To Love a Jedi

Chapter 6: The First Kiss Is Always the Sweetest

Author's Note: Take a wild guess at the scene in this chapter.


I walk along the courtyard, trying to enjoy the sunlight. It's so hard to try to enjoy things any more. With this news about my family, even the smiles of Leia cannot make me happy. I'm walking in a living dream, or perhaps a living nightmare. I no longer can take pleasure in the simple things. I do not feel anything.

Perhaps it is the suddenness of realizing that I am alone. All alone. All I have left is Leia. But what if she leaves me? Who then will I have? Who then can I confide in, and take trust?

Fate is cruel. It has given me such. I am like a ghost, wandering the halls of the palace of Alderaan. I know people are afraid to talk to me, and I am afraid to talk to them. It's hard to accept the truth. To accept my loneliness.

"Mummy?" Leia asks, running up behind me. I turn to see her, and I try to smile. "Come look at the flowers, Mummy!"

She thrusts a haphazard bouquet of flowers into my hand. I smell them. The fresh scent fills my head. "Thank you, Leia." She smiles and does a small little dance.

"I knew you'd like them!" She giggles. She decides to run around some more, picking up flowers and bringing them to me along the way. My bouquet grows and grows. After it has expanded greatly, I tell her. "This is beautiful, but you don't need to give me any more."

"But I do." She protests, handing me three more.

"You'll tear up the garden at this rate." I warn her. "And I don't think Mister Organa will be pleased if you ruin his courtyard."

She still persists. "But I asked! He said I could give you flowers."

This is getting ridiculous! "Really Leia, that's enough. I don't need anymore."

"Mister Organa said you do." She replies, still picking flowers.

I don't know why Bail would say such a thing. "Why did he say I need flowers?" I ask.

She stops and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. "He said you need them because today is your…a-ana-anaveristey. Mummy, what's an anaveristey?"

Now I remember. I wish she hadn't reminded me. Tears fill up my eyes. "Do you mean anniversary?"

"Yes. He said it was your anniversary. What's an anniversary?"

I wipe a tear as my voice gets shakier. "It's when you remember the day two people got married." Tears roll down my cheek.

Leia notices I'm crying. "No, Mummy! Don't cry! I'm sorry! I'll put the flowers back!" She throws them across the well picked flowerbeds.

"It's not you Leia." I assure her, trying to gain control of my emotions.

She looks at me puzzled. I can almost feel here eyes penetrate mine. "Is it daddy?" She asks.

I stare at her. "D-daddy?" How does she know? I have lied to her too many times. "Yes, Leia. It's daddy."

She hugs my waist. "You always cry about daddy. And about someone named…Ani."

I kneel down to her level. Knowing about "daddy" is one thing. But Ani. "How do you know about Ani?" My voice shifts from being sad to being serious.

"I hear you." She replies in all truth. "You say things like 'Ani, why?' and 'Ani, I'm sorry.' You talk with everyone else about Ani, but you never talk with me! When you talk about him, you cry. And you keep a special box with stuff from Ani that you never show me. I asked Mister Organa about him, and Nanny, but they won't tell me. Why can't I learn about Ani?"

I am surprised by how much she knows. It almost breaks my heart to see her trying to find everything about him. But no one must tell her. The truth will break her heart. I sniff, wiping a tear from my cheek. "Ani was someone I knew, long ago."

"Where is he now?" She asks.

"He's gone."

"He left?"

That statement is too much for me. Yes, he left, long ago. Not even bothering to say good bye. Not allowing me to tell him I loved him. We're still technically married. Now that its our anniversary, I don't know what to do. I desperately hug Leia, trying to take comfort in her. "Leia, don't ever leave me." I beg.

She hugs me back. "I promise, Mummy."

Thus is my sad fate. Thus I have earned it. I should have stopped myself on this downward spiral. I should have stopped it the day I realized my feelings…


Anakin and I were going to stay at the retreat in Lake Country. It was such a beautiful place. I longed for open spaces since I had left Coruscant. We had to take a boat to get up to the place. I don't remember why, but I chose a light dress, and I dressed a little bit more formally. I think I used the nonexistent heat as an excuse.

I should have noticed Ani acting funny around me. I would catch him looking at me, but when I would look back at him, he would look away quickly. After going through this routine five times, I said. "Um…Ani, do you mind? That is getting annoying."

