The Diary Of A Fop

Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, in any of it's incarnations. Or "My Little Pony". Don't ask.

Author's Note: Raoul isn't going to get off easy. I mean, we all want to know why the box he's been using smells like cherry lip gloss.

September 1st, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine has been spending more and more time with Erik lately.

Rather annoying, as my hair is so much nicer than his.

He doesn't even HAVE a full head of hair.

Stupid partially bald little dork...

Raoul

September 2nd, 1881

Dear Diary,

Have decided that Christine's extended absences allow for time to play with My Little Pony action figures.

She doesn't like them.

Says they're very childish.

Well she can go play with her deformed musical genius then!

BAH!

Raoul

September 4th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine says she has to oversee the installation of Erik's shower.

What help is she going to be in installing a shower?

I doubt if she even knows what one is!

That and a washing machine, two things she NEEDS to become more acquainted with.

Raoul

September 5th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine still gone on shower duties.

Have taken to playing "My Little Pony" themesong extremely loudly.

No Christine around to tell me to turn it down.

So HA!

Raoul

September 6th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine still gone.

I miss her.

Pony action figures can only keep one company for so long.

Will have to go out shopping.

Need more lip gloss anyway.

Raoul

September 8th, 1881

Dear Diary,

My ponytail is showing significant improvements in it's length.

Will have to take care to guard it carefully.

Don't want to lose it again.

Or have it taken by strange extortionists.

Raoul

September 10th, 1881

Dear Diary,

AHHH!

TRAGEDY HAS STRUCK!

There is a giant chunk of hair missing from the side of my head.

Have tried strategic combing techniques to no avail.

Is increasingly difficult to hide.

Raoul

September 12th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Ran into Erik at the supermarket.

He tried to ignore me.

Wanted to confront him about the whole missing hair issue.

Promptly disappeared through a trapdoor.

Who knew there were trapdoors in supermarkets?

Raoul

September 14th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Erik has an interesting new choice of attire.

Real Men Make Waffles?

He claims he plans on turning it into a franchise.

Showed me shirt designs.

Told him I wanted to order one.

Said I was not cool enough.

Raoul

September 15th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Am experimenting with new hairstyles to disguise bald spot.

Stupid Erik.

Why does he have such an infatuation with my hair anyway?

Apparently it doesn't sell for too much on eBay...

Raoul

September 18th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Erik waltzing around in new shirt.

Reiterated my desire for my own.

Christine loves it.

It would look better on me!

Raoul

September 19th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Erik confronted me about a certain lip gloss obsession.

It's not my fault!

I'm not addicted!

I could quit any time I wanted!

I swear it!

Offered him a tube, but he attempted to punjab me, so I don't think I'll try that again any time soon.

Raoul

September 20th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine has a new shirt.

Says "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles"

Am fairly certain said shirt could be traced back to a certain waffle-obsessed lunatic.

Tried to kiss her, but got slapped.

She went off muttering about how men need to not take the shirt so seriously.

Raoul

September 22nd, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine distraught.

Erik refuses to pass on his waffle-making prowess.

Told her she will simply have to spend her days in basements if waffles are that important.

Said she would rather just subscribe to Cooking Light and be done with it all.

Raoul

September 25th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine still wearing waffle shirt.

It's a bit bothersome.

I don't think she's taken it off.

I told you she needed to become acquainted with a washing machine.

Shall take her to the laundromat later.

Raoul

September 27th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Christine has become clean.

Said she had an unfortunate accident with a shower and Erik.

I certainly hope not both at the same time.

Leads one to wonder...

Raoul

September 29th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Have been accused of being squeaky.

What does that mean anyway?

I mean, just because my voice is a bit high pitched...

You don't have to make fun of me!

Raoul

September 30th, 1881

Dear Diary,

Ah, the end of the month.

That means my next "My Little Pony Collector's Magazine" issue will be arriving in a matter of days.

Oh goodie!

Raoul

Thank you to...

Nota Lone - Aww, I'm sorry, I got a bit behind on my review replies. So here you are, have a cookie! Waffles are the fops wannabe tools of seduction. Unfortunately for him, Christine only has eyes, or a mouth, as the case may be, for Erik's waffles.

Deathtoallclovers - Hurrah for managing to stay in your chair!

obsession is love - Yea, Johnny was in my head because my sister was watching the Nickelodeon awards, and Johnny managed to make even SLIME look hot. And who else would Christine want to cheat with? Besides our dear Erik of course.

Baffled Seraph - I think that was probably one of the better entries!

satha - Of course he's a fop! The most foppish fop that ever did fop! If that makes any sense at all.

Nade-Naberrie - If your mind is in the gutter clap your hands! If your mind is in the gutter clap your hands! If you mind is in the gutter and it makes your parents shudder... If your mind is in the gutter clap your hands!

Canary - Oh, I'm glad I was able to restore some faith in fanfiction, and greatly disturb the parental units at the same time!

Son Ange - Your review tells me it's been far too long since I've updated this fic, as the Diary of A Christine already exists!

Melissa Amnita - Oh, but we all know Erik's not really a little waffle-making pansy!

Professor Weasley - Ah, it's taken me too long to update, I feel guilty!

1gamegirl3 - T-shirts are still on sale, absolutely. They'll be up for...ever! Moohaha. The site is at the bottom of the story and in my profile.

dancechica - I don't know exactly where the whole "My Little Pony" thing came from, I suppose Raoul just didn't seem like a "Dora the Explorer" kind of guy, you know?

...for your lovely review!

ANNOUNCEMENT:

ERIK'S WAFFLE FRANCHISE HAS COME TO LIFE!

For anyone who is interested in nabbing some of Erik's nifty waffle merchandise, visit the following website: "www . cafe press . com / waffle lovers" (You have to remove the spaces, I've discovered it doesn't work otherwise.)

T-shirts, aprons, stickers, and other random stuff with phrases like "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles", "Real Men Make Waffles", "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict", and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss"

Newest Additions include: "Will Not Be Seduced By Waffles" and "Phic Addict"

So yea, anyone interested can go and check that out. I mostly did it because I really want to buy it, but I figured that since I was gonna do it anyway, I might as well offer it up and see if you all want any.