Disclaimer: I don't own Billie Letts' "Where the Heart Is", or Joss Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What, I can't always have a funny disclaimer, can I? Am I just here as a clown for your amusement? Let's just see who's the clown when you're wearing the funny nose and multicolored wig! Yeah, Bozo, what the fuck are you going to do then?

Rating: This will be rated R! Sorry kiddies, but I like using inappropriate language, and the sex.

Author's Notes: Well, it's been almost a month. Sorry I haven't updated sooner. I got out of school the week I last posted, and just as I got home, I had to start my summer job. God, I hate it. It's a full time data processing job. It's really boring, and I just go numb thinking about it goes numb. So, being all wrapped up in that, and with the whole moving back home and unpacking and seeing my friends, it's been a little hectic. But, because I had the day off (thank you, Mr. Government), I decided to get back in the swing of things. This chappy does not advance the Spuffy plot anything, but we reach the climax (heh) of one of the lesser ones. Also, I hope I don't get kicked out of FF for writing a very angry response to a flame reviewer, but c'est la vie! Much love!

PS: The WB is evil, and I hope they never have a good series ever ever again.



Chapter Twenty-Seven- Losing It All

The kids behind them, a group of stupid college brats wearing expensive cowboy hats and boots, were getting on his nerves. They had came into the bar around two, teasing each other as they ordered a round of beers. Retreating to the pool table, right near the barstool he claimed hours before, they began a not-so-serious pool game, alternating between ordering beers and playing stupid songs on the old jukebox.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of them, the tallest and probably the drunkest, head over to the jukebox, pop in a quarter, and select another retarded pop-country song he so despised.

But, as soon as the first three chords slowly poured out, he immediately knew just what that bastard had selected.

"One more," Angel bitterly ordered from the bartender, trying hard to ignore the tune he knew by heart, but no longer possessed. "A Place Called Home", sung by Lewis Andrews.

Glory's reputation had been entirely upheld the moment she left Angel's hotel room. His apartment and car were repossessed the next morning, and he lost all of his concert gigs later that afternoon. His backup band was gone by evening.

Angel immediately hired an army of lawyers, who not only claimed breech of contract on Glory's part, but also argued the ownership of Angel's songs. But, Glory had probably written the contract expecting Angel would try to leave. It was iron clad, and so there was no way to fight it.

By the time Angel accepted his loss, he had spent most of his already depleted savings on the trial. His bank account was nearly empty. He needed money quickly, and had a feeling that he could get re-signed with another company if he just began playing. The band he got together wasn't as good, but they could learn the songs quickly. After a week of practicing, they began touring the various bars in the west.

Then, he started calling the record companies. Each and every phone call, it would end with them hanging up on him. Even Lorne Pylea, who had been very interested not two months earlier, wouldn't return his phone calls. Apparently, Glory did have the clout, and she was using it to screw him over just a bit more.

The band lasted a month. Both the bassist and drummer were picked up for heroin possession, and the rhythm guitarist decided to leave music all together and join his father in the brake repair business.

He had no band, no song inspiration at all, and only three hundred dollars. Using half of it to buy a piece of shit car, he began to drive around, trying to find some way to get more money. He had spent most of his life poor. But, he had never had to live it just after having everything he wanted.

Angel found comfort in alcohol. While all those who had gotten to know him as Liam abandoned him, liquor had always been a true friend, even in those early years before the mess of jail. It comforted him, warmed him from the inside when the nights were cold, and let him ride out of his pitiful existence, even if for a moment.

Some nights, he'd fantasize about how he'd do it differently, how he'd get Glory to change her mind. It was something different every night. He might start begging, groveling at her feet until she understood how in debt he was to her. Or, he'd unwilling try to seduce her. Sure, she was good looking enough, had the appearance of an inner skank, so it might work.

But on the nights when it was really bad, when he had no place to sleep, no money for food, gas, or booze, he always see himself stepping aside right when she kicked him in the balls. She would fall forward, and as she stumbled he would grab her neck, wrapping his fingers around the soft flesh, wondering whether to start squeezing or . . .

