."
That is when I heard Jar Jar exclaim in happiness, "Obi! Mesa so smiling to see-en yousa!"
I did not have the force, but there was something I sensed then. Some familiar, yet interesting presence. It was something I had never felt before in my life. Something made me almost afraid to turn around.
But I had to when Jar Jar said, "Senator Padmé! Mesa palos here!" I turned, despite that feeling, and did indeed see two jedi. "Lookie, lookie, senator! Disa jedi arriven!"
I walked over to Obi-Wan, since I recognized that face. I only glanced at the other jedi once. He had blue eyes and blond-brown hair cut in the padawan style, yet I did not recognize him. I felt something familiar, but I could not place it. This jedi seemed darker, not evil, but…different. Like something was keeping him in shadow. He was handsome, but being in the unisex world of politics, I couldn't openly call him so. The point is, he interested me.
After Obi-Wan bowed, he said, "It is a pleasure to see you again, milady."
I shook his hand. "It has been far too long, Master Kenobi."
I stole another look at the jedi. For a second I pondered the familiar feeling, then it hit me. It hit me like a jolt. It was those blue eyes. In an instant, I recognized that face. Anakin!
But I had to be sure. "Ani?" I asked him. He gave sort of a grin and walked forward, confirming my guess. He didn't look like the Ani I knew at all. I could only think of one thing to say. "My goodness, you've grown." It was true. He was no longer a boy.
"So have you." His eyes held my gaze. "Grown more beautiful, I mean." I gulped. Ani wasn't supposed to talk like this! I could feel everyone looking at me, then at him. I guess Ani could sense Obi-Wan looking at him funny, because he said, "Well, for a senator, I mean." I guessed he tried to make it sound like a joke. His facial expressions made it seem thus.
I followed him up on that, because I too, believed it to be some secret jedi joke. I gave a small laugh. "Oh, Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."
I think I hurt him with that comment. He seemed less cheery later on in our meeting. Now I realize why. I still thought of Anakin as a little boy, and I was shocked at his transformation. His gaze had made me feel uncomfortable. And so I tried to feel more comfortable by thinking of him as young. He was four years younger, but ten years makes it matter less than it did when I was fourteen and he, ten.
Though that day ended uncomfortably, our conversation had planted something that, with time, would only blossom and grow. Yet our love was not a rose without a thorn. Our love was a tiny rose, surrounded by a nest of sharp, poisonous barbs. Waiting to prick us both.
Author's Note: Poor Anakin! I always felt sorry for him in this scene. Maybe I should do it from his POV…
(Did anyone notice the Han/Leia reference?)
