Disclaimer: I don't own Billie Letts' "Where the Heart Is", or Joss Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What, I can't always have a funny disclaimer, can I? Am I just here as a clown for your amusement? Let's just see who's the clown when you're wearing the funny nose and multicolored wig! Yeah, Bozo, what the fuck are you going to do then?

Rating: This will be rated R! Sorry kiddies, but I like using inappropriate language (and sex, finally).

Author's Notes: I've discovered the way to get lots of reviews: Make the characters have sex! Whoo, and did I get a lot! You guys just went nuts. Although I did get one very angry review from a Bangel fan (hey Sokkerblondie005), and a bunch of you upset over the grief leading to sex things, all in all I think people were happy. Well, if you know me well, I don't like it when people are happy. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA (rubs hands together evilly)! Kisses to all, and I expect an equal number of angry reviews this time around.

PS: The WB is evil, and I hope they never have a good series ever ever again.

Chapter Twenty-Six- Not In That Way

The next few days, Buffy found herself in a continuous fog. She ordered three dozen prints of watercolor tiger lilies, drank lemonade instead of water, and would get lost on her way home from the gallery. One time, she spent the entire afternoon making so many sugar cookies, almost all of them would have to be wrapped up later by Willow and given away to friends, or hidden in the freezer. She didn't even notice the daze she was in, until she spent half an hour trying to get into her car, only to realize it wasn't hers.

At first, she suspected it was a summertime flu, a light attack that was going away slowly. But when she woke up at three in the morning to watch "Gone with the Wind" on cable TV, she wondered if her problems were much bigger.

"Honey," Willow replied with a nudge, "You're just in love."

Buffy didn't believe it. She went to the hospital and had tests performed on her, one of which was a pregnancy test in case her little . . . well, just in case. They all came back negative.

"That's the way it feels," Tara explained, the corners of her mouth softly turning up when Buffy explained her symptoms. "Like, when you walk, your feet don't touch the ground, and your head is miles above it, stuck in the clouds."

She had been that way ever since that morning. Snuggling into a pillow, she just felt so content and relaxed. Then, blind panic hit when she remembered what had happened with Spike, followed by anger when she found the bed and room empty.

"The little bastard . . ." she growled, seeing red as she looked around for her missing clothes, remembering similar actions years ago. But, all of her rage slipped away when she found a note on the nightstand, written hurriedly on the back of a plane ticket holder.

Buffy-

Sorry I didn't wake you, luv. You looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart.

Gotta go catch my plane. Rupes and Awn will be here soon, and I don't want to deal with their inane questions if they catch you in my bed.

Well, I'll talk to you when I'm home. Miss you.

Spike

P.S.: Tell the Bit I'll miss her, too, and that she needs to finish "Horton Hatches an Egg" and "House on Pooh Corner" before I get back.


It had left her so happy, she didn't care about the looks Willow and Tara (who had stayed the night) gave her when she came home early in the morning, obviously wearing her dress from the day before, or the shared smiles and snide comments when they asked where she'd been. And, she ignored the ribbing from Xander and Cordelia when they were informed about her actions.

But, the good feelings didn't last. When she replayed the actions in her head, which she did many times a day and in inappropriate situations, she questioned her motives. Why exactly had she slept with Spike?

Lust? OK, she'd admit that he could turn her on. A lot. Also, it could have been because she had been very, very horny after her self-instated abstinence from men. But, what she had felt that night was above hormones and sex drives.

Pity? He was in a bad place, so could it have been because she felt sorry for him? Never. If she had offered to detail his car, then she would have suspected pity.

Spur of the moment? A shared intelligence lapse for both of them? Sure, the sex was extremely unexpected, but it was obvious to her and everyone else that it was bound to happen some day.

So, what was it?

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "He's wonderful to you, treats you like a goddess, and adores your daughter. Hell, he delivered her for you! The guy worships the fucking earth you walk on. And he's a major hottie. Just admit that you have very un-friendly feelings for Spike!"

Did she?

Did she love him?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday breakfast at the Magic Box was something that occurred randomly throughout the year, whenever everyone could wake up early enough to miss the tide of customers who came in for lunch. They would all sit outside, basking in the early morning sun as they dined on whatever goodies the kitchen whipped up.

Buffy sat at one end of the table, sandwiched between Xander and Aurora. Juggling eating her own plate of buttermilk-oatmeal pancakes and getting Rory to eat her eggs, she listened to Giles and Anya tell all about their trip.

They had gotten home on Friday, exhausted from the physical journey, and the emotional toll. The service for Drusilla had been a traditional one, attended by both sides of the family and many others. As soon as they tastefully could, Giles and Anya went home. Spike, on the other hand, was going to stick around for a while to make sure everything was in order.

Everyone was laughing as Anya described a dinner with the both sides of Spike and Dru's family.