His forehead hit the counter, smacking him out of his favorite dream. Having no idea if he almost passed out, or if he was just tired, Angel chugged the rest of the beer down, not wanting to waste it if he did indeed passed out. It would be a while before he could get drunk again like this. His money was gone, and he would probably have to start pawning things.

"A Place Called Home" entered the bridge; the moment in the song Angel felt was his finest accomplishment. It had been written in a dream, and Angel felt he had been lucky to remember the sweet and melancholy part when he had woken the next morning.

In a sudden wave of anger, Angel threw his beer mug at the jukebox, shattering the glass plate and effectively shutting the song off.

Blankly, the college kids stared at him, all of them acting as if he was crazy.

Angel hunched down again, and attempted to order another beer from the bartender, who was preparing to throw him out.

"Hate the song," he muttered.


"Can you feel it?" Her voice had been soft, barely a whisper as she pressed his hand into her round stomach. "Can you feel it?"

"Wake up!"

He felt something smack him across the head, startling out of his exhausted passed-out state.

"I don't feel it!" he screamed.

Trying to clear the sleep out of his eyes, he stared at the woman next to him. It all came back to him quickly: His car had broken down, she was giving him a ride, and they were heading to Arizona.

She looked pissed, and a little confused at his outburst.

"Don't feel what?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Angel shrugged, and began searching for his three-quarters empty bottle of Jack. Usually, he'd keep the bottle with his guitar in its case, but that had been pawned off a week ago. The girl (he wasn't even going to pretend to remember her name) was waiting for an answer, but only rolled her eyes when Angel found the bottle, and quickly drank the amber liquid.

"Where the fuck are we?"

Rolling her eyes again, the girl pointed out a diner nearly twenty yards away. She had parked the car in the nearby gravel parking lot.

"I'm hungry. Want anything?"

Turning away, Angel took another drink.

"You have some money," she continued, "You just sold that piece of shit guitar."

Earlier that morning, Angel finally had to pawn his most beloved possession, the guitar he'd received in prison. That had gotten him his first real career, and he held onto it, knowing it might bring him luck again. But, food (or at least JD) was more important than keeping his wild fantasies, and he had given it away for thirty dollars, along with a pair of stingray skin cowboy boots Liam Sloane had performed in during a Nashville concert.

The girl waited one more minute, then opened the car door and walked out. After walking about a few feet, she turned around quickly and went back, pulling the car keys out of the ignition. She had her suspicions about him.

Angel watched the girl go into the diner, and felt the sudden urge to piss in his haze. He struggled with the doorknob for a bit, but was able to stumble out; clutching the bottle like it was an extension of his hand. Tripping more than he was walking, he walked towards the back of the diner, where he could pee without anyone from the highway seeing him.

When he was able to unzip his fly and remove his dick from his pants, he peed against the back door of the diner. He was shocked to discover how much it hurt to pee, but wasn't able to stop the stream of lava-hot liquid from leaving his body.

"Can you feel it?"

He snapped his head up. The voice was back, and he forgot all about where he was and what he was doing.

"Can you feel it?"

Angel could clearly remember how her eyes lit up with wonder as she pressed his two fingers into her stomach. Her mouth had formed a little O shape, something he had long ago found adorable.

"Feel what, dammit?" Angel screamed at his memory, stumbling away, not knowing where he was going.

"Can't you feel that little 'thump . . . thump . . . thump'? That's where the baby's heart is."

She wouldn't leave him alone. Everytime he fell asleep, or passed out, she was there waiting for him. And he was sick of it.

Blindly, he tripped over a hard piece of metal lying on the ground, and his forehead struck a rock. Blood immediately poured from the cut.

"NO! I DON'T FEEL IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He started to crawl, as if he could escape the memory, but she stayed with him. The muscles in his arms gave up unexpectedly, and he lay against another piece of metal, train tracks. Replaying that final moment with her, he ignored the sound of a train whistle that was gradually getting louder.

"That's where the baby's heart is . . ."

When Angel finally came to hours later, he was alone in a sterile section of an emergency room, staring at the remainder of his right arm, severed at the elbow.

He wouldn't be able to play again. He had nothing.

He actually had nothing.



