Disclaimer: I don't own Billie Letts' "Where the Heart Is", or Joss Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What, I can't always have a funny disclaimer, can I? Am I just here as a clown for your amusement? Let's just see who's the clown when you're wearing the funny nose and multicolored wig! Yeah, Bozo, what the fuck are you going to do then?

Rating: This will be rated R! Sorry kiddies, but I like using inappropriate language, and the sex.

Author's Notes: I'm not watching any of the election coverage. If I do, I'll just be uber-depressed. So, instead, I come bearing updates. Woot! I know, no woot from you because I've taken my damn sweet time to do this, but . . . c'mon, school is HARD! Tee hee. Jesus, I'm gonna need more chocolate if I'm gonna survive the backlash of tomorrow. Anyway, readers, do your thing. Hopefully, you like the sappiness of this chapter.

PS: I've broken my self-imposed ban of the WB because they are bastards for canceling "Angel". Well, I've become a convert to the world of "Gilmore Girls", and it isn't my fault. Don't hit, please. Oh, and, yes, I do think Michael Vaughn/Vartan is a complete hottie. Anyone who doesn't is a cheesehead.



Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Strong Woman

Spring came. As if a switch had been thrown, tiny green buds were sprouting all over Sunnydale. Not that it had been quite so dead during the winter, but the residents had missed the flowers.

It was midnight, and once again, Buffy was awake. Willow was gone for the night, off with Tara, and she probably wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Buffy had the feeling Willow would be moving out of 1630 Revello Drive in the near future, if not within in the month.

The fact that Giles and Anya were getting married in the morning wasn't helping the sleep issue, although Buffy knew that he wouldn't be there. Spike had sent his regrets, nearly sending his uncle into a homicidal rampage. She wasn't ignorant why he refused to come, and it hurt.

So, she stood at her bedroom window, staring outside at the quiet neighborhood, thousands of thoughts, all meaningless, wafting through her brain.

The squeaking hinge of her door, the one she had been meaning to fix, alerted her to the new presence in her room. Turning, she smiled at her daughter's head sticking in.

"Can't sleep either?" asked Buffy as the girl shuffled in.

Aurora shook her head, squeezing Cookie Monster. "Nope."

Picking her up, Buffy sat at the edge of her bed, Aurora in her lap. The two could see Buffy's rose tree out the window, the leaves and flowers still days from sprouting.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout, Rory?"

"Noffing." Aurora was about to stick her finger up her nose, but Buffy pulled her hand away.

"You sure?"

"No." She tried again to get her finger up her nostril.

Buffy sighed. "Don't pick your nose, honey." She waited for Aurora to talk, but the girl just picked at Cookie's blue, worn fur. "You gonna tell me?"

She finally looked up, and Buffy was shocked to see how much her daughter's eyes looked like her own.

"Do I have a daddy?" the four-year-old asked.

It was the question Buffy had feared since the day she held Aurora in her arms. She herself had to ask Darla the same question so many years ago, and the response had hurt so badly inside. It had made her feel incomplete, like she was missing an important piece of her life.

Why had she decided to sleep with the most irresponsible man in the universe? Why did he have to be the father to her sweet, innocent daughter? Angel had left her for dead in the Wal-Mart parking lot, but Aurora had to be the one to suffer.

"No, Rory, you don't have a daddy." Buffy pulled Aurora closer, and began to rock her. "Somewhere out there is the guy who gave me to you, but he wasn't ready to be a daddy," she whispered. "But, I think I love you enough for both a mommy and daddy, and you have a billion other people who love you, too."

"How 'bout you?" Aurora asked, as if the explanation wasn't the point.

"Me?"

"Daddies help make babies, and we don't have one, so you can't have more babies. And I want you to have a baby 'cause they're fun," she explained.

Buffy couldn't help laughing. "I think you're enough for me right now."

Turning around, Aurora wrapped her arms around her mommy's neck. "But, you're not happy. Babies make mommies happy."

"I'm not sad because I don't have another baby," Buffy tried to articulate to the girl. "I'm just sad-"

Aurora filled it in. "'Cause Spike goed away?"

She was about to protest, but Buffy knew that wasn't going to sway her daughter's opinion. Aurora was a smart one.

"Yeah. I'm sad 'cause Spike went away." Buffy tried to smile, but it felt false. She then her a squeeze and a kiss on the head. "Go to sleep, we have a wedding tomorrow," she ordered.

Slipping out of her mother's lap, Aurora gave Buffy a kiss, and toddled out. "I want Spike to be my daddy," she said before leaving the room, "But he goed . . . he went away and I didn't ask. Sorry, momma. I was gonna ask."


"Holden! Put that down before I spank your butt!" Cordelia screamed.