"Sorry, milady. It's just…you're beautiful in that dress."

I remained silent for a few seconds. It was probably one of the few times I was speechless. But I was speechless a lot around Ani. "Uh…t-thank you."

He blushed, but I am almost positive I blushed too. We both looked away from each other. As we came up to the resort, we finally started talking again. "Is that it?" He asked, his eyes wide with wonder.

"Yes, that's it. But why are you so surprised? It's not nearly as big as the palace."

"I'm not talking about the resort, look at the view." And I did. The resort was like a statue against the landscape of meadows, lakes, and waterfalls. I guess it could be called a stunning view.

"You don't get much of this in Tatooine, I guess" I replied.

"No, nor in any of the places I went for jedi business. Naboo is probably the loveliest planet in the galaxy." I didn't know why, but that made my heart skip a beat.

When the boat docked at the retreat, Anakin got off first. And, ever the chivalrous jedi, he helped me off. It was a bit awkward when he took my hand. We both gave a small, nervous smile and he helped me off. While the servants took care of our things, we went to walk on the balcony overlooking the island I knew from childhood.

"How do you know this place so well?" He asked.

"We used to come here for school retreat." I replied. "We used to swim to that island every day." I nodded to the island. We both leaned against the railing, looking at the view. "We would lie on the beach, and let the sun dry us, and try to guess the names off all the birds singing."

Ani did not look as fascinated with my past as I was. He decided to comment on my memory. "I don't like sand." This made me look at him. It was an odd remark. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere!" He threw me a small grin, I didn't return it. I looked away. Because that grin made me nervous…

"Not like here." He continued. "Here everything is soft—" I felt his arm come up, getting closer to me. My heart raced. "And smooth." A shiver went up me when I felt his fingers graze my arm. I felt a pulsating sensation come through me, which seemed to come from the contact itself. Never more did I feel so…insecure.

If any other man had touched me in that way I would have not let it continue, but I couldn't help myself. I did not stop him as his fingers grazed my arm. Mostly because I was too stunned to do anything. Finally, I jerked myself away from it. I was going to tell him to stop it, because it made me feel uncomfortable, but I turned to him, and looked into his eyes.

I knew I shouldn't have done that. Once I looked up, I was under his control. It was as if his eyes had a spell on me, like something held our gaze. Somehow, I even allowed thoughts to swim in my head. For the first time, I allowed myself to look at him not as Ani, the boy I met on Tatooine, but as Anakin, a handsome young jedi. For the first time, did I realize that there was more to him then I had ever imagined.

As my heart went faster than I ever felt it go before, I felt Ani draw closer. My heart sped up with every inch he drew closer. I felt warmth in my body, a tingling feeling. For once, I forgot who I was. An excitement built inside me, and took control. All I knew is I wanted Ani to love me.

When we were so close that I could feel his breath, he hesitated. Almost as if he was deciding if this was the right thing to do. I too, felt a small thread of common sense come back to me at that moment. Something told me to stop, to put an end to this before I began, but I paid no heed to the danger. I rebelled. I wanted a difference in my life run by rules, so I broke them.

I closed my eyes and felt his lips touch mine.

The warmth in me exploded, and I was sure my heart would too. All thoughts of danger emptied, all I thought of was Ani. Ani was in my head, he occupied all my thoughts. Everything was pushed aside. I did not know my name; let alone what I was doing. All I knew was this feeling of him was so wonderful, so lovely that I did not want it to end.

I knew at that moment, I loved Ani.

But with that realization, I knew what I was doing. I knew I was kissing him. I knew I was doing the unthinkable. I knew I had sealed my fate.

I broke away, to a much shocked Ani. "No!" I cried, trying to make up for what I had done, but there was no penance for that sin. "I shouldn't have done that!" I still breathed heavily. The memory of his lips against mine still swirled in my head. I blinked trying to erase them, wishing the feeling of warmth and excitement would go away.

"I'm sorry." He said, trying to keep his eyes off me. We both looked back to the landscape, trying to forget what we had just done.


It's been seven long years since that day. Seven long years since I knew I was in love with Ani. Though many things have not changed, one thing has remained the same.

I still love that jedi.


Author's Note: This chapter was MAJOR CUTENESS! I got a warm, fuzzy feeling just writing it! (Kinda like the one I get around my crush :)!)