To Love a Jedi

Chapter 7: Memories of Sadness and Love

Author's Note: OMG! I SAW THE NEW TRAILER FOR ROTS AT STAR WARS. COM! IT WAS SOOOOOOO CREEPY!


I should have known one day I would have to tell Leia the truth. But I did not think it would be this day, when she was so young. She had begged for information, since she was quite an inquisitive child. But I refrained from telling her the details other than, "He was someone I knew long ago."

But Bail Organa must have known this was pulling on Leia. He knew that she might look for clues on her own and discover things she was not ready for. He had told me to tell her some things. Not all. Not everything, but I could tell her a few things about Ani that would keep her curiosity at bay.

"Mummy, will you tell me about Ani?" She asks, one day while she is in my room.

"What do you want to know?" I reply, beating around the bush.

"I want to know why he makes you so sad." Her eyes fly to my closet where I keep that box. "I want to know why Ani makes you cry."

I try to keep myself from recalling those terrible memories. "It is not Ani that makes me cry." I tell her the truth. It is not the Ani I knew that brings my eyes to water. It is what he became. The monster that took hold of my beloved Ani's flesh. The demon that lives inside him, feeding off his soul.

"Than what does make you cry?" She asks.

I close my eyes and am sucked into the horrible memories. I remember how it was, death everywhere. Jedi being hunted down and killed. Ani just looking for recognition, until…he received it from the wrong person. I remember the day I was told who was hunting down the jedi. I remember the disbelief, the tears, the sorrow, and the pain; I remember the pain the most. I could not believe Ani would do such a thing. And then I knew…it wasn't Ani. It was the dark side. The thing that took over his body. The hatred.

I do not answer her question, but I go over to my closet and pull down the box. "Do you know what it was like, four years ago, Leia?" I ask.

"No." She replies. Of course she wouldn't have known. She was barely born!

"We were at war. It was horrible. Everyday I didn't know if I would live or if I would die. I was worried, everyone was. It was not a happy time. Not unlike now. But it was worse back then. Much worse." I don't know of any other way to explain this to her. Even as young as she is, its almost as if she can understand me. I think she knows what I am talking about.

I open the box. "Leia, even though times were hard, someone was always there for me. Every day I would hear about the tragedies of war, yet when I saw this someone, I would forget the horror and sadness of the galaxy. They were always so good…so kind…and they would never do anything to hurt me. Ever."

"Ani?" She asks.

I nod. "Ani kept me going. He kept me strong. Though times were hard, I knew I had Ani, I knew he would always be there."

I show her the wooden pendant that he gave me when he was a child. "He gave this to me, seventeen years ago. When we first met. It was supposed to be good luck. I wore it, for a time. Until I knew not even this could bring my luck back."

Leia touches it with her tender fingers and looks up at me, obviously transfixed in my story.

"We met, long ago on a far away planet, when I was still queen. We were both young, but he was younger. Even then I knew there was something strange about him. He was so…mature for his age. Yet even through his maturity, some innocence was still inside him."

I pull out my holo projector, and press the button. A picture comes up. A picture of him, one he sent me right after he started at the temple. "You see, that's him, when he was little."

As she looks, I see something flash in Leia's eyes. Recognition? I don't know. I don't have the force. But it looks like she can recognize him. I have to be careful that I don't give her too many images of her father.

"We didn't meet again until ten years later, and then, he grew up. He was ordered to protect me, and he did. He would do anything to protect me…anything. We…we became good friends."

"He loved you, Mummy." She says.

I stare at her. How did she…? It must be the force again. I cannot lie to her about what she can feel. "Yes, he did."

"And what about you?"

I walk over to window and look out on Alderaan. "I don't know." I take a breath, and remember the pain. "But Ani changed. He…he became different. He wasn't the sweet boy I once knew. Something had turned him mean."

"What?"

I close my eyes and lean against the windowpane. "Fear. He was afraid for me. Anger. He got angry, angry at the war, and the council, and even his friends. Hate. He started hating them. Hating the ones he once swore loyalty to. And…Suffering. For this, the pain he experienced was immense. He felt he had nothing left, and so, he changed."

