To Love a Jedi

Chapter 10: Anger and Regrets

Author's Note: I watched AotC last night! I got some new ideas.


Leia and I are staying to my room. We haven't heard word from Dormé or Obi-Wan yet, so we do not know if our distraction was preformed safely. Bail Organa told me Dormé was able to make contact with Obi-Wan, but from there I do not know where they went or how it was preformed. We have been waiting with no news for three days.

Suddenly Bail Organa bursts into the room. "Milady!" He carries a portable holoprojector. "Look!"

He turns it on and it is the news. "There have been meteor showers in the Outer Rim, which have caused several tourists to have to cancel their trip."

I look confused at Bail, but he looks back down at the holoprojector. "And in other news, a two fugitives have been sighted at the capitol. Yesterday, the former Senator Amidala and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi were seen fleeing Coruscant."

I stare as I see a close up of Obi-Wan and Dormé. She looks convincing enough. She even has a look of terror on her face. But that look of terror may be because they are being chased by several stormtroopers.

I look anxiously back at Bail, "Are they all right?"

He nods. "They were not captured."

I give a sigh of relief. I look back at Leia, who is now entertaining herself while singing a little song. "Are we safe, then?"

He replies honestly, "I am not sure."

"Well, have they removed security from the palace?"

He checks out the window. "Apparently not."

Why not? I appeared in public somewhere else, did I not? "Why would he keep security here if I am not?"

"I'm beginning to wonder that myself." All of a sudden, a beep fills the room. We look around until we realize it is the holoprojector. Bail walks over to it. He stares at it and opens his mouth in surprise. "It is Lord Vader."

I gasp, and grab Leia. "We'll hide." We don't want to be seen on this message. We stuff ourselves into the closet. As I shut the door, something falls into my hands. It's the pendant Anakin gave me, long ago.

"Yes, Lord Vader?" Bail Organa asks in his senatorial voice.

"Senator Organa," He says between deep, chilling breaths. "I suppose you saw the news report."

"Yes I did. It appears that the senator was hiding in Coruscant all along."

"Some would believe that." His voice sounds annoyed.

Bail tries to sound calm, but I know inside he is panicking. "Some? Lord Vader, she appeared in front of your very eyes!"

Leia continues to hold on to me, as I hug her. Something is wrong here…

"It is not a question of what appeared, but it is a question of where. The senator is not stupid. Why would she choose to hide in Coruscant of all places? It is fully populated, and it is the heart of the government. She would not hide there with the entire galaxy after her."

"Perhaps she planned to hide in plain sight." Thank the Force for Bail! Being in politics, it is necessary for him to think quickly on his feet.

"I cannot believe that is the case."

I grip the pendant he gave me. Does he know we are here?

"Well, perhaps she was meeting the jedi in an assigned place." Bail suggests, trying anything to get off the place where this is leading.

"The jedi is not stupid, either!" Vader roars. "I believe that this was a decoy act, to get the Empire's eye of a certain place. And that certain place may be…Alderaan?"

Bail scoffs. "You cannot honestly believe I am harboring her. I told you before, I have no loyalty to her. Your stormtroopers have seen she is not in the palace. If you must check somewhere, why not Naboo?"

That makes sense. Why didn't Ani look for me on Naboo? It is, after all, my home planet.

"Naboo was already searched. Thoroughly. The Senator is not hiding there."

"That may be so, but why do you assume she is here? And furthermore, what is your obsession with finding her? She can mean no harm. The last time I saw her, four years ago, she seemed determined to wallow in misery."

I can hear Vader sigh. He thinking. Thinking about me. Ani…why do you look for me? I lean closer to hear all.

"Do you know Senator, four years ago, I was her husband. We lived a happy life together. All I wanted was to protect her. I wanted to keep her from ever leaving me. I knew I would finally be content if I could keep her safe.

"There was that horrible day…She was still pregnant, and she got on a ship. I watched it fly away, intent on going after it. To tell her that I was not leaving her as she believed I was. But…I saw it get shot down.

"I believed her dead for four years. Until an Alderaan peasant informed me that there was someone here who looked like the Senator. I have a hope of finding her, and setting this straight about who left who. Also, if she survived, that means her child did too."

Ani…you…do you still…love me? I can hardly believe it. Though he tries hard to mask his feelings…he may still…love me.

"Oh, I see. You are looking for this child since it shall be force sensitive."

"Naturally."