". . . The maitre-d was leading William's aunt away, but she still had Rupert's sister's bag stuffed in her blouse! Samantha jumps out of her chair, tackles the woman to the ground, and just reaches her hand right in! Except, when she pulls her hand out, she's holding the woman's bra!"

With tears streaming down their faces, Willow and Xander collapsed to the table, trying to regain some much-needed breath. Cordelia and Tara were also laughing, only not as hard. Giles just sat in his chair, polishing his glasses as he tried hard not to chuckle.

Absently, Buffy smiled, wiping Rory's runny nose, her mind thousands of miles away.

The door to the kitchen swung open, and Hallie, Anya's main chef sauntered out, carrying a pitcher of juice to re-fill the glasses.

"So, Rupert," Hallie began, her curly brown hair swaying from side to side as she glided around the table, "You going back to the library?"

Giles nodded. Since he and Anya came home, they had been staying at the hotel. He wasn't ready to go back just yet.

"Oh, I guess it's going to be pretty lonely there, what with Drusilla gone, and William in London." Hallie pushed a curl behind her ear, grabbing an empty plate on the table.

Buffy came crashing back to earth. "What?"

Confused, Giles stared at the brunette chef. "No, Will's only in London for a week or two. He's not staying."

Hallie cocked her head to the side. "Why?"

Biting her lip, Buffy focused on her nails, trying hard not to look too interested in the conversation. She and everyone else decided to keep Giles and Anya in the dark about her and Spike, until the two could talk about what happened.

"I just thought that William would get back to his education once Drusilla . . . well, isn't that what he wants to do?" continued Hallie.

"Actually-" Anya interjected, only to be interrupted by her employee.

"Isn't that what Lord and Lady Hordwidge want?"

Finally, Buffy had to speak up. "Lord and Lady who?"

Anya turned to her. "Spike's grandparents on his mother's side."

"Lord and Lady?" Buffy asked, her mouth almost dropping open.

Nodding, Anya continued. "Yep. Noble assholes who claim they can trace their line past the Crusades. Bunch of pompous, arrogant bigots who don't want their grandchildren 'associating with common people'." She spat out the words like they were made of vinegar.

"My side isn't all that wonderful, either," grumbled Giles, spearing a melon cube with his fork.

Groaning, Anya patted his arm in sympathy. "Yep, all the Gileses are soulless, save for my guy here, Will, Dru, and their parents. They're an industrial family. Most of them have never worked a single day, except to complain about their inheritance. I bet that when Frederick and Amelia got together, their wedding basically invited the demons of Hell and the Nazi party to come and eat cake. And, that's only the families."

"So Spike's, like, a Lord?" Buffy bet her eyes were as big as the plates Hallie was clearing.

"No, William's cousin Colin, a right prick if I may say so, will inherit the title," Giles explained. "Will just receives a trust fund, pending on if he finished college."

"Didn't you know this?" Xander whispered into Buffy's ear when Giles turned his attention to another question of Hallie's.

Buffy shook her head. "I think my mouth gaping open is a clear sign of me NOT knowing this," she whispered back. Looking around the table, she noticed that no one else seemed phased by this information. In fact, they all looked rather bored, like they had heard this before.

Hallie was finished picking up plates, so she headed back towards the kitchen. "At least William can leave here and be someone," she sighed when she reached the door. "Now he can get on with his life."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Those words echoed in her head. Days went by, and every time she thought of him, there was a little tag ending.

Now he can get on with his life.

It was three in the afternoon, and she had been sitting in the backyard with Willow, talking while Aurora played, when the phone rang. The conversation was short, and when she hung up, she told the redhead she needed to go out for a while. Nodding, it was clear Willow understood who was on the phone, but her eyes were shining with excitement. She thought that finally, after all these years, her two friends would get together.

Buffy hadn't told anyone about her decision, but it had been made two weeks earlier at the Magic Box. She had lived for too long in the real world to know what would happen. The only place she, the bastard child of an absentee mother and God-knows-who, the girl who dropped out of school and got knocked up at seventeen, and Spike, who had an respected and wealthy heritage, who had a future, could be together was in her imagination.

Once again, Buffy walked into the empty library. Giles was with Anya at the Magic Box, so it could be done without interruption. The walk up to his room seemed to take an eternity, but that's what she wanted: a few last moments to pretend it could turn out better.

He was waiting for her in his room, unpacking his bag when she pushed the door open. His hair was still wet from his shower, and he was beaming when she came in. He came over to her, standing around ungracefully while they tried to figure out how to greet each other, until he finally pulled her into a hug.

"Told you I'd miss you," he whispered. She simply closed her eyes, memorizing how he felt holding her.

God, he smells nice.

"Missed you too." Pulling her arms away, she took a step back.

Spike turned to sit on the bed, making room for her too. But, she opted to sit on his desk chair, across from him. If he noticed, he didn't point it out.