"What happened to him?" She looks back at me with those innocent eyes.

It is innocence not to be marred. "He left. I never saw him again." I feel a tear well up in my eye.

Leia must have noticed. "You loved him, didn't you Mummy?"

Her intuition is remarkable. "Yes Leia, I did."

I think she knows that this was painful for me. I think she knows I am keeping back the urge to let all my sorrow out. She walks over to the door, "I love you, Mummy." And then she leaves me.

I collapse onto the bed. I did it. After all those years of trying to forget, I let the memories come out. I told my story. Those times were horrible. Sometimes when I think of Ani, all I can think about were those times.

But I have to remember how he used to be. Before the war…


The day after I learned my true feelings for Ani, I decided to explore the landscape of the resort. I decided to go on a picnic. I had to Ask Anakin to go with me, of course, but I knew he wouldn't refuse.

"What's that for?" He asked, looking at the tin of food I had.

"For a picnic." I replied. "I thought I would go to the meadows by the resort."

He grinned. "That sounds like fun. I'll come too."

We hiked for a while and finally reached the meadows. We sat on the soft grass and while we ate our lunch, we talked of things. "How long are you a padawan for?" I asked.

"Until the council deems me ready for the jedi trials." He replied, looking a little bit offended.

"What exactly are the jedi trials?"

He looked away, as if thinking. "I don't really know. No one speaks of them. All I know is you have to pass them in order to be named a jedi."

I nodded, and went back to my lunch. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Anakin asked, "Who was your first kiss."

I stared at him. My…my what? I wondered. Why would he ask such a question. "Uhh…I don't know." I said, staring at the ground."

He laughed. "Sure you do. You just don't want to tell me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you going to use one of your jedi mind tricks on me?" I asked.

"They only work on the weak minded."

I sighed. Well, it wouldn't do any harm… "All right. I was twelve. His name was Palo. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program He was a few years older than I…very cute…dark curly hair…dreamy eyes…"

Anakin looked jealous. "All right, I get the picture. What ever happened to him?"

I shrugged. "I went into public service; he went on to become an artist."

"Maybe he was the smart one."

I stared. "You really don't like politicians, do you?"

"I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them." He smiled, silently laughing over his own joke. Then his face became serious. "I don't think the system works."

I still didn't understand. I thought the system worked fine. That was before I learned of the dark secret hidden within the senate of Coruscant. "How would you have it work?" I asked.

"We need a system where all the politicians sit down and discuss the problem. Agree what's in the best interest of the people, and then do it."

"That's exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don't always agree." I explained.

"Well, then they should be made to." He said.

The conversation was leading into a place I did not want it to lead. "By whom? Who's going to make them?"

"I don't know, someone."

This conversation did not make any sense. "You?" I asked.

"Of course not me."

"But someone." I repeated.

He nodded. "Someone wise."

"Sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me." I said.

"Well, if it works." I stared, worried at his expression. But he could not hold back a smile. He had made me argue, just like he claimed politicians did.

"You're making fun of me!" I accused.

"Oh no! I would be too frightened to tease a senator!" He said sarcastically, grinning.

I laughed too, until Anakin asked, "What's that?" He pointed to the thing in the distance.

"It's a shaak." I said. "There native here."

He grabbed my hand. "Come on!" He pulled me up and over to the creature.

"What are you trying to—?" I asked, but he cut me off.

"Watch this!" He jumped onto it's back using the jedi powers. It immediately took off, Anakin trying to keep his footing. I ran behind, laughing at his silly antics. Suddenly he fell off, and it looked like he couldn't get up.

I gasped and ran over to him. "Ani! Ani, are you all right?" I turned him over, and he was laughing.

I was mad and so we had a playful fight, which made us roll over in the grass. After a few more minutes of laughing, we finally went back to our lunch, but we would have our small smiles and jokes.

"You see, milady, you need to do this more often." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"Laugh."


Those were his exact words. But I do not remember laughing since those years. That memory was probably one of the few I have of Ani and I together, happy.

The rest since then were of sorrow.


Author's Note: I am so psyched for ROTS that I have been on every spoiler site I can get my hands on! Anyone with me on this?