Mita427- Actually, I hate reviews. I don't like being bothered by people telling me how much they like the story. So, for the ending, I'm going to let Buffy die in a horrible car crash, Spike get married to Harmony (whom he meets in London) and have a lot of babies with her, and end it all with a chapter of Dawn/Angel sex! Nah, I'm kidding! That would totally suck. No, you don't need porn! Just watch "Smashed" or "Gone" a few times, and you'll feel right as rain. Hmmm, how can rain feel right? Anyway, I'm know I'm not a loser! Not when I've got an incredible collection of Buffy DVDs and read/write fan fiction based on it! No, I'm awesome! Luv ya much!

Celestrial6- Oww! Don't kick my ass! I'll be good! I promise! Buffy's just doing what she thinks is right, which isn't always correct. Kinda like the end of Spiderman 2 (you'll understand if you've seen it). God, I'm really a geek. No, there couldn't be a break up shag, because I would get all depressed, and I want people to know it's over (at least for now . . . duh duh DUH). Besides, when Spike is all sad and hurt and almost-cryie, don't you wanna just pick him up, hug him and kiss him lots, and THEN shag him? See.

Kori Hime- Sorry your computer got all fucked up! I'd die if I was unable to go online just because the stupid piece of crap was broken. Kinda really evil, aren't I? Just when you'd thought I'd gotten the two lovebirds together, I rip them apart. Muhahahaha! You need to join Psychovampgurl and I on our "Homework Protest". Even though it's kinda silly to do it now that it's summer, and we have no homework, we are still planning. We even have magicians. Or strippers. One or the other.

Lurking-in-the-shadows- See, you understand! She's trying to do what she thinks is right, not what she really wants! She finally (kinda) has what she's always wanted in life, so why should she deny him? Ooh, poor girl! I won't taunt her (or the readers) with a nice, little sex dream. It'd just get her all horny, and then she'll turn to Riley and make another baby. Ewww! And, even if angst is annoying, it can be good. Thanks much!

Imzadi- Buffy wasn't thinking! If she was, she'd just hop into bed with everyone's favorite vampire, have nasty sex, and then make babies with him. Not with Riley or Angel, because they're all . . . ick. What would Lindsey do for her if she went to him? She couldn't sleep with him? No, he'd have Buffy sue Spike, and when they all went to court, and the judge asked why she was suing him, Lindsey would stand up and say, "Because, your honor, the defendant stole my client's heart!" Cue the big kiss scene, Lindsey goes off and puts on his bulletproof vest, and everyone's happy. And, Lindseylas just fell asleep besides a pond, Kateblossom by his side.

Shizuka Slytherin Tsukino- Buffy is an idiot, isn't she? Well, hopefully (why am I saying that when I know exactly how the story will end) it'll all work out. Heh. Thanks for the review!

Pyschovampgurl- Here's a piece of advice: except if JM himself comes to your door and asks you to make babies with him (I've said that about four times in this post today), stay with your guy. He sounds awesome. I don't watch the movie every time I make a chapter. I've watched it a bunch of times, and about three months ago, I read the book to get make sure my story was straight. Thanks for saying that! Yeah, they guy who plays Forney (the Spike character) isn't all that yummy, and it would be a hell of a lot cooler if JM was in it! Woot! I think we may have another homework protester. Kori Hime hates that crap about as much as us, so she might want to help organize. Actually, we should get the Amazing Jonathan (not BtVS one) to be our magician. He's a comedian, and makes his magic tricks really funny! Although the tiger guys (Sigfried and Roy) are OK, I don't think they'd fit in, especially with the sequined costumes.

Sokkerblondie005- Sticks and stones may break my bones, but say that Spike isn't hot and I'll come after you with a chainsaw all "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" like! Does the ghetto snap And, Spike is only beneath Buffy when he . . . you know, I'm not going to finish that statement. I'll let you fill in the blank (muhahaha). I am sticking with a ship (Spuffy), but this is the point of angst to make everyone all angry, except you because you hate it. Oh, and a "for the road" Bangel= VOMIT! EEEWWW! I may be a ho, but at least I am in control of this story, so you will fear me, bi-atch! But, there is only love in this review, even if Angel is a pansy (which means girly, so it fits Angel to a T). Kisses.