"Did the Bit finish her books?"

"Yeah, and you can cross 'Anne of Green Gables' and one of the Harry Potter books off your list."

A smirked curled at his lips. "That's my girl. Gonna have her reading 'War and Peace' by the third grade."

"She shouldn't be reading books too advanced for her age," Buffy admonished, though smiling.

"I'm keeping her outta trouble. S'not doing heroin or coke with the other four-year-olds, is she?"

They laughed, but fell once more into an awkward silence.

"So . . ." he began, running a hand through his hair.

"How was London?" she interrupted.

"Good. Couldn't believe I hadn't been there since high school. Was gonna go to college there."

"I know. Whaddya do?"

He shrugged. "Pissed around. Hung with some old pals. Saw the family, wankers they are. Ended up wandering around, seeing the sights. Beautiful place, it is."

Trailing off, there was once more silence in the room. Buffy wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

"Buffy-"

"Why are you here, Spike?"

Her question caught him off guard, but his eyes began to twinkle with his familiar evil glint.

"Well, 'bout twenty-six years ago, my parents got very horny . . ."

This time, she didn't laugh. She was done fooling around.

"Why are you back in Sunnydale?"

Frowning, he raised an eyebrow at her. "Because it's my home. All the people I love are here. Rupes, the Bit, you . . ."

"But what about school? Isn't that something you use to love?"

"Yeah, I used to. Now that's changed. Found something better to love."

"So, you're just going to stay here, working in the library, when you could do something better?"

She could tell he was worried when he kneeled in front of her, cupping her face with his hands.

"Buffy, what's going on?"

Disentangling herself from his caring hands, she stood up, crossing to the other side of the room.

"Spike . . . I . . ." The words were so hard to get out. "I think we made a mistake."

"A mistake?" He blinked a few times, as if this weren't real.

"Yeah." She shrugged, pretending to brush it off. "I . . . we did something stupid, and . . ."

"Wait a bloody moment!" Standing up, it took him a few steps to stand right in front of her. "How could it be a mistake? I love you, and you . . ." There was a pause as he thought it out. "Do you love me, Buffy?"

Reaching out, she rested her hand on his cheek. "Of course I love you. You're my best friend. You delivered Aurora in the middle of a Wal-Mart for me!"

Suddenly, the scared little boy he resembled snapped, freezing over quicker than Buffy could blink.

"I don't mean that 'love-you-like-a-brother' shit! Do. You. Love. Me?" His voice was dark, low and menacing.

"Spike . . ." Timidly, she backed away towards the door a bit. "I just think it was a mistake."

"A mistake?" He laughed coolly. "So, what? My dick just slipped into your panties? Or, was this just a pity thing? 'I feel sorry for you, let's shag'?"

Shaking her head, she could feel the tears begin to well in her eyes. "No, I would never do that to you," she replied, sounding very much like a child.

"Oh, I know. Just helping to scratch an itch, right? You needed someone to fuck that night, didn't matter who it was." He began to clench and un- clench his fists, his jaw twitching as he glared down at her.

"Why are you saying these things?"

"Because I want to know! GOD FUCKING HELL! DO YOU LOVE ME?"

For the first time since meeting him in the library all those years ago, he screamed at her, not holding back anything. Even that day, when he yelled at her for not knowing what was wrong with her beloved rose tree, he had restrained some of it. But, he was through worrying about other people's feelings.

It took everything in her not to collapse on the floor, to admit all of her doubts while sobbing uncontrollably, and tell him what she had been unable to tell others.

Yes, Spike, I love you so much.

. . . he is such an intelligent young man. Everyone in town thought he would go to some prestigious college after graduation, because he could really be anything he wanted. But, he has certain responsibilities at home, and he feels that he need to care for these issues before he moves on.

. . . I guess that I'm all she has. Sure, we have other family and friends to help out, but I'm her brother. It's in my job description to protect her. And if that means waiting a long time to finish school, then I can wait.

. . . now he can get on with his life.


Locking her gaze with his, she shook her head.

"No, Spike. I don't love you. Not in the way you need to be loved. Not in that way."
Celestria16: When I read your review about the lj, I just laughed, but hey, we're all stupid in our own special way! You said shagging five times. Buffy can't get knocked up by Spike at this moment, seeing how I just ruined their relationship times ten. God, I get you guys all happy, then I take it away. No, we're not at a see Angel point, but it's gonna happen. Sorry that I don't follow up the shagging with more shagging.

Imzadi- Yeah, I dragged the sex out a long time, and it was pretty weird that death inspires them to do the nasty. But you gotta think that it was a long time coming. That whole shooting him thing was entirely unexpected, but just because someone is dead in the Buffyverse doesn't mean they're gone for good. Just look at fucking Harmony. That bitch never goes away!