It is not true. He is trying to deny his feelings. Though I made him this way, his love still burns through the evil taken his body. His mind may be changed and perverted by hatred…but his heart remains pure. I grasp the wooden pendant. Ani…you are still there…somewhere within.

"A heartwarming story." Bail says. "But the Senator is not here. The peasant saw Dormé, one of her handmaidens, who also has no loyalty to her now. She moved to Alderaan after the empire was formed."

"I see. But I shall keep the garrison for a little while longer. Just in hope…"

"I understand completely. You do not have to worry, the stormtroopers are no bother."

As I hear the holoprojector being turned off, I can barely hold back tears. I know what Anakin is feeling. I know what is happening. Though he was Lord Vader when he thought I was dead, now with the hope I am alive, he seems to be coming back. Compassion has re-entered his heart.

Ani…could you come back? Feeling someone has died made you do crazy things, but in the hope that someone is alive…? I know how death has affected you. Just like with your mother…


We had left for Tatooine for Ani to search for his mother. There, we met his stepfather and stepbrother. But his mother was not at the farm where they lived. I could feel the ache that he felt, with these people having seen his mother more than he had in the last few years. When he learned that she had been taken by Tusken Raiders…he had to go look for her.

I told him to be careful and let him go. But I knew it was probably a mistake. I worried about him all night. He had told me of the Tusken Raiders, or the Sandpeople, as they were also called. They were vicious, and they killed anything out of pure bloodlust. I worried for his mother, but I also worried for him. He had told me he would do anything for the ones he loved. I worried at what he might do.

The next morning he returned. He didn't speak, but he carried the body of his mother. We could do nothing but stare as he walked past us. His face was like a carved effigy, not sad like I had expected. Something in him had changed. I had to find out what it was.

Later on, I took food to him that I had helped Beru make. As I saw him, he was trying to fix a mechanical part. He still had that look on his face. Not sadness, but shock. I supposed it would be a shock for anyone to see a loved one die. "I brought you something." I said, trying to shake him out of it. "Are you hungry?"

He didn't answer. Ani stared at that part. "The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things." I put the tray of food down as I listened to him. "I'm good at fixing things, I always was. But…I couldn't." He looked back at me, blinking away tears. "Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!"

Ani walked away from me. I thought I should try to help him. "Sometimes there are things no one can fix." I thought a second, and added, "You're not all powerful, Ani."

"Well, I should be!" He yelled. "Someday I will be! I will be the most powerful jedi ever!" I stared, listening to his frustration, he looked back at me. "I promise you, I will even learn to stop people from dying!"

I knew he was sad and angry, but his talk was starting to scare me. "Anakin…" I tried to get him to stop.

He was furious now. "It's all Obi-Wan's fault! He's jealous! He's holding me back!" He hurled a wrench across the garage, and it made an echoing clatter.

He was acting like a child, claiming these things, but I listened. I knew I could blame his actions on sorrow. "What's wrong, Ani?" I asked, knowing there had to be more to this.

Ani stared away, and gave a shudder, remembering something he wished he didn't. "I…I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them!" I gave a small, frightened gasp. I didn't think Ani a murderer. "And not just the men." He shook his head, furthering my fright. "But the women. And the children, too! They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!" With that, he broke down and cried.

I was frightened at his proclamations, but I tried to understand. Ani had a great power, something he had to work hard to control. And when he felt pain…the pain took over. He lost control. I knew I had wanted to vent my anger in violet ways when I felt pain, but I never did…because I didn't have the power. My heart ached for him, since his power had led him to do such a thing.

I knelt next to him. "To be angry is to be human." I told him calmly.

"I'm a jedi." He replied. "I know I'm better than this." He continued to cry.

I gave Ani a small hug. "Jedi or not, pain and sorrow still feel the same. It still hurts; sometimes it hurts so much you cannot bear it."

He sniffed. "I know. I couldn't bear Mom dying. And I just…" He looked back at me. "I just can't bear seeing another person I love die."

I stared at him. I was in shock. This was the first time he actually acknowledged that he loved me. I didn't know what to say. I had more than friendly feelings for him, but I tried to keep them at bay. And love…I wasn't sure if I really felt love. I didn't want it to be love.

Saying nothing, I hugged Ani, hoping the pain in him would lessen, and hoping that he could get over sorrow and learn to live like I wished he would have.

What a fool I was.


Author's Note: ONE MONTH UNTIL ROTS! AAARRRGGGHHHH! IT' S DRIVING ME CRAZY!