Iselyn- Hee hee hee! You were yelling at imaginary characters! Giggles Don't deny it! You were yelling at Buffy for being all stupid. I know it! I know it! I bet, when you got to the end, you imagined walking up to Buffy, smacking her across the head, yelling what you wrote in the review, and making her go back to Spike's bedroom to "talk". Don't lie. Muhahaha! Much love.

Comedia- Kinda sad that I can't run across the hall and tell you I'm posting! Cries And I'm done. Yeah, you know how I've said it's going to end, but I don't always keep my promises. New York! Goulet.

Chrestomanci- I don't spare you anything! Well, except ribs. Mmmmm . . . spare ribs drools Praying only works for televangelests, because they have the ultimate power of money guiding them and granting their every wish. Oh, you have to tell us about Europe, and what you liked the most, not about what kinda hobbit you are!

Terra- The average fan fic reader should know what's going to happen right after the characters hook up in the middle of the story. Badness. But, I'm all happy that you like the story. It's kinda surprising that people get really emotional while reading this story, just because I'm a terrible writer who needs to steal from authors just to make up a story. Anyway, enough with the self-pity. Hope you like the rest of the story.

Karmawiccan- I'm not a sappy, girly kind of movie person, but "WtHI" is probably one of the bests. You people are being so nice! Awww blushes I feel really embarrassed by the nice comments. But . . . that doesn't mean you have to stop writing them! I'm a whore for applause. Thank you muy! Kisses!

Dead Mistress- Cool name! Well, your first assumption ("little girl can't think up anything original") is correct. I am not creative and have no imagination whatsoever. I lost it in 'Nam, along with my legs. To all you amputees out there: I love you! Ha! Well, again with the compliment embarrassment. I love writing Authors Notes, because it allows me to make fun of half the readers, and banter with the rest. To all my readers: I love you! And I love you (only, not in that way) :)

Alyssa- Yah! Another "WtHI" fan! Whoo hoo! If reading fan fic is your idea of heaven . . . can I join your church? I'd be nicer than the whole angel (spits blech!) and cloud idea they gave me in preschool. Someone needs to enter my story, walk up to the stupid blonde slayer, and say, "You are a moron!" You might have to get in line. There are a few people wanting to do just that! Well, I'm probably not a legend (I haven't been in rehab . . . yet), but thanks just the same.

Rachel- Well, I finally get (what I think) is a very serious flame (no offense Sokkerblondie005). Hmmm, so Miss Rachel, you think it's wrong to steal? You think I should write an original fan fic? Well, if you have a problem with AUs and other stories like that, I suggest you don't read them. Don't waste my precious time by writing me a review about how much you hate the AU category! If you wanna help me write a better story, don't tell me I should stop writing this story just because you consider it stealing! Almost all stories ever written fall into specific categories, so we are all essentially stealing from writers long ago. Go read one of the thousands of "The Gift" takeoffs, and get off my ass!

DarkRoses- Again, another cool name. I feel very honored by your review, also because it's twenty million times nicer than the one before it! Yeah, I pretty much do not like the Angel, as do most of my readers, except for the masochistic ones who feel my wrath every post! Maybe I should start an "Rape Angel in Prison" club, along with my already "I Hate Riley and Dawn" club. We have five members. The rambling is funny. Kinda like you're on a whole bunch of illegal drugs. Are you? If you are, it's considered nice to share (kidding). Well, thank you bueno! I don't know what bueno means, but I mean it with love!

Rhapsody-child-of-the-sky- That's really cool that you found it on your friend's list. I love finding the best stories in the most random places. I hope you don't regret adding this one to yours. Woot! One more "WtHI" fan! We're starting a revolution! I have to admit that, after screwing him over royally in this chapter, I'm starting the slack cutting. But, there shall be no more talk of Angel-laying! Ick, gross, but funny. Muah!

Kt- It's not going to happen soon, but I promise! Grrr, stupid Buffy, breaking poor, sexy Spike's heart and then jumping up and down on it! He needs some good Slayer lovin', doesn't he?

CraZy4SpikE09- Ahhh! Well, keep reading, and find out! Aaahhhh! I'm not going to give it away that easily! Ha, I made a funny! Ha.