To Love a Jedi

Chapter : What Is This Feeling?

Author's Note: Ah, yes. This scene. 'Tis one of my favorites


"Look, Mummy!" Leia says, chasing a butterfly. She grabs the air, missing it by seconds. She laughs and proclaims, "I almost had it!"

I laugh also. "Leave the poor butterfly alone. It has a family to fly home to. With little baby butterflies to take care of."

"But I just want to get it so I can feed it!" She tells me, grasping again for it with her petite hands

I draw her away from the butterfly, over to where I am sitting on the stone of the courtyard. "It can get food on its own, Leia. And I doubt it will want any food we humans eat."

I hear footsteps behind me and I turn. It is Bail Organa, the one allowing Leia and I to stay here. His face is grave. "What is it?" I ask.

"Milady," He begins, "There is an urgent meeting that requires your attendance."

I nod. "I will be there shortly." As he leaves, I turn to my daughter. "Leia, Mummy has to go to a meeting. I'll be back in a little bit. Do you know where to go?"

"I go see Nanny!" That is her name for her servant.

"That's right! Be good for Nanny. I'll come get you when it's over."

She kisses me on the cheek. "Bye, Mummy!" And she runs off as fast as her little legs can carry her.

I watch her go and sigh, and I walk to the meeting room. I don't know what this is about, but by the look on Bail's face it doesn't look good. I have lived for four years in peace on Alderaan, I don't want that to be gone. The shelter and comfort that I feel here is amazing. I am safe, because they have no army, it is under minimal empire control. Alderaan is almost as beautiful as Naboo, and since they are sister planets, I feel like I am back in my own homeworld.

If I could, I would have taken Leia to Naboo, but the Empire is hovering over the planet. The people I once held rule over are now starving in the streets. Instead of our government ruling things, an important officer holds the office. People die of terrible raids for jedi or rebels, and their search for another important thing—me. I wonder, is it something about Naboo?

As I walk in, I see several faces. Bail Organa of course, a few officials from the Alderaan government, Mon Mothma, a few more senators that had fled here, and a person under a heavy cloak. They take off the cloak and I gasp. It is Obi-Wan.

This company would not be here for any light reason such as trade. This must be important. I greet each one formally, and then I sit down at the table where they are seated. I wait for someone to speak, but all is silent. The silence overcomes me and though it is not proper, I must ask, "What is going on?"

They all stare at me and Obi-Wan begins, "We have received word from the spies of Mon Mothma, and…" He seems unable to finish.

I am alarmed now. "Yes? What is it?" I beg for an answer.

Mon Mothma sighs. "Several spies in the capitol are in the Empire's senate, and…" She doesn't say it to me, but she shows me a hologram from the projector at the center of the table. I see my face, from a picture taken seven years ago. Under it is the word "Wanted". My eyes stare in shock as I read the message. Its description of me perfect, and it even asks for my "child". When I have finished, I stare back into their worried faces.

"How does he know this?" I ask. "I thought he believed I died." When I think about this, I think about the heartbreak my "demise" must have caused him.

Mon nods. "We thought so too, until we received this. Someone must have known you lived, and gave word to the empire."

"We are sure they do not know where you reside." Bail assures me. "And it is obvious they do not know of your children."

My eyes shift over to Obi-Wan. "Luke?" I ask.

"Vader knows nothing. I assure you, Luke is safe with his aunt and uncle." That relieves my fear a little.

Bail coughs, and says, "But there is a question of your security here, milady."

"I thought I was safe here." I do not wish to be locked away.

"You are safer here than anywhere else. But you may have to regulate your visits to other places besides the palace. When you go places, try to be inconspicuous and wear things that may hide your identity."

"What about Leia?"

"There is no threat to her, yet." Yet. I do not like the sound of that.

Obi-Wan clears his throat. "This brings up another question. With Vader in pursuit of you, he is more dangerous now then ever."

"We are putting together a group of spies that will get into his personal council and with their help; we may succeed in kill—"

"No!" I stand up from my chair so abruptly, I knock it over. "You cannot kill him!"

"But, milady," Bail tries to calm me down. "He is dangerous. He wishes for your death! It is better to bring him down now—"

"I don't care!" I bellow causing several people look at me in concern. "No matter what he is now, inside him is the heart of my husband!"

Mon Mothma now tries to convince me. "Milady, you must understand. Your husband has now been replaced by a monster. He is dead."

"But he may come back!" I look Obi-Wan straight in the eyes. "Anakin may come back."

"Your life is in danger." Mon declares. "You life is in danger by the man you once loved. He has the blood of thousands of people on his hands. By letting him live, you would also have the blood of the people he killed on your hands. Do you wish to be responsible for hundreds of deaths?"