Chrestomanci- Well, excuse me for making the smut go quickly. If I dragged it out any longer, not only would this story probably be qualified as an NC- 17 fic, but you'd also be in my room, panting for more because I am that good. Oh yeah, did it get weird enough for you, moon face? Tee hee hee.

Semajyrrah- I have continued, good person. Please keep reading and hating what I do to the characters.

Comedia- Oh god, it's not like you haven't read it before! You came up to me after I sent it to you, and was all, "Well, it was good, but there were some parts that were just . . . yish! I fixed it." But, I just have to say that I couldn't have done it without you, or my Spikebot to practice it with.

Samolly- Best chapter ever? You mean, better than the chapter in "Pride and Prejudice" where Darcy admits his love for Elizabeth? Wow, I rock that much! Whoo hoo! It was fun driving people crazy, and getting all those "Spuffy PLEASE!" comments. I'm a very bad person, aren't I?

Sokkerblondie005- I can't hear you. I can't hear you. Spuffy is good. I can't hear you. I bet your eyeballs melted the moment you read the part where Buffy kisses that good, sweet, sexy Spike. Ha! Yeah, I've gotten a lot of comments about how grieving should not involve sex. In all truthfulness, the one thing that should not involve sex is taking trash to the dump. You get all dirty, and havta take a shower . . . wait, that's what sex is all about! Nevermind, you can have sex anywhere, doing anything (or anyone). But, there will only be Spike do-age in this story. Oh, and your flames? I threw Angel on them because he is a pansy and has stupid hair. I still love you, though.

Lurking-in-the-shadows- Yeah, we didn't get to know Dru enough before I killed her. That really sucks. But I'm happy that lots of people miss her and feel sad for her. Yah! I write good sex stuff! Well, it all comes from reading a whole bunch of Spuffy smut for years. I really don't know how I lived without it. "It's like cigarettes. Just when I thought I'd quit." :)

Cali- Well, I haven't been a busy writer this week, you know, with Memorial Day weekend and finals coming up. I guess I'm one of those writers who like to mess with people, seeing how the three chapters you reviewed for were all kinda depressing with people getting hurt, killed, and fired. Even though Angel deserved it 100%. The prick. You know, Buffy should know better than to have sex sans condom, but she's not that bright. And, you were right in your prediction that this chapter wouldn't have hugs and puppies.

CraZy4SpikE09- 25 chapters in one day! You totally rock! Yeah, it took me long enough to get with the Spuffy, didn't it? You cried for Spike when Dru died? Aah, that's so sweet. He's an awesome character, and needs a bunch of hugs and Buffy sex. Well, wrong timing or not, I think people would go nutso if I didn't get with the smut. Thanks for the over compliments. They have made me very happy and pig-headed.

I'm drowning in footwear- Why don't you and Emma start the "No 6 Months" club, and have weekly meetings where you hate Lauren and scold Vaughn for his stupid marriage. Oh, and if you show this to mom, just imagine all the horrible things I will do to you. I fucking threw you on the ground for borrowing my shirt. Love you lots!

Mita427- Don't hate me because I killed Dru! Oh . . . (starts pacing). If you want someone to blame, blame Billie Letts! It's all her fault. I just reread your "It fucks" comment, and almost spit water all over my computer screen! That was so funny! Thank god for spell check, because I kant spel for krap. Well, you guessed kinda right on the whole break up thing. Spike still loves Buffy, and she only broke it up for him. Don't hate me, and say I suck (or fuck). Don't you want a happy ending? Well, we need conflict that makes everyone angry! And no porno sex . . . for now.

Psychovampgurl- God, that sucks majorly! Your guy printed out fan fic for you to read? Wow. Hon, he's a keeper! Is there ever a normal relationship between Buffy characters? No, because no one can be happy until the end. That's the way life is, except we don't end with the whole "Once More with Feeling" curtain kiss. By the way, wasn't that just the hottest thing in all existence? Whoo. I think that our No Homework party should feature that scene played over and over, to emphasize the importance of television in the development of . . . brains. I found some strippers, but they're charging way too much, so I think we should try to find magicians. Whoo magic . . . is fun. Love ya too!

Kori hime- Yeah, you probably saw the movie. It stars Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd, and the wonderful and amazing Stockard Channing. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it, because it's so good. You're another 25- chapters-in-one-day person? I love you people!

Sba- Well, I just made it go bad, like the real plot. Don't hate me, because it needs to happen so everyone can be happy in the end. I'll try to write faster, what with summer coming soon. Keep on reading.

Spufette- I think you put into words how heartbreaking and dear that chapter was. God, I'm a smart-ass! Hope you weren't too mad at this little twist in the story.

Jo- It's a fab story! Like, the Fab Four . . . or Five. Well, something happened to Buffy and Spike in this chapter too, only not so happy and sexy. Sorry to keep you waiting!