From across the tent, Buffy saw the boy pull the gift-wrapped box closer to his chest. "But I want it!" he pleaded with his mother.

"This is a wedding! You DO NOT act like this at a wedding!"

"I want it," Holden stated, "And I don't haveta listen to you!"

Buffy knew the boy was in for it when Cordelia attempted to stand up, her already huge stomach bulging into the air as she struggled up out of the white folding chair. Her face, red from both the heat and the embarrassing situation, twisted into an unforgiving frown.

"I'm only going to count to three," the brunette threatened, "And if you haven't put Giles and Anya's gift back on the table, you'll wish . . ."

Not only did the boy keep a hold of the present; he ran away, giggling while Cordelia waddled after him, screaming at Xander to help. Xander, who had been dancing to "Macho Man" with Willow moments earlier, followed, first trying to quell his wife's rage.

"You know," Anya began, watching the scene with a smile on her face, "I was thinking about having one of those." She pointed towards the receding form of Holden for clarification. "But, if the one I get ends up like Holden, I will most likely consider the option of boarding school in Paraguay."

"Not all of them are like Holden," Buffy interjected, sipping some champagne out of her glass. "Cordelia and Xander just have bad karma."

Anya nodded, removing her silver hoop earrings and throwing them onto the satin tablecloth. "I wasn't referring to all children, just the evil ones. Holden, in particular."

Buffy laughed. "I think you and the Mister are going to be fine."

The two both glimpsed at the dance floor, where Giles was, in his terms, "getting down and boogying" with Andrew, Meredith, and Aurora. He saw the women staring at him with amusement, and just shrugged, a huge grin on his face.

"He is very good at being a father." Anya took a bite of cake. "When William and Drusilla were little, he was very attentive."

Anya carefully watched Buffy's reaction, which was to snap up at the mention of that name, then fiddle with the napkin in her lap.

"I said William's name on purpose," the bride continued, a sly smirk on her face as Buffy curiously looked up, "Because I wanted to know if you are still in love with him."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "I'm not-"

"You don't need to contradict me. I've been saving up a substantial amount of evidence to prove you wrong."

She tried to argue again, but a quirk of Anya's eyebrow shut her up.

Groaning, Buffy slammed her forehead into the table. "How did you know?" she asked pathetically.

"You aren't very subtle in hiding your emotions, especially when anyone says his name. Your hand always twitch."

"It so does not," Buffy contested.

Another eyebrow quirk from Anya. "Spike."

Buffy's hand twitched in response, and she stared at it with horror.

"Does everyone know?" she cried.

"Yes."

"Does Giles know?"

"Buffy, he's a man. Of course he doesn't."

"But, I . . ." she wound her fingers into her hair, not sure what to say. "OK, you have to understand that I've really, REALLY, loved him from, like, forever. And I've tried not to. Like, I've hit myself whenever I thought about him, or I've tried to get an unhealthy crush on that cute guy from 'Alias'-"

"Which cute guy?" Anya interrupted.

"Um, the agent. Vaughn."

"Oh," sighed Anya, throwing her head back, a dreamy teenage look in her eyes. "He is cute."

"Yeah . . . but that's not he point! I can't not be in love with Spike! He's too wonderful, and I don't deserve to love him."

Buffy resumed the head-bashing-on-table thing until Anya stilled her.

"While it would be nice to have sex with the cute 'Alias' guy, why don't you deserve William?"

Yet another exasperated sigh from the blonde. "He's . . . I'm trailer trash. I had a daughter at 17. I didn't finish high school. I'd go on and on but there's no point."

"So, if this is the basis for not deserving a Giles man . . ." Anya began to play with one of her earrings, "I guess I shouldn't have gotten married today."

"Why's that?" Buffy asked, not understanding.

"Your sappy Lifetime-movie-of-the-week story is mine, too. I dropped out of high school because some stud from the wrestling team got me pregnant. My father, who makes Joey Buttafuoco look like the Pope, kicked me out because I didn't want to marry the father. Blah blah blah, I end up in Sunnydale, open a store. Pass a tissue."

"Anya," Buffy tried to clarify, "You don't have a kid."

Something changed in Anya's demeanor as she nodded her head towards the dance floor. All Buffy could make out in the crowd of people was Giles tossing Meredith in the air, and Rory dancing on the feet of . . . no, not . . .

"ANDREW?"

"I guess there's a bit of a resemblance. The people who adopted him say there is, but I only see it every once in a while."

"You can't be his mother," Buffy argued.

Shrugging, Anya looked away from the blonde's eyes. "I had him at fifteen. Guess I don't happen to look old enough to, but it's the truth. Having Andrew wasn't the smartest decision I could make. But, I found a good family to take care of my guy. I hope you get to meet them someday; they're pretty spectacular people. Andrew's always known who I am because they wanted us all to be a family. They even let Andrew come to the University of Sunnydale so he and I could get to know each other, hence the him being here.

