AN: This is basically an angsty Aribeth fic andmy first one an don't own nothing exept maby my brain but that isn't some great feat. Hope you're gonna like it.

Vanity or denial, truth or lies, hope or nothing

I ran. Ran from everything, from everyone. The bitter cold stung my face as I ran but more stung the words eckoing in my heart.

"You didn't love him. You never did."

I entered the icy cavern and I sat there. Ice, so much ice. So empty, so cold, so fitting.

"Do not deny it, black paladin. The fire in you, all your actions bear no love. Only betrayal, selfishness and lies. Preety lies for a pretty Lady."

My legs were sudenly weak. I fell on my knees and I started crying. I wanted to cry, to release the pain, the suffering, the realisation. I knew, I knew all along, but I didn't want to listen. But how could it be? All I did, my death and betrayal, were in the name of nothing. Just of lies. Of rotten lies. My lies.

"All he deaths, only you are to blame. You were like spoiled child who didn't like her presents."

A new wave of suffering hit me. I continued crying. I wanted to end it, to kill the pain... to forget.

The events in Neverwinter, all semed so far, like a half-forgotten dream, blank in details, but vivid in its emotions.

I remebered the plague and the suffering it brought, I remebered Fenthick, the man I never loved and his hanging. How the crowd cheered. How could they do that after all the good things he has done? How could those people be so superficial and cruel, I thought. I saw how everything Neverwinter meant to me collapse before my very feet, reality takings its place.

I remember my anger, my bloodlust and the dreams...

I shivered through my sobs at their memory. All the voices, screaming and accusing me, Tyr turning his back at me, leaving me alone to my pain and doubts, as he is doing now. The drems that seeded confusion and fear, I was afraid if what I would do, and I did just that.

I remembered my betrayal, my bitter and hollow venngeace, thinking I was doing justice, thinking it meant something, that I could show the truth.

I betrayed everything I hold dear to a man I didn't love, I betrayed everything for something I forced myself to believe.

Another memory crossed my icey heart, the most blurred and vivid one. The Hero. Like fire his memory warmed me, gave me spark of hope and confort. The only one who wept as the others cheered at my execution, like Fenthick, laughing at our mistakes. He was the only one who forgave me for my crimes, who understood and protected me, who did not dissapoint me, who...loved me.

"You...you kept my ring. Even after my betrayal."

"How could I do otherwise, my love?"

But that spark of hope fanished, hit by another painfull realisation. He was not here and has probaly forgotten me. Like everyone. If only I could do the same. Forget completely my mistakes, become one of The Lost. End the pain Not to care, not to regret or suffer. Not to feel anything,.

And there I stood. Nor with faith, love or hope. Just waiting, suffering.

"Hope" I sobed. What I'd give for it. But there was no hope for me, just loneliness. Good has turned its back on me, Evil has betrayed me, there was nothing for me.

I felt frost surounding me, my tears became dry. I was becoming one of The Lost. So cold, so empty.

"It's over!" I whispered."No more pain"

The warmth of a fire surrounded me and the frost around me melted. But more warmth brought to me a familiar voice, so soothing but so painfull. It brought life back into my soul. I will to beome nothing faded. I just felt everything would be alright. the fire was burning again

"Aribeth?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------