I stare at each person at that table. They all seem to agree. But I cannot. Though I know what she is saying, I cannot bring myself to agree to her suggestion. My eyes fill up with tears. "I can't let you kill him." I repeat.

Without thinking, I run from the meeting chamber. I run, not directing myself anywhere. People in the hallways look at me, but I do not stop. At the end of a hall, I throw open the doors at the end and run to the balcony. I stop as I reach the rail.

A single warm tear races down my cheek as I look out at the capitol city of Alderaan. I think about what I heard. They want to kill Anakin. Because he is after me. It makes me remember when my life was once also in danger, but it was when Anakin was trying to protect me…


I remember that day well. It was the day after the second attempted assassination. I had hoped to remain in the capitol, but I knew that they would never allow me to stay even though I had to finish my opposition. I knew the answer even before Anakin delivered it to me.

"You're to leave for Naboo." He reported, just after he left the jedi council.

"I should have known." I told him. I wanted to explain why I needed to stay, But I suppose he already knew. "Who is to accompany me home?" I asked.

"I am." He said proudly.

This was information I did not expect. "Y-you are?" He had told me he had never had a mission on his own before. He was younger than me, so at first I was wary. "I doubt anyone will try anything once I get home."

"Even if they do, they won't live to get near you." His hand wavered over his lightsaber, and he grinned. This frightened me. Anakin was already pledging his life to protect me.

"I need to call Senator Binks." I said, walking over to the intercom. "Jar Jar Binks, I request an audience with you."

Five minutes later, the gungan was inside my apartment. I immediately instruct him. "I'm taking an extended leave of absence. It will be your responsibility to take my place in the Senate. Representative Binks, I know I can count on you."

Jar Jar seems take this seriously. "Mesa honored to be taken on dissa heavy burden. Mesa accept this with muy muy humility and da..."

If I didn't stop him then, he would have gone on forever. "Jar Jar. I don't wish to hold you up. I'm sure you have a great deal to do." I trusted that would end it.

And it did. "Of course, milady." He bowed and left, leaving me to go pack.

As I walked by Anakin, I thought I'd voice my opinion again. "I do not like this idea of hiding!"

I heard him speak while Dormé helped me pick out my outfits. "Don't worry, now that the council has ordered an investigation it won't take them long to find this bounty hunter."

I knew that was true, but I was still frustrated. "I haven't worked for a year to defeat the military creation act to not be here when its fate is decided!"

"Sometimes we must let go of our pride, and do what is requested of us." This was mature advice. It made me realize that he was mature.

"Anakin, you've grown up." I said, by his looks and his temperament it was true. He was so different, as I said on several occasions.

He turned away, as if something was troubling him. "Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it." He paused, thinking about his words. "Don't get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor." He played with a silver ball I had on my windowsill. "As wise as Master Yoda, and as powerful as Master Windu." He puts the ball down. "I am truly thankful to be his apprentice."

I cold sense there was more to this talk than just praise, and then Anakin confirmed it. "But in some ways…in a lot of ways, I'm really ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials, but he feels that I'm too unpredictable! He won't let me move on!"

I didn't know how to react to his aggravation. "That must be frustrating."

"It's worse! He's overly critical, he never listens, he doesn't understand. It's not fair!" I guessed that he was just barely mature, from that speech. I didn't know why he would tell me of his troubles otherwise.

I responded in a way to try to make him understand. "All mentors have a way of finding more of our faults then we would like, it's the only way we grow."

He sighed. "I know." He sat on my bed.

I decided to try to comfort him. "Anakin, don't try to grow up too fast." That was the mistake I had made. Wasting my childhood worrying about other things besides what a child should worry about. Before I knew it, I was too old to be a child.

He stood up, across from me. "But I am grown up. You said it yourself." He then gave me a look that was imprinted in my memory for all of time. If I could describe it, I would say it was his grin, with an interesting look in his eyes. Like he wanted something. That look did two things. It made me want to back away from him, but it made my heart rise just a bit.

"Please don't look at me like that." I begged in a whisper, hoping Dormé would not overhear.

"Why not?" He said arrogantly, still keeping that look.

Every second was making me feel a weird feeling. All I wanted was to back away, before it continued. "It makes me feel uncomfortable." I proclaimed sternly, walking away.

I barely heard him say, "Sorry, milady." He wasn't sorry at all.

Thinking of that day, what I remember most was wondering what that weird feeling was.


Author's Note: Dormé is in that scene! Look in the beginning the first time you see the closet. SHE IS THERE! I wonder why Anakin still did the "look" even though the had a chaperone, sort of.