"You and I, Buffy, we're exactly the same. A lot of shit was put on us when we didn't need it. We both had kids when we were just kids ourselves. The only difference between us is that you were ready to be a mother. I couldn't even take care of myself when Andrew was born, so I gave him to a family who could be there for him. But we're strong women, Buffy. We are survivors, and we can deal with whatever comes our way. If William doesn't deserve you because off all those reasons, I don't deserve Giles."

"Anya . . ." Buffy tried to reason.

"No, Buffy. Life is mean to girls like us, who can't help where or to whom we're born. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, good things can happen to us. Instead of saying you don't deserve William, ask yourself if William deserves you."



Sokkerblondie005- Oh yes, she did! When you argue, all I hear (or read) is "Blah, blah, I don't like Spike because I like whiny guys who don't do anything but sit in the shadows, be all creepy, and complain!" Wait, I guess that's how both the guys are at some point. Whatev. Oh, and I meant the bitch slap in friendship. A kind of Cher Snap-out-of-it "Moonstruck" thing. All in fun. If Buffy and Angel are meant to be, I'm signing up for Buffy's insane asylum alter-world. Kisses!

Celestria-17- No, I didn't die . . . enough to be dead forever. Ha. No, that wasn't funny. Sorry for that. But, hey, wait for Buffy's decision in a few chapters as to whether she needs to go after the cute blond guy.

Amy- Well, hon, sounds like someone needs their stalker meds. Just kidding. I feel really bad for not updating sooner because I really begin to hate authors who take for fucking ever to update. Don't kill or maim me, pretty please. But, I hope there was another leap of joy for your hear with this update.

Imzadi- You're mad at me too for not updating? I'm sorry, but I guess I spend too much time hating school and not enough time writing Spuffy porn. If I had control of the world, you sure as hell would be transported into the story to do all and more you want to do to Buffy. Then, after that, you could make out with Lindsey for half an hour while someone else distracts Lilah.

Samolly- My muse comes and goes. I think it was a nomad in another life. As for bribes, in the words of the immortal Strong Bad, "I only accept gold nuggets. Or maybe Denver nuggets. Whatever you got on you. Chicken nuggets . . ."

Amandamanda3- Yes, you are random. God, your dad's as much as a freak as Buffy is. Only, Buffy's not a real person, and your dad is. Hmmm . . . No Spuffy this time, but I recommend you go to one of the Spuffy-ier chapters and read it over and over until you are sated. And yeah, I'm at the U of O. I do suggest you go here because of the hippies, pot smoking, and crappy malls. And me. OSU just has cows. And corn.

Psychovampgurl- No! Withdrawal very of the bad! Sorry, I've just been watching a hella lot of "Lost", and withdrawal does weird things to people. Sorry to cause you pain. Hopefully this works.

Mita427- K, I don't know how to say it, but your review was totally hot. Except for the whole calling Buffy a boob thing, which doesn't fit into the whole Spike-hot thing.

"You know, my own bleach-blonde, sexy, hunky, washboard ab-y, evil, sweet, caring, sexy, hott, vampire Spike."

I'm gonna have to ponder that for a few moments.

Iselyn- It wasn't like it's been five hundred years since my last update! No, just kidding. The whole Willow "I'm gay" thing came to me while I was on my way to work. It just seemed so her.

Wicked-angel3- "Did Xander and Cordy suddenly turn Mormon?"!

OH MY FRIGGING GOD, YOU ARE WONDERFUL!

That quote is too priceless for words. Thanks!

SpikeLover520- Thank you very much for the review. Hope this one is good enough.

Chrestomanci- Seeing how we're back where we started, I'm free to say it: Get the fuck off my ass, bitch. Or, why don't you make me? C'mon, "Lost Boys" watchin' punk!

Anyanka0705- Spike will come back on his own time. Maybe. Muhahaha.

(Not even gonna write the name 'cause it's pure gibberish)- Hey, Mimi! Well, if anyone is a bitch on this whole thing, it's you, the supreme queen superfly bitch of the supermarket. Can't wait to see you this weekend. You better come, or I'm gonna cry.

Discord Marie- Well, hello. You read until 3:30? Wow, I hope you didn't go all crazy the rest of the day. Feel free to throw a shoe at Buffy. She deserves it for making Spike go away. And yes, I'll try super hard to write faster. I'm almost done, I promise!

Betalight- Glad I had you laughing. Hopefully it wasn't in an embarrassing situation, like at work or school, where everyone looks at you like you're completely nuts. But, thanks!